the days leading
up to this day,
should have been
spent the way that
i prepared
for the others…
frantically trying
to buy you the
perfect thing.
instead…
i’ve spent my
days and nights staring
at the things
on my fingers,
thinking about how
yours
has been on
mine
almost as long as it
was on yours.
and how this
is the second one of these
without
you.
and how we only
had two
together.
but how can
that be?
that song says,
“and in my dreams you’re alive and you’re crying, as your mouth moves in mine, soft and sweet, rings of flowers ’round your eyes and i love you, for the rest of your life…”
and it’s the
one that makes
me feel that
it can be and that it
is.
and it kills me to
watch our perfect thing
smile, and have
her kiss me
on the cheek
(only when prompted, of course, which i know would make you laugh),
knowing that you never
saw it,
and will never…
and when she
points to your photo,
points to you,
each morning
before we leave
our house…
i have to keep
it together,
because i can’t
lose it every morning.
but most mornings
i do.
and here we are,
in a place
we drove through many
years ago.
the streets look
the same.
but we…
without you
we can’t be
and without you
we aren’t.
266 Comments
My heart is with you.. xo
Beautiful.
I can’t imagine the loss you’ve had to endure. But you’re enduring for your little perfection. We’re rooting for you. You’re doing an amazing job. Liz would be SO SO proud.
Many hugs on this day and all the days after. I hope your most precious thing gives you a big kiss on the cheek today for her mama.
My thoughts are with you and Maddie as you make it through the day. Remember the good times & let that comfort you, even though your situation sucks. *hugs* Take care.
So beautiful and heartbreaking. Hoping you have many good moments on your trip. Sending love and wishes for you and Maddy to have a safe trip.
This breaks my heart. I’m sad for you both.
My heart just breaks! Not near as much as yours does, but it does nonetheless!
Enjoy your daughter…even if she only kisses you on the cheek! how sweet!
it’s not fair.
matt, i’m so sorry. my already broken heart just cracked a little bit more today. this is all so grossly unfair. i wish things were so different for you and maddie.
my heart aches a bit with yours when i read posts like this and sings a bit when i read your words of joy in the moments you share with your daughter. such a double edged sword – life just is sometimes.
I wish it was different. I really really do.
Matt…This is one definately for your book…I cannot even express in words how this post, just tears out the heart.
If only every person could have the love that you have, and no one ever feel the pain you feel, our world would be complete. So very sorry for your loss, your pain, but inspired by your compassion, love, fear and strength
I’m sorry Logelin family. That fucking sucks.
I ain’t got shit to say. (and not in a bad way, just… because I don’t know what to say.)
Sending you lots of hugs, Matt, as you survive your second wedding anniversary without Liz. They will get better, eventually, and won’t hurt quite so much…but in the meantime, hang in there and do whatever you need to do to make it through it. Wishing you some moments of peace and happy memories this week.
This brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that it is not the way it should be.
Matt, this could be a poem. a love poem which made me cry. I have no idea if you wrote anything resembling poetry before that day, but this is beautiful.
Matt, this is like a poem. A love poem which made my cry. It is beautiful.
Beautifully written Matt. Thinking of you today.
Heart-wrenchingly beautiful post, Matt. I’m sorry you’re having a sad day. I hope the good days outweigh the bad.
Matt, I know few of us will truly understand what you go through every day, every hour, every minute, or every second, but I know you have touched all of our hearts. Thank you for letting each of us into your life. It is a true blessing. I was privileged to meet you last July, and I am thankful to still consider you a friend. I wish I knew the words to say when your posts make me cry…to this one all I can say is ‘we’re all here for you in some way’ … even if it’s not the way you want.
Beautiful, Matt,,,,,,,,,,,,absolutely beautiful,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I hope you find a little sun today,
My heart hurts so much for you – and for all that Liz didn’t get to see – and I hope there are days that it is comforting to you that she lives on so clearly in Maddy – but on days like this, I’m certain that’s not anywhere near enough comfort. xo to you both.
Amanda
Oh how reading this put so many things into perspective for me today – I was feeling a bit weepy (and pissy to be frank) about missing my son’s first day of Kindergarten because I have jury duty…it all seems so silly and insignificant now. Thank you for continuing to share your life with us.
i have goosebumps reading this. wow. like amanda said, i wish that it was different…sooo different.
You never forget anything. It never leaves you. It only gets a little easier to endure with time. All the comments, encouragement and thoughts cannot change what you feel, but they will create a barrier around you for years to come. Your story has reached as far as my little town, in the middle of South Africa. I’m no-one special, someone you’ll probably never meet – but when I saw your story, time stood still for me as I realised the enormity of your loss.
((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Big hugs to you. There aren’t words.
I rarely get emotional but your posts frequently bring me to tears wishing…
I’m so sorry Matt. Hugs to you and Madeline.
Unfair. I wish she could see you coax those kisses out of Maddie.
Wow, it’s really early in the morning for me to be crying already…
((Hugs))
Beautifully written, but I’ll always wish your blog could have been written differently and you telling a different story.
that was beautifully written Matt.
so sad….I wish there was something I could do….So sorry!
I’m sorry. Praying for you.
thinking of you today Matt – and of Maddy – and of Liz.
so very sorry.
xoxo -
My heart goes out to you.
Beautiful words for the most awful of circumstances. Safe travels with your beautiful daughter.
Beautiful, Matt. Absolutely beautiful.
I hate it. I want things to be different for you. I’m so sorry.
My heart is heavy for you. I’m so sorry.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this hard time. I can only imagine how difficult all this is for you. Makes me realize how precious life really is!
without you
“we can’t be
and without you
we aren’t.”
……Wish that she was. My heart goes out to you today
My thoughts and prayers today and always.
You are doing a great Job and you should be proud of yourself!
Besos y abrazos
Sol
Thinking of you from NC today. Enjoy your trip, wherever you may be.
I have never commented before, but this one just really spoke to me & broke my heart. You are such an amazing Dad & Maddy is blessed to have you in her life. Liz would be so proud of you & all you have learned and accomplished.
i’m so sorry, this isn’t right or fair. thoughts with you, maddy, and your families on this day as always.
Matt, I hate it when you hurt. Prayers for strength as you get through another milestone, another minute, another day, and as you look at your perfect little Maddy and see her mother live through her. Take care and hold your memories close, and your little one closer.
oh, Matt. I’m so so sorry, I wish it was different. I did not know about Maddy pointing at Liz’s picture every morning before you leave the house, that’s is so touching, it breaks my heart, I have now tears in my eyes. I hope you best girl can ease the pain of this day. Many hugs for you both. Love you both, take care.
How painful this must be. It hurts my heart for you.
Beautiful, goose bumps as I read it and an ache in my heart for you.
Wow … this is certainly not 3rd grade writing as you so often say. I’ve been thinking about your situation a lot lately (because of a new situation I am in), and this entry (as many others) has really touched me. So many memories hit you in the face every day, the biggest one being your mini-Liz, and I just don’t know how you do it, but you do – so amazingly. I hope you are able to relax and enjoy your time away on what should have been another exciting anniversary.
My
Heart
Hurts
For
You
&
Maddy!!
I wish it could be for you!
All that you want, I wish you had!
Im sorry!!
Your post was beautiful poetry~
I am so sorry Matt.
You will be in my thoughts today.
can’t imagine your hurt. but we are praying for you. I hope God blesses you and Maddy every day
I’m continually affected by the depth of feeling you express in your writting (and obviously in real life). The translation of real life experience into written form is not something that most of us do well. I hope this blog continues to be somewhat cathartic for you.
It is both fantastic and heartbreaking that you’ve found a way to incorporate Liz into Madeline’s young life. Props to you sir.
Take care of yourself.
My thoughts are with you today.
I have only seen the photos you have posted but it’s amazing how much Madeline looks like her mother. They’re both beautiful.
You’re very brave for sharing these raw emotions. It”s not often one can find real honesty in day-to-day life yet here you are, sharing and barng so much. My heart goes out to you and yours.
I’m sorry matt. I so wish this wasn’t your life. That you, Liz and Maddie were living in obsecurity as just another happy growing family.
heart hurts for you
Very touching
You are an inspiration to men and women alike
having just watched you on Oprah I had to find this and tell you
Thinking of you today Matt. You and Maddy. I can’t keep it together when I read your posts most of the time. I can’t imagine what you are going thru. But my thoughts are with you and I hope you find some peace today.
oh Matt, so beautifully put. love u both.
Thinking of you today and it fucking sucks that you have to spend this day without her. I cried my eyes out (while brushing my teeth, which by the way is really messy) while reading this. I hope you can find some joy today in knowing you are making wonderful new memories with “your perfect thing”.
Wish I could wave a wand for you. It breaks my heart too for you, Liz, and Maddie. Stay strong.
I’m having trouble keepying my tears from falling, I can’t even begin to imagine how you are coping with this. But you do for yours and Liz’s beautiful daughter. You and Maddy are both in my thoughts and prayers today, that there is some peace and joy mixed in with the pain.
Oh, Matt. I’m just so sorry. Safe travels. Hugs.
Wow! This post just brought me to tears. You have a way of making heartbreak sound so beautiful. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this today, but I’m sure your daughter will help you get through it.
Many thoughts are with you today. Those was the most heartfelt words I have read in a really long time. My heart just aches when I read them. Hang in there. Although the pain will never go away, it will subside over time a bit.
I have no words that can bring you comfort. Just feel the love from everyone today and you will feel hers. Hug and kiss Maddy extra today, you are going to need it. You are doing such a great job with her Matt. We are all proud of you. With lots of love from a stranger.
Beautifully written…..I have no words…..only hugs for you both.
thinking of you today…..my heart is aching along with yours….
I am so sorry Matt
death fucking sucks.
Your life is such a complicated painful/beautiful. That the Us created the We that changed the Us you are a living example of the Phoenix. The ashes will always be part of your being even when most of us can only see what has risen.
My heart is heavy for you today.
She sees it, Matt. All of it. Every moment you’ve spent without her, every moment you’ve spent loving the little bundle of life you two created…she sees it. She’s there, even if you can’t touch her. She lives in your daughter’s face, in her smile, in her laughter. I hate that you and Maddy have to go through life without her, but I am thankful that if she had to leave so soon, she was able to leave you the other great love of your life. Hang in there, baby.
Matt, reading your raw emotion makes my heart ache for you. Just continue being an amazing father…That’s the best way to honor Liz’s memory.
You’re being thought about and wished for and prayed and we ache with you for your beautiful heart.
I wish Liz could see what a WONDERFUL job you are doing raising Maddy. My thoughts are with you.
Today, as always, my thoughts are with you.
Matt…Liz lives in Madeline. Take that everyday and smile.
Thoughts and prayers with you and Madeline today especially, but also on all days.
oh, but she does see her and I have no doubts that your sweet little Maddy can see her momma too. there are no words …just warm thoughts sent your way.
Thinking of you today and what should have been for you and Liz, what should have been for Maddy and Liz, and what should have been for all three of you together.
I can’t say I even begin to understand but you put it into words so that I have the slightest feeling of it. It’s not enough to make any difference but it still makes me hurt for you and Maddie. I bet Liz could not have ever imagined what your life has turned out to be.
I am at a loss for words right now……. Just remember Liz’s love is there each day in your beautiful little girl’s eyes. Matt you are doing such a wonderful job and should be so proud of yourself. Liz is proud.
thinking of you today, matt…as always.
much love to you and maddy.
Beautiful. Thank you. Although I had three more with Jim, your words are so fitting to what I wish I could say. You will make it through today like the others because that’s what you do. For Maddie. For Liz.
Peace and blessings again to you both.
Matt,
Liz gave you the most amazing gift, alittle piece of her. She is still with you. Maybe thats what Maddy is telling you when pointing to her picture, She is still here dad. Your story just breaks my heart, but also gives me streath. You amaze me.
Beautifully written. Your strength, love, and spirit are an inspiration.
I’m speechless. I hope you are able to find some peace while you’re away.
I am so heartbroken for you. I am crying right now from reading this because it is just not fair. Someone so beautiful and so loved was taken away. I really love the song that you quoted, who sings it? I wish you strength and happiness on this day. I’m sure you are having a hard time but enjoy your time away with Maddy. Let her smile cheer you up and help you remember all of the good times.
I am crying at my desk. There is nothing I can say. Hold Madeline close to you today and always.
Matt, you have so many ppl that care about you and Maddy both.. and so many ppl that think about you DAILY. . if we could all take every ounce of hurt and pain away that you feel just so you could feel truly happy again we would… Liz is so very proud of you as all of us are.. your doing amazing with everything, and I truly admire your strength to make it through each and every day… your amazing!!
I’m so sorry Matt. It just isn’t fair at all that she is not here with the both of you. My heart just breaks for you. How I wish things were so much different. It’s just NOT fair or right. I’m so sorry for your heartache. Thinking of you and your beautiful girls.
Hang in there, Matt! We are praying for you to get through these hard times!
unbelievable. wish things didn’t have to be this way.
YOU however, are the most amazing husband. You love your wife and loved her so well while she was here.Most couples never even get to have an undying love like that. You did and still do. completely amazing. Maddy is so lucky to have you and you to have her!
God’s blessings of strength, peace and protection as you and Maddy live out each and every day together.
Oh Matt…my heart breaks for you and I so wish things were different. Thank you for sharing all of it with us, the pain, the joy Maddy brings, and the moments that are split between the two. I think its helping the rest of us grow. You are doing an amazing job with Maddy and Liz would be so very proud of you.
Awesome Matt Logelin, I hope the world is extra kind and gentle with you today.
<3
You are honouring her EVERY day by being everything to Madeline. We are SO proud, but not even an iota of what she would be.
Hugs, thoughts, and prayers with you today and always.
Thinking of you today. My heart breaks for you, and I wish I could make it better.
What a crap load you’ve been dealt.
You and Maddy will hang in there and get through this. Still doesn’t make it any easier.
Glad you were left with a healthy little girl to look after you
She does see it! She is watching over you and Maddie I truly believe that! And she is so proud of you and loves you both so much!
My heart breaks for you, i can’t even imagine what you are going through. I hope that some day this will be a little easier for you, even though i’m sure it won’t. Life is very unfair. You are a wonderful daddy and Maddy is so luck to have you in her life.
I’m sending hugs to you and Maddie. Words fail me.
thinking of you and maddy today and everyday. i really wish she was there with you too.
My heart breaks for you.
Lovely. Thinking about you and Maddy today…
This post is so sad, but honest. It makes me cry. I’m so sorry that things didn’t turn out the way they should have. But although she isn’t with you, she’ll never truly be gone. I hope you and Maddie are able to make this day something special up there in beautiful Vancouver.
I wish it weren’t the way it is…xoxo
Matt — this is such a beautiful post. My heart goes out to you today. Hug Maddy a little tighter, and I hope she is able to bring a smile to your face.
Thinking of you today.
thinking of you…today especially
My heart hurts…. Sitting here at my desk, as many times before, quietly crying. I’m thinking of you both.
xox
wish I could understand why these these things happen. you guys didn’t deserve this, no one does… thanks for sharing.
Hang in there, I know she is watching over you and Maddy…
I want to throw up. I can’t imagine what your everyday must be like…and Maddy is your perfect thing. The result of your love…I wish it were different for you.
Peace.
Meg…CT
Just keep going Matt, you are doing a beautiful job. Happy anniversary – the love you have for Liz deserves to be celebrated! …stating the obvious: I’m so sorry that she is not here with you.
My heart is broken for you. HUGS Im so sorry you have to go through this every day!
Thinking of you.
i know “i’m sorry” means about as much to you as me telling you i have green eyes…but i am (and i do, but totally beside the point!)
you and maddy are lucky to have one another…and maddy is lucky to have you to share your memories with her…
thanks for always sharing…your love, stories, and words give me hope…
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. But do keep in mind and know that you are doing a great job and you have tons of people who think about you daily!
Thinking about you today. One of my best friends that actually introduced me to this site is celebrating her 4th anniversary as well today as well as my cousin got married on this day.
Good Bless you!! Life is hard but it is the hard stuff that we can endure because of the love of God. You are doing an amazing job.
I have you in my “live feed” but some days I can’t find it in myself to read about what’s going on in your lives. It hurts my heart to know you’ve loved so much and lost so greatly.
If only we could all experience a love so profound, we’d all be very fortunate.
Oh man. How sad this post makes me feel. I can feel your sadness just through your words. I’ve seen you on TV and started reading your blog after hearing your story. Man… I wish things were different for you and Maddie. She seems like THE perfect thing and it sucks big time that her mother isn’t here to see how much she looks like her. I’m glad though that you have your perfect thing… I hope she makes things feel better (not right) when you look at her. sending love and hugs from NJ.
My thoughts are with you today. My thoughts are with Madeline as well, knowing that she carries the best parts of Liz with her and knowing that you carry the best memories of Liz with you. Enjoy each other!
Beautiful and so so sweet. Thinking of you and Maddy, every day. No words.
damn it.
I am sure you often imagine how things could be different, if things were fair. I know I do. Enjoy your sweet girl, your precious gift from Liz.
So beautiful. Your pain is almost tangible. She’s so lucky to have you, and she’s so lucky to have had you.
My thoughts are with you today as they are everyday and I know that no words could make today easier for you… Just like you cherish Maddie’s coaxed kisses, you have taught all of us to cherish time with loved ones for no one knows how much time we have with them. Your words show that you loved Liz for a lifetime.
You’re right, the little squirt is perfect on such an imperfect day.
X
Supa
You’ve got me crying at my desk again this morning : ( Glad you have the gorgeous baby to help put a smile on your sad face every single day : )
will you get that book wrote already – I can’t wait to read it 101 times!!! My heart goes out to you!
Perfectly said…I empathize with your words and they are….perfectly said.
Thinking of you…and as others have said…I, too, wish it were different and she were here with you.
Hugs.
Ok, note to self – do not read Matt Logelin’s blogs minutes before breakfast with a VP. Because how professional does weepy look? Not so much.
Having never met you or Liz, this, I’m sure, sounds presumptious, but I can imagine that Maddy bursts with Liz’s spirit. In a wonderful and painful way.
Ok, off to breakfast now, trying to pull myself together. I’ll focus on the fact that my daughter, at Maddy’s age, kissed everyone except for me. Sigh.
Oh Matt….My heart hurts for you.
Liz was a very loved woman. She is still with you, even when you can’t see/feel her around you. You are doing awesome Matt. It may not seem like it, but you are. Madeline is the proof of that.
Really feeling for you right now, Matt. I think about you, Liz and Madeline a lot. I am so happy that you have Madeline – she is such a sweet little girl!
I am so sorry Matt.
I’ve been to three
funerals in the last three weeks.
My brother-in-law just lost his father,
a good friend of ours lost his father,
not even two weeks later lost his
younger brother, James. He was only
29, his wife is now a widow and their
new baby is fatherless. All I kept thinking
of was you, Matt. Why is life so unfair?
Is there even a God?
I’m thinking of you and Maddy today,
I know it won’t be easy, it’s a hard day,
just one moment at a time and be gentle
on yourself.
Welcome to Canada! From your
stranger/canadianfriend!
Enjoy Vancouver! ((((HUGS))))
It just sucks so bad. Hugs, my friend.
No one can feel the pain that you’re going through today, but I know the beautiful creation the two of you made will remind you of the wonderous love you shared. Maddie is an amazing gift! Thinking of you.
I lost it. You did it. I’m sitting her crying at my desk and only want to hug my husband right now. I’m so sorry for your loss. It should be so different, so perfect.
Your writing is amazing in this one though. I can’t wait for the book!
I’m so so sorry.
Anniversaries are hard at the best of times.
Remember the ones you had.
All the best sir.
A million hugs to you and Maddy today and every day.
thinking of you both.
****!!!! The world is so terribly, terribly unfair. I often say to hug Maddy tight, but today, that just feels like a cliche. I’m sorry that there are no longer TWO perfect things in your life.
Hoping you are creating new memories with your favorite girl to help ease the tears on this special day.
I’m so sorry Matt. I so wish it could be different. And I’m so glad you have such a beautiful reminder of Liz in your life. Maddy is such an angel.
Wow…
enough said.
I’m so sorry. It really isn’t fair. Sending you many hugs on such a difficult day.
It totally sucks…sorry.
Your love for Liz is overwhelming. I can only imagine the love you have for Maddy. One day she will read these pages and take comfort in the fact that her father loved her mother so much.
You have a beautiful way with your words. These words will be so special for your little girl when she is old enough to appreciate them and know the depth of love her parents shared.
I can’t imagine what you are going through, just know that she is there, seeing it all, even if you don’t see her.
I am so, so sorry. Kiss that little girl over and over and get through the day.
Beautifully written, and it broke my heart. Thinking of you!
Matt I know I told you this before….. but you HAVE given and continue to give Liz the perfect gift every day, by being the kind of father you are to Maddy. A mother’s greatest frear – even more than the fear of losing her child, is the fear of her child losing her. Because we worry about who would take care of them? Who would love them and raise them like we would? Liz knew you would. I’m sure she never in a million years thought she’d leave so soon….. but in her heart, she knew if she did, she wouldn’t have to worry about Maddy, because she knew she chose the right man to be the father of her child. That is the greatest gift any man can give a woman – the comfort and peace of knowing her child will be okay.
I am NOT a crier. Never have been, but this post brought me to tears…Your words are beautiful and your baby girl will grow up to love her mommy as much as you do. It comes through in your words.
Hey Matt,
Just wanted to join the many others who are sending you hugs and good thoughts today! Your words break my heart and I hope you are able to enjoy your trip. I believe Liz would be so incredibly proud of you each and every day that you get up and keep going!
I’m so sorry you have to have another hard day that should be a wonderful happy one. You are an amazing person. Your daughter is so lucky to have you. I love that song too, aeroplane over the sea got me through some rough times. You are both in my thoughts.xo
Do you know the song “The Promise” by Tracy Chapman? I used it when I blogged about missing my Grams this week; it made me think of your family – I’m so sorry for your loss.
She returns to you in your daughter, in sunsets, in dreams and in memories. She knows, she waits. And you will meet again. Praying for strength, for peace, for joy and for blessings upon you and Maddie today.
Blessings, Carolynn
I read this this morning, and was too overcome to post. Now, as I reread it, I am still at a loss for words.
I hate that you have to go through this, and that you are in so much pain.
You are a wonderful father, a loving husband, and a fantastic person (haha, I assume so anyway
). You should have been allowed to have it all.
You are a strong person and you will make it through today…and the next, and the next. Maddy is lucky to have you!
Matt,
most people don’t experience the love you and Liz shared.
Today I am SO grateful for what you two shared, and what God helped you make-your perfect one….
Beautifully written. Liz see’s Maddie kiss you. Don’t doubt it. She see’s everything.
Though I didn’t know Liz, I know that any mother would be bursting with pride with how well you are doing. It’s okay to have times when the loss consumes you and it’s okay to have times when you are able to not think about it. I deal with it everyday.
love ya’ll in the FL
Matt, Im so sorry. Hugs to you my friend. Take care of yourself, Maddy needs you. You are the father i wish i had growing up. You are very admirable. Alot of people look up to you, myself included. I cant say it will get easier, because i honestly dont know if it ever will but we are all here for you!
Your care of Maddie is such a lovely tribute to Liz…so sorry about the rest
this brought tears to my eyes, matt. it’s so beautiful, and yet so sad. i can’t imagine how hard it is to go on without her. and yet, you do it everyday, because you have to.. for maddy. you 2 are in my prayers daily. *hugs and love to you both*
Thinking of you guys today!
In tears for you and Maddy. God bless you and give you peace.
my thoughts are with you.
and i hope that this song can touch you the way it touches me..
its very powerful.
Whatcha gonna do with the restlessness inside you worried mind
How you think you’re ever gonna get ahead when you feel so far behind
Step inside this endless moment for a subtle touch of grace
I’ve always found my strength inside the act of faith
I believe in the spirit of Rock N Roll
In the eternal stregth of the immortal soul
Cause sometimes everybody’s gotta let it go
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the sounds of Sam and Dave
That little children should occasionally misbahave
That all that you get is all that you gave
I believe in the power of love
Little boy staring out a windowsill to a world that doesn’t care
Everybody ’round is so much bigger that they don’t even know he’s there
But one day he’s going to grow to be a man and maybe then they’ll see
He’ll provide the hope and care for the family
I believe in the chance of love at fist site
That your life doesn’t always have to be a fight
And if you do it at all you ought to do it right
I believe in the power of love
I believe that sometimes you got to take a stand
That you’re holding my heart when you’re holding my hand
Cause everything is eventually in gods hands
I have got to take the best of me and keep that heart alive
Why’d i ever want to shut that down and kill my soul?
I believe that sometimes you’ve got to take a chance
That you can’t lve your life just listening to can’t's
Casue the thrill of the fall’s part of the thrill of the dance
I believe in the power of love
I believe that we never really are alone
‘Cause there’s so much more than anything we’ve known
New Orleans is always gonna be my home
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the spirit of Rock N Roll
In the eternal stregth of the immortal soul
Cause sometimes everybody’s gotta let it go
I believe in the power of love
I believe in the power of love
I wish there were some sort of words to say. She is so perfect, even though the day is not.
Matt my heart aches for you today, I would like to say Happy Anniversary but what could be happy about longing for a loved one. Today should of been a celebration of love and happiness. As you have learned life is not always fair. As a matter of fact at times it SUCKS. I know that Liz is around you today in spirit watching you and her daughter. As I have said before you are an awesome father. Continue making beautiful memories with your daughter. Your post today touched my heart in such a special way that it was hard to stop the tears.
Once again, thank you for sharing your personal life with so many people. Your journal does help alot of people who are in the same situation of you. Your are my hero.
God Bless you and your family and please give Liz’s parents an extra hug because I am sure they miss their daughter so much.
Rosann
P.S. 14 months ago today Sophia was born!!!
Heartbreaking, Matt. I hope this time away with your favorite girl does your heart some good.
thinking of you both today. Hugs.
I believe that Liz is with the both of you, today and always.
Hugs to you and Maddie.
Honest, heartbreaking, and beautiful. Thinking of you two today and always.
I’m so sorry for your pain. That was such a beautiful love letter. Thank you for sharing. Much love to you and Maddy.
Beautiful, heartbreakking, post!! This post has brought me to tears, like many posts of yours do…at work none the less!! I am thinking of you and Maddie on this day and always, and I hope your time away together helps to heal some of the pain!! Just know that Liz is looking down on the both of you and smiling that big beautiful smile of hers to see what an amazing father you are and what a great life you give Maddie
I hope you guys enjoy Vancouver…it is gorgeous, although Victoria is beter 
(I am not biased or anything!!)
Hugs to both of you,
Shannon in Victoria
I think Liz is participating and watching more than you can know. And I know Liz and Maddie will meet each other one day. And they will know each other – even though they never spent time together in this life, on this earth.
As always my heart goes out to you and your sweet girl. Your words are a testament to the love you shared together and the family you created. I’m speechless and in tears — Matt I’m so sorry…
Matt,
I wish there were words that I could say to make all your pain go away. My heart hurts for you and Maddy and once again, your poetry has brought tears to my eyes. You are a wonderful father and you are doing an amazing job raising Maddy! Your story has inspired me in so many unexpected ways. Enjoy your vacation while I sit here jealous yet again of Maddy as I only have 2 stamps in my passport
My heart breaks when I think of what you have been through. Keep being the amazing father that you are to that beautiful little girl.
Thinking of you today, and always.
((((((Matt))))))))
xoxo
oh matt. this is heart breaking to read. my thoughts are with you. xoxo.
I’ve thought about you a lot today. I hope that you’re able to enjoy your trip with Maddy and find a little bit of peace. Liz gave you the best gift possible before she left. I’m so very sorry she isn’t with you. It’s not fair and doesn’t make any sense. I hope you feel all the love that surrounds you from around the world. I know it’s not even close to being the same, but you are loved so very much by so many people.
My heart breaks as I read the way you paint your feelings and frame them within your words….. I am so sorry.
hugs
love to you and Madeline.
(((hugs)))
My heart breaks for you… I can say no more.
I keep typing and deleting…not knowing what to say…except this sucks, im sorry and we love you guys. *HUGS*
xoxoxoxoxo,
Tricia and Bella
So fucking unfair…
Holding you close to my heart, wishing life were so very different for you and Maddy.
Much love…
I wish I could say something… between the tears after reading this and the fact that words can’t take away the suckiness of it all, i really have nothing.
I’m so sorry. Lack of eloquence aside, I don’t know if there is anything anyone can say to make it easier or better. But at least you’re not alone. So many people care about you and Maddie. I’m sorry Matt. It just sucks.
no words, except that it just sucks. thinking of you and madeline.
As always you have been in my thoughts today. This post made me cry…my heart aches for you & Maddy, but as a mother my heart also brakes for Liz. She should be here watching Maddie grow & seeing what an excellent father you are…some things are just not fair.
keep going, matt.
Wow Matt, I read you faithfully every time you blog, twitter, post photos I follow it all and I think this writing has struck me the hardest. You are such a good man and such an amazing father. Keep focused on that gorgeous little girl & keep your chin up. It gets easier with time, as I am sure you know. I hope someday I get to meet you and Maddy in person….I love you guys.
Beautiful. Lots of tears for you here today.
been thinking about you guys all day and so wishing this wasn’t the way it was
Dear Matt,
Some thoughts from an old (62) person~
going through the grief of divorce it was suggested that it takes 1/2 the time together to get over it~in my case I calculate that would have been 9.5 years.
Well, it’s been much longer~and relationships later~
now I realize that just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean that you’re divorced. To everything a season…
I hope that you someday will find love~
many years alone hurry by.
Thinking of you and Madeline today, and sending love. I pray you can find some peace knowing Liz is with you, even if you can’t see her. She would be proud of you, just as we all are.
You have made Liz proud as a father and husband
((HUGS)) to you and maddie! i’m sure this time is very hard.
Maddy knows her mama!! she always will. lots of hugs sent your way!!!!
Oh Matt…your love for Liz is so amazing and enduring. It makes me cry every time I read what you’ve written to her. I know her love shines down on you and Maddy every day. Take care.
i thought you should know how lucky maddy is to have a dad with such awesome musical taste…
Matt,
You and Maddy are always in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you both on this day
Take care,
Debbie
Oh Matt… I don’t know what to say. I’m thinking about you and Maddy.
Matt:
Beautiful – as always! I’m so glad you are writing a book. When your best girl is older – what a gift all of your words will be.
Erica in the MN
Matt…I am crying for you tonight. I have said this before, but I will again. Liz loved and married you because she knew she could trust you to always love her, to be the amazing man you are, and to one day be an unbelievably wonderful father. I have to believe she knows somehow, somewhere, that she was right. You are doing everything right Matt…the way you are raising Maddie is a tribute to your love for Liz, and her love for you.
I know it doesn’t make the hurting stop, but we are all so proud of you. Hugs to you and Maddie.
Wow! I have followed you and Maddy journey for a couple of months now but never posted. This post made me cry. I can’t imagine your pain. My son (first child) was born a couple of months before Maddy. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how much you inspire me and I think you are a GREAT DAD, who gives his all to a very precious little girl. I only know Liz from the stories you tell but I know she would be very proud of you!
Much love and wishes! (I know I would think WEIRD coming from a stranger but that is just me)
You are such a beautiful writer. I have no idea what it’s like to lose someone that you are so close to, but I’m so glad that you found someone to love so deeply and to share so many wonderful experiences with. I know that doesn’t make up for what could’ve been but I’m happy for you that you had as much time with Liz as you did and happy that she spent the best years of her life with you. And I’m so happy for Maddy because she’ll always know how much you and everyone around her love her and she’ll get to know more about her mother than most people ever get to know, because you’ll be there to tell her.
I’m so sorry for your loss and yet so happy for you and Liz and all that you were able to experience together and for Maddy and all the amazing experiences she’ll have with you (even if I do wind up crying while reading most of your entries).
Thanks for sharing your story and I hope you and Maddy have a good day together.
Would you mind if I skip the poignant comment shit and just continue to BLUBBER LIKE A FECKING WALRUS??????? Holycrap, that did me UNDER. Like, Marley just died under. Like Dad just ran over my bike under. Like we’re out of pinot and it’s 8:16pm in the MN under. Damn kid. She was loved.
I’m so sorry.
i can type nothing here that will make it hurt any less, but my reasoning behind typing is that if you see words here you will know we are thinking of you.
Just sending some hugs your way. I have no words, so some virtual hugs are the best I can do right now.
Thinking of you today and many others.
I read your blog all the time, I have never before posted, but I wanted to say that I come here often because you help me to appreciate what I have. I know that may sound horribly rude, but so often we take the little things for granted and you have helped me to not do that. My heart aches for you and Maddie, but you are helping others in your words and actions everyday. Your strength and humor is admirable, Maddie is one lucky girl, don’t ever forget that! I’m keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. Those kisses on the cheeks are precious and I hope they continue to brighten your days!!
That was a beautiful post. Your love for Liz is so amazing and inspiring. You are in my prayers!!
I have been thinking about you today. Your love is beautiful, your heart is broken, I am sorry. Life is so unfair. Hugs from afar
she IS with you, Matt.
Nothing to say… nothing to do but to give you a big hug and say i’m thinking about you
Matt,
I’m going back to work part-time in September, leaving my little 6-month old most delicious, precious thing. It’s the best case scenario: husband will work from home on those days (and have a nanny in the house so he can actually work). When I worry about how my baby will cope without me, I think of you and Madeline, and how close you must be, and how attached she must be to you, and I don’t worry as much. I know it will be okay. So, thank you for that.
It’s hard to get through any old day when you wake up to be heartbroken all over again. Peace.
This was beautiful.
I have no words to give express how deeply sorry I am that she is not here with you and her. Those 21/2 years and the many years before sound like they were amazing and although it fuck’n sucks that she isn’t here the love you shared was truly rare as I am sure you know and you have the next best thing…those sweet cheek kisses will definitely walk you through life. xoxo
This is a touching post, I am sitting here crying. I am so sorry this happened to you and your family.
Matt, your writing is awesome! You made my heart ache with this post! It’s beautifully written! Sending you and Maddy comforting thoughts and many hugs through this difficult time. Liz is watching over the both of you and so proud of everything you’ve become and done! Keep doing what you’re doing and enjoy every minute of every day with Miss Maddy! XX
We share the same anniversary, same year and everything………what a beautiful post, so glad you have Maddie to get you through on the toughest days.
Your writing is so full of emotion, it often brings tears to my eyes. You express your love for Liz so profoundly. My heart goes out to you.
If I could have two get out of the beyond for free cards…..I wouldn’t ask for my grandmother, or my uncle who died way before his time. I’d bring back Liz and Maddie Spohr.
Matt,
I have emailed you before, but I have never commented here. I have been just a silent witness to your grief, your days, your pain, your Maddi, your travels, your world. Thank you for sharing it all.
I had a thought today, brief as it was, after reading another sad and painful post. I thought I would stop reading, stop checking in, stop seeing how and what you and Maddi are doing, just stop as to selfishly stop the tears I cry for you. And a split second later I realized that you can’t stop any of it. It just keeps coming for you, the memories, the anniversaries, the “what if’s” and so on.
With that said, I will continue to read, to hear you, to remember someone I never knew, to be a friend to someone I may someday meet, to smile at Maddi’s bright blue eyes so full of Liz and of life, and to learn whatever lesson there is in the heartache and sadness.
Thank you. Thank you for being YOU! Thank you for being the powerful person (that you would never admit to being)that is making a difference in this world- through being an amazing father, through Maddi, through the foundation’s work, and through your writing.
I wish for you to have peace in your heart and good beer in your fridge. Both of which could come in handy after a post like this.
Cheers.
can’t-even-comment
Fuck.
It’s not fair.
beautiful post, matt. i wish, for your and madeline’s sake, it didn’t have to be written. thinking of you all.
This brought tears to my eyes…..
Your writing is amazing. It’s you. My heart hurts for you.
Thinking of you and all you’ve endured, Matt. Be well, and know that complete strangers wish healing and peace for you every single day. I was heartbroken to learn that a childhood friend now has a story that mirrors yours – he lost his wife last week due to complications following the delivery of their baby boy. I haven’t stopped thinking of him, and you, and others like you since, and I can’t help but wonder why the universe is so twisted and cruel at times…
ugh ugh ugh… ya. I was where you are so many times… including still… Jeff and I never celebrated 1.. not one anniversary! sucks!
i wish i had something poetic….something inspiring…..all i have is a place in my heart that wishes she were here for the two of you.
Dear Matt,
I was the woman on the plane (from Vancouver to LA) who came up to say hi and that I read your blog. God, do I feel like a shit.(Like, you really needed to deal with a fucking groupie at that moment…NOT!) Being on holiday, I hadn’t read your blog since around Aug 4th…I had no idea that it was your’s and Liz’s anniversary and that you’d been living with alot of pain that weekend in Canada, and of course, the days, (months), leading up to the anniversary of your wedding. … If I could go back to Sunday I promise I would not have come across like some dumbstruck doofus seeing you ‘in real life’….I am so, so very sorry… Lisa
i hate this pain for you… your love for liz is so abundant, and to still be, always be, IN LOVE with liz…
you leave be speechless.
xoxo to you and your’s.
Thinking of you…and Madeline…and Liz. She is with you Matt. She does see all that you are doing. And she’s smiling and loving you both always.
The right words escape me… such poetic writing… so moving…
Fuck I shouldn’t read this stuff at work. Your brutal honestly shatters my heart of stone and i remember how it feels to be human.
Thank you for articulating how I feel with my daughter without my husband…Dear God your words are just how I feel.
I’m right there with you Matt. I’m approaching what should have been our 5th anniversary in two weeks. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m lonely. I look into my sons eyes, the son he never got to meet, or hold, or touch… and it’s all I can do to hold back the constant flow of tears. I’m sorry we are forced to go through this.
My heart aches for you…..
Praying
My friend referred me to your blog…
There’s a man and a twin sister, and a 3 year old and a one week old baby– all in Florida who lost their person last week. Shannon Britt Miller passed away a week after having her second daughter. I found out about Shannon’s death on her identical twin sister’s facebook page, I know that sounds ridiculous but I guess that’s how it goes in 2009. I hope their family comes to your blog and finds some comfort in how you’re dealing, and living, and trying to work it out. My heart goes out to all of you.
I am a friend of Angie Lamberth’s… found your blog via hers. Your writing is phenomenal, and Maddie will treasure these words someday. Thank you for sharing such raw, honest thoughts. Even though I suspect it’s more for the sake of sanity than for our benefit, it speaks to the humanity in all of us. Keep writing.
oh matt… the world is a better place for love like this even if sometimes all you feel is the pain. i pray for peace & happiness in your heart.
Thinking of you both!
I know exactly how you feel:(
Hugs T
You’re such a bad ass at being the best dad maddy could ever have. Liz loves you for it, I assure you of that! You’re the type of dad every mother dreams of- Keep on doing what you’re doing.
I’m a South African, I recently saw your story on Oprah and it torn right into my soul. I am going through my personal trauma, I am bed bound, totally paralysed, very sick and have amnesia, but your determination gives me strength to wake up and fight, thank you and may God keep blessing you. You’re an inspiration to me.
Shit. That hurts.
And it does, sometimes. Often.
You have to roll with it. Because sadly there’s no just no other way.
this post gives new meaning to “two headed boy”
3 Trackbacks
best in show: week of august 10th…
!!BONUS: WEEKEND EDITION!!
Heh.
I was too busy last night – sleeping, like that one other time when I, you know, slept – so I’m a little late with this.
Here they are, in all their glory. My favorite sparkly gems this week.
Aiming Lo…
[...] liz and madeline – four minus two – and it kills me to watch our perfect thing smile, and have her kiss me on the cheek (only [...]
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