big changes ahead.
more on that
in a bit.
on a tuesday
i held my
maddy tight
as i made it through
another 25th without
her mom.
that’s 17 of ‘em
now, and it
still feels like yesterday.
the next day,
and the rest of
the week we
spent our mornings
going through
our current routine…
walks, throwing of
downed fruit from
our tree, laughs,
babbling and lots
of stumbling,
before heading off to
work and daycare.
here’s the rest
of the week
in photos:
wednesday.
thursday.
friday.
this was a big
week for us…
somewhere around
tuesday we had
our first ride to
and from daycare
without unnecessary
screaming coming
from the backseat.
there was talking
and a lot of interaction
between driver and passenger,
but for the first
time in a very
long time,
i kinda felt like
i was dealing with
a little adult human
rather than a
rabid animal locked in
the car with the
specific intention of
driving me to the
edge of insanity.
so this is
what peacefulness
sounds like…
how lovely.
and like a
play-by-play announcer
watching a
pitcher pitch a no-hitter,
i said nothing
about the quiet
for fear of jinxing it.
it wasn’t until
we made it
home on thursday
that i finally
spoke of my new daughter.
this was perfect
timing because we were
to head
to fresno on friday
for a birthday party for
maddy’s friend, mckenna.
that’s like, a 3.5
hour drive.
last time we
did a drive of that
length, i damn
near lost my mind.
and my hearing.
so friday night
after work we started
our drive toward
fresno, and it was
as peaceful as
the recent drives
to/from daycare.
is it too soon
to believe that
she’s totally
over this shit?
probably.
arrived at mark,
jeffra and mckenna’s
house around 10:30pm.
our kids played
for a bit then
they crashed,
giving us some
time to enjoy a beer
or two and a conversation.
went to sleep
around 2:30.
the next morning
we were up and
headed to lunch,
then to the
yosemite mountain sugarpine railroad
for a train
ride through the trees.
the train stopped
for a little
bit and we took
the opportunity to
take a few photos.
then it was back
on the road
and back to fresno
for mckenna’s first
birthday party.
maddy went nuts
in this gym, throwing
everything she could
get her hands on.
she spent some
time trying to
figure out the purpose
of a hula hoop,
then she used a
helping hand
across a balance beam.
later she decided
she didn’t need
any help from
anyone, and crossed
back and forth across
a different balance beam,
all by herself.
(and for some reason that damn balance beam song by bright eyes got stuck in my head while i watched her).
fun to watch her
become so determined
and independent.
reminds me a
bit of her
mom.
after the party
we were back
to our friend’s house,
where we spent the
evening watching mckenna
open her birthday
gifts and hanging out
with their
friends and family.
a great time
was had by all.
sunday morning we
woke up and
the kids played while
the parents chatted.
we had a nice
lunch before maddy
and i got back
in the car
and on our way
to los angeles.
maddy was asleep
within five minutes
of getting in the car
and i was feeling
the same way
about 35 minutes later.
i pulled the
car over and took a
little nap.
woke up 30 minutes later,
thinking how much
it sucks that
i couldn’t just
turn to
liz
and ask her
to drive for me
while i napped.
but fuck.
who was i kidding?
she would have been
asleep right along
with her child and
would have been
of no help in
this situation.
so i
just thought about how
it would have been
nice for
all of us
to nap together.
…
back on the road
and my daughter
still asleep,
i tuned my
ipod to the
perfect driving music,
and heard a few songs
that i used to
listen to with
liz
back when we
first started dating
back in 1996.
somehow it made
the drive better.
as we got
to the top
of that hill on
the 5,
we started to see
the smoke from
the fires that
were sweeping through
the forest just to
the north of our house.
i had to pull over
to get a photo of
the intense
smoke that filled
the sky.
as we got
closer to our house,
the smoke got
even thicker
we called to make
sure auntie anya
and her dog
were okay as we
drove past their house
a few minutes
later we
were home and
running around,
trying to stretch our
legs after that
incredibly long drive.
eventually we both
decided we were exhausted
so we went inside.
maddy went to her
crib and i
went to the couch.
i was asleep
before 11:00 that night.
we both woke up
the next morning
wearing the same
thing we wore the
day before.
that’s my definition
of exhaustion.
i got changed and ready
for work,
but i left maddy
in the her outfit from
yesterday, mostly
because it’s one
of the raddest dresses
she owns,
and i figured her
friends at daycare
should see her
in it.
not really.
i was just
too exhausted
to change her
out of an
outfit that didn’t
get dirty the day before.
we took
a few photos
before heading
to work/daycare
that night we
had dinner with
the woman
who will be house sitting for
us while we’re
in india
and watched as
the fires burned in
the distance.
tuesday morning we
watched the
garbage trucks
drive by
and that evening,
melanie stopped by
to watch maddy, as
she does nearly
every tuesday,
so that i could
have an evening out.
went with bob
and anna to
one of my favorite
restaurants in the neighborhood.
and a great evening,
chatting about
my beard, travel,
wine and cheese.
wednesday morning
was another day,
just like any
other day.
well, sort of.
i knew that i
had to do something
that day, something
i never imagined
myself doing.
so i went to
work, prepared to
do what i needed
to do,
and when 5:00 rolled
around i found myself
stuck in
my chair,
unable to do that thing.
fuck.
maybe tomorrow
is all i could think.
it has to be tomorrow,
because i’ve been
putting it off
for so long already.
so thursday…
another routine day
except for the
fact that i realized
that a dream may soon
be fulfilled.
yeah, my daughter
is getting closer
and closer
to doing our laundry.
can’t.
fucking.
wait.
we headed off
to work/daycare
and i knew
that today
was the day.
it had to be.
so i told myself
that 4:00 was
the time.
i tapped
my foot nervously
all day,
listening to
“in the aeroplane over the sea,”
the album that
gets me through
the times,
while wondering,
doubting,
questioning,
my every thought.
i mean,
what kind of fucking
lunatic quits a
job as great
as the one i have
in an economy like
the one we’re in,
so soon
after losing his
wife
and her income?
fuck.
this one, i guess.
so at 4:00,
i did just that.
i quit.
effective oct. 1st,
i no longer work
for the internet.
now i’m
a writer.
never expected to
be one,
never even wanted
to be one.
but in less
than a month
that’s the answer
i’ll give when someone
on a plane asks
me what i do.
gonna be weird
to no longer say,
“project manager for an internet company.”
as i’ve
sort of mentioned
before, i’m heading to
india with madeline
and a nanny
so i can get away
for awhile.
i know i need
to be in a
different place,
mentally and physically,
to be able to write
the kind of
book i want
maddy to someday read.
so…why did
i choose india?
well, it’s a familar
place for me,
a place i’ve visited
five times,
including trips of
six and three months.
liz
was there with
me twice,
spending a couple
of weeks traveling
with me while i
was away for that
six-month trip.
and when i was
on the three-month
trip, she spent
christmas and
new years there
with me.
some of the greatest
times of our
lives were
spent there,
and i really, really
want to bring
maddy there.
i’m compelled to
do it.
it’s hard to explain,
but it’s just something
i must do.
so from october 5th
to november 23rd,
i’ll be traveling
and writing and writing
and writing and writing.
i’m as excited as
i am scared about
the future,
but i can’t let
that fear keep
us from doing
the things that
are going to
help us continue
to move forward.
liz
would want this.
…
i left work,
feeling far less
nervous than i
had been all
week, and headed
to maddy’s daycare.
as i tried
to find a place
to park,
i realized that
today was the
end of summer picnic.
fuck.
i totally forget to sign
up to bring something
to share.
i walked in,
holding my head
in shame for
being so wrapped
up in my own shit
and not
remembering this damn event.
i found myself
amongst the rest
of the parents,
watching our
kids running around
the backyard.
lots of moms,
lots of moms
and dads,
there together,
but not too
many dads alone.
and even if they’re alone,
they’re not really
alone, there wives
likely running late
or out of town
on business.
fuck.
so within minutes
of arriving
i’m getting
questions about my wife
and my life,
questions i wasn’t
prepared to
answer because
i totally forgot about
this fucking bbq.
then i realized
i had an out…
the guy who forgets
to bring something
to share certainly
can’t eat everyone
else’s food, right?
so i scooped up
my maddy and we
headed out.
not the way
i would normally deal
with this shit,
but today…
i just couldn’t.
and fuck it.
i’m allowed to not
deal every
once in awhile.
so we went
home and had
a little dinner
then we were
joined by the
bastard, as well
as andrea and her
kids for a night
on the porch.
exactly what i needed.
friday.
woke up and got
maddy ready
for the day.
no work, no daycare
today, because
he daycare
was closed.
we ran some errands
in the morning,
then did something
i’ve been
avoiding for
a few weeks now…
i took
liz’s
rings in to
a jeweler to
get them repaired.
this jeweler is
the one that
put together
liz’s
wedding band,
the guy who
used to clean
liz’s
rings while she
was on her lunch
break when
she used to work downtown,
the guy who
used to listen to
liz
tell him about all
the jewelry she
wanted me to
buy for her,
while i rolled my eyes.
i was pretty
sure that he
had no idea
what had happened to
liz,
and i didn’t want
to have to tell him.
i tell total strangers
what happened,
but it’s really
hard to bring it
up to someone
who only kind
of knew us.
i mean, shit,
the guy probably
didn’t remember us anyway.
so i brought maddy
downtown, walking into
that elevator
where her mom
used to dance
in place
and clap her
hands together
just below her chin,
so excited to go
look at the jewelry
and to dream
about the gifts that
would no doubt
accompany future
anniversaries, birthdays, holidays.
we got to
the fifth floor
and took a
right and a left
out of the elevator.
and there he was,
i could see him
through the window,
sitting at
his desk.
he buzzed me in
and i explained
the situation very simply.
“my wife’s engagement ring needs to be repaired, and i’d like you to inspect her wedding band as well.”
i removed the
engagement ring from
my pocket,
distracting him
so he wouldn’t
see me pull the
wedding band from
the pinkie finger
of my left hand.
he didn’t even notice.
he gave them
a quick
look under his microscope,
and told me
that the wedding
band was fine,
but that he needed
to tighten up
the prongs on the
engagement ring.
also, he said that
both of them
needed a good cleaning.
no fucking shit,
i thought.
i mean,
i’ve worn
liz’s
wedding band
almost every second
since the moment
i found her
rings in her
purse after she
died.
and the only
reason the
engagement ring is
no longer on my
finger is because
i could hear the
damn diamond rattling around
in the setting.
“give me 45 minutes and i’ll have everything fixed up for you.”
wow.
that is awesome.
i was starting to
have a minor
panic attack just thinking
about having to leave
liz’s
rings with the
jeweler for more than
a few days.
so we left,
not having to
tell him
about what happened.
maddy and i
took a short walk,
stopping to
see our friend,
sasha and have
a lemonade.
then we took a
walk back toward
the jewelry shop,
sasha offering
to take my crabby
maddy to lunch
while i went back
upstairs to
get the rings.
i got inside and
had to wait
20 minutes
while other customers
were helped.
finally, the jeweler waved
me over,
pulling the rings
from a small plastic bag.
he said,
“you really need to tell liz to bring these in every 6 months to a year so i can inspect them”
motherfucker.
he remembers us.
so i said,
“well, i don’t really know how to tell you this, but liz died last year, the day after our baby was born.”
i could see the
shock on his face.
i started crying,
tears welled up
in his eyes,
and he said some things
i barely heard
i kind of thanked
him as i spun,
turning my head
away from
the other customers,
face pointed to
the ground.
i made it outside
without making eye
contact with the
60 or so shoes
i passed from the
elevator to
the lobby.
i walked outside
and found maddy
in sasha’s lap,
smiling away
as she saw me
walking toward her.
they finished
lunch as i tried
to keep from vomiting
on the sidewalk.
soon enough
we were walking up
hill street toward
the car.
we dropped sasha
off at her place
and then we
headed home.
maddy passed out
within a minute of home.
got her inside and
in her crib, and
i immediately went
out to the couch
and took a nap.
that night,
we had dinner with,
and hung out with
andrea’s kids
while she unpacked.
we were back home
by 8:00.
maddy went to sleep
and i spent the
evening shaving my beard.
the next morning
maddy fixated on
barbie’s hair
(something that would have brought great excitement to liz, something that brings great disappointment to her auntie deb).
by 10:30 we
were visited by
our old friend, desiree
and her family.
spent sometime catching
and playing in
the backyard
before heading to
griffith park.
we took a ride
on the merry-go-round
and shared some snacks
before heading toward
the playground.
on the way
there, my big girl decided
that she wanted
to walk all by herself.
actually, she decided
that it would be
more fun to run.
but she’s not that
great at
running yet,
and took a header
into the sidewalk.
she instantly started screaming,
and when i picked
her up i saw
the scrapes
and blood on
her knees, as well as
the dirt on her
upper lip,
and said,
“how the hell did she land on her upper lip and not hit her nose”
that question would
be answered later…
but first we played for
about 30 minutes
in the awful heat
of the afternoon
before heading back home
to get ready for
tonight’s party.
maddy took a
short nap,
and when she woke
up, i noticed
that her lip
and her knee
were not the
only damaged areas
on her body…
her nose
was swollen and bruised,
and the area
under her eyes
was starting to resemble mine.
add this to
the lovely scratch
under her eye,
a scratch she
acquired at daycare
on thursday,
and she was
looking like she went
into hand-to-hand
combat with
one of her stuffed
animals as her only weapon.
awesome.
i’m about to have
a houseful of people,
all suspecting me
of child abuse.
thankfully there
were some mothers
over, who helped confirm
that maddy’s nose
was not broken,
while sharing stories
of their child’s injuries.
had a nice turnout,
with lots of
old friends and
a few new ones.
it was a lovely time.
maddy hung out for
a bit
before finally getting
tired and heading to bed.
the party went
on without her
and ended rather late.
the next day,
maddy woke up
early despite my
hope that
she’d have a record
night of sleep,
and sleep until noon.
so we hung out
for a bit before
my future house sitter
arrived and spelled
me by watching
maddy while i napped.
after a nice
nap we had
a late lunch,
then said
goodbye to our friend.
the rest of the
day was spent hanging
out in the house,
resting and enjoying
maddy’s toys.
she went to bed
after 8:00
and i was up until
1:00, working
on some writing.
monday was
another day off,
so we had brunch
with auntie anya
and spent the
afternoon playing
in the yard
and running across
bubble wrap.
had a nice
dinner in the
backyard, eating
up some of the food
left over from the
party on saturday night.
today is
tuesday and
we had another morning
of our routine.
it’s a routine
that will soon be replaced
by a new one.
it’s gonna be
strange to not
be heading off to
an office everyday,
like i have almost
everyday for
the last 7+ yeras,
but my idea of
strange is a little
skewed because
of what we’ve
lived through during
the last 17+ months.
all i know is
that i’m way
fucking excited
to be heading
to india with my
best girl.
and after that?
who knows…
maybe paris at
the end of january?
216 Comments
Good luck to you, Matt.
Hope you have a great time in India. Also I would like to suggest a simple chain to put Liz’s rings on so you can wear them around your neck…then you will have them close to you at all times.
Do you need a nanny for Paris too???
Sigh. I wish I could do or say something to ease your pain.
In the future, in case you haven’t thought of it yet, try audio books in the car. They ease many an extended car ride.
Best wishes.
I’m very excited to read your post on your upcoming events. I have heard brief snippets of India and quitting the internet but didn’t know exactly what it meant. Good for you! I’m happy for you and Maddy to have this to look forward to. Kick to the gut at the jeweler, thoughts are always with the two of you.
I’ve posted many times but never told you, my husband’s mother passed 6 days before his 3rd birthday from complications after surgery, he is the youngest of 4. While it’s been 30 years, she is still thought of with smiles and our kids know about their grandma. It’s bittersweet but I’m so happy Maddy has this to know about her mom. I wish my husband, his siblings, and the grandkids could have anything.
Thank you, Matt, for doing this for Maddy.
Sounds like you two have a wild ride ahead of you. She’s getting to the age where she may be able to recall some of the specifics of the next few months on her own when she grows up. How exciting for you both!
India sounds fantastic. I hope Maddy likes curry.
The whole throwing apples in the front yard slays me. Hilarious.
The ring story is heartbreaking. I’m glad you got them fixed and cleaned before losing any of the gems.
best of luck, looking forward to reading about your time in India…always a place I’ve wanted to visit. We are off to Japan next week, another location crossed off the list! I think travelling makes us grow broader expands not only our minds but our souls. I know it sounds cheesy and lame…but I really don’t see any other way to describe it.
Peace from Atlantic Canada to both you and the weeble.
wow- am i the first to read? i wish you much luck in india. and i am certain liz would be supportive!
i think maddie needs a real barbie, with blonde hair like she and her mommy, though.
glad you got the rings taken care of.
great post!!
ps. i’m still waiting for you to share some store/brands of maddie’s gorgeous clothes!!!
miss the beard!! it was a bit too long, but you look great in one. (which reminds me, i need to replace my husband’s way too holey jerry garcia t-shirt soon)
feel like coming to alberta again, drop us a line!
Good for you! Let me tell you….that little girl has a great wardrobe!!! Her dresses are adorable. I wish you all the best on your trip to India. This book will be a NY Times BestSeller immediately. I’m sure of it. Safe travels.
You are a wonderful parents. As a child clinical psychologist in training, you put so many parents of my kiddies to shame. You have been to hell and back and you keep going no matter what obstacles get in your way. Maddy is a lucky girl. You are more of a parent to that little beauty than a lot of kids with two parents have.
Weird. I’d forgotten about the Kid Unit’s car screaming until now. Damn, that was painful on the ears.
He still digs bubble wrap though (hell, I do too).
good luck in india, you two. i am sure liz would be quite supportive!
i think maddie needs a true-blonde barbie doll like she and her mommy.
glad you got the rings fixed.
please share store/brands of maddie’s gorgeous clothes!!
great post!!
Awesome post. As always. I totally get the India thing and am so excited for you, and excited to read what comes from it.
I cried like a baby just reading about the whole ring thing. You are so amazing…I wish I had an ounce of your courage and strength.
Maddy is BEAUTIFUL, more so everyday. She is so lucky to have you- you are the most awesome dad. And congrats on the new job!! That is so exciting. You already ARE a writer so this transition should be an easy one;)
Thanks again for sharing all this with us.
And BTW, that “Two Crashes” video is the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen.
Congrats on quiting your job! Good luck!
Beware of plastic handles on sidewalks.
Still freaks me out to see you without a beard.
Before you leave I’m coming over with beer and lemonade.
Awesome – I am so excited for you two!
I’m so excited to hear all about your adventures in India. Maddy is going to be fascinated. You’ll have to take her back when she’s old enough to remember going, but I know you will. I love her chubby rolls on her legs! She’s just so precious.
Did you find a box for the robot yet?
Way to go on taking the big leap. I wish you only the best!
Hairless face and Maddies bumps & bruises look good. Excited to hear of the India adventures and read the book. (You probably scared the poor jeweler out of mentioning any spouse’s name again! He really should know better!)
I can’t wait for pictures from India and all the updates about you and Maddy while you’re there. It’s all so exciting. Tho, I can imagine how scary it is, too.
Every time you wrote that you cried, I immediately cry…even 17 months later. I’m so happy for you to be able to go back to India with your best girl. You are an amazing father Matt!
Come visit Toronto some time! I’m sure you’d love it.
Matt, I always enjoy reading what you write. Enjoy India. I hope to be lucky enough to visit one day.
she’s so big it’s unbelievable. she’s the cutest, you must be proud as hell.
Rad news about the job Matt! Best of luck on your new adventures… enjoy India with your best girl! Can’t wait to read all about it.
Blessings to you and Maddy always. Thanks for keeping us posted.
Congrats and good luck…
Of course the ring guy would remember Liz, she seems like a woman that not only stood out but was tough to forget. We are lucky to know her through the memories you share. I don’t think the pain of loosing someone ever goes away, we just get better at living with it. India sounds like your souls home. That’s what I call the places that call to me before I get there, make me happy and speak to my soul and where I feel like I am leaving a little of myself when I leave. Safe travels.
It does seem that writing is your destiny…you do it so well….
Fatherhood has also become second nature to you. Wishing you well on your new adventure. Looking forward to hearing of your new escapes with your best girl! Good luck in India!
I absolutely love that photo of Maddy and the hula hoop. So darling.
Awesome post as always – can’t wait for the book! It will be great. Have a wicked time in India.
PS Can you please grow your beard back? No offense or anything…:)
Matt———–
First let me say that this last picture of you two is fabulous! I am totally addicted to your blog, and love reading every single word…… along with seeing all of the beautiful photos……past & present. You are going to have one fantastic career as a writer! I just know it!! You & Maddy have one of the most treasured relationships that I have ever seen. Keep doing what you’re doing, because it’s working! It sure is great to have the pleasure of being one of your many, many, readers!! Hugs to you both,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Wow, best of luck to you as you begin this journey. Count me among those that can’t wait for your book.
I hope that you have an amazing trip!
it’s going to be amazing to read your blog/see pictures while you two are india.. and i can’t imagine the awesomely cute dresses you’ll be buying for that little sweetie.
can’t wait.
Good Luck!! I’m so happy and excited for you and Maddy! This will definately be a trip to remember! I hope you both have a safe trip and can’t wait to read your blogs about the time in India. Have a wonderful time and be safe!
The trip to India sounds like exactly what you need to finish up the book and spend some awesome quality time with Maddy. You have such a lucky little girl!
lots of things i could say but we both know that none of it will really help so I’ll just say “i know.”
Sounds like a whole mess of new normals.
Enjoy as best you can.
thanks for the smiles, the tears, and thinking this post has provided. i can’t help but wonder what your life will look like after another 17+ 25th’s … keep taking care – you are doing so very well.
Hugs to you and your sweet girl as you set out on a new adventure. It’s not much but it’s all I have to give.
Matt. I think we all wish that we could be there, as a little pop-up pal on your shoulder, to field the questions you aren’t ready to answer, to be there when you need to be spelled in the car, or when you want to take more than a 5 minute shower. Perhaps we are not there in those moments crucial moments, but we are here, and you are not alone. You’re rocking the show and the encore, and doing it with love. Keep it up.
The pictures are beautiful as usual, you will take amazing pictures in India. Maybe after Paris you should consider a french province in Canada, since you will speak french
I’m happy that you have your frist conversations with Maddy
safe travels
I started following your blog after i saw you on Oprah. I love your writing and of course your story just sucked me in. Your daughter is so lucky to have such a super father. The book you’ll be writing in India will no doubt be a best seller in an instant. Just wanted to post a comment and let you know you have someone else pulling for you. I have a special needs son who is now 25 and there’s no book on how to raise your kids when things are different. I’ve spent the last 24 trying to be the best one I can. Anyway, good luck and just keep on living….
Wishing you the best on your advetures in India…
Good luck to you, you are doing the right thing!
congratulations Matt, I do hope you keep blogging though?
wow! what an eventful/wonderful couple weeks you have had…as usual. i am so happy for you that you were able to quit–what an amazing opportunity in so so many ways. not only to spend time with maddie, but to write as well.
I laughed, cried, laughed and cried some more with your re-telling- thankfully my work day is done, so I can have a red nose and eyes. We love you guys so much, ya know? Thank you so much for allowing us into your lives. Now to find the box of kleenex
I always say, “everything will work out” It always does, just not always as you planned. No big deal though, life is an adventure, better live it.
Congrats on quitting your job. You are a kick ass writer and I think you’ll make an awesome career of it. Love the pics of Maddy, as always!
Congratulations on your new adventure(s) Matt.
This latest pic of the two of you and with you clean shaven…. REALLY shows how much she looks alot like you
Awesome! I’m so excited about your new job, your travels, and can’t wait to read all about it!
I’ve never commented before, but really just wanted to wish you luck. Hearing you quit your job, and are just going to pursue what you know you should is so awesome. This is the way we all should live our lives. I hope to be that kind of role model for my kids.
i need to know where you got that zipper dress.
pretty please/sugar/etc etc etc.
I admire your bravery–quitting your job and taking on writing full-time? That’s amazing. Lots of people would love to do that but are too scared. Good for you! Madeline will have so many PRICELESS experiences, just as she has already with all the traveling you two do! She is going to be an amazing young lady.
How exciting! I cannot wait to hear all about it! I know I say it all the time, but Madeline is getting so big! Her face is starting to look less like a baby and more like a little girl.
Wishing you and Maddy only the best with the upcoming changes! We can’t wait to hear more (and see some amazing pictures from India, of course).
you are the most amazing, inspiring, awesome person.
I don’t know why or how things happened.
But you have a great future in-front of you and are giving your daughter a filled loving life.
thank you.
If you need anything I am here to help.
oh man, Matt, that little blue dress with the deer on it is soo cute! You’re really going to have a rough few years when Maddy starts dating.
So glad to hear about your upcoming travels. I can’t wait for the book to come out!
I wish I had known you were in Fresno, I live about 35 minutes south of there and would have loved to buy you a drink.
Good luck in India and with your new career as a writer.
I read this post as if I were reading your new book — I couldn’t be more freaking thrilled for you and the adventure that lie ahead —
Maddy’s dresses are getting cuter and cuter —
You have a lot of friends —
The jewelry story made me cry —
How do I set up “automatic debit” for $7 on the 7th?
I love that you’re bringing a nanny to india —
Your life will be one for the books…
pun intended.
I am so excited for what you are getting to do in India. It takes a lot of courage to pursue this writing thing but I know you can do it. As always, the pics and videos are fabulous. I hope you take a few breaks from writing in India to bring us regular doses of your photography. Hmmm, maybe your second book could be a coffee table book recording the adventures of Matt and Maddy. I know I would buy it as long as it featured your photography.
(((hugs))) to you Matt!! What a tremendous step you’re taking, leaving your job. I’m sure the decision wasn’t made lightly, but what an awesome adventure you’ll have over the next couple months in India! I can’t wait to read all about it.
You are a brave soul Matt!
You look so handsome in the last picture – not that you didn’t before- but there is something about a clean shaven guy
I am so happy to hear your connection to India. Maybe you talked about it on here before and I missed it. What a great thing for Maddy to see the places where her parents spent time together !! I hope this getaway is very relaxing and enjoyable.
Huh. We have something else besides a dead spouse in common. We are both Internet Project Managers turned authors. Is it me or are there more coincidences now?
Been reading your blog for a while now. Never posted a comment. I can’t help but think and feel that Liz is around you and Maddy ALL the time. Your postings inspire me as a mother and I look forward to your book. Your are a wonderful father and you allow us to know Liz so well through your writing. Thank you.
Maddy is so unbelievably beautiful.
Congratulations on being a professional writer! I have no doubt that Liz would be VERY proud.
I just looked at pictures of my husband’s cousin, Alicia’s tombstone on Facebook. It will be a year on Sept. 18 since she died. She died right after giving birth to her son from complications of HELLP. She was just 20 years old and this was her first child. He is a beautiful boy and is the image of his mother like Maddy is of Liz. Your story touched me because of our grief over Alicia. I saw you first on Rachael Ray and have followed your blog ever since. As a mother of grown boys, I love looking at Maddy’s clothes. I think you are doing a great job and I look forward to reading your adventures in India. You continue to touch me with your stories.
Holy Cow….you did more than trim your beard!!! She looks so much like her mother to me…she is already a busy talker. You can understand from her intonations what she means, and she holds her little hands out, like “I don’t know”….I hope you enjoy your trip to India (one of the neonatologist I work with is from India). But, more important I hope you begin to find some peace with your life. I continue to think you are a wonderful father to your precious Maddie. You will continue sharing your journey with us, won’t you. I hope so…..You are so brave.
man, tonight’s post really tore me up. so raw. i think sometimes i get caught up in maddie’s cuteness and your humor that i forget how deep and ever present your pain is, how everyday is a constant reminder for you. sucks.
i hope you’ll be updating while in india. if not, i’d really miss hearing from you and maddie. so weird to think about missing a stranger, but i would. i truly care about you guys.
Hi Matt, a long time reader and first time commenter…
As someone who is doing the writing/blogging/photography thing after having been laid off from a very similar high-tech, you have made the right decision. Now that you’ve taken this big step you will be surprised at all the doors that open and opportunities for you and Maddy to experience that come your way. I wish you a wonderful expedition in India. I wish I had heard about the nanny, I would’ve applied to be your sherpa! Best to you and your best girl. She is beautiful.
I am sure your time in India will be amazing. Best of luck with the book…I can not wait to buy it!!!!!
I’m not sure I’ve ever posted and don’t remember how I found your blog. I want to tell you that I think you are an amazing dad and amazing person. I can only hope that my husband would be so strong for our children…I am positive your Liz is so proud of the dad you are to Maddy. There are no words I can add that have not ever been shared to let you know how great you are…it is so evident how loved Maddy is and how blessed she is to have you as a dad!
Prayers to you guys, always,
Julie in the TN
I hate to have to tell you this, BUT you really need to think about getting Maddy some clothes. And some shoes. No little girl should have to go around in such rag-tag things. Dang, that girl has an ADORABLE wardrobe!!
India will be just what you need. Cannot wait to read your best seller.
I’ve been a lurker and now I’ll be a commenter.
Hang in there. You’re doing great things.
Been waiting for you to take the plunge. You’re a writer, man, suck it up.
This is really exciting. You and Maddy will have a fantastic time in India, and you’re only just beginning.
I’m with Deb on the Barbies, and I have a five-year-old Barbie lover myself. Ugh.
I call dibs on the nanny gig for Vietnam. The next awesome place to bring your best girl. (oh wait, I have my own best girl and family. OK, we’ll meet you there for some Pho Ba)
I continue to wish you nothing but the best, Mattie. I’m so excited for the India adventures… PLEASE tell me the blog will keep going in real time?
SERIOUSLY – if you do make it to southern India – please do looks us up!! This stranger’s hubby works for the Consulate here in Chennai – in security… We have 3 kids, lots of toys, a pool, a playground on compound, and a big yard to unload and let the munchkin play. WiFi too…
excellent. can’t wait to read what you have written.
enjoy india
We are all on the journey with you. Wishing you a safe, successful trip. I will be pre ordering my copy of the book as soon as it’s ready.
So, so happy for you! You’ve been wanting to quit and you actually got to do it and you’re going to India and you’re going to be working on YOUR BOOK! (that was a lot of ands).
Sad we missed the Fresno party but looks/sounds like you guys had fun.
I’m with Heather, beer and lemonade before you guys go!
Also, I never thought I’d say this but bring back the beard! I’m stoked that the tix were sold though to get it off. Even if that stache made Bella cry.
Hugs for you and maddy! miss you guys!
xoxoxoxoxo,
Tricia
I don’t know how you do it, but every time I read a post I laugh, I sob, I grin, I snort, I sob again. But I usually end with some sort of hopeful smile on my face and thought in my head. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I could listen to her baby babbles all day long! She is simply precious!! How about a stop in DC and one of your famous stranger friend meet-ups sometime soon?!
Congratulations, I am proud of you for taking that big step and I am proud of Maddy for not going bat-shit crazy in her car seat…big steps all around!
Wish I would have known you were in Fresno-would have loved to met you and Maddy! I’m a Fresno Native who reads your blog religiously and has from the beginning. May your new chapter in life be a blessing for the both of you!
I call my daughter my best girl too; always makes us smile.
Praying for you as you step out in faith on your writing adventure in India. I’m sorry the jewelers remembering hurt you… made me cry too.
She’s a brave girl, your Maddy. And might I add, one of the best dressed I’ve ever seen.
Blessings,
C~
Wishing you and Maddy all the best in your new adventures. It will be an amazing trip. Looking forward to hearing about India and seeing some wonderful pictures.
i’m glad you quit your job. you have so many things going on. this will be so good for you.
i like you with and without the beard.
can’t wait to see all your photos and updates from india.
if maddy needs a stylist ever-let me know. people always seem so into her look! i can’t wait for your book!!! i only hope that someday i can say i’m a writer (and i don’t know if that is realistic or not)
good luck!
Not sure I have ever responded before but have been following your blog for awhile now. My twins were born on March 25th (Horrible day for you I know but day after Maddy). I want you to know I check your blog daily and love your writing, Maddy looks JUST LIKE Liz’s photos – it amazes me. I am excited to read your future post and wish you the best time and best of luck in India.
Congrats on the life changes! Those sound really exciting. I would love to go to India one day. Can’t wait to see the pics from what I’m sure will be a fabulous trip.
I totally think Paris would be a perfect trip for you and Madeline…..you reminded me of something I heard Gwyneth Paltrow (yes, I know! Just hear me out…) say once about her first trip to Paris…her dad took her when she was 11, and it was just the two of them. When she asked him why it was just the two of them going alone, Bruce Paltrow said “‘Because I wanted your first trip to Paris to be with the one man who is going to love you for the rest of your life. ”
Yup, think that sums it up in a nutshell….good luck on your sabbatical in India….I am anxiously looking forward to pics of Madeline in front of the Taj Mahal! : )
She’s so wonderful. Congrats on your new journey with your best girl!
Matt, I think she’s saying “ball” when she sees the apples. Too cute! Take care!
If you do make it to Paris in January…we have to meet! I live in Germany (and just a short 4 hour drive or an even shorter ride on the ICE train from Paris:)
It would be my pleasure to have you and sweet Maddy here!
I still think you guys should hit up Sea World ;o)
So excited and happy for you and Maddie on the next part of this ongoing journey!! You are an amazing writer and I can’t wait for your book to come out!! You and your best girl will have many exciting adventures in India….Liz will be watching every step of the way!!
LOVED your videos of Maddie…she is getting bigger everyday…I LOVE when they start to become “little humans” and can interact more….she will definitely be a talker, that’s for sure!! She is so precious!! My 20 month old daughter has dicovered the gift of gab and never is quiet now..LOL
Safe travels to you both on your journey to India…look forward to all the pictures and updates…you two will have a great trip!!
You’re a beautiful writer. I smiled and cried along with the words that flowed endlessly along the page. I found myself sighing at your pain, taking in a fraction of a fraction of what you are feeling. Good luck, I am sure you will find what you are looking for even if you don’t know what it is yet.
hi matt,
i’ve been reading for awhile, and was just in paris during the last week of january this year, for my honeymoon. it was a great trip – i studied architecture and design, and have a photography habit, so just walking the streets was awesome. if you decide to go, i’d love to help in any way i can. i wish i could travel as much as you and the lovely maddie! seriously, she is the coolest kid ever. i think about you guys often, and can’t wait for the book to come out. you are a beautiful writer – making both your girls proud.
have a great time in india.
Right now – in Denmark – I’m watching Rachael Ray in a local station. You’re on, telling about Liz and you and Madeleine. I found your blog by using google and I just want to say that I’m touched.
Blessings
Matt,
When I first started reading this blog, I cried for you and Maddy. But they were tears for a sad situation. For a stranger and their pain.
Now reading this entry, I found myself crying again. But these were proud tears. For all you have accomplished. For what we, as your readers and stranger-slash-friends, have seen you go through. For the awesome horizon that lies before you.
You had the job people at parties asked about, then politely nodded and smiled. Now people will say “Really? That’s so fucking cool.”
That you for having the guts to live these dreams. You inspire us all.
I can’t wait to read all about India through your eyes and the pictures you’ll take….I’m sure they’ll be amazing!! Will Maddy be picking up her own little fortune telling robot while there?
Good job on teaching Maddy the art of laundry so soon -she’ll be a pro in no time!
I can’t get used to the you without the beard. I’m glad to see the scruff is already being grown back. My husband has a goatee/scruff thing going on too and he *needs* it…has such a babyface without it.
Paris in January and Germany in the Springtime dude! Keep those passport stamps coming!
First, let me say Congrats on taking the brave plunge to live your dream. It’s not easy, but let me tell you the rewards are endless. Every day for us here is like jumping off a bridge, we just never know what we’re going to hit
but we sleep w/ a smile on our face most nights. If you need a good American contact in Mumbai-some good friends of ours (w/2 young ones) are there & would welcome you w/open arms. Second, Paris? End of January? I did promise you a drink on us n’est-ce pas? Or will you be bidding on our donation? 
ha ha. Happy Trails to you & Maddy–we’ll look for you under the Paris sky!
’sometimes I’m allowed not to deal’ this is so true, and so so so hard to remember for me, as a mom. the guilt slays. no matter how hard my life gets- and it’s been SO HARD- i can’t find room where i can give myself a break without being so miserable about it it wasn’t worthwhile in the first place. i think men are better at this, and it’s a really good thing. i think it helps provide balance.
a trip to India. sounds…perfect. it does. it sounds like the beginning of a new adventure.
All the best Matt & Maddy on your awesome new adventure to India!
Looking forward to hopefully meeting up whilst you’re in Bangalore.
I love that Maddie has an Indian Barbie! awww. I always wanted one. So happy that you will be going to India and doing this writing project. You will be fine Matt. You are a good man, you and Maddie will have some wonderful adventures together.
God is with you.
Well done Matt. Well done for starting a new adventure & well done for surviving the hell of the jewelers.
Greta pictures of Maddy. Love the check pattern dress. And the buddle wrap stopping vid.
Hope it all goes well in India
wow! starting all new, hey?!
i would be scared to death….and i’m a bit jealous of this india trip….
wish you luck for all the things to come!
Good luck to you and Maddy in India. Sending much love your way x
Thanks for the update Matt and good luck in India! I can’t wait to get updates from there. This is an awesome opportunity for you guys!
Matt, congratulations on the new career!
I’m so thrilled for you!
Wishing you the best of luck in all that you do.
You are doing such an amazing job raising Maddy and you are constantly an inspiration.
Much love to you both,
Sarah
Matt, HOW exciting that you can spend some time in India, working, writing, and with your best girl. Your blogging about quitting your job gave me goosebumps… of course, why would you ever quit your job, in this economy, etc. etc…. but, that’s why God doesn’t give people a crystal ball to see the future. Congrats on having the balls to take an awesome leap forward. So excited for you and Maddy! Keep blogging so we can keep track of you – you know it’s your readers who will be buying that book up the minute its printed!!
Good luck and travel safe.
oh, my friend… the jewelry store… *sob*
i would have vomited.
the anxiety of quitting one’s job, leaving a steady income to “be a writer,” nearly induces vomiting in me daily.
but the story… your’s, liz’s, maddy’s… will calm the upset belly, help the weary heart, and support those who think they’re standing alone.
xoxo and safe travels.
Well, first off…every outfit Maddy is wearing is completely adorable. And, having her wear it a second day just proves how awesome the dress is!
I am excited for your trip! It has to be crazy nervous quitting a job, as you said. But, this adventure is gonna be so much more amazing than an office job!! Can’t wait to read all about it!
Wow! Lots of big things are happening for you and Maddy! So happy for you both! Did you work for Google?? I hear that is the best internet company to work for!!
I am so happy you are able to bring Maddy to a place that you love so much and that you and Liz have so many wonderful memories! Didn’t you propose to her there?
I was hoping that you would make it out of that jewelry store with out having to cry
Im so so sorry!! I really wish you had Liz with you still! Its just not fair! I am so sorry that you have to be with out her!!
Chloe is the same way Maddy was in the car!! I think she hates her car seat so much! I am so scared to take a road trip back home bc i think I will go crazy in the car with her!! Maddy gives me hope that one day she will just enjoy the car ride and not scream so much!!! UGH!!
Thanks for the great blog post and so many Awesome pictures and videos!!
I am so so sos osososososososos Looking forward to reading your book!!! Your writing is so beautiful, touching and amazing!
Have fun in India —it is a great time to visit right in the middle of the festive diwali season.
Wow, what a post. So much going on in your lives – and a lot more to come. I hope you can find some peace in India, or at least a place to write your book. Good luck and I hope Maddy enjoys it!
It’s going to be an amazing and exciting change for you, Matt. I look forward to reading more about your journey along the way.
I cannot wait to read your book. You really are a talented writer. The boys and I are gearing up for the walk on the 19th. It’s going to be kind of freaky to see you in person…
Maddie is so beautiful. I love your pictures and look forward to every time you post. I hope that you keep it going while you are in India.
You rock!
Matt,
You inspire me so much, as I’m sure others too. When I’m having a bad day, I think of you and how much you have overcome. I hope India is great for you and Maddy. Please keep us updated though and let us know that your both ok. Your a great writer!! Can’t wait for your book.
The pictures are beautiful – and I hope you have a wonderful time in India!
You are awesome dude, but, I could have so been your ‘manny’ for the trip.
Love the nap in the car, and the realisation that even if Liz had been there you’d still be driving. Good on you for getting the rings fixed, I still have Sam’s in the safe, unsure what to do with them.
Godspeed.
(Cause no one knows where to send the tickets)
Will you be posting on your blog in India or just writing the book?
Hola!
Argentina could be an excellent option also!
Wish you the BEST OF LUCK in this new “adventure”!
Always In My Thoughts.
Besos y Abrazos
Sol
i don’t really know what to say, liz would be so proud of you.
I am so excited about your book! Good luck to you & Maddie! I am sure Liz is watching over you both and will help make the best of this transition for you.
Again, I think you are a wonderful dad! As a mom, I am so proud of your strength and courage to do what is right for you and your daughter!! Good luck in India, I hope that it brings you whatever you are looking for.
PS….Love you without the beard!!
It sounds like you have a wild ride ahead of you, and I know that your wife would be so proud. Your daughter is more beautiful every day – even if her outfit isn’t changed =)
About the part with the rings, though. Well. My warmest wishes and big Internet hugs are being sent your way. I’m sorry.
Best wishes on your adventures in India! My ‘friend’ from my satellite internet call center told me that cricket is popular in India. Enjoy that!
And those feelings about people thinking you abuse your child? We all have them and they won’t go away for a few years. My son (3 years old) fell off the porch Monday night – the night before he started a new day care. It was great fun explaining that to the new day care lady.
We love you Matt, even more on the bad days…thank you so much for coming to McKenna’s party, it meant the world to us to have you take time out of your busy schedule..for us..Congrats on quitting (does that sound right?) and embracing your new path. You demonstrate to all how to live in the moment and embrace all that is good! You are a very good friend. We are fortunate to have you in our lives. See you on the 19th, Mark even bought a SUIT!
Are you going to let us in on who is going to be the lucky nanny and house sitter? Anyways have a great day
I second Jill’s comment (only for west India). I don’t have a pool, but I do have a ball pit in our apartment, and we can all agree that’s rad. Have a safe trip!
Matt, Thanks for the update! I’m sure Liz would be so proud of you. Maddy is getting so big and I love her pose in the picture where she spent the afternoon playing in the backyard. Wishing you always the best of luck in India and with your writing. I can’t wait to buy your book! I’ve been following your blog from the day in June 2008 when you posted on Chrissy’s blog…and have seen you and Maddy grow. Thanks again! Keep doing what you’re doing!!! Wishing you the best always! XX
“a real barbie, with blonde hair”? Because we should only have dolls that look like us?
Hoping you and your best girl have the best of times in India – I twittered a while back and I hope you will still tweet pics from time to time – I’ll miss seeing your best girl – even if it’s for a short time.
Project Management jobs are easier to find than replacing this time with your daughter. I envy you for being able to spend this time with Maddy.
SO Happy for you and Maddy! I think being a writer is a great job for you! Have a great time in India, im jelous!
p.s.- I think you should stick with the no facial hair! It’s a good look for you
trip out. i just took my son to ride the yosemite mountain sugar pine rail road on monday, too. got him a coonskin cap, ftw.
best wishes for a productive trip in indiana.
Congratulations on making the step.
That requires a lot of bravery in itself.
Just grow the beard back though, eh…
who is the “bastard”
Change is good. I’m excited for you and your best girl.
good luck to you and maddy. I love your photography..maddy is so photogenic. I wish I could take a time away to just be..enjoy it. you can always find another “office” job someday. cherish the time with your daughter, as you already are.
Excellent post Matt! I’m so excited to read about your new adventure with Maddy. Thank you again for sharing your life story with the world. You’re so inspirational! I wish you the best of luck!
India will be an incredible place for you and Maddy to explore together. I also traveled through India with my father, and it was one of the most beautiful times I had with him. I hope you have a beautiful and healthy journey…and I’m sure that the pictures of Maddy throwing flowers into the Ganges at sunrise are going to be spectacular!
Safe travels my friend with your little beauty <3
I wish you both a great and exciting time in India and I look forward for more to come.
xoxox You're doing an amazing job!
Just go. Go to Paris. Do the things you wanted to do with Liz… but do them with your best girl!
(now would be a good time to buy her a semi-cheap digital camera… I bet pics of India through her eyes would be fantastic!)
Good luck Matt. You will do good – you follow your heart!
And I love the close up shots of your best girl!
If you and Maddy are ever in need (intentionally left vague) while you’re in India, Radhika and I have family all over the country who would love to share a meal with you. Just say the word, and the CSB/SJU family will have you covered.
There is nothing I can say, that has not been said already. We are all so so proud of you. Awesome post, awesome pics. What an incredible bond ther is between you and your best girl, the time in India will make you only grow stronger and more beautiful inside that you both alredy are. Congrats on this new adventure, I’m Wishing you all the best. What an incredible journey you are Maddy have shared and have yet to share together, who knows what the future holds for any of us?, but I only wish that great things and moments come your way. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. I feel like crying and laughing at the same time, what a bittersweet moment, it is like saying good bye to the past and hello to a new chapter in yours and Maddy’s life. Travel safe, can’t wait to read your book, can’t wait to see your posts and pics from India. Take care, and take good care of that little precious princess. Hugs
Sounds like it will be a wonderful adventure for you and your best girl! Great things are on their way to you and Maddy. I hope you have safe travels and experiences beyond your dreams. Can’t wait to ready aboutt your India trip and also to read the book.
You had a very busy week!
I am so glad you are able to take Maddy to India – that is such an awesome experience for her! I really hope your time is both fun and productive there! Congrats on “becoming a writer” and being able to move on from your job.
Love your story, your blog, your child, you name it and I love it! Such a powerful writer and you will do very well. Can’t wait to see pics and hear about India. I am dying to know though – where do you get Maddy’s clothes? She has some of the cutest clothes!!
It all sounds great…I don’t think many people have the ability to be quiet and listen to themselves and know where they need to be at a certain time in their lives…and u are so doing this in the midst of grieving and raising a darling cutie. You’re doing such a wonderful job with Maddie. All the best….
India sounds perfect, for no other reasons than the fact that it makes sense for you. What a treat! And what a documentation of a life Maddy won’t necessarily remember, that she can read later on in life about your devotion to her and her mother.
There isn’t much left to say that hasn’t been said so I’ll just ask this–
Did you ever find a box for the robot?
I was online looking for packing materials when you tweeted the comment about the box (weird coincidence) and I might have found something if you haven’t already.
I cannot wait to read what you write in India. It’s going to be AWESOME!
Matt – I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you and Maddie….wonderful things.
And we have a cabin near the Yosemite Sugar Pine Railroad, in Sugar Pine. It’s a wonderful place – my kids have grown up riding that train – they still love it!
Wow, Matt, Just WOW! The Adventures of the Awesome Duo! Congrats. I can’t wait…. I can’t wait.
For some reason, all I can think of is some song lyrics. I don’t know the song or the artist or anything else (which means it’s probably a terrible song, so I’m sorry) but I can sort of hear the lilting melody.
“Change is gonna do you good.”
And it will.
I didn’t read all the comments to see if this question has already been answered but when you’re gone to India will you still be posting on here? I’ve read your blog every day for months and would really miss hearing how you and Maddy are doing. I’m looking forward to your book and will be among the first to buy it.
Cheryl
I can honestly say your blog is the only one I’m following, I am new but your story makes me turn on my laptop everyday just to read how you guys are doing and to see the beautiful little girl. I am loving you guys, you’re a great guy. You’re gonna do great things, this is only the beginning…. One day you will look at yourself and know that you made it thru the hard times and produced a fine woman in the process…. Hailing from South Africa with love
loved this entry…sooo soo filled with news…views….and everything in between. i can’t wait to read more about the book and to continue to be filled in on your life.
i could punch myself right now because i missed the liz walk sign up.
That’s awesome that you quit your job, I can’t wait for you book.
So sorry about the akward jewler moment
I love reading your blog. You are an amazing father. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Sounds like India is just what you and Maddy need. I cannot wait to see pictures.
Huge congratulations for making the decision to GO! Behind you two 1,000,000%!
Congratulations on your big move – you are going to be very successful, I know I personally am moved by all of your posts and can’t wait to hear about Maddy’s adventures in India! She is so beautiful and I was amazed at how much she looks like Liz based on the pictures you have posted. Best wishes!
Matt, I discovered your blog after the Oprah show, and I wrote about your story in my blog-just so touched how you are taking care of your daughter…and so thankful for my family…the next post on my blog is about the sudden death of my brother in an avalanche in Alaska…its been almost 5 months…and your blog has been a help to me to process some of the emotions in my grieving…all the best to you and your sweet, beautiful little girl….Tamara
http://www.bobbysmommy05.wordpress.com
Wonderful read tonight, Matt. Good luck with your adventures. In the meantime, if you 2 ever need a pace to crash in the Boston/NH area, just let me know. I have 3 kids including a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 month old. Maddy can make some new friends.
When in India, give me a shout. I will be very glad to meet maddy. And you ofcourse!
So awesome. India will be fantastic. I’m excited for you & Maddy. Just remember to go to the dentist before you leave!
See you soon.
A change of scenery will be good for you. Awesome that your best girl will get a chance to make memories of a place that meant so much to her mom and you.
Wow…serious props to you for taking the leap and forging a new career path. I have/continue to stay at a job out of “fear of the unknown” (and the economy). I have no doubt you’re decision will pay off and bring you much fullfillment. You certainly have the chops to do the whole writting thing. As always, I’m continually amazed by the twists and turns your life takes!!!!
Take care and good luck!!!
Wow…good for you and I hope India and the future holds many happier memories for you with your sweet baby girl.
Matt, I’m so glad you guys are getting to go to India for a while.
It’s so incredible watching Madeline just walking around. And man, is she going to be a talker!!
Wow! So exciting! I started reading this post the day that you posted it and then got distracted by my little one, and just came back to it today…I can’t believe I didn’t come back and read this sooner!
Are you going to still be doing the blog while you are in india???
best of luck with your book and your travels with your best girl. i’ve said it before on this blog and i’ll say it again – maddy is so lucky to have you as her daddy. safe travels!
Congratulations on your decision – I can’t think of a better road for the two of you to take, and I think you will find some real healing there.
Matt, you are such a true inspiration. It takes courage to change career path, and from what I can tell, you have an amazing gift in writing.
I look forward to hearing about and seeing India through your eyes. I am sure Maddy will love it.
hello! i am a first time commenter.i have been actually wanting to find your blog for a while. i saw an interview with you on rachel ray a while back and i was just moved by you and your story! you are a great father and very strong person!
I came across your blog from Mckmama’s, just today! small world!
Sometimes there are no words. I can tell you really loved your wife! your daughter is lucky to have a dad like you!
india is going to be an adventure and i look forward to hearing all about it! Good luck on your writing!
from nc
jenn
I also quit my job after my husband died. I have worked pretty much since I was 17 so it was weird not to have responsibility. But you are braver than me, I could not face it at all after he died. I went in one day after 3 months of short term disability (yeah, what a “disability” losing your spouse is).
I love how you called your daughter “my maddy.” You are a wonderful father and you are always going to be such a wonderful dad.
PLEASE someone tell me who “the bastard” IS.
Thanks
Glad you took the brave, huge step and off on your new adventure. It’s getting here fast, huh? How exciting!! Maddy and you are definitely a team. I love the Chatter from Maddy – just adorable. You are an awesome daddy Matt. Proud to call you friend.
Oh, yeah, while checking on the http://www.christiecookies.com contest, I see that LLF has moved down to fifth place! So I want to remind everyone to click and vote so Liz’s Foundation will win first prize. Would be a great send-off to India!
Safe travel and health while you are visiting and writing and getting your balance. Hugs to your Maddy…she’s a joy.
I can’t believe the things you and your daughter have done and seen. It is amazing.
You have done it, you are doing it and will continue to do so. You are an amazing man.
My blessings as always. The shadow picture of Maddy is amazing, love it! Keep up the great work
That’s amazing. So much happening, all at once.
The incident you describe in the jeweller’s is gut-wrenching. Sometimes you can see it coming, and get away with it, and sometimes it just hits you and takes your breath away. All I can say is that one day in response to that happening, you’ll be able to say, ‘Yeah, right’ and walk away without them being any the wiser. You know all that you know and whether absolutely everyone in the world from the butcher to the baker and the candlestick maker really has to know is open to debate.
The break from work, as you say, it’s nothing, really, to all that has gone before. You’ve coped with everything, so a little change around the place won’t be hard. Not now.
Wishing you all the best with your writing. And with the rapid beard growth, of course…
I will be here rooting you on.
Hope your time in India is wonderful. And your Maddy has the cutest dresses!
you’re a brave man and a brave father
enjoy your upcoming travels with your beautiful girl.
your spirit is remarkable..not to mention the spunk you have.
Best wishes on the trip to India!
You are doing such an amazing, wonderful job, your love for Liz just pours out of Maddie and in all that you do for your best girl….I cannot wait to buy your book, not only because I have been reading since day 1, but my Father passed away just recently and I am a daughter missing her Dad, he was amazing and wonderful too.
Ah Maddy, what a lucky girl you are. You have an awesome, awesome daddy. You are so lucky to have each other. Look after him well please!
Matt, I hope you enjoy India! I’m sure it will be one awesome, awesome adventure.
May be for your next adventure, you could come down to AUS??
Good luck, Matt! You are a wonderful father to Maddy!
Your writing makes me smile, laugh out loud and cry. You rock as a father and Maddy is sooooo lucky to have you. Good luck on your travels and your new adventures!
all the best for india matt! you’re doing what’s best for you and maddy right now, and that’s all that matters.
Beautiful post! Maybe now you’ll be a little more diligent about getting that ring taken care of. Now that he knows it won’t be as hard. And with your job almost out of you way, you won’t have to worry about scheduling it in…
Have a great time in India!
These pictures of Maddy are just precious! I wish I could were those dresses! They are all so pretty and unique! Good work Matt.
Are you ever going to tell us what your newest tatoos say???
Wow! What an adventure you have planned! Good luck with your book – you could also write one about how to travel with a baby!
Hey Matt I just watched your Oprah Interview (DVR’d) it a whle ago. But my hubby and I am both home sick too! It stinks – anyway I was very moved by your story as was my husband. I pray you have strength in your weakest moments she is the spitting image of her Mom, thinking of you in Baltimore-
My first time commenting and my millionth time reading! You will do fantastic as a published writer (you are an amazing blog writer), and you are geiving Maddy the best experiences a child could ask for. I love keeping up with you guys. Lots of luck on your new adventures!
I wish you the very best of luck on your book and can’t wait to get my hands on a copy! I wish there was something I could do for you, for Maddy, but you’re doing one hell of a job. I cry every time I read your blog, and can’t explain what an inspiration you are to me–Your daughter is blessed to have you, and I wish only blessings for both you and her. Good luck and happy travels!
Hoping that your writing a book for the next couple of months will not prevent you from writing on your blog. Thousands of people would go into Maddy and Daddy withdrawal!! Traveling mercies.
Asalamu Alaykom Mr. Cool Dude Writer,
You know I don’t visit much any more. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, or with other commentators but more with needing to feel real. There is something about living so much on the net which doesn’t feel real; there’s a disconnect from being so “connected”.
I see pictures of you now and you seem disconnected, dear. Something about this gig isn’t ringing true anymore, is it?
That’s why you’re going to India. It’s VERY REAL. Hey, you know I’m in Egypt and those two countries are basically the same idea: lots of people surviving. In some ways, you (and I) are stuck in a survival mode.
I do find some peace in Egypt. Too many car horns, too many side streets to get lost amongst, too many people who don’t know me and don’t care. But somehow that calm is finding me.
People keep asking me if I’m happy here. And “no” I can’t say that “happy” is the word. I don’t think you’ll be “happy” in India either. You will be something else. You will be YOU; the new you.
Maybe the beard length was a necessary demarcation that you are a changed man. You are that 80-year-old in a 30-year-old body. Quitting the job is another. Fixing what is broken is another. You are no longer running on adrenaline. I see that. You are taking stock, admitting who you are and where you are and making (as always) very sound decisions.
Going to India is going to seem crazy to many. For you and Maddy, it makes perfect sense. I only hope you can stop over in Cairo for a spell.
May the time ahead be easier than the time behind.
Love your blog. Love hearing about what an awesome adventure you will be on. Maddy is the cutest, best dressed baby ever. I am blown away by your courage. I think you should make some t-shirts involving throwing fruit.
I must say, as the oldest sister of 8 kids and cousin of close to 80, your daughter is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. I’ve been reading your blogs for a few months now, and I can’t express in words the admiration I have for you. I love how you express your joy and pain and everything in between. I hope you have a awesome time in India. A friend of mine just came back and she absolutely adored it. I wish you and Maddie the best and I hope that you continue to live life happily, not just to endure. :]]]]]
Best of luck to you and Maddy on your journey to India!!!
I’m with “Mr Cool dude writer”…I’m new to this blog and didn’t realize it had only been only a little over a year since Liz’s passing and your life has become such a whirlwind…Oprah…People Magazine.etc..Time to head to India and “regroup”…just you and Maddy..Time to “check out” for a while and figure out the next course of your life.
You quit your job….a huge step in a new direction…it was time – I’d been hoping you’d take a little leap of faith. Now to India for a little mental health and a little creative inspiration…so glad that you have a place that sort of calls to you, far away yet familiar just the same. Enjoy this trip, writing your story, and more importantly, enjoy this time with Maddy….
you quit your job….a big step in a new direction, congratulations. i’ve been hoping you were going to take a leap of faith sometime soon and i’m thankful that you have. it seems as though your soul has been searching for a much needed breath of fresh air and it sounds as though it has come in the form of a trip to india and a new career. india seems to be calling to you, such a beautiful, serene place to slip away to, far away yet familiar in so many ways. enjoy this trip, your creative writing and more importantly, enjoy this time away with maddy.
Hey matt! my name is angelica and i´m from sweden. I just watch rachel ray´s show. And i just want to say that you are so amazing!! i will start to read your blog because you inspere me so much. You are so strong and so good with your daughter. I´m 21 and single mother, my daughter is 15 mounthts now her name is Evelina=D. i have no words for you, you and your daughter will help me and my daugher so much. I cant stop crying, it´s happy tears=D i wish you hapiness and a good life. thanks for you doing this, you will and are helping so much people. thanks again you are making me stronger as a person and as a mother. kiss your BEAUTIFUL doughter so much. many kisses and hugs from Angelica and Evelina in sweden=D
Good luck with your writing and your journey! Enjoy your trip with your beautiful daughter
These outfits are killin me. Does she own anything not out of this world adorable!? Way to go daddy!
Only just started reading, and thought, why doesn’t he write for “real”, as in a book. Then immediately thought why not a children’s book, only without the bad words. Not for me, cause I’d skip over them, but the little ones, they figure it out sometime.
I’m sorry to read of your loss. You bring me to tears when you tell your stories. My thoughts are with you and Madeline, to find the strength to keep on.