to her,
her mom
is a photo,
and every
photo is her mom.
i said that
to michelle and shannon
at dinner the
other night and
i’m sure they
were both thinking,
“what the fuck does that mean?”
well…
for the past
few weeks
i’ve been thinking
that maddy
has been pointing
and saying,
“mama”
to the photo
of her mom hanging
near the front door.
but on thursday i realized
that she points at,
and says,
“mama”
to every photo in
the house.
i even tested
my hypothesis…
the photo hanging in
the dining room
of the guy
running away
from the train
in agra, india…
“mama”
the photo on the
wall above the
chair in our livingroom
of the
guy sitting next
to his smashed-up
truck near hampi, india…
“mama”
the photo in the hallway
of the women at
pashupatinath temple
in kathmandu…
“mama”
so it’s
another kick in
the nuts,
you know, once again
getting a reminder that
she will only
know her mom
through photos.
but i suppose
there will
be the stories,
and the memories.
and of course,
the dna…
the guy at daycare
told me again
last week, that
he can’t wait to
hear what maddy’s
gonna say when
she can finally talk.
he went on to
tell me how funny
it is to see her
with one
hand on her hip,
the other hand
in the air,
fingers flailing,
while reading some little
bastard the riot act
in a mixture of
babel and english
because he stole
a toy from
her clutches.
this behavior didn’t
come from me…
that’s her mom,
through and through.
she was a sweet,
sweet woman, but damn…
she didn’t
take shit
from anyone.
and i can remember
several instances of her
talking to some
customer service
agent, reading that
motherfucker the riot act.
she used to end
those calls
with some exasperated,
often profane, exclamation.
and i, being
the wonderful, supportive
husband i was,
would defend the person
on the other end
of the line…
“what the hell did he do to you?”
and her answer was:
“i only yell at the people who deserve it.”
so these two…
these two
who met ever
so briefly,
are more alike
than i ever could
have imagined…
and i watched her
this morning as
she waited
for me to
pour her a
glass of milk,
and she held her
little hands
just underneath her chin,
clapping away,
just like her
mom used to do
when the waiter/waitress
would tell us
about the dessert special,
or when one of her
favorite awful pop
songs would
come on the radio.
i used to make
fun of her
all the time
for that weird
shit, but when
i saw maddy do it
today, well,
i fucking bawled.
…
and someday i’ll make
fun of our daughter for
doing the
same things her
mom
used to do,
and remind her
that she knows
her mother better
than any of us ever
could have imagined.
482 Comments
Beautiful….as always…
amazing post matt! your way with words is very eloquent in your own special way.
My father died when I was 14 months old. I remember nothing about him. Everything I know about him was through stories. I have to tell you, there weren’t enough of those in my childhood. The stories just didn’t get told. I hardly know him at all.
This blog you’re writing will go a long way. But do tell her about her mother. Tell her the big stories like how you met. But also, tell her the little stories like the one time you were at the restaurant you can’t remember the name of where the food was just so-so but she was so funny.
Anyway, I’m sure you know why it was hard for my mother to tell those stories. I know that it just hurt too much. But because those stories were never told, I never had the nerve to ask. I wish I had those stories. I really really do.
Hey Matt, I’ve been reading your blog since April of 2008 when it shared with our photography group. I’ve never posted a comment, but I actually have something to say for once that someone else hasn’t.
Madeline may only know ‘who’ her mommy is through pictures, but she will know more than any kid I’ve ever seen that she was loved and wanted more than anything in the world by both of you. Most importantly she has you to tell her all the wonderful stories of how her mom did all the same things she does as she grows up.
You’re doing such a great job with her!!
I love this post, it touched my heart deeper than some of your posts. You have a gift, and I’m so thankful you can finally share it with the world on a grander stage. thank you matt.
Okay, that last bit about Maddy knowing her mom better than anyone could have imagined – has me crying. It’s so true, so very true.
I only know Liz from the stories you tell and the stories your mom told me. And I can already see how alike they are.
Be sure to throw Liz a bone and let Maddy listen to some shitty pop, OK?
gosh..your words come out so beautifully.
this post.. is my favorite. You sure will have your hands full, but what a what a time it will be;) Keep on keeping on Matt! And hoorah Maddy for not taking any crap at the daycare.. lol
your daughter is lucky to have you….I am lucky to have found you in cyberspace……thank you. So many people are sending postive thoughts your way from around the world. Your daughter is SO lucky to have all these stories to know her mother,sucks she can;t grow up with her but she has the BEST daddy EVER!!!!!!!!! xoxo
I can see you book now, with this kind of writing it’ll be one of the best… This post was sad for me because this little girl will never get to see Liz, a woman who sounds like an angel really (an angel that didn’t tolerate shit) but on the other hand she even looks like Liz and sounds like she’s taken a lot more than looks from her. Your wife had a beautiful smile, can’t wait to see Maddy’s when she’s bigger
Yep, that’s what I like to think about my daughter. That despite the fact she’s no longer with us, she knows me better than anyone, and that indeed brings me great comfort. She did, afterall, call my body home for almsot 41 weeks.
Great post, great photos. As always.
You had me teary-eyed after reading this post, Matt. But like so many have said before me…what you’re doing here, with this blog and what you’ll do with your book, will be a wonderful gift to Maddy and a testament to what an awesome woman/wife/mother Liz was. Keep up the great work!
I don’t have any words. You just amaze me.
A real tear jerker! I have to say the DNA thing is so true, my parents split when I was 10 months old and most of my childhood I would hear/see my Mother get exasperated by things I would do that reminded her of my Father (whom I saw maybe once every 2 years)
It will be different for the 2 of you, a gift that you will give Maddy and a gift she will give you.
One day soon she will learn that Mama means that one special person in a photo vs the photo itself and you can share memories with her which will keep her alive in both of your minds, gone but never forgotten.
Maddy is an incredibly lucky little girl, she is surrounded by love and is truly a child of “the village” loved by many.
So many children with two parents never experience the love this little girl is shown and I can’t wait to see the person she will become one day. She has already made a difference in the lives of others.
Love the post. Maddy has always looked like her mom to me, but for some reason I can’t explain, she looks like you in this picture. She’s a great combo of the both of you, and I think that’s what I love best.
You had me crying as I had read this. You are doing such an awesome job!!!
i was doing okay with things …until i read this. can’t wait to meet you in a few days …
Matt, did Liz look like Maddy as a toddler? You should post some “little Liz” pics =)
My brother was 6 when our mom died. Granted, he has memories of her, but he still asks me about her. Because, he was too young to ‘get’ things about a person’s personality. It’s still hard to talk about it with him because I am well aware of the gaping wound but, I tell him. Because our mom needs to live on through me. Just as Liz will live on through you and the stories you bring to Maddy’s world.
This blog, your book and your incredible memory and love for her Mommy will keep Liz very much alive in both of your hearts and make Liz very much a real person to her little girl.
Fuck.
This was stunning.
I hope that one day those looks, those mannerisms won’t bring tears, they will bring a smile and a warm rush of love.
Maddy looks so different in that photo – growing so gorgeously ! My son (now 14) was born after my wonderful Dad passed away yet he has mannerisims and expressions that only last a second or two and bang – there’s my Dad… it’s in the DNA..
Great writing as always Matt
I agree with Cinthia, before I had even read the post I thought, man she looks like Matt in this photo!
My father is a panel beater and has a way of sitting while he works on the ground. My mother has always told my brother and I how we used to sit like him as wee babies. Just the other day I saw my 14 month old wee girl sit just the same, all in the DNA : )
Your writing is so full of love for both your daughter and your wife. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. You always touch my heart with your stories.
What a truly wonderful post, Matt. Maddy is her Mama all over again, and what a blessing that is!
The last line of this post has me bawling in my coffee. I think all parents have those moments when their child is like a mirror and we think, oh shit, is that really how I act. Or, oh cool, I’m pretty hip. Maddie is such a striking image of her mom and now it sounds like the similarities go beyond physical appearance. Those constant reminders of Liz must be so difficult to watch, but so awesome too.
you’ve got me with tears in my eyes again Matt. Make sure that you get an international book deal okay, because I so want to read you’re entire story.
This truly is a beautiful, yet heart wrenching, post. You have a wonderful way of capturing your raw emotions with writing.
It sounds like Madeline is quite connected to her mother in many ways. And without knowing Liz, I would still have to say she is one lucky girl.
Amazing and awesome. And such a tribute.
Beautiful, Matt…as always. Maddy is truly fortunate to have such an attentive and loving father.
That brought me to tears this morning. You see what alot of us see in our kids, but it takes on a whole new meaning for you. This is something I will no longer take for granted, thank you for being so honest and open.
That was awesom! I’ve never commented but I have “stalked” for a while now. This post for some reason had to be commented on. You are an AMAZING father Madaline is lucky to have you as you are her. Love to you both!
I only know Liz through your words and I can so clearly picture her when you describe a moment or an emotion. Maddy is incredibly fortunate to have you there to give her a piece of her mother.
Maddy is obviously full of The Awesome just like her mother (and dad too). I’m with Heather, shitty pop is pretty awesome too. Especially Britney.
Don’t worry, her Internet Aunt Becky will take her happily to crappy pop concerts if she wants to go. I have a feeling my own daughter will hate pop music and it will be a knife in my heart
Such a great story Matt. It’s amazing how strong DNA actually is. I can’t wait until you can tell Maddy stories of just how amazing Liz was. I wonder which of your traits she will develop??
Matt,
My husbands mother passed away before we ever met and the big milestones like our wedding and the birth of our daughter make him miss her all the more. Our daughter is a few months older than Maddie and she does now recognize his mom in photos. She’ll go up to the photo and point and say grandma. My mom is still with us so I didn’t know if she would ever understand that this woman in the photos is also grandma but a different grandma but she does. After saying grandma she will often say Daddy’s mama. In just a short time Maddie will make that connection too. I’m sure of it! It makes my husband so happy to hear her recognize his mom, yet breaks his heart at the same time. I’m sure this will be the case for you too. I only hope the happiness will out shine the sadness. Your daughter is beautiful just like her mom! My daughter loves to see the photos of Maddie when I’m reading your blog. Keep up the great work. I can’t wait to read your book!!!
Not exactly sure what one could say after reading that – I wish I had the words…
Thinking of you and Maddy -
she’s beautifully amazing matt…. liz and maddy alike. beautiful, amazing women, connected in more ways than the human mind is capable of fully comprehending. maddy will know her mom through you, your stories, your photos, your words…. but she’ll also know liz through her own heart, through expressing herself in her own way, and navigating through her life with you.
the two of made an amazing little lady.
OMG. she looks like you in that photo up there for sure Matt!
Great post once again.
I always make time to read new ones, even when I don’t have time (like now).
Gotta go – gonna be late for classsssss….haha
Beautiful post!
Your doing a great job Matt.
It an unexplainable thing- this nature vs. nurture thing. My dad died when I was an infant. Only ‘met him briefly” the day I was born before he shipped out. My sense of humor drives my mother insane- she says its his (certainly isn’t hers) Others comment all the time on how they recognize me immediatley because of how they remember him. I’m not sure if there are real characteristics, traits, mannerisms- in common- or if they just want to see them there. But it does make me think…
It’s sad that Maddie will only know her mother through photographs, but fantastic that she shows so many of the same characteristics.
My daughter, now a beautiful tall teenager, is in exactly that same circle. She looks at me, with her mother’s lovely eyes, every morning across the breakfast table.
Did she miss out? Yes. But has she thrived, all the same, and grown up as her mother would have wished her to? Yes, or at least I hope so.
It’s a lifelong task, this one. You just do the best you can, and be grateful for what you have gained while remembering all that you have lost.
Best wishes from London. And spirits up.
It sucks dude, it fucking sucks, but it is what it is, as well you know.
It was interesting to read Ben’s comment about wanting to know the stories and learn more, and you’re doing that, and will continue to do so in spades, doing all you can, and while it is crap, it IS the best you can do, as always.
Take care big guy, and little girl.
Awesome post, Matt.
I have been following you since day 1!! I read it first thing in the morning at my desk at work and cry each time. Every time I read your blog I keep thinking you are doing a good thing by letting it out. You are an amazing father and a wonderful husband. Liz would be so proud of the way you are with Maddy!! Memories will fill Maddy’s head by you telling the stories over and over again. No matter how painful, it will be the greatest gift you could ever give her!
Maddy clapping like her mom…what a beautiful reminder of Liz. I would’ve been mush on the floor. She knows her mom better than anyone…she is made of her. My prayers are always with you and Maddy. Keep on keepin’ on…
Funny how DNA trumps all.
i’ve read you blog for months now religiously every morning before i start work. i admire you in so many ways. today when reading this blog you made me cry! a sad and happy cry! i was thinking of my 16 mo old..our lives versus yours and don’t let anyone tell you any differently..you are truly an amazing father!
I was speakng with my friend Bob C. (Vico’s Dad) and his mother-in-law about this last week. Vico knows his mommy as the beautiful woman in the photos. In fact, Bob tells him to “give mommy a kiss goodnight” and Vico will kiss her picture. He also looks at photos of Bob, along with several photos of friends and family, all of whom he is familiar with. He can point to a picture and “match” it to the person in the room. It’s seems like he’s trying to do the same thing with Claudia’s picture. After kissing her photo goodnight, it seems like he’s looking around the room for her too. It’s hard to say whether he’s looking for…but It almost seems like he his. It breaks my heart.
We will be joining you all for the Walk for Liz this Saturday. I was able to recruit my husband, my son, and most importantely…Bob and Vico! We look foward to seeing you and Maddi!!
You are such an amazing writer. I think it’s wonderful that Liz’s spirit is able to shine through in Maddy
How she points to every photo and says “mama” …. I think is kinda Zen. Like, her mum is everywhere, but nowhere she can see.
XO
Matt, what a beautiful post. Enjoy discovering how Maddie is like both of you. Can’t wait for the book!
What a great post. Soon those memories will make you smile more often than cry, I hope.
Matt,
Just wanted to let you know that you are doing a great job with documenting all of Maddy’s early years for her. I know you have lots of stories for her….and I’m sure you will share them. Just remember Liz is with you in spirit and I know she watches over you both. I know it must be hard but she will understand everything one day. It’s gonna be hard but and unfair…I know you feel this way and she will too…but God will never give you more than you can handle. I know you feel like you can’t handle any more at times. Just rest in know this…
Very sweet….bitter with the sweet. Last night I took a photo (barely can do this but ran for the camera). Was an outline of an angel…well I sent it to a mother we know through my daughter’s diagnosis who lost her 10 year old darling girl to cancer two years ago and she said in the photo she could make out the ‘M’ in the photo for McKenna, and of course, the sky was bright pink, her daughter’s favorite color…so moments of bitter with sweet…I’m sure they’ll be many these are warm memories for Maddie that combine happy and sad and u r such a great interpreter of Liz’s dreams and wishes for Maddie. Best,
Beautiful, as always. Touching, as always. Thank you.
Yes, DNA is such a HUGE part of not only their genetic makeup but also their personality. My son has never met his father and the personality traits they share are uncanny. For example, they both do this weird pose when taking a picture and they (for some reason) only do it when posing for a picture with their mom. Weird. I about lost it one day when I was looking through photos of my ex from when he was 11 years old and realized this looked exactly like a picture I had just uploaded of my son, posing the exact same way with me. Their personalities are so similar I often wonder what DNA of mine my son got. Not only do they look exactly alike, their moods are the same, they both love of history documentaries, love the same music/band, they eat their food the same way (one thing at a time, i.e. for dinner we will have chicken, pasta, corn and bread and they eat on thing completely before moving onto the next item).
I remember when my son was younger I freaked out because he smelled like his father. It is hard to explain. It was not body odor- it was just the natural smell of his body- at 9 months old – that smelled like his father. Someone who never took any interest in my son and has never had any contact with him. Nature vs. Nurture only goes so far – the older Maddy gets the more you will see Liz in her – especially with her mannerisms.
Do you ever catch Maddy looking at something that isn’t there? My aunt died when my son was not yet 2 and I swear I think she would come to see him. There were at least 2 times that I got so freaked out- thinking either a) my kid is crazy or b) he sees something that I can’t see. It was a really sweet moment (once I got over the “my kid if crazy”) to watch him sitting in him crib cooing and babbling to someone that I couldn’t see. It was like he did when I was in the room with him- but no one was visible to me.
Do you have any videos of Liz? Maybe put together a video with her mom so that Maddy can watch it, instead of just in pictures. Maddy is going to love this blog and your book once she is old enough. Have you ever thought about putting together some type of documentary with Liz’s family & friends to give Maddy other people’s memories of Liz. I know Maddy wouldn’t enjoy it now, but I bet when she is older she would cherish it. Just a thought.
I really enjoy your blog.
As she gets older, she will realize that mama is in the photo, not the photo itself. Thanks to you, your blog and soon your book, she will know her mama, not just in photos, but as a special person. You are doing a great job Matt. Maddy is adorable.
Have not commented in awhile. This post….Wow Matt Wow!
You are an amazing Dad and Maddy is so lucky to have you tell her stories about her wonderful Mom. Because of you, one day, Mama will mean so much more than a photo.
Amy from Louisville in the KY
I cant remember if I have commented before so this is either the first or second time I have commented but I check this site every single day. I stumbled across your blog by accident one day and have been touched from day one to be a part of your lives. I love your style of writing as well. Its like we are sitting in a restaurant with you and having a conversation. The emotion it evokes in me and others I have shared the blog with is almost painful at times. Then, at other times, we find ourselves laughing hysterically at the good times. You have such an amazing and expressive little baby girl. She is lucky to have a poppa like you. And we are all lucky to be able to watch her grow. Keep up the good work mister!
“…and remind her
that she knows
her mother better
than any of us ever
could have imagined”….so beautiful.
Don’t you just love the nonsensical babel? I get such a kick out of it when Clare does it.
As always, wishing you peace.
Meg
This was beautiful. Thank you for putting into words what I have also experienced over the past 2 years since the loss of my husband at 24. Our situations are different, but the emotions and those moments where tears fall uncontrollably are absolutely the same.
Your best post in awhile. (and they’re all good.)
Thank you for sharing.
Please include this post in your book, in some form. Nice work, good lesson for all of us.
probably my favorite post ever.
period.
just a gorgeous post. liz left your little girl quite a remarkable legacy.
I am in love with you and little Maddy.
You make me laugh and cry…
Beautiful post, Matt. And I totally agree how much dna brings out things we’d never see. My oldest brother was not there as my nephew was growing up, bad situation, but that’s another story. I saw my nephew the other night, and not only does he look like my brother, about 95% of his mannerisms are exactly the same too. He sure didn’t learn those things from his mom! It will be hard for you to see all those things in Madeline, but again it’s like Liz is there with you, in her own way.
Hugs to you both!
I smile, laugh and cry at each of your posts. You have a beautiful way with words Matt.
Beautiful!
Matt I have been a long time reader of your blog…yet have never posted! I know that your an amazing father!!! Millions of kids out there with that they had a father like yourself! Keep you head up! Maddy is a beautiful little girl and this blog that you are writing daily is going to be the best thing for her! Liz watches you two everday, and I know from a mothers view shes very proud that you are the man and the father you are!! YOUR SIMPLY AMAZING!!!
She sees Liz in every photo because that’s where she is….she’s watching you and Maddie every day and is with you all the time. She will learn in time what a wonderful and beaufitul person Liz was and will cherish every photo and memory of her that you share. You are a wonderful Man, Daddy and husband! Liz AND Maddie are so lucky to have you!
It sucks so bad that our girls won’t know their other awesome parent. Sydney did the same thing- pointing to any photo and say Dada, but now she can identify Matt specifically and know that’s her daddy. Not every picture is “Dada” anymore, thank goodness. Maddy will get there soon, too. (((HUGS)))
PS – Thank goodness for Liz’s genes… I love it that Maddy doesn’t take any shit!
She will forever and always have your blog to tell her about her mommy. She will always have your stories, your pictures, and soon your book to remind her of her mommy. Liz will never be far away!
So, so true.
And I agree with Ben. My dad died when I was 11, and I never really knew him. I would give anything to have stories. The little ones, in particular. No one talked about him to me when I was growing up, I think because they thought it would hurt too much. And I never asked because I didn’t know how and didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. It’s only recently that I’ve been saying, “Fuck it” and asking questions.
Your site is great, and we all love it, but its real value lies in what it will mean to your sweet girl. Even if she never says it (because she’s afraid of hurting YOU), this will mean everything to her.
People have pointed out the beauty in your post, which of course there is.
The comedy factor in testing your daughter out to every picture in the house had me laughing.
Even in saddness you find happiness and humor..
Well, crap! A lot of people already said what was in my mind after reading that post (for the third time). Sometimes, the way you say it, as I sit and try for some insta-second to feel your hurt and experience through your words, really hits me. You have an incredible gift…or two…blessing you everyday.
Be well!
Tears. Isn’t it incredible how it’s these small seemingly insignificant things that end up meaning oh so much? Perfection Matt. Thanks for sharing again.
My husband was deployed when our eldest was little…his Daddy was a face on a webcam or a picture on the wall as well. He didn’t know who he was.
We were lucky in that Daddy came home and our son finally put the images and the talking computer face to a person and he knew him. Direct quote as Daddy was getting off the plane “Hey that’s my Daddy”. (sniff sniff)
I don’t say this to rub salt in a wound I say this to tell you to tell her about her Mom even now…she’ll get it..and she’ll surpise the hell out of you when she finally does. Kids are so resiliant and f’ing smart.
I’m a first time poster but I’ve been reading for a while and you’re doing a fantabulous job.
Very sad. Yet I love these gifts, these glimpses. Nothing better than to realize some part of our loved ones are still here in some way.
Tear jerker today…thinking of you and Madeline!
Matt – I’ve been reading for a long time, and I have to say this one really shows your “chops” as a writer. It also shows your awesomeness, and insightfulness as a human being.
~Julie B in MA
Brought tears to my eyes, as always.
Maddy will know her mom’s stories because you document them so well, Matt.
so beautiful Matt. This blog and the book are going to be such wonderful ways for Madeline to connect herself to her mother. And like you said, she is so much like LIz that the connection will forever be there.
This is why your story is so poignant to me. Maddy will grow up as loved as a child can be, but I do grieve for her that she won’t actually remember her mom.
But thanks to you, this blog and your book, and all the other wonderful people in her life who knew and loved Liz, she will KNOW her mom, inside, in her heart.
Life ain’t perfect for anybody — Maddy got a bum rush at the beginning, but most everybody does at some point.
What she does have, which many of my generation didn’t and certainly many of the kids I see today don’t, is an incredibly present father. That’s a blessing for her. Ask anybody without a dad — alive or otherwise — who just really isn’t too involved in their lives.
Let me add something: My mom died a few years back (she was 80).
But the second thing I miss most about my mom, after her physical presence? It’s the fact that the person who knew everything about my childhood is no longer around to tell it to me. My dad was around, but like a lot of dads of his generation, left all that “raising” stuff to mom. I’m the oldest by 7 years, so my siblings can’t fill me in (I can fill in some of their blanks, not all of them, but some). There is literally no one who can fill in MY blanks — my favorite color, my favorite dress, my favorite toy, my first word, etc.
Some of those questions I did ask — but by you writing everything down, Maddy will have answers that most of us don’t. She will also have concrete proof that her daddy loved her momma more than anything.
What a wonderful gift you are giving her. It’s incredibly precious.
it’s these little ridiculous things we do that make us who we are & it is becoming more clear every day that she is so much of her mother.
this is probably one of my most favorite posts of all time. i was laughing so hard picturing madeline giving some other toddler a piece of her mind!
macy does some funny things like that too. like if she is doing something she isn’t supposed to, i give her ‘the look’, and she tells me before i can even correct her, “STOP, BE NICE!” its hilarious!
and at the same time, i got major chicken skin while reading this. madeline seems SO much like her mom – a mini liz, if you will. what a gift God has given to you. i just wish that He would have done it another way. thinking and praying for you guys like always. i am excited for your india adventures!!
Why do you have to “make fun” of her? What is it with you and making fun of others? Didn’t you say you “teased” your wife for not being able to change Maddys diapers? That shit is funny to you? Teasing a poor woman who had never even touched her child?
If you keep “making fun” of every single thing your daughter does she’s going to grow up with self esteem issues and don’t you think she’ll have enough to deal with growing up without a mother?
You really have issues if you get so much pleasure from making girls feel bad. Girls you claim to love so much. You have a strange way of showing love.
You always manage to bring tears to my eyes. I love your blog and read it all the time. There are day’s I check to see if you posted a new one, two or three times! Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I can’t wait for the online auction to help the Liz Logelin Foundation. I’ll definitly be bidding. I also added some coupons and freebe’s from our site. To see a preview everyone can go here http://www.babylovedesigns.weebly.com I hope we can raise tons of money in your wives honor. Your doing an AMAZING job and she is SO SO beautiful!
@mynamegoeshere
wow.
you obviously have no sense of humor.
i feel awful for you.
oh…and thanks for the anonymous comment.
Beautiful post! She does know Liz more than anyone. She is 1/2 Liz through DNA and it’s amazing to see how much of the Liz quirks that she already has…just wait till she is a lil bit older. Oh the fun! Give Maddy hugs XX
Awesome awesome awesome post…..
You are a real *writer*, Matt.
Wow. hooked me and dunked me under. Nice.
Why do I suspect we know @mynamegoeshere…
In the words of Janis Ian: “For they do not want you free/and they will not keep you strong/but only drag you down in the hole they’re coming from.”
What a beautiful post and what a treasure that Miss Maddy inherited from Liz…all those mannerisms and quirks. Thanks for telling us about this.
@mynamegoeshere – You’re pathetic, go away. Don’t read Matt’s blog if you take nothing positive out of it. Your nasty comments are seriously NOT welcome here. You don’t understand Matt’s sense of humor and rhetoric.
Matt, that was sweet! It must warm and break your heart at the same time, to see Maddy take after her Mom so much. I’m sure as she grows up and starts speaking, this will happen all the more often.
Wow. making me cry.
I scrolled down and the first post I read was mynamegoeshere’s!
holy shit.
she sucks.
Aren’t you and Maddy lucky to have had her for even a moment.
(not the bitch mynamegoeshere just to clarify)
mynamegoeshere – angry much?
This man is dealing with his pain- who the FUCK are you to write comments like that? He is a better father than you have probably ever known and is not only Maddie’s father but her mother as well.
So why don’t you go and hide behind your computer screen?
@mynamegoeshere
grow a pair and at least leave a comment that’s not anonymous.
then i suggest growing a conscience and a bit of tact.
THEN i suggest growing a sense of humor.
i know, i know, this is going to be a HUGE task for a douche nozzle like yourself, but i believe in you… and i’m NOT “making fun” of you AT ALL. no no. in fact, i prefer to call it mocking.
I AM MOCKING YOU, you sick twit.
Wow. I know that it is probably the hardest thing in the world to watch her do those same things that Liz would do. I also know that it is probably the best as well. All I know is that Maddy will appreciate this blog, the book and all of the other memories and stories you have created with her. She will appreciate you telling the stories to her over and over and over again for the rest of her life. Just keep the story going and it will never end.
loved this post! another way you are an amazing father, rememerbing and laughing and crying when your daughter acts just like her Mom. I am sure Liz is so proud of Madeline telling those little kids at daycare the riot act….go dna!!
Matt, I always love reading your posts. Keep being you.
I admire your ability to observe and explain how you feel. I’m suffering from a loss, too, and it is so hard for me to explain my feelings. It’s like I can’t find the right words.
As for DNA, It’s amazing. Isn’t it?
My son was 16 1/2 years old when he died. His baby sister was exactly 2 months old when his body was found. The more she grows, the more I see him in her. I don’t know if it makes me happy or sad.
Wow, this was such a sweet post. Does name goes here not understand that you pick because you love? I guess they have never had that kind of love, their relationship were all sunshine and roses?
Whoa – I have so many things I want to write. This was an amazing post – really. My mom died when I was 18 – and to this day (I am 36 now) I love it when people tell me that something I do, say, or am reminds them of my mom. I wrote something once about how important it is to continue to have that connection with someone even when they are gone. Your sweet, beautiful little girl does have that connection with her mom. Thank you for sharing yourself, your life and your little girl with all of us.
mynamegoeshere:
So sorry you feel the need to leave a comment like that. Obviously, you have not ready this blog at all and don’t understand his humor in things. This man is sharing alot with us and he has gone through a tremendous amount of pain in the last 17 months. Who are you to even say anything like that? Take your negativity elsewhere, please.
@mynamegoeshere
You’re an asshat. Simple as that. Now, go away or us hungry asshat eaters will devour you.
matt~~awesome post~~dna is amazing~~i have an older brother who came into our lives when he was 33 {yes, dad had to ask, “just who was your mama”} my older brother never knew who his dad was until he was 33~~and he is so much like dad~~and we have so many of the same traits~~{more than my younger brother who i grew up with}~~
maddy is going to be so awesome~~and this blog is going to be priceless to her when she is older~~it will be a wonderful way for her to learn about her mother~~
@mynamegoeshere, were you even reading the same blog as me? In what alternate reality was he making fun of anyone?
Dear @mynamegoeshere,
Fuck you. If you are so offended don’t visit the fucking website.
How dare you, you senseless coward.
Matt,
Hugs to you and sweet Maddy. I hope you won’t give retard any airtime. You know we love you and love what a devoted, precious father and husband you are.
Oh my gosh, I want to kick their ass for that!
Ugh!
XOXOXO
@mynamegoeshere – in my family, “making fun” of each other is our sincerest form of flattery. i wouldn’t have it any other way either.
actually, if you AREN’T getting made fun of/given shit to, we probably don’t like you.
Great post, so glad I read it this morning before doing my make up. As always, your honestly and raw emotion are what make you a great man, father and I am sure you were a great husband to Liz.
I take the “making fun” of her as an endearment. We are that way in my immediate family and I am that way with my kids. Teasing someone you love is not ridicule, only those with low self esteem would take it in such a way. I know the things I tease my husband, friends or kids about are actually the things that I hold most endearing and so unique about them. Obviously they are the things that you remember about Liz.
Maddy has a wonderful Father and a great foundation that she will grow up totally normal. Even if she happens to like Jessica Simpson when she gets older.
I think @mynamegoeshere should definitely find a new blog. Ugh. Love you, Matt! You’re great!
I cannot believe that ridiculous comment. Matt don’t let that stupid shit bother you, those of us who follow you and understand you get the humor. Get your personality. Get that you are.a real man in a very real shitty ass situation. Keep doing what you’re doing and let the idiots keep talking
@mynamegoes here-really??? it’s called joking around have you heard of it??? children who have parents who are able to joke around with them actually grow up having better relationships not only with their parents but in general. it also helps a person become quick witted to be able to fire one back. are you fucking kidding me??? if matt is making fun of maddy then i know several parents, including myself who are just plain horrible to our children. for the record, like maddy, my children are happy wonderful well adjusted people who can take some shit and dish it out. grow up, learn to take a joke, and move on. @matt keep up the good work!!!!!!
I read what “mynamegoeshere” wrote and I have to say, it is obvious he does not read your blog. If he did he would know how much you love your sweet wife and darling daughter. Please don’t let his ridiculously rude words ruin your day. Just stand strong in the knowledge that you are doing a wonderful job raising your precious baby girl. Some people are so miserable with their own lives that they have to pick on others. That person is to be pitied rather than taken seriously. God bless you, Matt.
@mynamegoeshere
I don’t think there has ever been any indication that he had maliciously made fun of Liz, or maliciously makes fun of Maddy.
There’s no way you could spend more than 30 seconds on this site and draw any conclusion other than this guy is passionate about two women who he loves, and is dealing with the grief while raising a child he never planned on raising alone.
For you to make such an absurd (really, absurd) accusation, is sickening.
Ever heard of the saying “don’t take yourself too seriously”..? – Matt and Liz were clearly in love, Matt is clearly a devoted father. If you’re looking for an army to join you on the battlefield – you’re barking up the wrong tree. You’re amidst a huge community of support and admiration of this husband and father.
Furthermore, what kind of person are you to (annonymously, mind you) spew (such mindless) bullshit to someone so undeserving of it? Talk about treating people with disrespect. Join the human race, seriously.
People in glass houses…
to mynamegoeshere-
WTF? I didn’t see his post as ‘making fun’. It was a post about realizing how much of Liz’s DNA Madeline has due to her behavior.
Hopefully, your hatefulness doesn’t come from your DNA so you can live a positive life. It’s never too late to change. Maybe you can work on it while hiding in your hole? Good luck with that.
Beautiful Matt, you are doing an amazing job with your daughter.
@mynamegoeshere: fuck you.
I always read the really sappy posts when I am hormonal. Excuse me while I go and get the tissues.
Great idea, mynamegoeshere! Matt, don’t raise your daughter with the sense of humor both you and your wife appreciated. Rraise her to be so delicate every comment a person makes to her offends her to the point of tears. Better yet, maybe she’ll be so bold as to make anonymous (and irrelevant) insults on the Internet.
Wonderful entry, by the way – yet another way you’ve shed light on my own life.
Ugh don’t feed the trolls.
Matt, you are doing an EXCEPTIONAL job and you and your daughter will have an incredible bond. The type of bond that allows for teasing without hard feelings. She’ll be a strong girl BECAUSE of you, not IN SPITE of you.
What the hell was with @mynamegoeshere????????????? I think they have a HUGE problem. Matt,,you are one of the best people that I’ve had the pleasure of “knowing”, and you are one terrific Daddy! Don’t change a thing!!!!!!! We all love you!
Hey Matt, you know the other night when you said that comment to us,
every photo is her mom and her mom is every photo those words have been stuck in my head since then. She will eventually realize the difference of those pictures and of course she will get it right one day when you ask her to point to her momma. Just as she will learn of the powerful love story between you and Liz.
So precious. Thanks for posting this. It’s fun and a bit eerie having this little person mirror her parents’ mannerisms, especially when you *know* she wasn’t taught to do so but is just living out her DNA.
@mynamegoeshere as everyone else has stated, I think you were reading a different blog post than we all were.
This poor man and his daughter have endured 17 months without the love of his life and you all you have to say are negative things? I think you need to crawl back into the hole you came from!
Matt, most of your most bring tears to my eyes. This post has me crying.
I’ve heard that the first born will usually resemble the father so the father recognizes the child as his and bond (since us moms have had 9 months of bonding time) But in your case I think Maddy resembles/acts like Liz so much so that Liz will always be with the two of you…
And to mynamegoeshere, clearly no one loves you.
reading stories like these reminds me of that blog you posted a couple of months when you were looking through your emails and Liz made the comment about making the baby more like you and you said you wanted the baby more like her. (or pretty damn close to something like that).
It’s amazing tho how a lil person can remind you so much of this amazing woman.
Liz lives on. Forever. Always.
I hope this is going in the book.
I look forward to hearing about the day when she wants to listen to all your Jonas Brothers CDs… *wink *wink
And when you get to take her to your her first Jo-Bro concert!
In that first pic, she’s looking a little less baby and a little more toddler.
Amazing post…. Amazing dad.
How ’bout just IGNORING the idiot comment, as it doesn’t deserve so much attention, and focus instead on comments like Ben’s – way up top. He wishes he had the kind of memories of his father that Matt is writing down about Liz for Maddy to cherish when she grows up. I met Matt once, in New York City, when Maddy was just a baby. I’ve been watching her grow on this site. Matt is an amazing dad. Maddy is lucky to have him.
The husband tells me that teasing and harassing me is how he loves me.
Perchance Captain Anonymous wants to consider that affection comes in many forms. Or maybe her work as the Summer’s Eve mascot keeps her too busy.
mynamegoeshere – what a fucking douche bag!!
Matt,
You are so freaking awesome! Your Maddy is a happy, healthy, beautiful, LOVED little girl! I know you probably hear this a lot, but I imagine it doesn’t get old…you are an AMAZING father!!
My boyfriend gives me shit all the time, if he ever stopped I think I would be a little worried!
I always respond with a “Fuck off” which makes him laugh…I know some people think we’re disfunctional, but we’ve lasted longer than most seemingly normal relationships (8 years).
Liz knew you and knew your sense of humor and Maddy will too!!
It’s SO obvious to everyone (well except douche bag I guess) how much you LOVE/LOVED/LOVE your girls!!!
I always wish people would completely ignore assholes that post comments like that, but I know it’s hard!
Fucking cowardly bastards always remain anonymous!!!
Take care Matt!
Stunning post!!!! Hugs & kisses to you & Maddy!! That DB @mynamegoesher: needs to seriously fuck off & go away.
I love this. Part of the reason I keep reading your blog is becuase you so eloquently express what goes through my mind – yes, cussin and all. I can imagine down the line that Miss Maddie is going to continue to help you heal as she will show you just how much of her Mom’s DNA she has.
I love that, and I wish you a lifetime of Mini Liz moments with Maddie. I’m sure somedays it will make you cry, but that’s not altogether terrible and I’m even more sure somedays it will make you laugh and laugh and laugh…
Keep swimming Matt, unbelievable what you’ve done already.
never commented til now.
this post was a revelation.
i agree with the person who said that maddy may know more about how loved she has been than most kids through this catalogue of y’alls life.
hope every day is better than the last.
ps;
mynamegoeshere,
you remind me of my MIL(mother in law). No fun at all. And are you seriously sitting there, telling this damn good guy that he makes fun of everything?
Listen babe, IF IT HELPS HIM GET THROUGH THE DAY THEN LET IT BE!!!
He was not picking at Liz about the diaper changes, it was a joke and i bet Liz laughed everytime she heard that. And how dare you come on here making remarks like this. You oughta be ashamed for yourself.
and seriously, like you’ve never laughed at a (almost) 2 year old. My neice, who is only 2 days younger than Maddy, does alot of crazy shit and yes, we pick at her, but ya wanna why? WE LOVE HER!!! Picking and being a bully are two different things dear.
Get a dictionary. or go on wikipedia.org.
look it up.
while you are there, see if you can find you a new hobby to do. We sure would appreciate it.
HIGHLY!
that was a good one…it brought tears to my eyes…you are so right…she knows her mama better than anyone could imagine…and her mama knows her too…
Amazing how much they are like their parents. How sweet.
Great post. I know Maddy is going to love that she is like her mom when she gets old enough to understand and will love being told how much like her she is.
I know it is probably hard and wonderful all at the same time to see Liz reflected in Maddy.
Hugs to you and Maddy.
I think it’s amazing how Maddy reminds you of Liz. I see that in my daughters too but they got to share a few years with Mindy. Which amazes me even more that you see it in Maddy!
Matt — great post. As always.
Mynamegoeshere — whatever. I make fun of my husband and my kids all the time. When you love someone, it’s natural to make them laugh or laugh with them (and sometimes at them). Sigh.
Obviously MYNAMEGOESHERE didn’t take their meds this morning and that part of their brain that registers humor isn’t working.
Or maybe they just wanted attention? Either way, didn’t make enough sense to get pissed about.
This was a beautiful post Matt. I think you are doing such a great job with that sweet little girl. You will pass on wonderful memories of her mother to her.
P.S. mynamegoeshere – fuck you
What a profound idea that contains immense happiness and sadness. Some of my fondest memories are times my mom told me about her parents and her upbringing, it brings me comfort to think of sharing these things with my kids some day. Maddy is very lucky to have a family who is so brave and open about sharing Liz memory.
I was so moved by this post. I don’t even want to give a moment to that one comment… it’s not worth it and you know you have so much more support out there that this one person doesn’t count. If my husband did not tease or make fun of me for things I’d be heartbroken. Half of our laughter comes from the dorky things we do and point out to each other. Sounds like you and Liz were that way too. So, continue to laugh at the way Maddy stands with her hand on her hip. Take lots of pictures of her standing next to measuring tape at rides to show what she’s too short for. You are raising a great kid. In a few weeks she’ll see pictures and know who is and who is not mommy. I can’t wait to hear about the moment she points to a picture of liz and recognizes how much they look alike. That will just blow you away.
Although I don’t appreciate the comment, I can’t agree with piling on mynamegoeshere. Whoever this person is (and I’m not using my real name either) — I think she/he is in a lot of pain. His/her comment was inappropriate on this blogpost but I won’t judge without knowing her/his story.
What I will say is that a sense of humor is one of the most important qualities that humans bring to the world. And Maddy is going to inherit that in spades.
@mynamegoeshere you did forget to yell at matt for one other person he constantly makes fun of-himself. thought i’d help you out since you forgot. matt how dare you constantly pick on and ridicule yourself. you are going to give yourself a complex. the way you constantly made fun of your beard it will probably never grow back and who’s fault is that!!!
by the way @mynamegoeshere this is what a joke looks like i’m sure matt will get it will you???
Exceptionally beautiful words, Matt. Maddy IS her mother, just as she is you, and you are capturing that so wonderfully for her here.
As for @mynamegoesher … that comment is truly so ridiculous as to be laughable. I know you give it no credence or the time of day, so I’m going to follow suit. (For now at least … if that jackass shows up again, it’s on!)
whoa I am guessing mynamegoeshere woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!! My best shot to the crab: take a chill pill and really think about what you write on the Internet BEFORE you hit the send button.
Matt: you know Liz loved you, you know she understood your humor- and that’s all that matters.
Hugs to you and the little Miss.
I cried when I read this post. My girls are in their teens and they will do something and it will flash thru my mind…that looks just like what their aunt does… or their cousin… or their Dad. So many memories flood me when I watch them. Sometimes they will catch me and then it’s “WHAT?!” I usually tell them they have something in their teeth and LMAO when they run to the bathroom!! My kids have a great sense of humor my legacy to them.
based on mynamegoeshere’s comment, I think the really sad part is that he/she HAS been reading reading your blog, Matt.
I’m gonna have to agree with Alexa. Being made fun of is the highest form of flattery in my family too. Not a day goes by that that my daughter doesn’t do something that makes no sense and I say to her “What are you you doing you weirdo?”. I may or may not have referred to her as “cracked out” once or twice…. I digress.
Lovely post. I can only picture Maddy with one hand on her hips and the other one in the air giving heck to that little boy, it is strange how dna works. Like Sara in the MN wrote: I wish you a lifetime of mini Liz moments with Maddy.
On a different note, do not even spend one more second thinking what “mynamegoeshere” wrote, you can tell how miserable her/his life is, by not being able to find the beauty on a post like this.
We all love you and Maddy so so much, I can not get enough of your posts and adventures with Maddy.
Maddy is such an adorable, precious, perfect little girl.
Hugs
Matt – loved.every.word.of.this.post. What a gift it will be when Maddy grows up and is able to read it too!!!! You are the best, good luck in India! You better keep us updated while you are there.
Matt, you are beyond inspirational. Keep up the amazing work with Maddy, she is growing beautifully!
Amazing post, so touching. You are going to do great with the book, can’t wait to read it!
Matt – Last night I was on your blog picking out my picture and MY best girl was right beside me – she ooh’ed and ahh’ed over many but settled on just one that she thought was the best.
How did I know?
She clapped her hands and squealed.
I haven’t yet lost a parent but I have lost a child and the worst thing in the world is to think that others won’t remember them. Even if Maddy calls all pictures mama right now she will, in time, know that the picture that hangs at your door isn’t just mama – it’s her mama. What a beautiful gift the blog and book will be to Maddy and to Maddy’s children.
You probably get tired of hearing this stuff all the time but your blog like others I follow has really made me stop and actually remember to TAKE the pictures – I have very very few pics of my older children – I wasn’t ever a picture taker however now, I take pictures all the time.
I’m still working though on getting myself into some of them.
Writer indeed….and a really good one too I might add. Keep it up! You’re a great father and writer!
Oh, and I also feel awful for that anonymous commenter. There is nothing better than laughing and teasing with a loved one. One of the greatest pleasures in life, that they have clearly missed out on.
Matt, long time reader, first time commenter. What a beautiful post today. Maddie looks so much like you in this picture! Keep doing your thing, your calling. you are truly an amazing man.
namegoeshere: you obviously have never been loved or loved anyone. how absolutely hateful of you to post that comment. loser
What a beautiful post, and so true.
My parents divorced when I was a year old (I’m now 31). My mom once told me that I salted my food like my dad. Random.
Beautiful post Matt!
I am so happy that you can see Liz in Maddy, even though it may hurt like hell
I am so sorry for the pain you feel~
But, it reminds you that even though she is not around you…she is!!
Laughs and Tears all at once~
I love the picture of Maddy in this post, she really is becoming such a big girl and her hair is getting long! Even before I read this post I thought to myself “she looks like Liz”
@mynamegoeshere really? REALLY ?? Do you really interpret Matt’s post as him making fun of Liz & Maddy ??? OMG get a clue… he teased Liz about things, just as he will tease Maddy… do you really *really* think Liz took it as an insult? I am sure Liz teased Matt at times (maybe about the beard ? Just joking
how is that bad? Don’t respond because I really don’t care what you have to say.
Why in the world do people want to read and waste their time commenting on something that they don’t get or like ?!?!?! @mynamegoeshere – Find something else to waste your time doing.
Any sane person knows that a certain kind of teasing reflects intimacy between people. Being able to laugh at yourself with someone you love is a great thing. My mother and I give each other this kind of shit all the time and I love it. Keep up the good work Matt!
Love Love this post! Hope you don’t let idiots like mynamegoeshere stop you from being you and sharing your life with us.
Keep writing and sharing…you have a gift!
K
Beautiful post, you had me crying at my desk.
I really love the picture of the smashed up truck in India.
Wow. Amazing as always. God bless that sweet little Maddy!
Matt this post is great simple as that. You are a awesome dad and husband.
I find it really sad some internet rambo has to come in and attempt to spoil this outlet for you and Maddy.
Keep on keeping on. Teasing in my family is a sign of love.. now, gotta go love on my smurf, my bug, and my dork… see ya
I was wondering if she’d ever pick up the clapping under her chin after you had mentioned that Liz always did it when she was excited about something. It’s amazing the little quirks that are picked up through DNA.
Beautiful, Matt. Awesomely beautiful.
Beautiful post, Matt. It makes me sad for Maddy. I do think this blog and the memories of your family and friends will help paint a picture of Liz, for Maddy, that will be so important to her. And I’m certain she will love knowing how like her mom she is.
mynamegoeshere – You are a gigantic douche bag. HUGE. Gynormous. Douche bag.
Maddy sees her mom in every picture because she is there with you in everything you do. I know easier said by some innocent blog reader then to you who lives with the loss every single minute of every single day. You are an amazing father and man and I give you credit for all you have done for Maddy.
mynamegoeshere is also known as kanye west.
someone self centered. bitter. just plain mean.
no one needs to defend this father, the fact that he and his daughter are striving and healthy is defense enough.
there is no instruction manual on life. grief. happiness. humor. coping. to each their own.
and to “mynamegoeshere”- just because you or i or all the hundreds of fellow readers, read one blog post, 20 posts or every one since they started going up, doesn’t mean we know shit about this family. you read a post and then attempted to rip this fucking life apart. just because we’re readers. fans. supporters. doesn’t make us experts and it certainly doesn’t allow us to pass judgement.
annnnnnnd so “keep calm and carry on.”
Tease her because she has mannerisms like her mom?
Instead of teasing her, why not try just loving her and being thankful you have a mini liz in your life?
Don’t you ever feel badly that you teased liz about every little thing? Don’t you ever wonder how she felt about it?
Don’t you know that Maddy will be teased plenty by the other kids as she grows up? Love her and charish her but for petes sake don’t tease her. I I feel bad for her if her own father is going to tease and mock her. How sad.
That photo of Maddy “pausing” is one of the first photos I’ve seen where she looks like you, Matt. She still looks like Liz, but she’s got a bit of you in her too!
I have never commented before, but I look forward to all of your entries. I can’t wait to buy your book when it is released.
You are a great writer, and what a wonderful post! You are doing and will continue to do a great job at helping Maddy know Liz.
Amanda
@mynamesgoeshere-
I hope you have to endure the pain that Matt & Maddie have gone through in the past 17 months and then some for saying that! Matt may have a odd sense of humor but you have a cold, black heart to say something like that to a wonderful father & husband grieving the loss of his wife.
Grow the fuck up- no one made you come here & read this. KIND OF LIKE SOUR PICKLES, IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM DON’T EAT THEM.
Matt- No one person could ever give you the praise & admiration you deserve for what you have done for Madeline & Liz. Even though you are told 1,000 of times after each blog- you’re an awesome father & husband. Keep up the good work!
Whitney
Great post! Maddy will love hearing stories about her mom and how much they are alike. Such things totally give children meaning and engender positive feelings of self worth and confidence. You are doing a great job!
And to @mynamegoeshere: you are an asshole.
DNA is a very very strong thing; there are times when my youngest son is talking and I swear that the ghost of his deceased father is in the room…..the way he crosses his legs etc…..almost spooky
I LOVE this post Matt!!!!! You are doing such a great job with that very well adjusted cutie pie!!!!
Ignore all the negativity, I have found that this sort of person is just unhappy with their own life and wants to drag everyone else down with them. Misery loves company.
Anyway, enough about that jerk. Keep up the good work and continue to have lots of fun and many laughs with that precious little girl!!!
you are an amazing writer and i love your blog . . .sorry some people feel the need to leave hurtful comments . . .sometimes when someone pisses me off real badly i try and do the opposite of what comes naturally to me (the need to kick their ass or lash back) and instead pray for them . . they obviously are sick, have issues and probably have had some shitty things going on in their life . . so i pray for them and to be honest it really takes the edge off my anger . . .peace
Wow – two comments from me on the same post – this is just like the ‘olden days’ Matt! Even though I want to say *Fuck Off* to ‘mynamegoeshere’ – what I really wanted to comment on was Ben – 3rd commenter down – and all the rest of you that have lost a parent…ask the questions while you can – I don’t have any memories of my mom who died 2 weeks before I turned 3 – and the stories about my mom? I have none of those either – I can count the pics I have on one hand…In my family we didn’t talk about those who passed on-and now it’s too late to find out the real answers –
We could all be as lucky as Madeline Elizabeth Logelin that she will know who her mother was and is straight from the person who knew her the best…Matt, keep up the amazing job. I know it’s not easy – but you sure make it look a lot easier than it is!
Seriously great post Matt! In every picture you post of Maddy, I see Liz, and all I know of Liz are your stories and pictures. What’s awesome though, is your amazing story telling ability, and Maddy will be forever grateful to you for that! I can only imagine how you feel seeing Liz in your Maddy every day … certainly can’t be easy some days, but it must be very cool most other days!
Long time reader, first time poster.
That was just a wonderfully touching post.
Maddy will be so lucky that she will always know how much she was/is loved – you are doing an amazing job.
You never cease to amaze me. Every day I check to see whether I’m going to laugh or cry when I read your posts. Today I did both. Thoughts and prayers to both of you.
@mynamegoeshere & @jennifer~
grow the fuck up….you 2 are a piece of work…you only wish you were as inspiring as Matt and Madeline are to the WORLD….douchebags!
Sorry, this is my second comment on this post.
I just have to say this: Hey Jennifer, if that is your real name, you are insensitive and mean. Go suck on another lemon.
I am irritated that the first comment I leave here, is because I want to flick shit at the haters, but I just can’t not.
Seriously @mynamegoeshere and @Jennifer. You seriously think that what you just said is okay? That your comments were anything but horrible? It’s obvious Matt adores his daughter more than anything and is a great dad. It’s obvious he adore his wife and would have done anything for her. I tease my children every single day. I tease my husband. There is nothing wrong with it. It hasn’t harmed them. What it has taught them is to have a sense of humor. That it’s okay to laugh at yourself and to laugh at life. You have to laugh in life, or you’ll spend it crying. Matt’s not talking about being rude, or unkind, just light teasing. It’s human. Maybe you two should try to be one.
Matt, I’ve been reading your blog for six months or more. I believe Heather Spohr sent me here once. I adore reading about your adventures with Maddy. I love seeing her grow and change. She is a beautiful girl, who looks more like her mother every day. She is lucky to have such an amazing father. Try not to let the trolls ruin your day.
ps. Have a fabulous time on your travels for the next few months. Can’t wait to hear about it and see the pictures.
I would not waste much time on snarky comments. They get their kicks from the reaction.
Matt, once again a beautiful post, I think Liz is clapping under her chin right now in delight of how you are raising Maddy.
Don’t let the haters get you down, Matt! I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months and each post you write is beautiful, heartfelt, and wonderful. Despite the fact that we have never met I know you are a good dad and a good person, and you inspire me every single day! Keep your chin up buddy!
Instead of bashing, name calling and put downs, Matt, why don’t you perhaps explain what you mean when you say you’re going to make fun of your daughter. I’m guessing that some might not understand and all the bashing speaks volumes.
Just a thought. Looks to me like the two above posters are just expressing their concern about you making fun of your baby. Plz explain, it might help. Maddy’s beautiful. Simply beautiful.
sounds like “mynamegoeshere” and “jennifer” have some daddy issues. it’s unfortunate that neither have a sense of humor. i can’t imagine living a life like that. how sad for them!
my dad and boyfriend tease me all the time and i’m fairly well adjusted.
great post as always, matt. hope all the LLF events go well this weekend!!
Hey “mynamegoeshere” and “jennifer” you know what would be helpful … you not being complete and utter idiots. If you’ve ever lost someone close to you, you know that its the little quirks and silly things they do that end up meaing the most to remember.
If you’re insistent that one of the few men on the planet man enough to express his emotions openly to help assist and educate others who may be going through the same thing while providing his daughter a working, moving memory of her mother is such a bad father do us a favor and stop reading the blog.
There’s plenty of deadbeats and abusers who dont tease their childrens mostly because they arent even around so cheers to you for propagating their cause. Idiots.
Sorry Matt how rude of me to not even say thanks for sharing your life with me…you inspire me everyday to be a wonderful mother to my son…
its great my first post on your blog (that I have been reading for 15 months) is to take up for you…..a stranger to me but someone I know more about than I do some of my friends I have known for 15 years
My parents always teased me. The people that I cherish most tease me relentlessly. I’ve never cared — in fact, I laugh a lot because of it. Maddy will (& does) know she’s loved.
Keep up the good work.
I don’t think Jennifer was being mean, I think she was just expressing concern. We’re not all from the same parts of the world and the term making fun might mean different things to different people. Where I’m from, making fun of someone is mean and hurtful. Maybe that’s how it is where Jennifer is from. All the bashing and vulgar name calling is a bit immature. Just sayin’
I LOVE the hand clapping story. So deep, funny, and meaningful. I love the parallel you draw about her knowing her mom so much more than anyone else! Keep on keepin on. ~JJ
PS – anonymous commenters are douchebags.
@MistyMorning
not much to explain, really.
i mean, if you’ve been reading the blog, and both commentors seem to know the story quite well, then my relationship with liz, and our senses of humor shine through.
i’ve mentioned on several occasions that we could both dish it and take it.
if the commentors are new readers (which they may be), then they shouldn’t jump to conclusions about me and my relationship with my wife/daughter, based on a 500-word blog post.
so…
enough.
I love reading this blog. You are an amazing father dealing with a not-so-great situation. I totally get your sense of humor, and it makes me smile.
Maddy is a lucky little girl to have a dad like you.
Don’t let the anonymous haters get you down. They’re so not worth it.
I feel like I spent half of my life trying NOT to be like my mom. I mean, how uncool! But despite all my efforts, we’re exactly alike. We have the same mannerisms, we talk the same, we gesture the same – everything. DNA is amazing!!
Love your blog. Love hearing about and seeing Maddie growing up. Love that 99% of the people who read you are so positive and reinforcing. Forget the rest.
I can picture it in my head; what a wonderful mannierism to get from her Mom! Hopefully it’s the beginning of many!
This post is amazing… brought tears to my eyes. You are doing an amazing job raising your beautiful daughter.
She will know. You’re doing an amazing job Matt!
Just keep doing what your doing Matt. We all love you and Maddie!
Thanks Matt, sometimes all it takes is a little explanation. It looked to me like they were just concern for the child. I could be wrong though, I don’t know ‘em.
Others wishing horrible things on the posters is a little concerning, especially if these ill wishers are parents themselves.
Another thought is to just not let comments like this thru. I’m sure Maddy will someday be old enough to read these posts, I wouldn’t want my child reading all that hatred. But that’s just me. Again, just a thought. I’ll say no more on the subject. Keep up the good work!
“charish”
*snort*
Maddy may grow up being lovingly teased for her mannerisms, but I bet she’ll grow up knowing how to spell.
beautifully written. beautifully illustrated. like darc said, i know it’s not, but you make it look simple. your love and affection for both liz and madeline is palpable.
One of my favorite things about this blog is that I can tell mynamegoeshere to fuck off and no one will care.
)
Otherwise, I can’t believe how grown up Maddy looks! Some day in the not far off future she’ll know the difference between the train guy and Liz…you and all of her family will make sure of it.
I know it is absolutely not the same and can’t compare to having her mother, but I think about how this way she will hear so many stories of Liz from so many different points of view…something the rest of us don’t necessarily get growing up with our parents. I wonder if in some ways she will *know* Liz better that way then she would have otherwise.
Just my random musing for the day.
I seriously wouldn’t be spending so much time on your blog today, were the negative comments not so intriguing to me. I’m kind of in the ballpark as I think it was Talea in thinking that, wow, they must have had some effed up experiences that someone classified as ‘teasing’ for them to be taking your words so personally and literally! Having read your blog for quite a while now, along with many others, I think we all know that everything that oozes out of you onto Maddie, and everything you express about Liz is out of nothing but 100% LOVE, ADORATION, AND APPRECIATION! I know you know that, and I know that you won’t question and/or doubt yourself for one second based on their comments. Some of us could have been so lucky to have one half of the attention and focus you give to Madeline.
It is sad, though, that they are so pained inside! Carry on, Daddy Matt!
If I don’t pass out from the smell of my clothes dryer that just started on fire 10 minutes ago, I can take the time to tell you what a sweet post. Maddie will surely know her mother more than most people know their own living mothers so you doing your best….some days even my medium best had better be good enough for my kids….yes, we are out of popsicles….suck it up…we are in a recession Mr. $4ABOX….as far as the drama earlier…wow…too much time on our hands, I believe….Keep on keepin’ on, Matt and Maddie!
Matt
i guess the douch-bag @mynamegoeshere hasnt been reading your blog of too long…those of us who have.. understand you! You are amazing, to leave all that is familiar to you… your job..your city..your home, to travel and write the amazing story of your life, HER life..Maddy will always have that!!
Seriously? I make fun of my daughter all the time. My husband makes fun of me all the time. I make fun of him. I come from a long line of people who make fun of one another. We tease because we love. And if we didn’t tease or rib each other about something, it wouldn’t be our family and it wouldn’t make me, me. Wouldn’t it be awesome if people didn’t judge? You’re an awesome dad, Matt, and you’re doing a great job with Maddy. When Maddy is older and you do make fun of her, she’ll know that it’s because you love her and you loved her mom so very, very much.
Wow, I’m stunned that people like @jennifer and @mynamegoeshere are leaving comments like this. Didn’t they learn anything from Bambi? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It takes a seriously angry, sad and messed up person to take the time out of their day to leave comments like this. I feel sorry for them.
Matt, you are an amazing writer and Maddy is one lucky little girl to have her mother’s legacy so elequently and beautifully preserved for her. My heart just aches for you.
On another note, in my humble opinion I think the fact that Maddy is calling every photo “mama” doesn’t mean that the photos are of any less signifcance. I think that she is using it as an umbrella term because she knows the significance of the photos of her mother. Just saying. Take care Matt.
@MistyMorning
thanks.
i try to let all comments through, simply because i think everyone has a right to their opinion, even i disagree with it and i think they’re idiots.
that said, i usually deal with this stuff person-to-person, you know, by responding to the e-mail address they provide in order to answer any questions, clear up any misunderstandings.
but when someone posts something like that anonymously, well, i consider it fair game for public view.
IMO Matt, as a writer, does not have to explain (or defend) anything to anyone. His words on the blog speak for themself. People can and will make of it what they want through their own filter. If someone has an issue with something, so be it. That’s life. When you make your life public some people are going to find something to criticize. However, the majority of Matt’s readers obviously support him and see that he is an amazing father. The best artistic work should stir up some strong opinions and emotions. Good work Matt.
My father died when I was 9 1/2. And there were very few to none stories ever told about him. We know so very little about him. To this day I still hesitate to ask my mom about him. So Madeline is so lucky that she has you to tell her so much about her mom. She is lucky to have your openness. It still sucks that her mom died, but she is blessed to have you as her dad.
You’re one heluva man. My hats off to you.
I stumbled across your blog a few months back and I this is the first time I felt the need to post a comment. The stories you write about on your blog are going to be a treasure to Maddy one day. You are giving her a legacy by remembering her mother and showing her how very much she is loved. She will look back on these posts and laugh and cry and KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt what kind of marriage you and Liz shared. She will know how you grieved and how you overcame it. My bestfriend lost her mother in a car accident when she was a year old. She is now 30 and has spent her life looking for the love of a man because her father grieved in private and she always felt like she had to take care of him.
You are doing the best for Maddy by honoring her mother and showing her all the ways she reminds you of Liz. For some reason Negative people exist on this planet to bring others down. Don’t let them get to you. Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing it BEAUTIFULLY!
with love,
Brandi.
seriously folks-
a few of you are absolutely ridiculous!!!
1. It’s his blog, he can say whatever his little heart desires!!
2. Maddy is his child, IF HE WANTS TO FEED HER ROCKS & MAKE HER DO LAUNDRY THAT HIS BUSINESS! He doesn’t need anyone input!
Beautiful.
Clearly, two people did not understand your post. But the majority of your readers did. Your “teasing” and sense of humor will be valued and cherished by Maddy just as it was by Liz. I always love reading your blog since our babies are only two months apart. I am lucky enough to have a partner to share it my experience with and the bravery you show every single day inspires me and reminds me to QUIT MY WHINING! I hope you will focus on the supportive and caring comments and just let the rest of it go. You are a wonderful father, Matt. Now go write that book!!!
I’ve never commented before, but like others above, it seems appropriate that my first comment be one to take up for you.
We’ve never met, but reading your blog has made me come to feel like we’re old friends. I know that you are an amazing father to your little girl and she will know more love than you could ever dream. It will be hard for Maddy to only know her mother through these memories and pictures, but I know one day she’ll be comforted to know that bits of Liz shine through in her every day. Keep doing what you’re doing, Matt…you are an inspiration!
Jennifer & @mynamegoeshere …maybe you two idiots could hook up, and try to cure everything that you think is wrong with the world. Better start with your own selves first! I really think they’re jealous of you, Matt!
Matt,
You’re awesome. Maddy is awesome. Enough said.
You and Liz had The Big Love. We all know that. Maddy will know that too, her little eyes are just too young to grasp the whole picture just yet, but she will know it.
I have never commented twice on the same post and I don’t like to acknowledge idiots and haters (because I believe they like the attention), but I feel the need.
@mynamegoeshere and @jennifer are jackholes.
@mistymorning get a clue.
That is all.
Matt we all know you are an awesome dad. We know you love your wife and daughter. Maddy loves you. That is all that is important.
There must be something in the air – first calling the president a liar, then Serena and Kanye showing their a– and now people finding issue with Matt? OMG – goosefraba people – anger management, please!
Perhaps there was a misunderstanding of his exact meaning of the word “tease”, but anybody that knows this story knows that Matt would walk in front of a train for Maddy and his love for Liz is evident through his actions even more than his words.
If you are looking to right a wrong this is not a place to step on your soapbox. There may be lots of injustices in the world but how Matt treats women is not one of them. There is nothing to stand up for here so please stop trying to make something out of nothing.
Thanks so much!!
@mynamegoeshere
Your an Ass!! Obviously you have no idea what you are talking about?? I feel sorry for people like you!! Jerk!
I think this is one of my favorite posts of yours. I love how raw you are (always so honest) and your so up my alley sense of humor. Makes me drool even more for the book.
I’m reluctant to give the anonymous posters more attention, because it’s just fuel to the fire….but I have to say, I think there’s “making fun” of someone and then there’s “making fun” of someone….by that, I mean, there’s malicious ridicule, which is indeed harmful, and then there’s good-natured ribbing, which is fun, and can actually build a person up in a way, because it shows them that you adore ALL their habits and traits, even the ones that, at times, may be less socially desirable (like reading someone the riot act!).
It’s crystal clear to me that Matt is in the latter category–he obviously loved Liz to the very core…imperfections and all. He cherished every bit of her and showed her that by dishing out some good-natured ribbing every now and then. Sounds like he received his fair share, too! My husband does that, and my father did that, and I think I’m a better person for it. I LOVE it when people I love feel comfortable enough to tease me…it helps me laugh at myself and accept my own imperfections.
If you ask me, Matt is fostering a healthy sense of self in his daughter in a way that many more of us should strive to with our own kids.
i don’t comment often but i love your blog and your writing. My heart goes out to you as you navigate through life raising your precious Maddy without your wife Liz. I pray ya’ll have a safe trip to India. May God bless ya’ll always.
much love and blessings from ga~erin
You are a great father, Matt! Madeline will know her mother through your memories, and by looking in the mirror.
WHOA,I have followed matt’s blog for over a year now and have written to him. This is hilarious…
Instead of teasing her, why not try just loving her and being thankful you have a mini liz in your life?
TRY LOVING HER??? YOU CANT BE SERIOUS???? I WISH MY FATHER WAS HALF OF THE FATHER THAT MATT IS.
I’m shocked by the negative comments. I believe if you have criticism of Matt you should direct that to his personal email not in the comments sections.
I think teasing, and “making fun” of your children, spouse, boyfriend, friend, etc. is a sign of affection.
Matt, you’re fucking awesome.
Beautiful post, as always.
tears in my eyes…
& those assholes are just that-assholes.
You’re an awesome Dad, keep it up! oh and don’t sweat the haters.
this brought tears to my eyes, beautiful.
All dads tease their daughters. It’s what dads do best.
I’ll bet Maddy is a lot like you, too. My Maddy is exactly like her Daddy, they even sneeze the same crazy sneeze.
She seems to have your love of travel, and photography. I think it’s wonderful she notices all the photographs, a lot of kids don’t. She must get it from you. I can’t imagine how much pain you must go through, but I think it’s a true gift that she is so much like the both of you.
Great post…ugh with the lame people. Just like Kanye, we need to stop giving attention to those fools.
Anyhoo – that story about Maddy putting one hand on her hip while reading the riot act to the kid who took her toy – HILARIOUS! What a great little personality she has inherited from her mom
It’s great she’ll have this blog, curse words and all, to read and learn about her mom and dad and how all these stranger friends came together to support you.
You’ve been told this before but I’ll say it again – you are such a great dad to Maddy.
I’m losing my Mom, very slooowwwly to Alzheimer’s. I went to see her last week on her 64th birthday (she hasn’t known me for years). I am thinking a lot about memories, how we are our memories. How when someone is gone, or can’t remember, then it is up to the people who loved them to pass on their memories. Madeline will be interested in all of it, and you’re doing so right by her. And right by Liz.
I think the love you have for Liz and for Maddy shines through every word you write. Teasing each other is another form of affection for a lot of people and it clear was for you and Liz. I think it’s wonderful and I think it’s also wonderful that you’re building that kind of relationship with Maddy. It will make her a strong, confident woman who knows how to handle anything.
You’re doing yourself, and Liz, proud, I think. I haven’t posted before, but I’ve been reading for months. My heart breaks for you every day, but I also laugh, a lot. I don’t know either of you except through the web, but Liz is as vibrant and alive to me as if she were sitting at my kitchen table right now. Keep up the great job!
Once again you make me cry. I always think of Alicia’s son, Hunter and how he will only know of his mom through pictures and stories. He also looks just like her. (Alicia died right after childbirth of HELLP syndrome.) Maddy is so lucky that you have recorded your thoughts in this blog. I can only imagine when she grows up and becomes a mother herself. Probably only then will she really get it.
Not just the photos, but this blog Matt, Maddy has this blog
Your posts are going to be so cherished by Maddy! I’m sure you’ve heard it thousands of times, but she really is a lucky lady to have you as a father. And someday she will truely know her mama because of you and your family.
@mynamegoeshere…
Normally I let this shit go without saying anything, but I’m having a real hard time keeping my mouth shut with this.
My husband died 10 months ago today. One of the things I miss the most about him was how he used to tease me. He gave me a lot of “shit” and that was one of his most endearing qualities. He did that to everyone he cared about. I hate it that he’s not around to give me shit anymore. That was the way that he let me know that he paid attention to all the little details about me that probably a lot of other people didn’t notice or appreciate. It was one of the biggest ways he showed me that he loved me. Love isn’t always about saying the words – it’s actions, too. I feel so sorry for you that you have gotten this far in life with no sense of humor, or without anyone to love you enough to give you shit, too. That’s got to be the most fucking sad part of this whole post.
Purely pathetic assholes to leave such comments like that.
This is such a great post. Everything you have done for Maddy and Liz is simply wonderful.
Matt,
You had me bawling.
Every minute of every day I wish that you didn’t have to go through what you’re going through and be without Liz.
You are an AMAZING writer. And an even more amazing father and husband. Maddy is going to cherish your blog, and your photos, and your book and your stories of Liz as she gets older.
You’re giving her a real look at her mother, and your friend and wife. Maddy is going to be so greatful that you allowed her to *know* her mother and the love the two of you shared.
You are beyond, beyond amazing. And you’re doing an absolutely incredible job. Let no one tell you differently.
Much love, as always.
Genetics plays a lot more than physical looks. It involves personalities as well. My father died when I was 7 months old. I remember my mom shaking her head at me when I had reacted to something the exact way he would of. She often told me that my personality and expressions reminded her so much of him. She didn’t understand it, but I think we do.
You obviously love Maddy very much and you’re doing the best you can. Continue with that, and she’s going to turn out GREAT!
There is seriously something to that nature-thing. My cousin and his dad were separated when my cousin was 2 and they ended up liking the same movies, having the same expressions, living their lives in much the same way…
They’ve GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!! I’m so mad. That was such a beautiful, amazing post. I love you guys!
matt,
what a beautiful post!
you & maddy have so many people who have & will continue to support you.
screw the nay-sayers.
jill
I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning but have rarely commented, but I had to one this one, you are a great father! you are doing an amazing job with Maddie and she’s lucky to have someone like you, and I bet Liz would be proud of everything you’re doing with her. Especially the teasing, it was a part of who you two were together and anything that you can share with Maddie is great!
Liz and I share the same birthday and in two days, like last year I will be blowing out the candles thinking of her and wishing a special wish that she can see the amazing man / father you have become.
Great post, Matt!! I hope you are both feeling better. You never cease to amaze me with your writing.
Oh and btw, I agree with jennifer (the 1st lower case j – jennifer @ 11:08 — not the hater.)
“the way you constantly made fun of your beard it will probably never grow back and who’s fault is that!!!”
I wanted to come back because of what Jessica said: TRY LOVING HER??? YOU CANT BE SERIOUS???? I WISH MY FATHER WAS HALF OF THE FATHER THAT MATT IS.
Matt, I’ve thought this too. I think you’re doing an incredible job with Maddy. And I wish I’d had a father who had showed even the tiniest percentage of your love and commitment in raising your daughter. You’re a great parent. Thank you for sharing your journey with us even though it opens you up to the illogical and unreasonable people out there.
beautiful.
@mynamegoeshere and @jennifer,
I wasn’t going to even acknowledge your comments. I didn’t think either of you were worth it. But I can’t help myself.
First of all, you obviously haven’t been reading Matt’s blog very long. Otherwise you would understand his sense of humor by now and know that when he says “making fun” he’s referencing that in a teasing and lighthearted way and not at all in a malicious way. And if you have been longtime readers but weren’t able to pick up on that distinction when Matt tells a story- well, then you’re both idiots.
Secondly, you should know that not all teasing is mean. A person can be teased playfully and lovingly. Which it is apparent is the type of teasing that Matt and Liz engaged in with each other. And it wasn’t one sided either. Don’t you remember that Liz would let Matt stand in the shower dripping wet for a time before she would bring him the towel he had left elsewhere in the house? Apparently you haven’t been following their love story closely enough.
And lastly, who do you think you are to come onto a loving and honest blog like this and judge Matt, for anything. Did you both never learn there is a time and a place for everything? Well, the place for comments like that is not here. Not ever. And not only is this not the place to be saying things like that to Matt, but you’re so far from correct in what you were saying that there would never be a time or a place that would make statements like yours right or appropriate.
Since you are both so sensitive to teasing: I won’t tease you about being rude, obnoxious, insensitive people that are unable to comprehend the love that is expressed in this blog.
Instead, I’ll tell you flat out that you both are assholes that just don’t get it.
I cried when I read this post, it’s not unheard of and not an unusual event when reading one of Matts updates. Yesterday was a hard day. After you lose someone from cancer and then the news is filled with pictures of a celebrity who has died from cancer it hits you. Again. It’s like when Matt gets asked where Maddys Mom is, the wound is opened right there and you aren’t always prepared. And we are reacting to asshat, I mean @yournamegoeshere because we want to protect Matt from the wound being reopened. This should be his safe place.
I hope I can be the kind and loving parent to my 3 children that Matt is to Maddy. Not perfect. Real. Present. Funny. Honest.
I for one feel grateful to read his posts, and thank Matt for his willingness to share his feelings so openly. This has been a place of solace for me and many others.
So to the trolls…go away. Your not wanted here.
Hope
Matt – I know its no consolation but pretty sure that Maddie’s “confusion” is actually normal. My daughter called everyone mama at that age as well, my sisters, grandmother etc.. Soon she will realize that only Liz is her mom and she’ll know what a wonderful woman and mom she was and would have been.
Holy hell! Where did I come up with that sentence? What I was trying to say was…I wish my dad had shown even the tiniest bit of love and commitment you give and will continue to give Maddy.
For a second or two, the comments section here almost rivaled the posts on us weekly (though much better grammar!). Just wanted to share that I got a reminder from the cookie company today about the contest! We’ve fallen behind! Need to get an update going! Oh, and the first pic had me thinking ‘totally matt…’
Hi Matt & Follow Readers,
Lets give our attention to where the attention is due: to this awesome dad and beautiful little girl. You guys rock!
I, like many others, had the tears streaming down and couldn’t help it at 6am this morning. And don’t you worry: a girl ALWAYS knows about her mama. She’ll start to differentiate the pictures before you know it… my little one is 2 months younger than your’s, half the time she calls me “da da” or “ah da!” What’s that?!?!
Have a fantastic day, Matt.
such a touching post, Matt. Maddy is so luck to have you as her dad. She may not know her mom in the traditional sense, but she will know her through the eyes of all of those who loved and adored her (meaning Liz).
Take care…
Amy in MD
have you ever heard of “memory books”?
if not:hiv-positive women in subsaharan africa write books for their children telling “family stories”, little pet peeves and so on….maybe that would be an idea for you….you know like a real personal book “for maddie only” to share certain memories, incidents,favourites….of her mother, the two of you and so on…
just a thought….
p.s.: cudos to you for dealing so patiently with those “anonymous” readers!
Reading some of the comments…
My dad was also a teaser. He used to say we were the cutest kids in the room – and then ask if we knew why. “Why Dad?” Because you’re the only kids in the room.
Then he would laugh. He had a great laugh and sometimes I would give anything to hear it again.
I joke with my husband now that he’s my favorite husband. Why? Because he’s my only husband, of course.
The apple definitely doesn’t fall far from the tree. While I’m sure it hurts to see Maddy do the same things as Liz, I bet it’s great to see her again through those actions.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I think it’s amazing that she has some of the same characteristics and ways about things that her mom did, truly amazing.
Hugs and love as always, you’re doing awesome and can’t wait to see what’s to come.
ONCE AGAIN YOU HAVE ME BAWLING AND MY HEART ACHING FOR YOU. LIZ AND MADDY HAVE A BOND THAT WILL NEVER BE BROKEN, THAT IS THE THING ABOUT A MOTHER GROWING A BABY INSIDE OF HER- EVERYTHING IN LIZ, IS INSIDE MADDY- PERFECTION.
YOU ARE AMAZING- TRULY AMAZING
The first few lines made me tear up this morning…again. You are such a talented writer. Your girl is beautiful and will love the teasing that she gets from you as she grows up. My dad was a big teaser and always got the roll of the eyes from me, but if he would’ve stopped, I think I would’ve been sad. I have a daughter that is 3 weeks older than Maddy and enjoy relating with all of the milestones you are going through. My daughter still screams in the car though:).
My mom committed suicide when I was 18. The topic is so painful for my family to discuss that they just don’t talk much about her at all. This saddens me greatly because there is so much more I would like to know about her. The memories of Liz that you share with Maddy will be invaluable to her. I’m so glad you have the courage and strength to talk about her as much as you do. Like many others, I am moved to tears by your devotion and love for Liz and for your beautiful Madeline.
matt, i’m losing my dad to cancer as i’m reading your blog over this past year and 1/2… and you are reminding me to absorb every single thing i can. we laugh at the stupid stuff, we still argue – but we always make up, we constantly tell each other how blessed we are to have one another. i realize every day how lucky i am to have another day with him. the thought of my 3 year old growing up without her granddad rips me apart in ways i hate to say, that most people who read your blog, can imagine. we are that close – and they are inseparable. i hope every day that my daughter grows up to be like my daddy.
to the person who doesn’t understand (whateveryournameis)… i can only wish compassion on you. may you never know this. i think matt knows his wife better than any of us. i can say from a woman’s perspective and from a mom’s perspective, i think he’s doing an amazingly brilliant job raising his daughter and keeping liz’s memory alive. she’s probably pretty damn proud of him. i firmly believe little gestures like one’s that maddy are doing are signs (i know you don’t believe i signs matt! haha). but signs that liz is alive in maddy always – a way to give you comfort. and it’s really sad that whateveryournameis can’t see the good in this. they’re obviously saying cruel things to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. the internet can bring a lot of people together but it also produces a really high caliber of asshole. scratch that, cowardly asshole.
x
@leigh
so sorry to hear about your dad.
Whatever. My husband teases me and our 2 girls constantly, and he’s a super dad and awesome guy like you, Matt. I think it’s just a guy thing. It’s how they show their love, or at least that’s what my husband says. Keep doing what you’re doing, Maddy’s lucky to have you. Lighten up, haters!!
Wow, I never comment on things but after reading the comment you referenced in your tweet I had to say something. I am a single mother of a 14 year old daughter whom I tease all of the time. She is the brightest most wonderful, well adjusted child who I have the greatest relationship with. That is saying something when talking about a 14 yr. old. Please don’t stop a thing that you are doing, you don’t tease to be mean but rather to share a moment with someone you love. You have a beautiful little girl who is lucky to have you as a father.
amazing! per usual.
holy – good – lord! this is drama we havent seen in a while! and apparently i dont have enough drama in my own life, so…im commenting twice!
and mostly to @MistyMorning – this is matts blog, incaseyouhaventnoticed. he doesnt have to give an EXPLAINATION to ANYONE regarding ANYTHING. try and remember this blog isn’t written for US. it is written for/to maddie and liz. dont try to mediate an already ridiculous situation…. arg! i want to flick some people in their foreheads!
whew..sorry matt, sometimes i just cant resist…..
And she is a spitting image of her Mom, amazing.
My oldest daughter is 5, and is at the age where she asks all kinds of things about my past. She loves to hear stories about Dad and I as kids, when we met, etc.
Just wait until Maddy is that age – she will be begging you for more and more.
Matt, this post was especially amazing, I mean to hear that they have the same reactions is such a testament to the bond between a mother and daughter, no matter what those little moments cannot be taken away.
I have never commented before…although I have followed your journey since the beginning.. but your post today, touched me deeply..I lost my best friend when she gave birth to her daughter…I was always amazed at how much her daughter housed her mother’s soul..It was very painful at times to be in her presence..and very comforting at others…I would ask myself, how can someone be so much like someone that they never even met…Never underestimate the power of DNA
Matt,
Beautiful!
@Marnie thanks for the word Jackholes, can’t wait to try it out!
Great Job Matt. Well said.
And to mynamegoes here… FUCK OFF!
Dear Jennifer and Mynamegoes here (aka the same person)
Please do not come on here and tell Matt how to write, after all he does not come to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth.
Thanks,
Kelly
this post is beautiful.
you’re an awesome fucking dad.
hope you both have a wonderful evening.
okay thanks for the cry! That was an awesome post.
holy fuck, that post was real.
seriously took my breath away.
not only are you a great dad, obviously, but you are a seriously talented writer. to be able to put such complex, intense emotions and thoughts into beautiful prose…wow.
thank you for this post.
You.Are.Amazing!!!!
I pretty much lurk – and rarely comment….but
@mynamegoeshere you are a fucking troll. Go back under your rock.
Humor is a higher level of thinking and teasing and making fun of your loved ones is just another level of showing ones love for the other.
Matt- are you going to start posting Maddy’s daily morning pic again? I miss it!
@Kelly hahahahahahahahaha That was fan-fucking-tastic!
@Matt
What a shame some douche had to move the focus from what is a beautiful post to their ugliness. Although I agree that all opinions should be heard, these people had nothing constructive to give. Their opinion should count as nothing since they were obviously being cruel and ugly while posting it.
I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you or Maddy yet, but just from the pictures you share with us, it is obvious that Liz shines through. I love that she is also picking up so many of Liz’s traits. You are one lucky guy!!!
As for getting teased. I think its healthy and hilarious!!! My dad and grandpa used to call my freckles fly poop, and my mum and grannie would get sooooo angry at them! I remember trying to be mad at them and trying to hide a smile. I treasure the memories of laughter…even the ones where I was getting teased. I have a great sense of humour as an adult, can laugh at the little things and, I LOVE my freckles!
I loved this one. It was the perfect combination of your life now and your life with Liz. I’m so glad that you have maddy to remind you of all of those wonderful things that you loved about her
Hi Matt! I don’t usually comment (kind of shy that way), but wanted to say that I totally get your sense of humor. We are the same way in my family.
Love the new look of your blog! I usually read through Google Reader, so I haven’t had the chance to stop by until now.
Can’t wait to buy the new book!
How wonderful to have a little mini Liz! Cant wait for her to start in on you with all the photos that you will take of the 2 of you when she is older!
Wow after I read the comments wow is about all I have to say! He is not making fun of either of them. He is saying it because he loved when she did that and how he loves that Maddy does it also! Great that they do many things the same and Maddy has had pretty much no time with her Mother. Its not making fun of..its love for her! Everyone has their little quirks and your spouse probably says things about it, its not making fun of them!
My husband, my father, even my mother all ‘make fun’ of me. As I do them. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Beautiful as always Matt.
Matt… You are doing SUCH an amazing job. I hope you know that. I mean…. really KNOW that.
Maddy is so beautiful, and I am so, so sorry that she’ll only know her mom through pictures and stories.
It certainly doesn’t make it easier…. but I bet she’ll get to hear some damn good stories. It seems like Liz was hilarious, smart, and beautiful. I bet everyone wanted to be her friend.
And it looks like Maddy will inherit all of that. What a blessing.
Y’all should come visit Texas some time. I bet you’d like it. : )
matt, this posting was very touching and real. you have a long road to travel but you are doing a great job. keep up the communication and the stories, for maddy and for us. you are an awesome, awesome Dad! and i love watching maddy grow.
@mynamegoeshere and any other haters out there are having a KAYNE-moment. they are selfish people that are seeking attention. i can guarantee you that they have checked back frequently to watch the shit storm they have stirred up. i think they are best dealt with when we all ignore them.
I have been reading your blog for awhile and thought I should add my two cents.
My mother died when I was six months old. Shortly after she had me she found out she had cancer and it was only a matter of months before she passed away. She was 23 years old.
As a child growing up without a mother, I can add that it is something you process and reprocess your whole life. As you grow to the realization of what that picture of your mother really means and the fact that it will only ever be just a picture. Going through the stages of life that realization of what you have lost changes. If you becomes a mother yourself and see the love and heartache that goes into parenting, the loss changes again. Grieving the loss of a mother you will never know or have is different than grieving for someone you have loved and lost.
I am sure there are a gazillion books out there about how to deal with the loss of mothers. When I was in college and took a couple of developmental psychology classes, I remember the professor’s talking about the theories. Personally I don’t believe you can define a grieving process, it is different for everyone, just like our DNA.
My older sister who was two when our mother died, has dealt with her grief in a totally different way. The one thing my sister and I do agree on, is that it has given us a unique perspective on life. I like to think it has given me more empathy and tolerance for the differences in all of us.
Such a beautiful story. Yes, the DNA thread runs strong, doesn’t it? I think of so many stories in my family that just proves it over and over again. So many good wishes to you and your darling daughter!
To all the sad and lonely people who write negative things about something they know nothing about – get a life. It is so clear you have never been part of a love story and are probably so jealous you can’t stand it. noname and jennifer are probably the same person. Yes, they love attention just like sickos who start fires and stick around to watch them:(
Matt,
I’m so glad that you are getting to see bits and pieces of Liz in Maddy. Even though it brought you to tears this time…I know it will be something that you will cherish in her forever.
Matt I wish there were more people that love like you love – we would all be alot happier. I love the way you parent, the way you talk about Liz and everything else. Keep doing what you do and Maddy will be just fine.
What a cool legacy she’ll have someday as a woman, having grown up under the loving guidance of a wonderful man.
Matt…you’re awesome. You are doing an amazing job with Maddy…you honor Liz more than you know.
idk what you did to your website…but whatever it was it opens SO MUCH EASIER on my STUPID Mac now. YAY!
When my little sis was about that age, every time she hit the cat or pulled its tail, I would say to her “no, no, ow!”
What I didn’t realize at the time but it soon became evident, was that I had taught her that ow = cat. She then called every cat “ow”.
Your daughter hasn’t yet made the connection that the word “mom” refers to the subject of the photo, and not the word for the photo, itself.
For her,the definition of mom is photo or picture.
You could perhaps help her to understand that the subject of the photo is mom, by taking photos of common objects she knows and sees outside of photographs, framing them and grouping them together, including one of her mother.
Then you point to the photos and say, apple, cat, dog, ball, mom.
This will change her focus to the subject of the images and correct her vocabulary, so she understands that mom is the subject of the photo and not the word for photograph.
Wow this was my favorite post, I can wait for you to show us the video of Maddy dancing on pop music
Beautiful.
There’s nothing I can say that 300 people haven’t already said- but as a new mom myself, you just put into words everything I’ve been feeling for the last couple months.
Thank you.
Don’t feed the trolls!
Matt, amazing as always.
Matt,
I love hearing stories of Maddy growing up, she sounds so precious. Keep doing the wonderful job you are doing with her! She is lucky to have a daddy that could find the greatest joys in the worst of conditions.
For the people that are finding the negativity in his writings I have one comment, It must be hard going though life not finding joy in the little things. Matt’s doing the best job he can in the worst of conditions,maybe this is how he controls the pain.
(using laughter sometimes it’s the only thing we can do so that we are not distroyed by the pain.)
Amazing post, Matt. Absolutely beautiful!
That is beautiful and sad at the same time……I love how you write. Maddy is a blessing and you are a blessing to her.
Brooke
@mynamegoeshere…. sounds like someone got picked last in gym class one too many times.
one time i came home from a windy day at the beach and my already frizzy hair was outoffuckingcontrol and my mom made fun of me and said my hair looked like the crown on the statue of liberty. i’m not scarred for life for being made fun of. (legit worst example)
If this is any indication of how amazing your book is going to be, I want to get on the preorder list. What a post.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. Peace to you and your beautiful daughter.
why on earth would anyone comment like that? these entries are a path of memories and remembering in humor is just as good if not better than remembering in pain.
Matt, I just love reading your blog you always seem to write the perfect thing. Your little girl is beautiful.
Excellent…excellent writing, excellent fathering, excellent that she is her mother to a tee.
The hidden blessings of genes that leave us with tears in our eyes.
Why not make fun of it? The key word is FUN- not ridicule. I would have never even considered dating my husband without his sense of humor- at my expense, and mine at his- some people misunderstood the and frowned upon banter in our relationship (my MIL). But he lightened my heart and made me feel free like a child- we always felt comfortable letting each other know when our feelers were getting bent out of shape. I will pass on the stories of him teasing me that “You barely meet the height requirements for riding in the car without the booster seat” and the time he retorted (straight faced) to my sobbing from a boyish bad haircut “You look fine honey, I just suggest you not go to any Catholic churches for awhile.” and my relentless teasing of his poor grammar. Our disagreements on what was cornflower blue and where the scissors needed to be returned, once brought the highest form of praise from my step daughter who started an argument between us because she enjoyed our humorous banter.
People need to laugh at what brings them joy. I feel bad for people who have no humor in their lives, how paranoid they must feel, and empty. They need to take a minute and laugh, and jump, and scream, and live a little before they die- rather than worry about being proper, well mannered , and trying to bring people down with them into their slump. My husband will always be my best friend -even if all I have is memories, photos, and comparisons to share with our daughter. I hope she becomes more like him every day, so I can tell her things like “your giggle is just like your daddy’s, and the way you move your fingers just so, like air guitar- I always thought he did that intentionally”- and from that she will be as close as she can get to knowing him, from knowing herself, and having these mannerisms highlighted for her to notice. I will tease her and have fun with her so she can learn to not take herself so seriously, just as he taught me to do.
And Matt, the “mama” may have different meanings to Maddy- not just photos in general- give it time, she knows the difference even if it doesn’t jump out at you. My Maggie has 4 Ma’s she uses: Ma= more, MaMa= me, mmA= Paloma our cat, and of course the mamamama= general labeling and babble while pointing out her list of demands. I have only in the last week understood some of these as she continues to integrate more gestures and inflection, and finally the correct sign from daycare for “more”.
Beautiful post.
what an amazing thought. you fucking rock.
One day soon you will be able to sit her down and tell her all about her mama.
She is such a doll
Okay I just read some of the comments about you teasing your daughter seriously were do these people come from,{wow}I think we all understood you would be kindheartedly poking at your daughter….some of these people need to take a break and laugh at things around them instead of taking it so literal!! Maddie is going to grow into an amazing little girl and one day she will read this blog, and be like dad WTF did I get spanked for when I said a bad word…ha ha!! The way you state things makes me chuckle. Your an awesome blogger, and a fantastic dad!
lol @ yournamehere = Kanye West … brruuhaa!!!
Frankly, I can’t believe it’s taken almost 18 months to start getting shitty comments from people like mynamegoeshere. Consider yourself lucky! And then, hit the delete button.
It’s funny, when I read “and every photo is her mom”, I thought you meant because you see Liz there, in every picture of Maddy. I guess neither way you interpret it is easy for you, right?
I came back to comment on this post and was shocked that anyone could leave such hurtful and judgmental comments, and obviously has zero understanding about you or your relationships with your 2 best girls. Clearly Liz adored and loved you and chose you for a reason, I am sure you sense of humor was one thing that attracted her and possibly drove her crazy at times! That is how it is with my Husband. You are here picking up the pieces and giving Maddie the very best life possible so I hope you never doubt that and that you realize those comments are insignificant and hold no truth. The only truth is that you are an amazing Daddy and everyone with an ounce of sense gets how much you love and adore Maddie and Liz.
this post tonight reminded me of how my son once told his wife that if she needed any help with the drs. office to take me with her because I would rip em a new one…..well, I did not know what he meant at the time…I now do…but, Liz probably would do that too. I think it is so amazing how children will have the same mannerisms as a parent. maddie is so her mother in pictures and I know you love seeing her mama in her….
Well, for the teensy bit it’s worth..
My husband makes fun of me for little things I do. I make fun of him for some of his mannerisms as well. It’s all said in FUN. If either of us got upset, the other would be apologizing and not doing it again.
I tease my husband for being shorter than me. Does he mind? No. He thinks it’s funny as well.
Unlike a couple of you, quite a few people have a sense of humor. And most married couples know how to have fun together. What Matt said in the past to his wife was not mean spirited, I am sure she laughed with him and appreciated his sense of humor (I do, and I only “know” Matt through his blog).
Focus on the positive, he’s doing a damn good job in raising his daughter. I am sure later on, if Maddy says something upsets her, Matt will help make it right – because he is that kind of Dad!
beautiful….heartwarming….as always
Matt,
Maddy will know her mum. She will know her mum through this blog, through you, through the family and friends that surround you and Maddy. She will know her mum with every fibre in her being and she will know this because of you.
Your stories, your jokes, your photos will help Maddy know what a wonderful woman ‘mama’ was. What a wonderful, caring mum/partner/friend she was. I look at Maddy and I can’t help but think that she will know her mum with her heart and soul. She will know her mum, because her dad, her wonderful, caring daddy, made it so.
As always, lots of hugs to you.
She knows her Mama. She will know her Mama better than anyone because you have allowed Liz to live on. Liz’s light shines through Maddy. Her legacy goes on.
I smiled and cried all at the same time when you wrote about her clapping her hands and putting them under her chin. I remembered you writing that recently about Liz when you took her to that jewelry store, the same store you had her rings recently repaired in.
I know this kills you and brings you immense joy all at the same time. I wish it was just joy. Oh, how I wish there wasn’t any pain, not this kind of pain. You’re amazing. Maddy is amazing. Liz was amazing. She’s a special little girl.
And I’m so glad that you allow Maddy to see those raw moments of emotion and I hope you will allow her to see those. It’s important for her to know how much you miss and love Liz-this will only help Maddy know her better, to see your love for Liz in raw emotion.
Amazing.
“these two who met ever so briefly”
to me that was the most heart wrenching line of the post. Makes me gulp down sobs to think about her not getting to hold Madeleine or Madeleine being held by her mother. But you’re right, Madeleine holds her moms DNA and she’s been held awfully close to Liz’s heart.
This picture is absolutely beautiful. I can see her mother in her! Keep up the good work!
Maddy WILL know her mother because you’ll be there to share with her all the stories! This was quite a moving post, Matt.
Matt, don’t waste your time responding to those losers!
This post was so beautifully written. And of course I am crying once again.
I have lots of things I do that make my Dad laugh. I don’t consider it teasing at all. I am glad he is paying attention to my little quirks. Keep being awesome. Us who know you love you and Maddy dearly and you are doing a better job than most.
Keep it up and try to ignore those who just don’t get it and probably never will.
You are amazing and while so difficult to witness what a beautiful thing to see! What a blessing you are to eachother
)
When reading this I see more than “fun teasing”.
I see a man who could at any moment break down, because not only is he getting to see glimpes of the love of his life again, but he is getting to see them through the life that they created, the life Liz should have got to be there for. Imagine that bitter sweet moment for him.
So for those of you who see these as him “inflicting” harm on his child your really fucking stupid. Go someplace else. Matt is dealing with his pain and joy (which go hand in hand these days) the best way he can. It’s not offensive, it’s not rude. So gooooo away.
To: mynamegoeshere please DON’T comment on this blog site again!!!! All you have to do is look at the pics of Matt with his daughter and can tell how MUCH he loves her. Get a life!!!!! I wish I would have had a father like this!!!!!!
That’s just beautiful. Been said before, I’m sure it will be said again, but it’s true. Your book will be amazing, I have no doubt.
Words can’t express how thankful I am for your blog…to hear a father/husband talk so profoundly of his daughter and wife…there is no doubt in my mind that Maddy would be so proud of her father the way we all are at how great you are. It is truly the highlight of my day!!
Someone commented earlier (I think it was on this post?) that Maddy looked like you in this picture, and I have to agree! 99% of the time, I think she is a mirror image of beautiful Liz, but I can definitely see you in this picture too!
Great post, as always. Your sweet little girl is so blessed to have a father who loves her as much as you do and is taking the time to write all of these memories down. I am sure she will cherish them as she grows older!
BTW as I was catching up on some of your more recent posts, I have to say that I am jealous of how cute Maddy’s dresses are! I wish I could look that put together and stylish! Ha
okay, i read the comment left by “mynamegoeshere” this morning and, as a result, I’ve been thinking of this all day: http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=72779
Truly, Matt, you are amazing! I was actually sobbing while reading your post just picturing you bawling in your kitchen watching Maddy, looking like her mommy. You and Maddy are quite the team!
To Maddy…
Your mom is a photo, and right now every photo is your mom. When your dad first said these words, they were just mere conversation at a great little french restaurant. But now, reading it today, those words resonate with me. They say a photo is worth a thousand words. From what I saw, there are millions and millions of words all over the walls of your home. I hope you charrish all those photos. I wonder how your dad plans to pack all those photos in his suitcase for your trip to India!
To Matt…
You are an amazing person and an even more spectacular father. Now I know from our conversations this weekend, that these idiotic comments that you have gotten today, don’t even phase you. Keep up the good work.
Shannon
This post is beautiful, heartfelt and raw! I am sure you do not need to hear it again but you really are an amazing father. I am in tears after reading your post. I do not think Maddie will have any problems knowing how much she is like her mama as long as you keep the memories alive. It is fantastic how children sponge innate qualities. Thanks for sharing so much!
@mynamegoeshere… from the bottom of my heart, I’m going to say this as sincerely as possible:
plz F@CK OFF!!!!!!!!!
preferrably somewhere far, far, far away.
I pity you. what sad, sad life you have if you decide to post stupid crap and anonomously too. You are nothing but a gutless wonder.
F@CK OFF and leave Matt and Maddy alone.
(Matt, apologies for swearing)
Beautiful girl, beautiful story. You’re a lucky man in many, many ways.
Matt,
I have been reading your blog for awhile and have commented once or twice. Like many other readers, I too, enjoy your style of writing and I am looking forward to your book. This post touched my heart and I am sure Liz is so proud of you for the way you care and love Madeline. I have no idea what kind of emotions you must be feeling but I can say that you are doing an extra awesome job raising Maddy!!
She will grow up knowing that she is so very loved by you and by Liz. It’s amazing how much she looks like her mama and you will get to see how much Maddys’ personality is Liz. You will be able to see Liz when you look into Maddy’s eyes and know what a beautiful gift you and Liz created. Thank you for sharing your life. I hope you and Maddy have safe travels to and from India.
Ohhhh and i almost missed @mynamegoeshere other post earlier on!!!
OMG, what, we can’t tease one another?
I have 3 stepsons, so I dare ANYONE to survive 2 teenagers and a 5 year old without any sort of teasing. We laugh and tease each other and guess what??? We’re all OK. We have fun. We love each other. They pick on me for my height (or lack of it) and I tell them to fuck off. I tell my partner to fuck off too when he decides to sit on me and tickle me.
Guess what? We’re a family. We love each other. We tease each other.
We’ve gone through pretty hard times together and wouldn’t be able to do it without teasing and a fair few ‘oh, fuck off already’.
Really, get away from here.
Hey Matt,
Everything I think to write here seems trite compared to what you’ve gone through, but I at least want to say you have all my admiration and respect for what you’ve put together here and your focus on your daughter.
Stay strong and know that this is very inspirational.
Another awesome post, as usual and here I am bawling, as usual. I don’t know what else I could say that hasn’t already been said, so I will just go grab a tissue for my eyes now…
I hope that you have a great rest of the week with Miss Maddy.
As usual another beautifully written post that came straight from your heart. We too noticed that Sophia was pointing at her mothers picture and saying mama. We were so proud of ourselves thinking that we taught her that the person in the picture was her mother. Wow, we couldn’t believe how smart she was until she started pointing at my dad in one picture and calling him mama. They both will learn soon enough unfortunately that their mothers only live on in pictures and from stories that we tell them. I don’t know about you but I dread this question”Why did my mommy have to go to heaven?”
Will there ever be a good enough answer? Well the way things are going, Maddy who is 3 months older than Sophia and has reached her milestones alot quicker will probably ask you this question before Sophia asks us so hopefully you will have come up with a better answer than I can. And for that rude post, why does this person continue to read your blog? I am sure no one is holding a gun to their head. If they don’t like your sytle of writing don’t read the blog. It seems like they have been reading for quite awhile since they mentioned that you were teasing Liz about the diapers. I think they need to get a life. Once again I want to post that video I made for you and maddy. I hope you had time to watch it. I will continue to add more pictures to it. Once again thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
Rosann
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=96a06e4acb27b3ffe21607&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email
I love the picture of Maddy, she has great hair!!!
Matt,
I’ve been reading your site, and we’re friends on Twitter, but I’ve never commented (creepy, i know). You are doing a wonderful job with Maddy. I love reading the blog posts because they show so much devotion and commitment. It’s great that you’re going to India with Maddy for a few months. I hope she really enjoys it and maybe comes back with things that she remembers for rest of her life.
Keep up the great job! Thanks for sharing your life with us.
PS – the beard is better
My mother died within 24 hours of my birth. My father re-married within the year, since in those days a man didn’t raise a kid alone.
Nothing was ever kept secret from me, but my mother was a sensitive subject for everyone around me. I learned it was best not to ask a lot of questions. I was in my 30s before I even learned exactly why she died – all the answers before then had been vague and my father got sad and my stepmother got angry whenever I pressed them for information.
I’m 42 and my mother is still a mystery to me, although I’ve managed to get my hands on some pictures, at least. The little bits of information I’ve gleaned over the years only emphasize how much I didn’t get to know about her and myself. I’m so different from my stepmother and half-sibs! As a child, I felt like an alien in my own home.
Really knowing about my mother (instead of the inevitable hagiography that gets created when someone young and pretty dies) would’ve meant the world to me. Hell, it still would, but I’ve accepted that it won’t happen in this lifetime. So keep those pictures and stories for Maddy. She’ll need them and bless you for them in years to come.
You fucking ROCK. See you this weekend!
Matt – I’ve not read through the other comments – but outside of DNA – Maddy may have only come face to face with Liz ever so briefly – but they knew each other for months before that. Maddy heard all the conversations and laughs and cries that took place just outside. She knows her mom not just through her genes – but she lived just under her heart for a long time.
Once again, I’m moved to tears! She WILL know her mom!! The book you’re writing will be the biggest testament to that!
Thank you, again, for sharing your life and thoughts and photos with us. Your writing still amazes me and your love and compassion for your family both warms and breaks my heart.
My sister in law died after losing her battle with breast cancer when my niece was 4 years old – so she doesn’t actually remember her mom. She looks JUST LIKE her mom – and I know that was hard for my brother for years after she died. Because of the photos of her mom around the house, the stories from her dad and other family members that love and remember her mom fondly, and just an open line of communication about her mom with my brother she is able to still feel connected with her mom even though she doesn’t *really* remember a connection in the first place. The photos she has of her mom are some of her most prized possessions. While photos and stories are a shitty replacement for the real thing it’s better than nothing. It’s much better than hiding from the pain and sadness and avoiding the topic. 8 years later she doesn’t remember her mom, but she loves her and is proud to show her off – making sure to talk to her mom in the pictures every day and showing her friends that come over for sleep overs. “This is a picture of my mom… isn’t she beautiful?” She will always wish her mother was still here, but thankfully has pictures and family to remind her who her mother was and why she was so wonderful.
Maddie will be so thankful for you and your blog, your stories and your photos… you’ll make sure she doesn’t forget her mother… you’ll be the reason she knows and loves her.
You’re doing a fantastic job with Maddie, Matt. Keep it up.
p.s. – Try to ignore the idiots… they could never understand your love for Liz or Maddie.
I know it’s an impossible suggestion to really follow, but try not to beat yourself up too much about this. Let yourself be aware of it, feel the shittiness of it, but try to let go of it a little too. I’ve been here, done this with Anna too. And eventually, she knew exactly who her daddy is, in every picture. Hell, she probably knows who he is in pictures–of him old and young–better than she does me (she apparently gets confused, or at least she used to, when I’d switch between long and short hair over the years in photos).
I remember completely the sense of pride and recognition and validation of my parenting and honoring her dad’s memory when Anna would recognize Daddy in photos…and I remember, too, the agony when I realized the double loss that she didn’t know when it was him and when it was Mr. Smith Stranger. The good news is that eventually Maddy really WILL know when it’s her mom in photos…it’ll just take longer. By the time she’s 4, certainly, I bet (judging by Anna at least). And she’ll have absorbed more details and tidbits about her mom than you’d ever imagine (and even make up some fake ones, which was always a little odd for me with Anna), and I bet she’ll talk about them at the randomest times as she’s older.
Anna pops up with little personality traits all the time that are straight from her daddy too. By far she has more of my personality than her dad’s, but every now and then it’s like he’s back in the room, channeling our little girl, with some of the things she says or does that are just So Charley.
Hang in there, Matt. The second year isn’t always easier than the first year of widowhood.
Hugs,
Candice
I dunno Matt-
They may have met face to face briefly- but I tend to think (as a biased mother) that they *knew* each other a lot longer.
I have never been as close to another human being as I was when I would lie awake at night seemingly alone- less the growing child in my belly.
And yes that sentence seems painfully obvious- but it isn’t the kind of close you can get by being inside another person’s womb..
it is really the only way I can know for sure I know what it feels like to be in another person’s heart.
The secrets- a lifetime of plans made with every bump…
Madeline wont remember the times you have with her now- or the time she was with her mother- but I think it is clear that these times are still precious.
I never read the comments but I got curious and read the offending comment after seeing the firestorm about an anonymous jackass.
There are always going to be people who criticize us, Matt, for how we express our grief, especially toward our children. My obnoxious hairdresser did the same thing probably more than one or two times. I made some offhand comment about “the dead husband” (literally what I said) while Anna was in the room, and the hairdresser told me that I’d “need to start watching what I said” about Anna’s father, etc., etc. I was astonished and more than a little dumbfounded. A) I didn’t even remember what I’d said but B) it wasn’t anything bad, and C) I think I might have been able to mutter out in response that Anna’s going to know how much her mom loved her dad…and moreover that Anna’s going to grow up hearing me talk, and she’s going to know that some of the things I say–and the way I say them–are just my personality. But I absolutely HATE when people choose to criticize how I grieve. Nobody who’s gone through anything remotely similar has EVER criticized a thing I do; they understand inherently. It’s the clueless, oblivious, “lucky” (ha!) people in the world who think it’s appropriate to criticize something as individual as grief and widowhood.
People don’t know what to do with us when we’re not sad and weepy about our dead spouses all the time. They don’t know quite what to make of us when we cuss and drink and have our own unique spins on life–and grief. I’m just so sorry that you have to deal with it in a public forum that started off as something intensely private and personal.
(Loved AndreaRenae’s comment too, btw. ;o) Just happened to notice hers as I was scrolling.)
Hang in there, Matt.
Hi Matt.
Watching you on Rachel Ray, from my telly here in Sweden. Keep up the good work. Madeleine is adorable.
HI! I´m from Sweden… BE STRONG!!!
Matt, you know you have my respect, admiration and love for all you are. And all you do with your and Maddy’s life.
I know not to feed the trolls. But I thought the same as @Susan…these are blog arsonists hoping to start a fire and come back to watch the flames. (But all they did was make an ash of themselves.)
Hi. Im writing from Sweden,I found your blog this morning after I watched the Rachel Ray show. Just wanted to say that I think you are an amazing man and I admire you so much.Can´t even imaginge how awful it must feel to lose your wife/gfriend, I dont know what I would do if I ever lost my boyfriend, so I admire your will and strenght to pull through. And Maddie is the cutest baby I´ve ever seen!
Wish you all the best.
Love, S
Hello Matt !
This morning I saw the show Rachel Ray and at the tv schreen you and your daughter was there.It was amazing and got very sad when I hard about the story. The reason why my english is so bad is because I live in sweden. And after the show I just had to find your blog and write something for you. But its pretty hard to write something when my english is so terrible. To make this comment short I have to tell you that you are very strong and you have effect me deep in a good way. Keep on !
I was watching Rachel rays show here in Sweden this morning. And i decide to check out your blog!
I’m so sorry about what happened, but Madeleine is so cute and you looks like a wonderful dad!
Shes gonna be a amazing young girl!
Hello
I only wanted to send you some love from Sweden!
Hugs and take care!
Matt, Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I’m sure judgmental people and negative comments are the reason why a lot of people could not do this. Your love for Maddy and Liz really is amazing. Keep being the great dad you are!
As always, very poetic. This was also humorous in that you are realizing how much she is like her mom. Kids are funny. You are doing a fantastic job and Madeline will know it in due time. She will also know her mother because of you. Keep up the great work!
Hi Matt, i saw you and your little beautiful daughter on tv today, Rachel Ray´s program and i just want you to know that i think you are a great and amazing father to Maddie ♥ Wish you all the best!!
Hugs Tessan Johansson in Sweden
You write so beautifully…takes my breath away.
I have to stop reading this blog at work. My co-workers are going to set me up with a suicide hotline the way I cry at my desk.
This is so important what you are doing for Maddy. This record will mean the world to her one day.
OMG I want to read your book when it comes out, but if most of it is like this entry, I don’t think I will be able to.
You are a wonderful writer and father. They are both luck to have you.
I’m another one of those Matt Logelin stalker types — I’ve never met you but I read your blog every day. In fact, I can hardly wait to get to my computer to see how you and Maddy are doing or to flicker to see her newest photos. My God, when I first read this post I was crying my eyes out at my desk…. It was well said and you are a fabulous dad!
I usually NEVER read the comments, but for some reason today I did, only to realize that some people really fucking suck. Ugh.
I can’t wait to buy your book!
~Tracy
…your posters rock!! All 370 (yes, minus a few) and let me just say THANK YOU to them for the community of love and acceptance they show- I totally love this blog!!
Hey Matt,
I’ve been reading your blog for about a year and love it. Can’t wait to buy the book.
One of the things that drew me in was both the references to So Cal (where I grew up) and Minnesota (where my husband grew up).
My husband grew up in Plymouth, MN. His mom died when he was 3. HIs dad never remarried and wouldn’t even talk about his mom. When I came along (23 years later) I began asking questions. It made my father-in-law uncomfortable, but I really thought it was silly that my 26 year old husband didn’t even know how his mother died. This January, my father-in-law died and in June we cleaned out his house. The biggest treasure we found was a journal, written by my husband’s mother. It had all of the “firsts” from the first three years of his life. I sat in the living room and cried. She LOVED him and he didn’t know it until he was 45 years old because talking about her made his dad uncomfortable. He totally dishonored her memory by keeping those things from him. It’s hard to be angry with a dead man, but I was!
Know that you are honoring Liz through this blog, your book and the memories that you share with your sweet Maddy, Matt. You are an awesome dad and I commend you.
Blessings,
Kim
(Nampa, ID)
i adore this post, i do.
the milk story sort of makes me want to bawl.
xo.
That last line slayed me. Beautiful post.
Okay, for the 3 people that were negative…..get a life….it is obvious to all of us that have read and followed Matt’s blog that he was/is deeply in love with Liz and Maddie. In loving and caring families, there is always teasing and joking. Life would be boring and dull without it. It is a sign of the deep love that they have/had for each other. You 3 need to grow up and realize that you are missing out in life.You 3 have some serious issues and need professional help.
Matt, you are doing a wonderful job with Maddie. My kids (now 26 and 31) were brought up very much like Maddie….with teasing and joking and love. They are well adjusted young adults that can think on their feet, laugh at themselves, enjoy life to the fullest, and love unconditionally. Keep doing what you’re doing….Maddie is happy (as seen by her pics) and well loved by family, friends, and a loving cyberspace family.
@mynamegoeshere You’re a fuckwit. The end.
Know what struck me Matt?
Before I even read, I saw the photo of Maddy on top. I thought to myself “Wowza…that looks a little Liz!”.
That’s relevant to me, because I am not the kind of woman who usually sees resemblances in people. I have never been good with that “who does she look like” banter.
In reading, the relevance of my thought became clearer. I file my thought under your previously published post which talks of signs.
Matt,
I hope after this post and the MANY comments that have followed you can see how much we love you and thank you for sharing your life with us. Two people(unless it is the same person) cannot erase the fact that the majority of us love, respect, and cherish the relationship you had with Liz and now have with Madeline. Your writing is refreshing and inspiring. Not that I think you would change for anyone but….Just in case, stay true to you and ignore the envious and obviously miserable people that live to drag people down. You are an AMAZING father and we are all better people for “knowing” you and your story.
Thank you,
Melissa
That was so beautiful. I am sitting here in tears.
Great post. It’s amazing how DNA works, and how we have these little characteristics that we really do get from our parents and not just our environment.
I’m actually writing, though, not to comment so much about the post or on the other comments (it’s funny to me how those 3 folks feel the need to tell you how to do things because if you had the personality that got effected (affected?) with those types of things, you probably would’ve closed this blog a long time ago), but I’m writing to share a video with you.
This video reminds me of all the videos you’ve posted of Madeline throwing apples, it’s less than 10 seconds… BUT SO WORTH IT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9a6Ni5ClXc&feature=player_embedded
@mynamegoeshere…and the other negative people that I didn’t have time to scroll and find your names….
GO GET FUCKED WITH SOMETHING BLUNT AND SANDPAPER LIKE!
Be gone ASSHOLES!
To;mynamegoeshere
WoW-you really need to seek help. I hope you are not attempting to raise any children (or animals for that matter) YOU are totally clueless. Clearly you have never been loved nor have you ever loved. My advice to you…don’t worry about Matt and Maddie, they are doing absolutely great under the absolute worst of circumstances. Worry about yourself and the the fact that you have NO idea of what love is nor do you have any self esteem if you did you would be able to sign your name to your idiotic post.
She will amaze you in ways that are just like her mother all the time. Just wait.
Instead of tears you will have smiles.
Matt,
Have fun in the Mpls this weekend!
I’ve been following your blog since I read your first story in the Mpls paper, but have never posted a comment before. I lost my grandfather to brain cancer, and I would give ANYTHING to have him back so he can “tease” me and “make fun” of certain things I liked. I didn’t have a father growing up, so he was my father figure. He gave me a nickname from the time I was born—BRAT. It was a lovely nickname and it fit me perfectly and again, I would give anything to hear him whisper that name to me. You are doing a FANTASTIC job raising a beautiful daughter who will know how much love you had for her mother and how much you love Maddy. Kudos to you, and I can’t wait to read your book!
Matt – You are doing an amazing job, and Maddie will have more than just photographs to remember her mom by, she’ll have you, this blog, and your entire extended family to tell her stories, jokes and things about her mom. Everyone has a unique relationship with those they love, and if you guys joked around about Liz’s funny litter mannerisms, or your love of a fortune telling robot, then thats how it is. Whoever is leaving anonymous comments just doesn’t get it and thinks they do, which is actually really sad. Your book is going to be amazing! I can’t wait!
Will the morning photos come back? I miss ‘em! Or can I just not find ‘em?
Matt… 3 idiots and and 379 others we have your back!
I love crying on lunch break! thank goodness my eyes face away from my cubicle entrance. i am so happy you continued this blog, Matt – i hope it gives you at least an ounce of comfort each time to help you get through the hard times.
My Preston (also a blondie) was born days before Maddy, and get so excited for a sippy of milk each morning, he forces out a fake laugh/giggle.
My father died when I was 2, I have some memories of him but need pictures to help them along. The funny thing is I am told constantly that I have his mannerisims and temperment. There really is not explaniation for this since I never really knew him or experienced his approach to conflict or stress. It is not unusual to be just like a parent you never knew. It could just be in the wiring.
Such a beautiful post, Matt. Made me cry. I have followed your blog almost from the beginning, but rarely post. You are such a wonderful father. Maddy is such a beautiful little girl. I can’t wait for her to talk too. I hope you post lots of videos!
goosebumps.
and tears.
mynamegoeshere & @jennifer:
I usually don’t post, I just lurk. However after reading your posts I had to comment that I literally laughed at your ignorance. In a small way I am saddened…saddened that your family life must be really, really boring.
I am thankful that I grew up in a family that did nothing but tease, make fun of, and fucking downright insult one another at times. I believe this innocent behavior molded me into the “strong” woman I am today…not to mention I have a great fucking sense of humor.
So with that said…Matt, you are doing wonderful. Just think, in about 20 years you and Maddy will be sharing a cocktail, while making fun of assholes like “mynamegoeshere & jennifer”. At least that’s what my dad and I do.
Thank you, thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your life with us.
WOW some of you people are just vile!
Beautiful post, thanks for writing and sharing.
How many times are you all going to feed the trolls.
Don’t feed the trolls. Don’t feed the trolls. Don’t feed the trolls. Don’t feed the trolls.
For the love of everything good don’t feed the trolls lol
Have a safe flight to MN and a great weekend, the weather should be beautiful. I will be thinking of you and your family
Hey Matt,
LOL…damn some folks need to get a sense of humor, no? Aren’t you lucky that you have so many people in your life that defend you. And some of these are people that you have never met in real life. That is a blessing in itself.
You and Maddy are lucky to have had Liz in your lives and it’s evident from Maddy’s clapping that LIz will continue to be a part of your lives forever. Don’t ever lose that. Tease Maddy all you want. When she get’s older, she’s going to love you for it.
God Bless the both of you.
Myrna
Some say they can’t wait until Maddie can talk, I can’t wait until she can read.
You are evolving into an amazing writer. And this blog is an amazing gift to your daughter.
Thank you for letting us share it as well.
Beautiful, Matt. She’s going to have a beautiful spirit, like her mom…and her dad!
Absolutely beautiful and heartwarming post. It made me tear. Matt, you have a wonderful way with words!
She is adoreable!! I just saw you guys on the rachel ray show this morning.. (I live in Sweden..) I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a great job, Maddie seems to be such a happy little girl.. Keep up the good work!
//Lovisa
Heartbreaking. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to see your wife in your daughter.
Really touching post, Matt. It’s so obvious to me (and most of your readers, I’m sure) how much you loved Liz, and how utterly you adore Maddy.
It must be so amazing and so heartbreaking, all at once, to see Liz in Maddy–so bittersweet. I hope that someday it’ll just be sweet.
Beautifully written, as always. Thanks for sharing your gift and your life with us!
You’re an amazing father and obviously were a wonderful husband. Don’t let anyone ever make you doubt yourself. You have proved yourself with your actions over and over. It is sad to me that people are so negative but you just keep that positive flow coming. It’s inspiring to 99.9% of us and I, among many others, get so much from you. I’d like to thank you for sharing your joys and your sorrows with us. I’d like to THANK YOU for helping me to look at life in a different way….in a more appreciative, gratifying way.
Matt, You’re an amazing dad.. I wish I could have been so lucky to have a dad that showed me he loved me in so many ways like you are doing for your beautiful little girl!
You don’t seem the type to let some coward who can’t even add a name to their shithead comments get to you
Matt-
Did you hear Maddy??? Mama’s in India! I hope your upcoming trip there with Maddy will bring you both closer to her in spirit. Keep up the good work, you’re doing a great job!
Have you shown Maddy some video, perhaps…?
Too painful, still…?
goodness, quite the comments on this one!
I agree anyone who wants to judge should first take the plank from their own eye before they remove a speck in another. Read Matthew 7 if you need further direction.
Before all the drama, I just wanted to comment on your amazing memory Matt! Wow, to remember that Liz did such ‘n such while reading a dessert menu and the other examples (sorry, I’m expecting, my memory is junk right now) is awesome!
Love the sweet picture of you, Liz, and Madeline at the beginning. Way to throw in some humor though with those pictures from India. I’m sure Maddy thinks quite a bit of her mama…as do you.
peace and Joy!
Awe Matt that was beautiful!
I am teased/made fun of all of the time by my family and that’s one of the things I love about my family. We can dish it and we can take it. There is endless laughter! My fiance loves to “make fun” of me for my quirks but those are the things that he really loves about me.
Thank you for that post!
matt,
great post, as always. you had me in tears. i just have to try to remember not to read your blog at work because my coworkers get slightly concerned when i start to sniffle (i am definitely not the sniffling kind).
your daughter is beautiful, and you know in your heart you’re doing the right thing.
dna is a stronger bond you can imagine, like it or not: i have probably seen my father about a dozen times in my whole life (i’m over 30). people from my mom’s side who did know him always point out how i have some of his mannerisms – which do annoy me since i couldn’t care less.
also, please do realize i am not defending the crazies in any way, but there are some unfortunate people out there in great deal of pain and having misguided judgement because they were bullied and ridiculed by their parents. i have a friend whose asshole father made her every day a living hell until she moved away from home. fortunately she was able to get counseling and had great people who supported her all the way through. her reactions are sometimes very harsh but she has developed a decent filter thruout the years. she does realize when she is out in the left field with her comments and reactions. sadly, it seems like there are others who were not as lucky.
all the best for your and maddy! it’s time to start packing!
Beautiful Matt! Yes, you can’t take the Liz out of the gorgeous girlie. Will be fun when she can use her words to get action. Hugs.
Hi, I just though I would pass on this great idea I saw on a blog I follow. Here is the link
http://chasingcheerios.blogspot.com/2009/09/showing-growth.html
She takes a picture of her daughter each year wearing her wedding dress to show how much she is growing… I just though it might be really cute to have Madeline wear something of liz’s and take pictures each year till it finally fits her
Amazing post…makes me think of all the children who have lost a parent and don’t have the other parent telling their story. You are doing such a service to Maddy by sharing your thoughts, feelings and memories of Liz by writing about her.
Maddy will never “know” her mother, but she will “KNOW” her mother because of you. You are an amazing father who should be so proud of what you are doing for your beautiful little girl. Hug her tight…and like one of your other commenters said…please let her listen to some of that “shitty pop music” for Liz’s sake!!
Thank you for sharing your life with us…we are so fortunate to know you!
Liz will always be with you through Maddy and it is starting to show. Keep up the great work. Be blessed
Hi Matt. My husband and I are expecting our first daughter, Elise, this winter. If something should happen to me I would feel so honored knowing my husband was making sure she knew me. Maddy is a lucky girl and Liz is smiling down on the two of you. Good luck Matt.
This is my first time commenting. What a beautiful post. How insightful. I agree with others – this one should go in your book.
Your daughter is beautiful. She looks exactly like her mother.
Matt,
I have never commented before, but this post was awesome. It’s not often that a blog makes me teary.
By the way, I firmly intend, if and when I have kids, to have teasing be part of my parenting technique. When I was about 4, my dad was tucking me into bed and said, “Good night, pumpkinhead.” Before I left, I asked in a concerned voice, “Dad, does my head really look like a pumpkin?” Laughing, he replied, “Sure does!” That remains one of my favorite stories from my childhood, and I definitely dish it out to him now!
Your daughter is beautiful and you are doing an amazing job with her. One day, when she can understand, she will be so proud of all the ways she is just like her mom. Shortly after my mom died (Jan 23, 2007) I purchased a plaque that reads “Like Mother Like Daughter… the best compliment I could receive” and I cherish that plaque and everyway I see my momma in myself. Think of you and Maddy often.
This is about one of my fave blog posts. Thank you for having the balls to share it all with the world.
Beautiful Matt! You are an amazing writer. Thanks for making me cry…yet again.
I am new to your blog. I loved this post. Even though I haven’t read a ton, the absolutely most notable thing about it-the thing that makes me want to read it everyday now-is that you so love your daughter and wife.
“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.” (Tolstoy) To me this is what your blog is all about.
Thank you and have a wonderful trip. Love to you and Maddy.
Those are some amazing photo’s you have hanging around your house.
Mine are from 10 years ago when I was still in my hippy phase
:::::::::hanging head in shame::::::::::
I’m sorry you have to go through all of this without Liz.
As a survivor of a horrid death, I’ll tell you what my grandma told me when I asked her for advice.
She’s 96 and has outlived 5 husbands, 10 brothers and sisters and a son.
I asked her what she did to get through all of that pain.
She said “You just have to find a way to learn to live with it.”
I think of her words on the daily.
Some days I think to myself “I don’t want to have to live with the god damnit!
It shouldn’t be like this in the first place.”
It’s not the same. I exploded into a million pieces that day and I can’t find them all to put myself back together.
But in a sense I have figured out how to live again.
It does get better.
what the hell, they have Rachel Ray in Sweden and we don’t over here?? No fair! Not b/c of RR but, b/c I would have loved to see the episode with you 2!
As usual beautiful post…
Liz would probably be making fun of @noname right now, haha. And, thank Goodness for that DNA, Maddy will never feel that she was made fun of by you, Matt, or that you made fun of her mother.
Asalamu Alaykom,
As always, we can focus on the positive or the negative. Matt does a great job on doing that.
I wish commentators would do the same.
If someone cr*ppy leaves a dumb comment, just let it sail into oblivion. All that attention on a negative just takes away from the greatness which is this blog.
At the end of the day, Matt truly has a lot to deal with BUT he has been blessed with a sense of humor, thank God. I can’t say the same with everyone.
Matt, I’ve never commented before and I’m not sure why. Just wanted to say how much I loved this post though. Your writing is brilliant.
today is my daughter’s 6th birthday, I will think of you and Liz and Madeline when we sing happy birthday later today.
First, know that what you are doing through your writing is going to give your daughter a wonderful feeling for who her mother was. Second, I also have a balsy-take-no-shit almost-18 month old little girl…and I’m fairly certain it’s an inherited trait…
her pictures hold the moments, the stories hold the memories but Madeline carries Liz with her everyday and everywhere she goes.
much love & peace.
Liz and I got so frustrated at the Macy’s shoe department once that the manager actually sent the women who was helping us home for the day!
I would pay to see Madeline do the clapping. You described it so well that I feel like I’m back with Liz…xo
I totally believe she knows her mama more than anyone could ever know
Beautiful. Beyond any picture.
Matt….you fucking rock! Forget the asses that think they know what you go through every day.
Keep on rockin’!
Fucking crying. So tragic for Maddy, and yet she’s so lucky to have you.
How do you do it? Yet another post that made me chuckle, laugh, then laugh with a snort, and tear up, all in one.
Wow, that is amazing! I often wonder if Noah (my 16 month old) will have any traits of his birthparents.
Gut instinct. Gut.
This post was great — reminds me of some of your earliest posts… easy to feel what you’re saying and to be touched by it.
And good grief — the meanies need to stop it.
First of all, I want to give Matt a huge HUG. For someone that stated that he hoped he wouldn’t screw up his daughter, I would like to let him know that I find him an inspiration. I have four children that I love dearly and a husband that helps me out as much as he can. We still fail as parents to give our children what they deserve. What I see in Matt is not a guy trying to “make up” for his daughter not having a mother. But a guy treasuring EVERY moment he has with this beautiful girl, his last tangible piece of his wife.
I lost my father in January. He would have been 60 today. Let me tell you that it is easier to remember the goof ups, the laughs, the jokes. It can make you laugh again when you think that it just isn’t possible to be happy. It’s the serious things that get you, that break you and bring you to your knees.
I still laugh at the tricks my kids would play on their Grandpa. That’s easy. But for the life of me I cannot think about him at my wedding, at the birth of my children, the talks we would have at the kitchen table without bursting into tears.
Matt deserves a place where he can be real, where he can let all his feelings show. He does not have to share this with us. It is not our right to know what is going on in this man’s life day by day hour by hour. It is a privilege to be let into his world. I think we all need to remember that and thank him for his honesty and his willingness to open up his life to people he doesn’t know.
I thank you , Matt. From the bottom of my heart I appreciate every real and true word that you post. Every bit of light you shine on your short but wonderful life with the amazing woman you were blessed to call your wife. And every picture that you share of your precious daughter. I wish only the best for you.
Many Blessings
Matt, you write so beautifully. May you find some peace with your daughter on this difficult day. Maddie is adorable.
I suspect namegoeshere and jennifer are one in the same. I had more to say about that but just read the comment “don’t feed the trolls” lmao…. I think I will abide….love that.
Matt Peace Love and Happiness to you and little miss maddie!
crying today over this post more than i did the first time i read it!! love the way you are so honest and loving with maddy!! you are such an amazing person for all you do, matt…maddy is one lucky girl to have you as her daddy!!
Matt…
First time poster here, although I’ve been addicted to your blog since I first ran into it a few months ago. I am not generally a crier, but honestly, I’m pleasantly surprised when your new posts DON’T make me bawl because more often than not, I just lose it- even if I’m smiling through the tears. My heart aches for you- the simultaneous joy and pain must be just so immense and overwhelming- I imagine, as I have not suffered a loss of this magnitude and cannot imagine what strength it would take to get through most days… Your love for these girls that mean the world to you is just so touching and your words are so raw and descriptive and moving…
I often think about how Maddy and my also very blond little toddler twins Ellie and Simon should be friends- even if just so that it would give me the excuse to hang out with you- you are just good people, Matt. A fabulous father and a wonderful and caring person. I just think Liz would be so overwhelmed with pride in the good that the foundation that you created literally in her name will do and in the wonderful father you are to little Maddy.
And seriously- even though my husband thinks he is way funnier than I think he is, I would never have bothered to get to know him if he didn’t have the sense of humor that he does. You would not survive this if you did not look at the world through the hilariously cynical and fun colored glasses that you do.
Keep on keeping on, Matt- I hope you feel the love that we readers (most of us, anyway) send to you day by day.
That was not as articulate as I would have liked, but give me a break here, I’m still wiping tears and snot away as I type…
Matt (and Maddy)~
I lost my husband two weeks ago today in a accident, three weeks after our first child was born, I have been following your blog for months now but now that I have read this post, I have tears in my eyes because I am already seeing my husband in my little girl. Please keep posting, I am sure that you can see how many lives you are touching, dont listen to what other people say, it is not worth even a second look.
beautiful! and you are doing a great job!!
Sad. I know one day I’ll lose the love of my life also. Genetic brain disease. Don’t know if I’ll make it without him. I cherish every day I have with him. Unfortunately, we can’t have any children. Be grateful for what you have, not sad for what you’ve lost.
Just beautiful. You have me in tears once again.
Matt,I’m just another stranger, I found your blog through another friend last weekend and have been trying to read all week during nap times. I finished reading all the previous posts today and I’ve cried, smiled, and laughed. You are an amazing dad and Maddy is beautiful! This post had me sobbing all over again, and it was so beautifully written. You’re doing great Matt, keep up the good work!
Having been a long time lurker, I feel compelled to finally comment. Your posts are always emotional, and you never hold back-one of the things I’ve always appreciated about your writing. But this one, more than any other, really got me–the last line in particular. It broke my heart and made me smile deep inside, all at the same time.
Every time I read what you write…
YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY
About the nasty people with the nasty comments:
What you dont like and criticize
IS USUALLY WHAT YOU ARE INSIDE
Matt-
It was a great walk today. It was neat to see you and Maddie. I feel like I know you now,… from reading your blog. I walked with Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary, she’s my neighbor, and Tracey (my friend who works with your parents). I think it’s really great what you’re doing. I was glad to support the cause.
I have a son who was born a month after Maddie.
I have a blog too. I hope it’s okay if I post a picture of you guys from the walk. I wanted to let a few more people know about it and link to your site. If you get a chance, take a look. I plan to post it tomorrow, (sunday). Get back to me ASAP if you don’t want a photo of you guys on there. Thanks, Susan
Love this……this hits home for me! my daughter who is 18 months never met her father. he passed away 5 weeks before she was born. i truly believe this!!! Soooo hard to think about sometimes but soooo true!
This is an absolutely beautiful piece, Matt! You and Maddy do justice to Liz every day. You two make me beam.
To the best partners in crime I’ve ever witnessed!
If you guys are ever in DC, I’m good at holding a camera
Matt,
This one hits me close as I recall the early times after my wife’s PE death. Accepting that our newborn would only remember what she saw in pictures of her few hours of nursing with her mother was a gut wrenching revelation for me.
What was worse was later realizing two of my older children would have similarly vague memories of her. 4 and 6 at the time, my daughters ask me about her, seek to understand this woman who gave them life and completed mine. They were Tracey’s whole world and she was fading fast into stories and photos for them.
Only my oldest, eight at the time, still has vivid memories of his mom; a weight of storytelling unfairly placed upon him.
I created a blog about her for them–a sort of living photo book about our life together and chose to keep it private. It’s personal. They visit it often. But, it doesn’t bridge the divide.
I admire what you’re doing here for other dads–and Maddy. Recognizing where you are is an important step to healing; many more steps await you.
Having already lived through seven of those anniversaries and seven of Tracey’s birthdays, I’m again writing you to say: life will continue, Maddy will grow, and that which you do with pureness of motive will define you; all else will only distract and detract from the legacy of who you are to that little girl. And, that, Matt, is everything.
You’re a smart guy. I’m sure you get my meaning. If I can be of help as you take the steps Maddy needs you to take beyond where you are, please know you have a kindred and welcoming ally in me. As I tell my babies, our road ahead twists and bends, but it never ends.
All the best,
Charlie.
Oh God, now I’m crying. How is it possible to mourn someone you never knew? Every time you make me cry, I think that I won’t read anymore, because who needs to cry for distant things when there are so many immediate problems. But you’re helping us all get to know Liz, just as you will Madeline, and it turns out she’s not so distant after all.
Damn. I don’t even have another word. It’s just, Damn.
I love the way you wrote this.
Matt,
I watch your blog just about every day from the very beginning. The pictures of Liz are stunning…the pictures of Maddy? STUNNING! The pictures of you and Maddy….again…STUNNING! Your words could never say it better for your beautiful daughter to remember her gorgeous Mom. I’m sure you have heard about this website > http://www.blurb.com – where you can make Maddy her very own personalized little (or large)book of all of your faves of Liz, with blurbs underneath (or on the sides) that Maddy would cherish forever and know who her Mommy is separate from all of the other gorgeous pics in your home.
While you are at it (I know you are busy) but I am an AVON eRep where there are the most adorable items (clothing, bath fun, etc.) for children, as well as for women AND men! Check out my website: http://www.youravon.com/leslieward and maybe we could get a fundraiser going to help toward Liz’s Foundation? I would love to help out in any way that I possibly could. Just pop your ideas my way (lward@hargray.com)and we just may have a winner!
Keep up your wonderful work at being the best Dad that you are, and I DO hope to hear from you and Maddy!
Beautiful. I only know you guys through your words and photos, but boy she sure seems to be her Mama’s girl. I live in Minneapolis and recently referred someone (friend of a friend) to the foundation. His wife died shortly after their son was born earlier this month. (They’re from Stillwater.) I don’t know if you’ll hear from him, but I tell everyone I can about LLF. I think it’s great what you’re doing; I imagine not many people have your strength…
Matt,
Like most of your work, this post made a mess of me. As tragic as your loss has been, your work of finding traces of beauty in the aftermath are just as powerful. I, and my co-founders at BlogHer, agreed with the community that this post deserves to be included as one of the top of the past week. Here’s our write up:
http://www.blogher.com/bloghers-week-lesbian-dad-spin-me-i-pulsate-and-matt-liz-and-madeline
Thanks for your amazing work!
–Jory
For Jory, Lisa, and Elisa
BlogHer Co-Founders
Beautiful post, Matt.
Speachless.
tears & laughter all at once
Your words are amazing
Maddy will know Liz better than some people know the parents they grow up with.
Matt,
Amazing. I get it. Totally. Although the circumstances of losing our spouses are so very different, loss is loss.
Eight years in, I watch my 10 1/2 year-old son make a face or expression his dad would make and it’s bittersweet. His dad died when he was only 2.
I watch my 9 year-old daughter pour over a wedding album she has confiscated and calls her own so she can memorize a man that left when she was 6 months old.
It is still sad. It is always bittersweet. And it gets easier. Keep doing such an amazing job memorializing the other person that created your Maddy.
I usually have a lot to say… Too much to say… But this post leaves me speechless.
Absolutely one of the most beautiful and eloquent things I have read in a long time…
Love you, love Madeline, love Liz. You always make me cry and you always remind me of what’s important. Thank you for that! Oh, and you’re doing an amazing job! xoxo.
I’ve been following your blog from afar, but haven’t had a chance to comment until now. This post made me cry! Okay, this post made me bawl my eyes out.
I first heard of your blog from a TV show where you were interviewed in. I surfed in again via BlogHer. Your story has touched millions…even from afar.
Big hugs for you and Maddy. She is such a beautiful girl. When you wrote of how she is like Liz through and through, it made me smile. Beautiful, beautiful post.
I understand your post. I have not wrote before but I too lost my spouse. I lost him 3 weeks prior to the birth of my son. My husband was driving to get flowers to plant in the yard. He wanted everything to look perfect. However, on his way he was in a fatal car accident. My son looks at the pictures and he knows who he is but will never truly known him. I do have a blog but I have also wrote in a journal months before my son was born was able to tell him some things that his daddy was doing at the time. It changed gears after the accident to now be more about the memories I shared with my husband along with the every day memories I now have or we now share. It has been 2 years now, still hard but getting easier. I never thought I would say that. Today I have been trying to reach out to others that lose a spouse too soon. There was no one there I could talk to to help so now I try to be there for them. By doing that it helps me to heal and it helps to keep the memory of my husband alive. Keep doing what you are doing, it is truly awesome. I know our children will never know them like we do but they will know they are loved and were loved by their lost love one.
Mstt, this post made me cry. Maddy is so blessed to have you, and you are so blessed to have her. Liz is closer than you think.
how sweet to know the bond between mum and daughter!
Fuck. That just made me bawl, and I am at work, and had to close my office door.
You are amazing. Your wife is proud of you, wherever she is right now, looking down on you and your beautiful daughter. If there is a Heaven, or an afterlife, or a thereafter, whatever you want to call it, she is there – clapping her hands under her chin at the wonderful job you are doing at raising her little girl.
This morning, I stared at my 17 month old and thought, “Wow, she looks nothing like me. Not one tad of a resemblance.” I sulked and went to work.
You made me realize just how much she is me. More of a resemblance than I realized……
Thank you, Matt. Thank you, Liz. Thank you, Madeline.
Have a safe trip to India.
Wow. That is so beautiful and I love the idea that she absolutely knows her Mama down to every fiber of her being.
Thank you for this post, Matt. I’m taken aback by the beauty of it.
Beautifully expressed. My mother passed when I was 4 months old – I hold my pencil in the odd fist grasping way she did, I make up odd recipes involving corn flakes, pork shops and maple syrup like she did, I make the same expressions and gestures. I never knew her but I know her through these small things.
Wow…I am not a crier. At all. But this one made me cry…I hope and pray that in the event that something should happen to my husband or myself, that we will carry on the kind of legacy, of ourselves for our son, that you are carrying on of Liz for Maddy. You are a true inspiration and that little girl is very blessed to have you as her daddy and to know that she will know her mommy and her mommy’s memory because of you.
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[...] photos & dna — from matt, liz and madeline, by Matt Logelin, a single dad who lost his wife when their only daughter was just two days old [...]