that should have
been us,
three, sitting in the
courtyard, you being
fed by her,
me shooting
photos until the
battery died or the
camera card
was full.
instead, i watch
them through the sunglasses
that hide the
tears that flow,
flowing because i’m
writing about the
moment that
she
died.
and there they
are, where we
should be,
enjoying a quiet
lunch together,
as a family
of three.
three we’ll never
be, but two,
yes two.
a family, but
not the one
i would have
taken for granted
if she
were here,
making you eat
your lunch while i
put the camera down
and checked my blackberry
for new messages,
just like that
guy over there.
i wanna tell him,
tell them,
how lucky they
are, but i don’t think
they’ll listen.
he’s too busy,
she’s too focused.
maybe i’ll write
this on a napkin
and drop it
on their table
on my way out
the door…
11 Comments
Did you?
Your writing is coming along beautifully.
I hope you did. It would be a gift that family will never forget. It could change their current perspective and open their eyes to a beautiful blessing. Your blog, your photos, your journey, your moment-by-moment love for your little girl….oh, what that could do for an unsuspecting family that you care about. Because you do care….because you are living it and you *know*…..
As if your blog isn’t enough of a reminder — this post reconfirms what I know to be true and hold dear.
Enjoy India. Lovin’ the pics.
Erica
beautiful words as always…
This post is heartbreaking. Writing this book must make everything raw and fresh again.
I’m so sorry.
On another note, Matt’s blog has a B-Side. Neat.
I do that …I watch couples/families, sometimes with so much envy and sometimes with disgust. All the hopes and dreams lost …
When you feel the urge to do this, to leave a note, to say something…DO. Maybe they won’t take your advice, but I am betting 9.5 out of 10 times they will. It will have an impact. We all need wake up calls like that sometimes.
I wonder if you know- even as so many of us tell you- how amazing you are at expressing everything and what a beautiful job you are doing with Maddy. You are an inspiration for so many reasons. Just keep being you, doing what you are doing. And thank you for sharing.
Having lost my fiance and son’s father last year, I see stuff like this often and it always makes me sad as I look at happy couples, happy families, and wish I could still have that myself. It’s hard not to envy them. And I too think about how lucky they are and yes, how maybe they don’t realize it, realize how special that moment right there is or should be.
Three total strangers, you, Liz and Madeline, have had a profound impact on how we live our lives. When I think of what kind of person I want to be, what kind of mom, what kind of wife. All of it. Enjoying the moment because we don’t know what the next moment will bring. Looking at the bigger picture rather than get stuck down in the muddy parts of life. Thank you. Because of the three of you, life is better.
If you’d left a note on my table, I would have been a little shocked, but it certainly would have been an eye-opener..and important reminder to stop taking everything for granted and just assuming it’s going to be here always for us.
Your blog has made me quite pensive these past few weeks, Matt. When I read your stories like this, I feel guilty, because my family is that family of 3 you and Maddy observed. My high school sweetheart is still with me, and my little 2-year old blonde daughter to rely on hearing stories about her mommy or daddy from other people who can only tell her stories and show her pictures. And I feel absolutely wretched for you that you had that taken from you and I’m so, so sorry.
But you also give me an incredible amount of hope that there are a lot of good human beings out there…a lot of strangers that can become good friends. I hope that other families that have gone through similar tragedies can read your story and gain some measure of healing and support by traveling this road with you.
You may not have left that note on the table for that family of three, but it did get leff on my “table”. Thank you for the kick in the ass to stop worrying about the little things that don’t mean a thing and to really savor the times we have together as a family. It can change in the blink of an eye.
i’m going to get the phrase
“how lucky they are” as a tattoo.. it just says so much to me Matt. thank you.