we
walked here,
in the same place
you now stand,
through a uttar pradeshian summer,
the two of
us,
hand-in-hand until
we could no longer.
still we walked
near one another,
separated by it,
yet kept close
because of it.
we learned about this
place, hearing how it
and a lack of water
drove them
from here.
we both understood
then, why otherwise
rational human beings
would leave behind
years of hard work and
forgo such beauty;
it was the same
reason we let go
of one another.
the wind
blowing in from
the desert,
bringing with it
that heat…
heat that feels
like a
hair dryer blowing in
your face while
you stand in
a sauna.
but today,
we, you and me,
we stand here.
summer is
over, and that heat,
that heat
is gone.
but i can still
feel it,
and it is
something i’ll revel
in until i can
no longer feel.
and you.
you feel her.
i’m sure of it,
because i can
see her in
you.
the smile on
your face,
the way you
hold my hand,
and the way you
let it go…
so walk where
we walked,
stand where
she stood
and together,
we will feel
something.
64 Comments
Wow, your words are so powerful. You’re a pillar of strength and you know you that you are you! Otherwise how else could you make this trip and right these words!! Beautiful, simply beautiful!!
Hope your trip is everything you wanted it to be and MORE!!
Your words and the last photo are heart wrenching and filled with such emotion. I’m so glad India is letting you feel these emotions so strongly, letting you put such beautiful thoughts down on paper / on the computer.
Beautiful post Matt! I’m crying here at work. So touching. You are an amazing father and I’m so glad to be able to “share” this adventure with you all. You have touched my heart in ways you will never know and thank you for that. I hope you continue to have a wonderful and safe time in India. Now get some sleep, the sun rises early!! :0)
Matt,
These photos and the words you write with them are so incredibly beautiful. I’ve read your blog for awhile and I cried a lot when I first started reading. As Maddy grew and time passed I smiled and laughed more at your posts. But this photo-post brought the tears back. Your love for Liz and for Maddy is just so evident…and really, your writing is so incredible! (Can’t wait to read the book…) You’re an amazing father for bringing Maddy to the places you and Liz love and allowing her to “stand where she stood.”
Thank you, as always, for sharing.
Rita
Matt that is beautiful. Hugs to you and Maddy.
Your words, your memories are so touching.
The last two pictures are beautiful. (Well, they all are, but you know what I’m trying to say…)
The last pic of you and Maddy is super sweet, and it look like there’s a heart in the clouds – an even sweeter coinscidence. <3 <3 <3
Safe travels to you, Maddy and Rachel.
Sorry for the language, but I don’t know what else to say…that was SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!
wow. that was very moving. i love to follow your adventures. one criticism…you should let down your guard and smile more. if not for you then for maddy. she will look back on all of this and appreciate and love so much what you have done for her, but may wonder why you rarely looked happy with her…even if you were feeling it. your words are not the only memories you are making. a picture says a thousand words and most of yours are priceless! something to consider, i hope i haven’t offended.
You got me again Matt. You are giving Madeline such an amazing gift. For that you are truly an amazing person.
WOW!!! Beautiful……. <3
I have the biggest lump in my throat and tears running down my face. So very beautiful: words and pictures, past and present.
These moments must be so bittersweet for you. This trip must be both magical and heartbreaking. I am sure that none of this is easy…but it is a journey that hopefully ends with your happiness and peace.
Be well.
There are just no words. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, as well as with Maddy.
These words today hit closer to home than any other day. Today is my Moms birthday. She died 17 years ago, when I was a small child. I have longed for a way to feel close to her, and have needed to feel that many times in my life. These words will heal more than just you, more than just her, but many many hurting souls.
Absolutely beautiful, Matt………………….
yes – maddy smiles liz’s great big smile….and now you are smiling more too. and that – that is fucking awesome.
Wow Matt. That really got me. Your writing is absolutely beautiful as always. I can’t wait to hear about the rest of your adventure. You are doing an amazing job. Continued safe travels my “friend”.
you’re such a gifted writer, matt. i can hardly wait for the book to come out.
all I can do
is applaud.
you can’t hear it,
but it’s there.
in my soul.
Maddie is lucky to have you.
Beautiful, simply beautiful.
awesome post. seriously.
Your words bring me to tears all the time. So much love you have for both your girls…
incredible post…I have chills and tears in my eyes.
AMAZING
Wow – this is really powerful and has me crying at my desk. You really are an amazing father.
That is absolutely beautiful!
You amaze and inspire me!
Everything/everytime you write, I think confirms that you made the right decision for you and Maddy!
That was really beautiful and now I am crying! It is so special to have the same pictures of Maddy where Liz has been. I know that it’s so hard but it’s so worth the trip for both of you. I love that you share this with us and the beautiful pictures.
beautiful and evocative and sad. thank you for sharing this with everyone. i wish you the best.
Your thoughts, your words, your love…all amazing! What a wonderful man, father, husband! You have brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart!
Amazing… beautfully written thoughts of a true love…. tears… sending you and Maddy hugs XX
Your words and pictures never cease to move me to tears. Such a wonderful experience for all of you.
Simply amazing writing, as always.
“A landscape builds with us, the sum of its natural and cultural elements, of all that has happened there, of our memories of those things, of the stories we tell about our recollections, of the characters that people those stories. We weave all these threads together on the loom of a landscape, and the word ‘place” becomes shorthand for the fabric we make.”
-Ted Leeson, Jerusalem Creek: Journey’s into a Driftless Country
I have chills Matt. The pictures and the words are incredible. You are an amazing father and husband. Madeline is extremely lucky to have you.
There are no words just tears. How beautiful.
I cry in every blog you write…and I’m sure the book is going to be a sobfest. Yet, I cannot wait.
I could almost feel the blow dryer in my face. I SO KNOW that feeling!!! And how you want to hold on but have no choice but to let go. And then you find each other again, somehow.
Beautiful photos. The one of Liz might be one of my favorites that I have seen of her.
Lots of love to all of you!
oh fuck. I can’t cry at work.
I know that you know you’re doing a wonderful thing – I can only imagine how proud of you Maddy will be when she’s older, to see how much you really want her to know her mom. It will bring her such peace to know she’s been where her mother was. You’re a wonderful father, and Maddy is a beautiful little girl.
This is beautiful. I completely believe Liz is with you, always watching, always smiling, because this is beautiful.
Beyond amazing. She may not be here, but you have not stopped being her loving husband and in honoring her memory, you are giving your daughter a huge gift. I love that you took this trip.
Speechless… so amazing!
Your words are so beautiful, but with those photos I just burst into tears. So very powerful.
Jeez, what are you trying to do to us
Wow.
that really put a heartfelt smile on my face tonight.
So, so beautiful… my heart goes out to all three of you. I have so many words I would like to express, but sometimes words fail…
You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love as you continue on your journey.
More and more Matt your posts make me laugh, cry, smile. Maybe because I’m reading more, feeling like I know you more- but likely your writing skills are developing as well with all the writing you’ve been doing. You’re clearly going through and feeling things that are unexplainable. And somehow you manage to make us, your dedicated readers and followers, feel them. Amazing.
Dammit Matt. Tears yet again from your amazing (my favorite word to describe you) words.
wow i have never laughed and cryed so hard at the same time i have read all the blogs i think!but your story is so amazing i wish my dad had you when my mother passed your blogs kind of help me to understand my own dad better with your story you are him and iam maddie i never really understood what he went thru raising four kids after my mom passed and with your help i do thank your matt for sharing your story with the world only difference was childrens services was waiting after to funeral to see if he wanted to give us up and his response was what i think your would have been fuck off lol any way thank you from the bottom of my heart you and maddie will be in my prayers and cant wait for the book
Breathtaking!
Absolutley beautiful. You have a wonderful way with words.
Matt, I’ve read this before, but I just read it again, and now I can’t stop the tears. Your words touch the soul.
I sigh. In empathy and with a knot in my throat.
Your daughter is so incredibly lucky to have you and have had Liz as her mom. What an incredible and valuable journey the two of you are on together. So glad to see some peace come to you and your family.
i look forward to these photo posts. they’re amazing.
go ahead and put me down for a pre-order on your book.
Amazing…that’s all I can really say. <3
These pictures are my favorite. Maddy will treasure these pictures of her standing exactly where her mother once stood. You are giving her an amazing gift.
Beautiful words. Stunning photographs. Crying as usual.
awesome.
This is so, so beautiful.
I’m trying to figure out how I missed this post when you originally published it a few weeks back. My Google Reader must be defective!
This is one of the most beautiful entries you’ve ever written.
I’m in awe of your courage and strength, not to mention your unbelievable writing and photography skills.
Breath Taking
I said you were my friend…
I was at work, then a coworker said that we needed to get a changing table for the ladies restroom, since all the moms had trouble changing their babies without it. I said, and it came out naturally, that if we were going to do that, we should also put one in the men restroom, because I had a friend (you) that is always having problems to change his baby since they don’t put changing tables in the men restrooms.
I don’t know you personally, I believe you have never been to my country, you wouldn’t imagine that I exist, or that I read you, but through your blog, your stories, I feel I have come to know you so much, and that’s why I call you my friend. Even though you don’t know me, you have a friend in Latin America. Maddy has a stranger friend here and the frienship grows bigger and bigger with each word I read.
THANK YOU for touching my soul like that. I’m sure that Liz is absolutely proud of you both. I care deeply for you and Maddy, God Bless you!
(This was my first time commenting)
Hugs!
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