early the next
morning we were
back in the
car with our driver, daniel
and on our way
to agra.
but before going to
agra, we stopped at
place i visited with
liz
back in 2006.
this was the
real start of the
trip for me.
time to confront
the memories i’d been
seeking since
we arrived in india,
and to share them
with madeline.
we arrived, and things
were a little different.
instead of driving
right up to
the entrance, we had
to abandon our
car and driver
and drive up in
a non-polluting vehicle.
and this time,
we went in a different gate.
i remember the place
so well.
last time we were
here it was
unbearably hot,
like 117°f (42°c)
and we were
both a little
more than uncomfortable, but
liz,
she was really
not dealing with
she complained almost
the entire time, but
she had a great
sense of humor
about it,
letting me snap some
photos of her reenacting
her mini tantrum.
but this day,
3 years and
a few months later,
we
were here,
and it was a
hell of a lot cooler.
which is great,
because if i’ve
learned anything on
this trip, it’s
that madeline is more
her mother’s daughter
than she is
her father’s daughter.
and thanks to
the lack
of heat, we
were able to explore
much more than we
got to
on our last trip.
we walked around
for a bit,
hearing about the
history of the place
from a guide,
while snapping some photos.
we walked through
a doorway
and it came back
in a way i
didn’t anticipate.
i stood in the doorway,
frozen for a
few seconds,
trying to slice
the past from
the present.
that water tank.
we walked there.
but this time
we could only
mind the sign.
we did
some more walking
and some more remembering
and with some
of most ear-piercing
screams of all time,
maddy let me know
that she was ready
to get out
and explore on her own.
her independence only
lasted a few seconds
before she dragged me here:
and i told you
earlier that it
wasn’t hot.
well, it was,
just not as
hot as it was when
we were last here.
like her mom
a few years
earlier, madeline
pitched a serious fit
and just like her mom,
madeline took refuge
in the shady spots
but unlike her
mom,
she
decided that
the best way
to cool down
would be to lie
down on the ground.
the rest of the
tourists didn’t know what
to make of her,
so they largely
ignored her.
(a couple of old ladies gave me disapproving looks, but i didn’t give a shit. my kid was happy and not damaging anything/anyone so i let her lie there).
after a good
10 minutes of spinning
around on the dirty
ground, we took
a little walk,
stopping long
to relive more
of the moments.
maddy had a great
time running around
and exploring.
from here,
we went to
a place we skipped
last time
(yes, because of the heat)
a beautiful bit
of architecture in the
form of a mosque.
rachel got the
scarlet cover-up
’cause her skirt
came up
just above the knees
(she wasn’t alone, i saw a couple of women and least one dude with the leg cover).
after a quick
drink of water,
we made our way
through the place
we stopped to
get some head covers
before
entering a shrine
and tying some
wish strings.
then we covered the tomb
and threw rose petals
upon it.
we then continued
to explore
the place
maddy, as usual,
made some friends
then more exploring.
on the way out,
maddy made
friends with a goat
before showing us
how happy she was
followed by how tired
she was.
lucky for her
we were about to
get back in the
car for the hour
or so drive to agra.
she took
a nap, and
rachel and i
took it all in.
we’d soon be
in agra,
and at sunrise tomorrow
we’d be on our way
to one of
liz’s
favorite places
in the whole wide world.
and i couldn’t
wait to
get there.
(part iii coming when i get some time).
93 Comments
i loved all the pictures from the past and present. what treasured memories for maddie to enjoy one day. beautiful post, matt. thanks for keeping us updated while you are so busy writing the book.
I absolutely love how you have some many pics of Maddy taken in the same spot as pictures of Liz. Maddy will love that when she is older.
Love the photos you’ve been sharing. It is wonderful to hear about the trip through your words but then also get to see it through the photos. I look forward to part iii.
Some more wonderfuly beautiful pictures of Liz and then of you and Madeline in the same spots. What a bittersweet time that must have been (just like all your time in India I suppose). And I for one find that Madeline laying on the ground to be HILARIOUS! Screw the old ladies-they were probably just jealous they couldn’t do it
Can’t wait to read part 3!
Amazing.
Just amazing.
You have made me change my life goals.
I cant wait to show my kids the world the way you are showing Maddie.
Question, the back carrier you use for Maddie, what brand is it? Do you like it?
wow..awesome update yet again! Love the pictures!
Got chills….again….very nice Matt. The pics are amazing and I love that you take maddys pics in places youve taken Liz’s…..Maddys going to greatly appreciate that one day~
Amazing pictures of the past and present!!!! I love that you have pictures of Maddy in the same spot as Liz. I guess that’s what this trip was also about. Maddy will love that when she gets older. Can’t wait to continue following your journey in India… looking forward to part 3. Thanks for sharing!
Maddy looks just like her mom now, especially on the first picture… Wow she’s like Mini Liz.
It must have been great to stand with Maddy where you once stood with Liz, keep up the amazing job.
thanks for sharing your trip with us. its amazing!
Thank you for such spectacular VISUALS and WRITING!!!
oh my.
the then and now.
what is not but could be if.
now that’s stuck in my head…in a good way.
Amazing! You nake us feel like we are along for the ride!
Thank you for taking all of us on your adventures with Maddy. Can’t wait to see more. Be safe.
this post gave me goosebumps! Maddy will definitely appreciate these photos when she gets older. Thanks for sharing! Keep enjoying your trip!
Thank you for sharing the pics, Matt. They are fantastic – what wonderful memories you are making for Maddie, in her Mommy’s memory. Being a mom myself, I know Liz would appreciate what you are doing – I know it would make her love you even more than ever (if that’s possible!).
Maddie sure has grown up so much – she does look more and more like the pictures you’ve shared of Liz. What a wonderful little reminder to have running around with you.
Love all of the pics!!
My heart hurt and could only imagine your wishes as you tied the strings….
Love the animated condom billboard.
Matt, you are giving your daughter such a wonderful life! I am inspired.
Awesome post Matt – loved loved loved the pictures of Maddy and Liz, very touching.
The little old ladies can suck it – I am sure the disapproving looks can be found anywhere you go in the world…
As for the wishing strings – are you supposed to keep your wish a secret?
Kinda too emotional for me to see Liz & M in the same spots. My deceased husbands birthday today and the house is quite. I told Paige on the way to the school today that Daddy would have been 46! Still way to young to even say such a #
Matt–The photos are just beautiful!!! Where was the place you went to with the tomb? Whose tomb was it and why did you cover it and tie wish strings? I’d love to learn more.
The condom billboard is great! Love the photos of your trip. What an amazing time you are having! Can’t wait to hear about part 3.
Matt,
I’m really enjoying your recent posts. All of the photos are wonderful. I’m fascinated by the “wish strings.” Can you tell us a little more about it or give a resource with more information? A quick search didn’t turn anything up.
Thanks!
Rebecca
You did it again, Matt,,,,,,,,,,,,,,FABULOUS!!!!!
God,,,are you ever going to make one fantastic writer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love the photo of Maddy with the old man reading the book. Fantastic lighting on her face. And the photos of Liz before and Maddy now, fantastic.
wow.
What beautiful photos. Love the one of the wishing strings and of course, I like the ones of you, Maddy, and Liz.
It’s so cool that you allow Maddy to explore and figure out the world on her own terms. What a gift to give a child.
Amazing.
My cousin, who was also one of my dearest friends, died last week of a brain aneurism. It was so unexpected and I feel like the wind got knocked out of me and I don’t know where to turn for my next breath. Reading your blog brought more unexpected tears. But I think it’s also bringing hope. When I see how you’ve turned your grief into something so positive, it gives me some hope.
-Kerry
It amazes me how much Maddie looks like Liz. It must be so hard to separate the past from the present.
as always, thank you for sharing this journey with us. the juxtaposition of old and new was heart warming (and a little heart breaking, too). keep being brave – you are amazing!
I love this, all of this sharing of your time in India and the memories you’re sharing.
I loved seeing the past photos of Liz in the same places her daughter is now. what an amazing gift you are giving your daughter.
Wonderful how you have the two sets of pix to compare. Truly amazing. And I love how you had the pix of madeleine on the floor. This summer we took a trip to DC. We had a tour of the capital when my 19 month old decided to have a meltdown on the floor right in the rotunda. He somehow got himself under a bench so his sounds were muffled. Good mother that I am, I took many pix for posterity!!!
How awesome the pics of Maddy and pics of her mother in the same place.
Loved the safety photo ha
also the pic of all the wires….you dont see that in the states like that wow.
Anyway I love your updates with all the photos.
Maddy looks like she is having a blast!!!!
I love your pictures of Liz. Thanks for sharing them with us.
Those head covering they gave you look like vegetable containers. Empty out the berries and give the container to someone to wear.
Awesome
Beautiful. Maddy is looking so grown up. Such a little girl now. I am seeing so so much more of your story through these photos, these photos show me “the story” thank you for sharing your life with us.
you are an inspiration
I’ve been reading your posts for quite a while and I have to admit, I always look forward to them. I find it very interesting to read about a father’s parenting style. I have a daughter who’s exactly a month older than Maddy (interestingly, my birthday is March 24) and I like your seemingly more laid-back style of parenting. I generally try to be that way, but sometimes, my neuroticism simply takes over. Anyway, love the pictures too!
Such beautiful pictures Matt. So touching to see the photos of Liz.
well. I’m exhausted!
Maddie will cherish these photos and writings for the rest of her life. You are such an amazing person. Truely, I know no man who would go to literally the ends of the earth to show his daughter the things her mother will never be able to. Thank you for sharing.
Wonderful post Matt.
All 3 of my girls would have been lying on the floor next to Maddie. I bet it was much cooler down there. Only a child would be clever enough to think of doing that, and lucky enough to get away with it!
Beautiful.
And, maybe it’s just me, but the photo of you and Maddy right after you write “from here, we went to a place we skipped last time (yes, because of the heat)” totally cracked me up… Looks like Maddy is rocking a baby version of the Kate Gosselin hairdo. Check it out!
Beautiful Matt. Makes me all teary eyed seeing you and Maddie walking in the same places Liz once walked. Very very special.
Wow! I am amazed. I have been reading your blog for a few months now. It took me a while to get caught up to the present. I am not sure why but this post really moved me and I wanted to just tell you that your strength is so amazing. I have a 9 month old little girl and cant even imagine coping with everything that you do. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with the all of your blog followers. I can’t wait for the book!
Awesome post! Love all the old and new photos! Thanks you so much for sharing this with a bunch of strangers!
Take care,
Debbie
I loved this post! The pictures are perfect, especially the one with Maddy running in the same spot Liz walked 3 years ago. Takes your breath away, and breaks your heart at the same time.
But then just like that your pictures can make me laugh…with the one of you and Maddy putting on your hats. So cute!!
What a powerful and emotional place to bring your best girl!!
you seriously had me in tears with the pictures of Liz and then you/maddie in the same spots.
Great post, your blogs about India capture so much in so few words.
I loved your photos even though they made me sad and gave me goosebumps. Seeing you and maddy there and seeing Liz there before touched my heart. I so wish she could be with you and Liz but I know she is in spirit. Take care and thank you for sharing your memories with us.
Rosann
I absolutely loved that you have pictures of you and Maddie in the same spots of you and her Mom…she will truly cherish these photos one day!! I know you wish Liz was there sharing in these memories with you guys, and I wish she was there with you too…but know she is there in spirit and in everything Maddie does. She is truly her mother’s daughter!! Liz is so proud of all you guys have done!! Safe travels and I look forward to more updates and photos
the pictures of liz followed by the pictures of you and maddy are amazing. I cried. Maddy will love to look back at these photos every time you tell her the stories of india.
Loving the picture trip through India. Thanks.
I hope your wishes come true.
Suspenseful – I’m ready for Part III!
Are you going to include in your book the pictures you are taking of Maddie from this trip that mirror the ones you have of Liz? Those pictures are going to be such a treasure for Maddie as she grows older – thank you so much for sharing them.
Matt, this is the most beautiful and amazing thing that you could ever do for Maddie. I know you can’t wait for the day when she’ll understand the significance of this trip, how she’s probably closer to her mom now than ever, and I hope she’s truly as touched as I am to know that she has a dad who was willing to create those memories for her. Thanks for sharing your lives. I look forward to your book – hope the writing is going well!
This is my favorite post of your India trip so far. Beautiful photos. Keep having fun!
Then….now….Amazing Matt!! You are inspiring and have truly opened my eyes to make me appreciate all of the little things in my life~ Liz is smiling down on you both.
I love the pictures of Liz and Madeline. I can’t even imagine the emotions you’re feeling.
The architecture there is beautiful. Can’t wait to see more pics.
I really look forward to your book. What strength you have to do this, really amazing. This is a great legacy for your daughter.
I, too, am loving the pictures, especially the ones of Liz. And I also love Maddie lying on the floor to cool off – how funny! Thanks for the update!
It’s so fantastic what you’re doing. Just wonderful. One day, Maddy is going to appreciate every ounce of this. ♥
Love your pictures!! I really enjoy seeing the different places you have visited. My favorite is definitely the one of Maddy lying on the ground. My daughter would do the same thing and I would let her for the same reasons you let Maddy. If they are happy, quiet and not hurting anything, then let them be!! Have fun with your happy girl!
I loved the pics with the wish strings… what did you wish for? I know it’s none of my bees wax, but I had to ask
I love the pictures with liz & maddy in the same place. She IS her mother’s daughter. But i think she’s a lot like you too.
Hey Matt,
You are making me want to bring the family to India after seeing all of your amazing photos!
A small request from my daughter who’s 3 1/2 years old, she keeps asking for more videos of her “friend” Maddie (my 18 month old son loves watching, too). Just wondering if you could post some more of her in India. Thanks a bunch!
I don’t post comments often, but read regularly. This was an amazing post. Great job, and as others have said, this will be worth it’s weight in gold for M. one day. Beautiful splicing of past and present.
Looks like an amazing adventure.
No words. As usual when reading Matt Logelin. But, I do have prayers and amazement at your approach to this life. You are truly one in a million. (Speechless in the TN)
I love the picture with the head coverings. I also love how Maddy just runs around barefoot! Reminds me of my girls.
I don’t think I ever had any interest in traveling to India until I started reading your blog. Your trip looks and sounds like it has been amazing. You are doing something so special for your daughter. She is darling.
Matt, this thing you do with the “then and now” photos is so haunting and evocative. You can tell from the posts that you touch a lot of people. The way that you put these images together, in combination with your words, is really something amazing. If I owned a gallery I would ask you to do a whole exhibit like this cuz “art is” not “boring”. I’ve said this before and I still really hope you go on to do some type of photo essay book(s). You’ve got some real magic mojo happening there.
Amazing. amazing words. amazing photos. amazing people. Liz was so beautiful and Maddy is already looking just like her! I can’t believe how big she is getting, though I’m not sure why cuz she and my daughter are only 2 weeks apart. I just think it’s so awesome what you’re doing Matt, that you’re not only NOT afraid to go to these places, but you are eager to do it. i love that and Maddy will surely appreciate it throughout her life. Maddy will know more about her mom than a lot of kids know about their living mothers.
Oh, and the condom billboard. best. billboard. ever.
absolute favorite, FAVE-o-rite post of your time in India. Amazing pictures, love the ones of Liz in the same places. thanks for sharing your surreal journey with us!
peace and goodness
L
Rachel has to be one hell of a cool girl. My props to her! As hard as it for me to read your posts, see your photos, and wish like anything that you didn’t have to suffer the loss of your beautiful wife and your precious girl’s mommy, it has to be ultimately tougher on Rachel who experiences it all firsthand. It’s hard to watch people you love mourn. You were so lucky to find her. I love the picture of her giving Maddie a drink of water. She obviously cares very much for you guys. And she seems like a good sport!
Awesome photos, Matt (and Rachel). I love the resemblance of the old photos matching the new. My favorite is the one of Maddy walking on the plank that Liz once did. This looks like an amazing trip.
Matt,
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now, but the thing that brought me here today was to find some comfort. A friend or stranger as you like to call them passed away today leaving behind a loving husband and beautiful 8 month old baby girl. I’ve been so sad all day thinking about them, but then I remembered you and Maddie and what a wonderful job you’ve done with her and it brings me comfort. I hope that Liz is welcoming our friend Shelly tonight and helping her to know that her sweet baby girl will be okay with her daddy.
Thank you, Matt for bringing me a small amount of peace tonight.
The pictures you post are so amazing
Your photos are so wonderful. You should consider doing a book of just your photos. It would be beautiful.
I have enjoyed being on this journey with you. You are such an amazing husband and dad! Maddy will treasure these pics and stories forever!
I was reading your blog as “Open Arms” by Journey was on, and was in tears.
Didn’t you see Liz there? In the picture that said you couldn’t go on that bridge?
I did. I kid you not.
Amazing.
matt another beautiful haunting post. gorgeous pictures of maddy as always. wishing you peace and somewhere with air conditioning!!!
Photos of Maddie where Liz had been … chills. So moving. She looks like her momma!
JS @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/
Photos of Maddie where Liz had been. Chills.
So moving.
JS @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/
With tears in my eyes, what incredibly beautiful moments you are creating for Maddy. Wow, Matt.
Aw, even Maddie’s tiny ponytail mirrors her mom’s. So sweet.
Wonderful post! I love the pictures!
I find it quite remarkable that in each photograph of Liz outside, there is a bird in the frame. By now you are on your way to LA. I hope for safe travels and a restful Maddie.
Hi. I’m usually just a lurker, but I had to say — this post is so special, in so many ways. Beautiful.
Matt,
I’m so glad I decided to check up on your blog today! This has been my favorite post. What an experience this trip must have been! I get teary-eyed driving by my old houses.. that mixture of happy, sad, missing what used to be and wishing that seeing it would put you back in time. I can’t imagine how this must have been for you. Much love to you and Maddy!!