“i love coming here!”
that’s what
she said each time
we sat down
for tea.
it wasn’t the respite
from the noise
of the city
that this place provided.
it wasn’t the
beautiful surroundings.
it wasn’t the time
alone with me.
it wasn’t even
the quality of the tea.
it was the sweetener
in the yellow packets.
“this is the only place i’ve seen it in india!”
she’d say
as she quietly slipped
packet after packet into
her purse.
i used to laugh
at her, calling her:
“thief”
“junkie”
and countless other
words that
would have been less than
flattering if they’d
been overheard by
anyone around us.
but to her,
to us,
these words
were the way we
showed love.
it was the teasing
that made us smile,
because between us,
we both knew
that me calling her a
no calorie sweetener junkie
or a yellow packet thief
meant that i
noticed the little things,
that i knew
her better than
anyone else in the world.
i’m thankful for
those moments,
because as i sit
in the exact same spot
we used to sit,
writing about her,
drinking my tea,
happy that something
as mundane as
little yellow packets
filled with
dextrose, maltodextrin and sucralose
can elicit the kind
of emotions usually
reserved for the
the music, movies, words and places
of our past.
yes.
it’s the little things
that make all of
this hard,
but it’s also the little things
that make all of
this so.
85 Comments
beautiful.
enjoy your tea, and if it’s not too painful, take some yellow packets with you, she would love that.
I envy you the little things, and the memories that you will be able to share with maddy. the love you have for liz is amazing. thank you for sharing with us.
When I got married all of my friends and family told me to cherish the “little things” and always remember to smile when you thought about them. I am sure it makes your heart ache when you think of the little things you shared with Liz, but I am hopeful that those little things will give you a sense of piece eventually and give Madeline a sense of who her mom was. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
I bet you never imagined how awesome of a writer you would be. I look forward to every post you write. I am so looking forward to your book. Oh and for a fundraiser idea for the LLF. How about offering autographed copies online for maybe like an extra ten bucks. The ten bucks goes directly to the LLF.
I think you are amazing Matt. You are so courageous to allow yourself to revisit the great memories, even though they are ironically painful at the same time. Liz is with you in spirit, laughing about the little yellow packets too, I just know it. Love and hugs,
Tricia
It’s beautiful and true.
I have a college friend who is in India right now as well on an extended vacation. Been really interesting to read your blog posts and her FB messages as you criscross around the country past each other (she’s in Delhi now). Also had to tell you I’ve been craving Indian food like crazy and been to a buffet lunch at least once a week since you and maddy left for india! Your blog posts are inspiring in so many ways!
anyway this post is beautiful, can’t wait to read the book!!
You are helping us to stop and see the little things Matt – thank you for opening our eyes…
Safe travels…Can’t wait to catch up soon!
xoxo
You’re really setting the bar high you know. Every time you write about Liz, I bawl my eyes out and my husband gives me strange looks. Then, through my tears I tell him how much you loved her and honored her and STILL honor her. Then I tease him that he would have moved on to some younger woman by now he was in your shoes.
awesome! Don’t forget to “swipe” some for yourself!
your writing is awesome. i can’t wait to see the book you write. thanks for sharing so much of your heart. you are a good man.
so cute…love that story.
It reminds me of a similar story that happened while my husband and I were on our honeymoon in Ireland. Makes me smile. I hope you are smiling too.
you are an amazingly gifted and talented writer. that you can put your thoughts and feelings like this together, and express so beautifully what some of us are lucky enough to experience but not know how to express…..this is the reason your book will be awesome.
Enjoy your tea & steal a few yellow packets.
Another beautiful post Matt, keep em’ coming…thecensusmom.com…:)
She was obviously a take charge women. There’s nothing wrong with thievery when scarce resources are involved (obviously kidding)
Beautiful.
You’d better of taken some of those packets, I’m sure Liz is there with you. Can’t wait to read your book. Take Care!
Beautiful post, as always! Thinking of you and happy you are finding comfort in the place she loved the most!
life is really about the little things….even the big moments have the little aspects in them that make them beautiful. Heart warming post…God Bless you!
Life is all about those little moments…whether it’s appreciating them at the time, or remembering them later.
Absolutely beautiful, Matt, as always.
right. I love when you bring back all the memories about your love!
Favorite post… thanks for sharing.
I love it! What a perfectly clear wonderful memory of Liz! Even if it was a little thing, it was her little thing.
goddamn it all to hell.
Love you.
Us
Great post as usual. Your words leave me really thinking about things. Thank you for that Matt.
I love reading what you have to say! I can’t wait until your book it out!
Holy crap, YES. Yes, yes, yes…
What a wonderful memory Matt. I love the small things in a marriage that bring two people so close together. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us! I love to read you updates!! Have a great rest of the week
Andrea H.
Also, I can’t wait until your book is out!!!!
Very very Splenda…I mean Sweet
)
Beautiful Love!
Those yellow packets hold such an amazing power. I normally take one from each memorable place I go and write the name and date then tuck them away.
Beautiful and moving post Matt.
What a sweet memory. Thank you for sharing it with us. Be safe.
Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing that great story.
Take a sugar packet home for Maddy.
so true. Those little things that make us smile when we’re together. All the silly jokes that make us laugh and everyone else stare with confused looks on their faces. I’m so glad you noticed those things about Liz.
I read your post this morning thinking, “I really need to quit sweating the small stuff. Quit being such an ass.” Then I heard them talking about giveMN.org on the radio & I headed on over & made a donation today to the Liz Logelin Foundation. Thank you for sharing, thank you for your honesty, thank you for your attention to detail & mostly thank you so much for giving me perspective.
Beautifully written, Matt. Such a cherished moment. These are the kinds of memories Maddy will appreciate someday. And you are so right about the gentle teasing. It’s a special language of love.
Don’t forget to take a few for yourself !!!
That is the wonderful thing about marriage/love, isn’t it? Knowing that you know that individual better then anyone else.
That is really beautiful. It’s so funny how the little things really matter the most. You never thought that a little yellow packet of sweetner would make you remember and smile so much. Now, everytime I see Splenda, I am going to think of you and Liz.
This was beautiful.
Thank you
What a cute memory and post. My marriage is like yours was with Liz and it makes me happy when I hear that others share a similar relationship. We are also high school sweethearts like you and Liz.
I’m so glad that you noticed the little things so you can cherish every single memory that you and Liz shared in India and in many other places. It’s a beautiful love. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Beautiful Matt. It is indeed all the little things that make up the shared love. Thanks, again, for sharing.
It’s the little things that take a relationship to that next level, that turn lovers into soulmates. It is also the teasing and the little things that are going to bring you and Maddy so close. Great post, Matt. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful post! True Love Story! Thanks for sharing so much of your love for Liz and your heart and soul. It’s beautiful…and I just can’t wait to read your book! You are such a talented writer! and I too Love Splenda!
It definitely is the little things that are both bitter and sweet. All the inside jokes that friends now may or may not get; the way a single look could convey a litany of thoughts across a room. I do miss that with Mindy.
I hope you grabbed a few packets for the hell of it.
Wonderful post. So few words with so much meaning.
What beautiful words, Matt! I agree with Isabela….maybe you should slip some of those packets into your pocket for old times sake. I, like the others, can’t wait to read your book,,,it’s going to be amazing!! We’re all so lucky that we can be a part of all the wonderful,,(sometimes heartbreaking)stories you tell!
Matt, I can hardly wait for your book! And, I am so glad you are in such a beautiful place, for you and for your precious little girl. I can see that Liz is with you, always, in that beautiful face of your daughter. Thank you for sharing your lives with us!
I hope you did take those splenda packets! What a great memory. Thanks for reminding us all that the little things matter most. You are such an inspiration! And I cannot wait to read your book!
@jess – i second that …
i hope a few yellow packets went with you, matt, when you left.
These captures are so important.
Lovely.
I can not wait to read your book! I love those little, personal, inside joke memories that we always will have with us; the ones that strangers have no clue what you may be laughing about as tears roll down your face. Snatch up some of those precious yellow packets to keep that memory close to you. Blessings and Best Wishes!
The little things, the inside jokes, the things no one else will ever quite get. It’s the best part of being with your great love…and the worst thing when that soulmate is taken away. Yours is yellow-packet sweetener, mine is airline peanuts. I’m not a big believer in signs, but when things like that jump out at a person, I wonder if maybe there actually is something to all of that. Hope you’re finding some soothing for your soul during your travels. Safe journey to you all.
Thank you for sharing this lovely little memory. Thanks for the reminder to notice, remember, hold on to the little things.
love is about the little things.
i think i will steal a yellow packet next time i see one in her memory
Matt,
I do not know how to twitter, but “Freedom and The Tall Cans” are on myspace. Could you forward to your housesitter? This is my sons band I wrote to you about a few months ago.
I don’t think The Daver will ever be able to think about diet Coke without rolling his eyes, calling it battery acid, and lovingly teasing me about my addiction to it.
It’s in the small things. Always.
Its the smallest things that usually go unnoticed that actually mean the most. Kudos for being the kind of husband that notices….Kudos for being a strong enough man to face the emotions, places, surroundings that you both once loved together…
That was absolutely lovely. Thank you.
Beautiful.
Your writing has gone to a whole new level since you’ve been overseas! And your blog entries have never been better. Thank you for always being willing to share everything with your faithful readers! You all seem to be having one hell of a great experience together!!!
I appreciate this post in so many ways. Love it.
Oh Matt, if your book is even half as beautiful as this post, I can’t wait to read it!
Beautiful post, Matt. Your love for both Liz and Maddy is so evident.
That made me smile. Thanks.
I’ve always thought it was the little things that make two people connect… I hope that you took some little yellow packets!
Ah, a woman after my own heart. Never know when you are going to need one of those packets and they are no where to be found! Smile, and grab a one Matt.
It is always the little things that take me back. The little things that could make me smile or cry.
I told my husband about this post and he said these are the experiences that thread two people together in a way that they can never be separated. If it were just one loop, it would be so easy to take it out again. You keep going for a lifetime of these experiences, as you did, cheated as it was and you can never undo all of those threads of experiences. It’s beautiful and it lasts forever.
I look at the pictures of Liz in India and she was a radiant woman from the inside out. I don’t know her, but everything about her seems to say she was passionate about life and love. She was beautiful, vivacious, and tenacious and still graceful in the most difficult circumstances. Her life experiences and relationships and the love of her life, you, cultivated her into a masterpiece of nearly perfection. I hope Maddy embraces all that she was. You were a lucky man to have loved Liz and I’m so very sorry every time I read your blog as if somehow if I wish hard enough she would come back. Life is so cleary unfair and unexplainable.
I love the openess that you write with. It’s an openess that I imagine you embrace the world with. It’s something that scares me and at the same time I can’t help but hold my own family and children closer every day because life is all we have and in the end nothing else matters. It’s a gift and people are a gift. I’m really thankful that I came across you blog and that you are who you are and have been for your whole life that you can share the depth of your experiences. Thank you.
Oh my Matt, this is so wierd- the first thing that I noticed when I saw the picture was the splenda, and I thought to myself “they have Splenda in India??!! Why don’t we???” haha..
Little did I know that this post would be about Liz’s fondness for splenda, lol..
Hold on to those memories,it’s the chain of all those beautiful memories that you are writing about that will give Madeline the shining example of what a happy marriage is even though she never saw the 2 of you together. That is amazing in my eyes.
Happy and Safe travels, and let me know when you make it this way, hehe…
Beautiful post!
Beautiful words, as always, Matt. I agree, take some yellow packets…
Word.
Matt,
I have never commented before but I am an avid follower of your blog. This post brought such a surge of emotions and tears that I had to say something.
My husband has Mast Cell Leukemia if you were to look it up you would see there is no cure. We know we only have a limited time ( shit I can’t see for the tears) together and it is little things like this sugar packet that keeps us sane.
Thank you for this post. Now if I could just stop crying so hard I am choking.
I can’t imagine experiencing that ~ you are wonderful.
You are an awesome dad. Maddy is so lucky. Your writing makes me want to stop everything and just record memories. You are inspiring!
hey, matt,
this post really reminded me of why Liz was so charming….to find joy and simplicity in a “splenda discovery” while in india is something I know we both would have laughed about over a haircut appointment..
what a great memory….
hope you and madeline are doing well…we miss you both! write away!!! and may you heal, heal, heal.
This is the most beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
This might be my favorite post! I have a similar reaction to little half and half creamer thingies because of my grandmother. Life and love are in the tiny details. Seemingly meaningless moments. Great post!
You’re right…it is the little things
beautiful, just beautiful. This post brought me to tears…..
Matt, I sit here in tears reading your blog.heartbroken to hear of your devastating loss yet so happy that your precious daughter has such a selfless, loving and unique father. your story, your writing, your photographs are amazing. you and Maddy are in my prayers.