as you probably know, we’re home from india. in fact, we’ve been to minnesota and back since you last heard from us, but i’ve been so busy working on my book that i haven’t had time to post updates here (expect some updates later in the week).
in the mean time i wanted to share a few things…
a few months ago i was more than a little surprised when i was asked to contribute an essay to be published in the shriver report: a woman’s nation changes everything, a study by maria shriver and the center for american progress.
i found a copy of the book in the middle of my mail mountain when we returned from our trip. i had no idea whether or not they planned to use what i wrote, but as i flipped through the book i ended up on page 368 and was thrilled to find my essay.
you can read it here.
i’ve read a bit of the book and it’s great. it appears that you can read most it online, but if you’re anything like me, you may want a hardcopy of the thing. if that’s the case, you can buy one here.
enough about me.
i wanted to alert you to a couple of events that benefit some great causes, including the liz logelin foundation…
The week of December 7, a group of bloggers, including Buried with Children,Mayhem & Moxie,7 Clown Circus, Scary Mommy, Adventures in Babywearing, The Extraordinary Ordinary, & Mama’s Losin’ It, will be working together to promote an event entitled, Blog, Bid, Hope. By hosting a three day auction, their goal to raise money on behalf of the Liz Logelin Foundation, as well as Anissa Mayhew, a 35 year old blogger who recently suffered a stroke. The auction will offer a variety of items, including blog designs, accessories, baby gear and art. Do some good over the holiday season and donate to the members of the on-line community who need our support. Because different items will be available for bidding on all seven sites, you are sure to please anyone on your holiday list!
finally, one of my best friends in the whole wide world, anthony downs, has offered to donate a portion of the proceeds from his annual holiday party to the liz logelin foundation.
if you’re in the minneapolis area, the following invite is for you:
Join us in celebrating the Holidays by dressing up in your favorite holiday attire. Wear your ugly Christmas sweater, your sweet red/green outfit, or maybe your best Kwanzaa Kaftans. Feel free to bring friends, the invitation is open to all.
Donations will be accepted for The Liz Logelin Foundation and Youth Frontiers. We hope you can join us in supporting these two very worthy causes.
Location: The Local – 931 Nicollet Mall Downtown Minneapolis
Time: Saturday, December 12th 9:00pm
Facebook members can view the event page here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/event.php?eid=166473189314
i wish i could be there.
finally, today is the 7th, so here’s my monthly reminder about the liz logelin foundation’s 7th on the 7th campaign.
please consider donating
via a network for good:
Donate Now to The Liz Logelin Foundation
via paypal:
more soon…
63 Comments
Can’t wait to read the book. I loved all the pics from India.
I will be checking out the Blog, bid & hope. What a great idea !!
Have a great week !!
Matt, thank you so much for sharing that and your life with your daughter with us all. It is truly amazing to read your story and how you love and care for your daughter. You are a great dad and Madeline is very lucky to have you.
I read the essay…
People are always going to judge others even when they are nowhere near perfect themselves. The ones who look at you for not putting socks on her prabably don’t have kids. Keep doing what you are doing. I think you’re doing a great job!
Great essay! That is very true about a woman not getting much credit for being a mother because well some ppl think its our job and we are just supposed to! Yes it is a job but the most difficult job anyone can ever do! You are doing a great job! I think you know that and if you dont you should! Even if Liz were here you would still be a great dad!
* I can hardly wait for your book!
awesome essay!!!
Will there be another event in Minnesota during December that you will be able to attend?
PS
Loved your essay.
Welcome home, hope that you guys are adjusting to the temp change from India to Minnesota.
Get some relaxation time in, I hope the snow storm that we are anticipating this week doesn’t go messing with your plans.
Good to have you guys back home!!
I loved your essay. I found out about your through Christine Coppa of Storked! and have followed you ever since. I really admire you and everything you’ve been through. You’re an amazing writer and photographer.
I loved your essay! I am a stay-at-home mom with a BA that I am currently not using. People just expect me to be some wonder-mom, but it’s amazing to them that my husband plays an active role in our daughter’s life. I applaud you, not because you are an amazing dad or a man doing a good job, but because you are the type of parent that we ALL should try to be. Man or woman, it takes strength to be a full time care giver, and I could never imagine having to do it on my own. Kudos to you for sharing with us your life and your feelings- we can all use it as a good example of excellent parenting!
Of course… awesome Essay! Such an interesting point- one I had not thought of and SO VERY TURE.
Terrific essay!
Wackadoo grandmother!
“Are you giving your daughter up for adoption?”
How could she even THINK to ask you this question??? I’m totally flabbergasted by her lack of brains and heart.
You, Matt L., are one great dad, and your Madeline is one lucky daughter!!!
I loved your essay. You are an inspiration!
Great essay! I have to say you are doing a great job with Maddie. I am a stay-at-home mom with two children and a husband, and we haven’t done half of the things you’ve done with Maddie. You are not only an inspiration and example to fathers everywhere, but also to mothers everywhere. Keep up the great work! ; )
What a beautiful essay! I’m anxiously anticipating your book.
I hope we can make a big difference this week! I admire all you do, Matt. Welcome home!
Steph
I thought your short essay was amazing. I never knew about the woman in the NICU. What an awful thing to say to someone.
And you’re so right. There are many double standards when it comes to the world we live in and the one you face daily is no exception.
I think it’s very honorable that you recognize this and humbly carry on your responsibility as Maddy’s father. You’ve accepted this challenge head on and don’t expect anyone to treat you differently because of it. You have not ever acted as if you are entitled to anything because life dealt you and Maddy a crappy hand by taking Liz away from you both. And I think this is why, in part, people are drawn to you, encourage and commend you, even for the little things like hair clippies and matching bloomers.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but you’ve certainly set the bar high for many parents to be the best parent they can and should be. I know I am encouraged by you all the time to be a better parent.
Loved your essay! Can’t wait for the book!
Your essay was incredible! Welcome home, Matt, and I hope we can help in some small way this week. You are such an inspiration.
awesome essay!! it’s sad but true that fathers are expected to be men and not take active roles in their children’s life. that was a “crackalack” comment that grandmother said to you. i would have punched though i’m not a violent person.yeah i know about the sock thing too when my son was about 6 month old and it was 85 degrees an older woman asked me where his socks where. i gave her my WHATCHA TALKING ABOUT look.:OD nameste matt
Great essay! From what I can see you are doing an exellent job of raising sweet Maddie. We do the best we know how when it comes to our kids and everyday they teach us how to do it a little better. Can’t wait for your book!
OMG, Matt,,,what a beautifully written essay!! I cannot, in my wildest dreams, ever imagine why a lady in the hospital, (after learning of the death of Liz) would ask if you’re going to put the baby up for adoption. What in the hell would she be thinking?????? How was she brought up?????? She obviously had a very low opinion of men.
You are, without a doubt, one of the most incredible Daddys that a child could possibly ask for!!!!!! You & Maddy are one great team, and she is one of the luckiest little girls I know!!!!!!!!!!
Awesome Essay!
Great essay Matt! I can’t wait for the rest of the “updates”!
Love your essay. As a single mother, I still can’t get over all the same questions and statements throughout the years about being one. I hafta say, most of my mom friends can’t believe how I managed, and the men, just figure it’s my job, if that makes sense. Having a partner now who helps me parent and be a stepdad to the kids, I feel blessed to have some support, both emotionally and physically. Just that he loves them makes it easier.
Asalamu Alaykom Mr. Matt,
Great essay for Ahhh-nold’s wife! You wrote in a different style, yet it was still YOU. Your quirkiness was intact and your humor shone through. Yay for you!
I bet the little old lady who pondered you putting Maddy up for adoption is the same little old lady who looked askew at Mary Tyler Moore throwing up her beret on Nicollet Mall.
I’m glad you’re back in the USSR…or US…or the LA or whatever. BUT now it’s time for EGYPT! It’s the total opposite of hot over here! For real, bring long johns and winter layers if you come.
We’d love to introduce you around to all the local sights—like the pyramids that keep surprising Mr. Boo. “Look! It’s the pyramids again!”
The thought of you giving up your amazing little girl after losing her mom is mind-boggling to me. I still can’t believe anyone suggested something so callous and, can I say, f***ing ridiculous, even though I remember you sharing that story once before.
All AWESOME stuff in this post, Matt. Inspired every time I read.
I HAVE MISSED YOU GUYS!! Can’t wait to read all the updates
Great essay by the way. Totally true 
Great Essay!! So true!!
Bid, Blog, Hope is an Awesome idea!! I hope it and the event in the Minneapolis area works out well for your foundation!! I wish I could help out this month for your foundation…but things are kinda tight for a family of 5 at Xmas plus one of us is still a Grad Student!! Weew!!!
I will do my 7 on 7th donation still, wish I could do more~ I hope all is going well with your book!! Cant wait for the next update!!
I read your essay…really good…and I think you’re on the mark with it all…I have a husband and if I’m gone for more than 12 hours, my mother checks to make sure the kids are getting bread and water, which truthfully is in the back of my mind somewhere between hours 4-8..I actually at one point put out every boxed carbohydrate on the counter as options for the kids to feed themselves if necessary…guilty as charged…I have no worries about you however as time and again you rise to the occasion providing the love and care and wonderful life experiences Maddie will remember as a great life (with Dad).
Best,
Steph
Matt, your essay is so amazing. You are doing a very good job. Maddie is a lucky little girl.
Glad to hear you 3 made it back from your trip! Can not wait to hear how the rest of the trip went. And the essay is great as your writing aslways is!!!
Hi Matt,
I read your essay and really liked it. I have two male friends who are single dads and have full custody of their son and daughter. They both do a FANTASTIC job of raising their kids. But, I do find myself being overly impressed sometimes.
It’s true. But now that it’s been so long I can’t imagine it any other way with them. They’re so good at being fathers.
I think being a parent in general is tough for everyone at first. I was a wreck with my first kid and like anything it gets easier with each child and as they get older. You just get a knack for what their needs are and how to meet them before hell warms over and it’s tantrum city.
Maddy is lucky to have you for a dad. You are doing a fantastic job. In some ways you go above and beyond what most people do because you probably have a just a bigger appreciation than most people on the value of staying present and enjoying the now. We just never know how long it will last…
You hit it right on, I think — sexism abounds, but it can be a two-way street.
Lone father families aren’t a statistical oddity. They make up 10% of lone parent families in the UK — and around 3% of all families overall.
But you wouldn’t know that if you only watched the TV or read the newspapers.
Best wishes on your return from India — and waving to you already from my tomorrow on a North Sea oil rig.
I am a woman, and a mother. The other day I had someone yell at me for not putting socks on my son. He’s just a few weeks younger than Maddie and I’m sure you know how hard it is to keep socks on feet that don’t want them on. This woman went on to tell me that his toes would get frost bite…. It was 70 degrees out. WHA?!?!
I read every post and can’t wait for your book. I am so intrigued by your stories and loved your essay!
Though I did not lose a spouse, I lost a baby around the same time you lost Liz. I am sorry for your loss and also so impressed with how humble you are. Many fathers, single or not, don’t step up as much as you do/have to. I agree, it should be the norm but isn’t always. I have a husband who is 150% present. He shares all parenting responsibilities (well maybe not hair clip placement, yet!). So as women compliment you I hope just as many men are learning from you too.
You have exposed Maddy to so much life and love… Liz is so proud.
Your essay resonated so much with me. I’m married to a fantastic father, someone who is more nurturing than I am. If I go out with a friend, though, I’m likely to be asked if Brad is “watching” the kids. It’s hard to live outside the little box everyone wants to put you in.
Amazing essay Matt! Still waiting anxiously for your book!
Wonderful essay! You are doing an amazing job, parenting is hard plain and simple no matter who does it. Have a wonderful week..looking forward to the auction.
Yay glad you are back, loves to see tiny snippets of your incredible life.
http://www.ifeelyaophelia.com
Jenna Jean
It never ceases to amaze me when folks say things like “are you going to give her up for adoption?” I am the parent of a special needs son who is now 25 years old. Nothing really prepares you for being a parent especially with my situation or yours but you just deal with whatever comes because of your love for your child. I was asked once “If you knew Michael would be born with mental retardation would you have had an abortion?” I’ve always believed in the right to choose but I told that person I wasn’t given that option since there was no way of knowing from prenatal testing that he had Tuberous Sclerosis. Besides Michael was already born and part of our family and as difficult as it has been I would never have given him up for a minute. Others would say to me only God sends special children to special parents. I’m not special, only a mother who loves and cares for her child, special or not. One is tested only with the given circumstances and it’s up to us to rise up and meet the challenge. My son can’t speak to me but he shows me he loves me in a thousand other ways. Being his mother has made me a better person. So Maddie and you will have a different life than the one you imagined for you both but you have met the challenge and every day is a blessing. Take it from one who is on the journey.
Sorry you’ve had to endure unwelcome advice and suggestions from people who purport to know it all. There are plenty of those around; you’d think by now, not only world hunger would be solved, but also poverty, AIDS, and cancer. We all do the best we can and in the end, if we love them, isn’t that really what a child needs? At least that’s what I’m hoping because I sure as heck don’t know what I’m doing.
Glad you’re trip went well and offered some healing for your soul. Welcome home.
Thank you for posting about the auction, Matt. It is funny that it has taken something like this to finally get me to leave a comment. I’ve been reading your blog for almost two years now, crying, laughing, and watching the lovely Maddie grow.
Tomorrow we’ll finally gets things underway. This project has been a labor of love, but so worth each and every late night. Raising money on behalf of your organization for Liz is really our pleasure.
Thank you for your words over the years and for inspiring so many.
Happy Holidays,
Francesca
You totally kicked that essays ass! So here ya go: amazing…as usual. What can I say? I’m a woman of few words. lol
I’ll preface this with saying I’m not a parent, but as a devoted aunt, big sister and keen observer of parents and children, I believe children are much more portable and adaptable than many folks believe.
You seem to come from the “I can just carry her like a football — or in a backpack — anywhere I want to go” school. In my observations over the years, those kind of kids fare well.
Kids with over-regulated schedules and limited venues, not so much.
You do the math.
It’s such an honor to be a part of the auction tomorrow. Thank you for taking the time to spread the word about it.
Welcome home, Matt and Maddie!
I am absolutely amazed by all that you do and feel blessed to be apart of the auction starting tomorrow.
great essay.
great everything else.
kudos, matt. kudos.
Great Essay Matt.
Nepal?
GGRRRR to the lady in the NICU!! Kudos & Bravo & many hugs & kisses for standing up to your word!!!
Also looking forward to the book. As well as future blog posts and pics
I’ve been reading your blog since late November 2008; a few weeks after my son was born. I read about you in a People Magazine that my mom brought over from Canada. I’ve been following your’s and Maddie’s adventures ever since.
I have never replied until now.
But I have to say, that I have enjoyed (and cried along with) your blog so much!
I can’t help but think that how, if we’d met you and Liz as a couple, that we’d have been friends. I’m Canadian and my husband is English and we both had our own “travel adventures” before we met but we continue to have them, together, as a couple. And we consider ourselves to be ‘citizens of the world’, which is what you and Maddie- thanks to the internet and your travels- are fast becoming.
Our son Aidan was born here in Bangkok, Thailand, on the day that Obama won the American Presidency. I mention it only because it’s a moment that the both of us will always remember; sitting in my hospital room recovering from a C-section watching CNN report the news.
And I suppose that that’s what gets me. I had an unplanned C-section and I read your blog and thought, “How easily that could have been me.”
But ya know what…Like a lot of other people have said over the days/weeks/months/years…I know that my husband would have carried on in much the same way as you have with Maddie. Ok, he may not have blogged it, but he would have carried on because you just don’t give up on with children! And I’m referring to that grandmother’s comment to you in the hospital.
And that is the reason why, and for a whole hell of a lot of other reasons, I married him. I imagine that Liz felt the same way about you.
I guess my point here is…while I can’t empathize, I can sympathize.
I wish you all the success that you deserve in the future.
That was such an insensitive remark to make to you. Unbelievable.
Forty five years ago one of my best friends was born, and his mother died the following day. It was a different world then … his Dad worked as a miner and therefore “couldn’t manage”, and so my friend went to live with his aunt and uncle for 2 weeks (they were going to adopt him) … after 48 hours, his Dad rocked up at their house to get his baby back.
There was no way that he could go through with it. And he did manage – although it was damn hard. And I am so thankful because this friend is one of my greatest pillars of support on the journey I find myself on
hi matt..incredibable essay and boo to the unbelievably obtuse person in the nicu. on another subject entirely…(i was the woman on the plane from vancouver to LA who introduced myself to you and maddy, not knowing you had just come from meeting with the family on the occasion of your’s and liz’s wedding anniversary.) omg..here i was being all cheery, and there you were, dying inside. I apologize again. I wanted to ask you something completely off topic. my daughter is travelling to australia for xmas to be with my family there. she has a 14 hour layover in LA. i saw on rachel’s tweets that she was looking for nannying jobs..do you think she would accept a one day job picking up my girl (19, and raised on rural Hawaii) at LA airport and driving her around to show her the sites..or whatever? I would pay her well, and would feel a hell of alot more comfortable with my daughter being with someone responsible in the wilds of LA. I *think* her flight to Sydney leaves at around 10.30pm that same night. I am not a tweeter, so cannot access Ray-oh directly. Many thanks in advance. my email is portmoresbygirl@aol.com..
Nice! Congrats on your new work… and welcome back from India.
–Terrace Crawford
http://www.terracecrawford.com
http://www.twitter.com/terracecrawford
Absolutely loved your essay.
Your essay was really great, I hope that someday I will be an awsome mom just like you are an amazing dad to Maddy, Can’t wait to buy your book
Great essay!
Matt, I came across another single father’s blog a few months ago. He lost his wide suddenly as well, after she gave birth to their daughter this past september. Here is his website
http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/
in case you haven’t been before, I just thought maybe he could use your own “words of wisdom” and prayers through it all…..
You and Madeline are still in my thoughts and prayers!! What a great Santa picture you two took
Merry Christmas!!
Great essay. After my wife died, I can remember getting similar questions about this, but more along the lines of if I would move back to my hometown so my mother could “help me” raise my girls, because a man couldn’t possibly be up to the task. Not sure if the genders were reversed that the question would ever be posted to my wife.
btw – have you heard of this movie? amazing guy that lost his wife to breast cancer then went on a run from St. Paul to Atlanta! Maybe he’ll need to be your starter for the next 5k!
http://www.myrunmovie.com/
Congrats, Matt. Fantastic essay. I hope you and Maddy got to pose in a photo with Arnold for this.
Your love for your wife and daughter is apparent in every word you write. Of course I don’t know you, but you seem like an incredible father to me. I love to read your blog, it is just beautiful.
Matt,
It was such a pleasure to meet you at The Butcher Block in Minnesota. Since following your story via your blog for the past year, I was thrilled to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to stop by our table to visit.
Safe travels and best wishes with the book. We will continue to follow your journey from South Dakota!
Nepal? No Nepal? Is it in the book?