that your kid is
just fucking with you?
sometimes i feel
like madeline says/does
things just to see if
i’ll actually comply
with her demands.
here’s what
happened last week…
first, let me say
that she has been
the most amazing
little sleeper since
she was two months old
(aside from some awful illnesses and teething).
but recently she’s
started waking up
in the middle of
the night and
yelling for me.
like last sunday
when she woke up
telling me that
her bed was
filled with “‘piders.”
in my stupor
i guessed it was possible
that there were
spiders in her bed,
but after a long
search i came up
with nothing.
no spiders.
no bugs.
nothing.
the next night
i woke
up to her frantically yelling,
“daddy! daddy!”
i rushed into
her room to ensure
there were no
spiders. i knelt down at
her bedside and asked
“what’s wrong?”
she sat up…
“that,” she said pointing
at the open closet door.
“i’m scared of that.”
i closed the door
and she laid
back down,
apparently content that
she woke me
up again.
the next night,
she called for me
again, but after two
nights of this,
i was moving
a little slower
because i was sure
nothing was seriously wrong.
somewhere in the middle of
her yells for
daddy, she mixed in
a “matt! matt!” which
made me worry
that maybe she was
having a bad dream
or something.
i opened up the
door and she was
sitting up,
pointing at the
sea creature painting
on the wall
opposite her face.
“dolphin. starfish. seahorse.”
“what about them, maddy?”
“take them out.”
“take them out of the room?”
“yes. outside.”
i took the painting
off of the wall
and placed it on
the floor
outside her room.
the next night
i heard her screams
and laid in
bed for a minute wondering
what she wanted.
when i opened the door,
her head was
still on the pillow.
this time she said
“too dark, daddy.”
too dark?
she’s never complained
about that before.
“maddy. it’s night time.”
“too dark” she
whined back at me.
i looked back toward
her door
and saw the
robot night light
upside down in the
the socket.
it had been plugged
in to that
spot for almost two
and a half years.
that night,
i turned it on
for the
first time ever.
a night light
shouldn’t make anyone
sad, but
when i flipped that
switch, i remembered the
day i pulled it
out of the paper bag
and showed it to
liz.
it was a few days
before madeine was
born and i had
found the thing
in the hospital
gift shop.
liz
was still less than
thrilled about
my previous robot
purchase, but i hoped
this would make
her laugh.
instead she groaned.
then she told me that
we needed a more
feminine night light
for our daughter’s room.
***
as i closed the
door she said,
“turn it off.”
i opened the
door and switched it off.
“good night, maddy. i love you.”
“i know,” she said.
i pulled the
door closed again
and heard her say
“too dark.”
i opened the door
and switched it
back on.
“i’m going to bed now. i love you.”
once again
she said, “i know.”
and as i pulled
the door closed,
i once again
heard her say,
“turn it off.”
by now my sadness
was gone.
all i could do
was laugh.
i reached in,
turned off the
light and without
a word started
closing the
door again.
this time i heard
maddy say
“i love you, daddy.”
***
these interactions
aren’t just happening
at night…
things are equally interesting
when we’re in the car.
she likes to
drop her toys
and books on
the ground, just out
of reach and yell
for me to pick them
up while driving.
she yells at me
to clap along
to the music.
and she tells
me to sing along
to songs that
she’s learned at
daycare that i’ve
never heard, then
yells at me when
i don’t get the
lyrics right.
and last tuesday
she said
“tickle maddy.”
as i continued
driving, i reached back
and poked her
in the stomach,
making her squeal.
then she said
“grab maddy’s knee.”
i put my hand on
her left knee.
“grab maddy’s other knee.”
i tried to
explain to her
that it was
impossible for me
to do so
while driving.
then she started
to get weird.
“put daddy’s glasses on arm!”
“what?” i said.
obviously annoyed,
she said “look at maddy!”
i looked in
the rearview mirror
to see her sunglasses
resting on her arm.
i removed my
hand from her knee,
took off my
sunglasses and placed
them on my arm.
she seemed happy
with that until
she realized that
my hand was no
longer on her knee.
“daddy! put hand on maddy’s knee!”
with my sunglasses
on my arm,
i reached back
and put my hand back
on her knee.
she laughed,
then said
“daddy! pull up your sleeve!”
i looked in
the rearview mirror
again and saw
the frantic look
in her eye and
heard the kick
of her feet against
the passenger-side seat
that meant she
was serious.
luckily we were
stuck in standstill
traffic on the 5
so i took my
hand off the wheel
and rolled up
my sleeve.
i heard her laugh
a sinister laugh.
then she yelled,
“put on maddy’s tigger hat!”
she handed me
the tigger hat
and i put it
on my head.
so there i was
stuck in
traffic with my
right hand on
her knee, my sunglasses
on my arm
my sleeve rolled up
and an infant-sized
tigger hat on my head.
then she yelled,
“sing pider song.”
that’s where i drew
the line.
but there’s nothing
like hearing her
laugh every
time i comply with
the next order.
or hearing her
say “i love you, daddy”
after i remove
the requested items
from her room.
it feels a bit like
i’m part of some
two year old’s version
of one of those
419 scam baiters making me
do all sorts
of weird shit
just to get back
at me for something.
let’s hope this
is bad as
her revenge gets…
***
(don’t forget the liz logelin foundation is still looking for sponsor, donations and attendees for the celebration of hope gala and the
5k).
138 Comments
Glad we’re not the only ones being ruled with an iron fist of a two year old. Madison gets great pleasure out of telling us where to sit or stand. When and when not to speak. What we can and cannot touch. Just for giggles, she will place a toy in front of us, wait for us to touch it, then when we do, yank it from our hands saying, “No! Don’t touch it. I get your spanking butt.” Well, at least if nothing else we know she hears us. Listening is another story. Soak up these moments. Each and every one.
Hilarious! Our kids are days apart in age, this is a daily occurrence for me too. They are learning how to establish control of their little worlds. Scary and so amazing. Enjoy every minute!
It’s cute now…but you’re gonna be screwed later! I wish you so much luck.
My daughter has been waking up in the middle of the night over and over again crying out for me… I am pregnant and its getting harder to get up over and over again… I’m hoping this is just a phase!
HAHA!!!
this post is absolutely adorable. love it. this is my favorite part: “dolphin. starfish. seahorse.” “what about them, maddy?” “take them out.”
hilarious…also the robot nightlight is so sweet. it sounds like maddy gave it a small chance before vetoing it like her mother.
take care matt and maddy! thinking of you always.
Great stories, Matt! The nighttime stuff is great…gets old quick, but as with all things kids, its a phase. Enjoy! Btw…if the phase lasts longer than you care to appreciate, you could try the ‘good nite light’ (google it if you choose) that has been awesome to teach nighttime vs waketime. Adds a soft nightlight to the room, too. Although it can create shadows which is probably what she doesn’t like. Have fun & Enjoy what love brings!
Fantastic. The tigger hat really completed the look.
She’s keeping you on your toes!! Well done Maddie!! Waking in the night when you are used to full night sleeps is a pain! Hopefully it”s a phase. I say she has you wrapped around her little finger! D
ohhh lordy do I remember those days! One daughter used to yell STOP! then GO! while I was trying to grocery shop, If I didn’t obey the orders fast enough she would play policeman and write me a ticket… fun fun fun!
She sounds so adorable (and so normal
)
This post just cracked. me. up. Love this little girl!! Hope mine turns out just like her.
Ahhh, welcome to the world of a toddler. How many times have I uttered that same phrase about my own lovely 2 year old, “Is she just fucking with me to see if I’ll do these things?” I do them anyway and they make her laugh. The only thing that will make this less painful is when she adds, “WHY?” to everything. Then you’ll be so annoyed at that word you’ll forget that you’re her bitch.
teehee. alas, it will continue. it’s called yanking your chain and my dear, darling 4 year old daughter has been doing it since she was 2. she’s so much better at it now. she does it with purpose! it almost a game, sometimes i have to walk away or she’ll have me in her web.
You are in SO much trouble with that sweet girl. But it is hilarious. My daughter is a few months older than Maddy and has always been a “daddy’s girl”. But lately, if he’s getting ready to put her to bed, she yells “no, I want (mommy/ grandma/ nanny/ anyone else in the house) to do it!”. But then once the other person has read her a story and rocked a bit, she climbs off the lap, declaring “I need Daddy now”. If she’s this manipulative at 2, what are we in for at 16?
every night before i went to bed – my mom made a big deal of getting out the “Monster Spray”… it was a whole process of getting equal parts monster disolving agent and bs (aka h2o in a bottle) and the whole room got sprayed down until everything in the room was safe… it was a huge production and all things scary were no longer there
just a thought for you….
Matt, I think it is amazing to see her growing so fast and having so much control!!!! kids totally fuck with you!!! my kids do it every day, and it only gets worse the older they get, and they eventually will be told no someday to some crazy request and there will be a knock down drag out tantrum in the middle of a sidewalk or a store or a restaurant, and I want you to know, that you will be mortified, I mean completely wish you were an ostrich mortified, but there will be at least one compassionate look from one person there who will say to you “hey, we have all been there!’ or “hey we were all kids once” or
“I had three like that” and in that moment you will realize you are doing exactly what you are supposed to, and it makes you part of a special group of people known as parents!!! you rock Matt, and I can not believe how much Maddy has grown! it is just amazing!
This cracks me up! and men wonder why we woman tend to “boss” them around, it’s because they let us when were their cute little girl!!
So essentially it’s our daddy’s fault and our husbands should really blame them!
Yep, you’re right. She is fucking w you. She is two, it is her job.
My son is a couple of months younger than Maddy and we’re going through the same exact thing with the middle of the night wake-ups (from a formerly good sleeper) and silly demands. Like you, he’ll be driving me nuts with the requests, when suddenly he’ll throw in a “Tickle me, Mommy!” and all is suddenly right with the world again once I hear that giggle.
My son is a little late in the game (4), but now at night he cries and when I ask him what is wrong (get this) he tells me he is sad because he misses me.
It’s all a game, though, I know it. We’re together all day.
I think the smarter they are, the harder we fall.
In a way, though, she is trying things out…adults tell her what to do all the time, why can’t the roles be reversed?
GOOD GOD! I thought I was the one and only person going through this with my 2.5 year old. The demands are bizarre and constant. She too has started waking up through the night screaming ‘MOMMY MOMMY HURRY, HELP ME” naturally I go running into her room and when I ask what is wrong she innocently says “nothing”. She has also started worrying that i’m not going to pick her up from daycare (she has been going for almost 2 years and i’ve never even been late) or that we are not going to bring her blanket and bunny home from daycare. The entire situation is rather strange. I’m beginning to think there must be a Toddler website none of us know about and they are all conspiring how to drive us CRAZY!!
The world is Maddy’s stage, and you are a puppet, my friend. As the mother of a 3 year old and a 6 month old puppetmaster, I would like to welcome you to the club.
It is a constant amazement to me what my daughter’s little mind can come up with- and by indulging her I have found her sense of humor to be just as twisted as mine. Enjoy it!
A lot of that is their imaginations coming on line, but yet they do not have the sense of what is real and what is not real. It can make for some interesting conversations. Willow is in Todd-lor mode too–we are at her mercy.
Love the story about the night-light.
Matt, I’ve been woken up at least once each night for the past several months by my 27 month old. I’m guessing its a two-year-old thing??? We don’t even converse- I just go in there, say, “go back to sleep”, she lays back down, I put her blanket back on her, and walk out the door. I dread what’s going to happen when I move her into a bed!
Maddy’s definitely playing a game with you- but a really fun one. Enjoy the ride!
My 4 year old daughter still does the same thing. She is getting better but on occasion she will holler for me in the middle of the night to ask me if I had checked on her before I went to bed. To me it’s cute when I’m reading about your experiences but to me it’s not so cute when it’s happening to me!
Haha, I have no kids so I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I’m kinda worried Amanda (commenter #2) is right…
i laughed LOUD at the “take them out. yes. outside.” part. good luck getting through this!
She is playing you like a fiddle. I have done the same with my father. Come to think of it, my husband too. She’s practicing. Go Maddy!
That is hysterical Matt, she’s playing you and she’s doing it early!! I was the same way towards my Dad when I was little, and we’re still super close today. There was a phase when I was 4 or 5 that I came up the nickname ‘big head’ for him, and he’d tell me it wasn’t nice to say but he couldn’t scorn me without laughing… but I grew out of it.
I think you need to set up a video camera in your car to catch moments like this! I know all of your stranger friends would like to see it!
I love it. It is amazing what children can get us older, wiser adults to do just because they ‘ask’…
My daughter went through that phase too and I’m so glad it’s over! Have you heard of a Twilight Turtle? We started using it in our daughter’s room when we put her in her big girl bed (around age 2.5): http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3819669 It stays on for 45 minutes and our daughter falls asleep easily and stays in her room. We’ve been using it for over a year and it’s been great!
p.s. Where did you get that sea creature painting? Is that from Pottery Barn Kids?
hahaha!!
oh how I look forward to your updates-
sounds like she has been playing Simon Says at daycare!!
I hate to say it but the crying in the night stuff sounds exactly like my night terrors.
What happens is that instead of being paralyzed during the dream state I open my eyes. At this point I see the things in my room except I apply whatever I am dreaming to these objects. I often get up and try to interact with them or scream terrified of them. Anyway – if this continues you might want to look that one up.
Yeah, perfectly normal. Imagine realizing you are powerless in your world, you go to bed when people tell you to, you eat what people give you to eat, you go where daddy says to go. This is her way of exercising some power. It’s what 2 year olds do. And parents of 2 year olds go crazy while it’s happening, so good luck with that
Jonathan is almost 4 and still calls out right after we put him down. aways has an excuse for not going to sleep!
I just laughed through this entire post. That girl of yours has so much character! I agree with the other comment, this is hilarious, but she has you all figured out. You are definitely screwed later! Oh the teen years are going to be fun!
bwhahahaha that Maddy is a stinker! Hilarious.
This made me laugh because my beautiful 2 year old does the same thing-you are becoming (or already are) her trained monkey!!! She’s testing to see how far you’ll go..It’s a no-win situation for you-do what she wants and you are her bitch, say no and get an hour-long tantrum!!!
MONSTER SPRAY!!! That is what did the trick for me at night. We pretend to spray Devi’s room with our pretend monster spray before going to bed. We each get a can and spray everywhere…the closet, under the bed, in the sheets, in the book shelf. OH! and don’t forget in the curtains…they love to hide in the curtains. Make sure you explain the spray repels them….it does not attract them!
We also now have a chart, she earns one fairy sticker every night that she sleeps all the way through. When a whole line (about 7 or so) of stickers is earned, we get to do a fun activity of her choice…last night it was the Old Spaghetti Factory…okay, okay….it was fun for her, AND they serve wine
Good Luck!
I didn’t notice a single ‘Simon says’ in there. I think you are playing the game wrong, Matt! No wonder she’s getting such a kick out of it.
You are so her whipping boy! Hell to pay later, I assure you of that. Hell to pay…
OMG…the car thing! My 3 1/2 year old (also a March 24th baby!) insists I hand her every dropped item while I am driving. When I tell her it will have to wait a moment because I am driving, she becomes impatient and asks over and over “Why?” But I must admit, it does melt my heart when she finds happiness in even the silliest thing that she’s asked me to do! I’ll take it all in now because I know how quickly she’ll grow up and no longer laugh with me but find embarrassment in everything I do!!
You continue to do a wonderful job with Maddy! Love reading your posts!
Liuz
Holy cow that was so funny! I need to read this post again when I’m not at work so I can laugh as loud as I want! Maddy is so precious how could you not comply with her every wish?!
I think she is just testing her ability to get men to do whatever she wants….watch out when she is a teenager
Matt this last post made me laugh so hard I started crying. Mainly because our daughters are only a few weeks apart and I am all to familiar with the zany requests of a two year old. I loved the “dressing up” in the car part just the other day my daughter picked out an outfit for me to wear out of her clothes and was very frustrated when it wouldn’t fit on me. Thay are too funny, and yes the “i love you’s” are the best no matter what time is is.
I’m not sure, but I think this post is Webster’s Dictionary’s official definition of “Daddy’s Little Girl.” At least she’s keeping you on your toes because hell, I’d be pissed if it was just all easy-peasy at your house.
On another note, I am happy that Maddy and Cailin are a year apart. That means that I have a full year to prepare for this to happen to me.
Sounds like somebody wants your attention 24/7
Too Cute!!!!
LMAO!! You’ve got more patience in the middle of the night than I do, that’s for sure.
My daughter is a couple of months older than Madeline and started doing the same thing this summer. First, she got scared by a daytime thunderstorm, and that night woke up crying about the thunder (there was none). When I tried to explain there was no thunder, she insisted tearfully that there was. This happened for several nights and then stopped; it returns sporadically, along with other, new reasons akin to the seahorse/dolphin reason. My new favorite was last week, when she woke up screaming “Mommy,” and when I went into her room, she sat straight up, pointed an accusing finger toward the bottom of her bed, and said, “I can’t sleep! You didn’t put my shorts away!” I put the shorts away. She went back to sleep. The end.
I take care of a little girl who is Maddy’s age, and she’s going through the same thing at night. Someone told me that this is the age that they actually start realizing things to be afraid of, such as figuring out that the dark can be scary. Both the monster spray and the twilight turtle that other commenters have recommended are great! Good luck!
Oh. My. God. This is easily the funniest blog post I have ever read. I just busted up laughing out loud at work! I have been reading your blog for about 2 years now, but never commented before. I have loved watching Maddie grow up, and watching you grow as well. You are such a great dad, you guys are lucky to have each other. Can’t wait for your book to come out! Congrats on finishing.
You are patient, that’s for sure! Someone is having a lot of fun using the words she’s learned. It’s up to you to determine what your stop point is–and then just get ready for the feedback. Driving in NYC, I can’t allow for distractions, so that was always a firm rule: Mommy cannot look at what you want her to see. Singing–that’s another matter! Singing I can manage. The nighttime stuff is hard–but I definitely think she’s playing you!
It takes patience and real inhuman strength to not bend on firm rules, but it pays off. It really does. Being firm doesn’t mean you’re being cruel.
If you think the 2′s are bad, wait till you get to the 3′s!!!! I still think whoever invented the phrase” terrible two’s” didn’t have a 3 year old!!! My daughter is just as manipulative, and after a while it’s not so cute! Although it cracks me up when she puts both of her hands over my mouth and tells me to be quiet and stop singing!! However, the nighttime stuff could be more than just manipulation… age 2 is a common age for kids to start having bad dreams, or even night terrors. I saw it with both my kids between 2 & 3. Once my son had a nightmare about a turtle! Personally, even though it’s inconvienent for us, I think it’s better to give in and try and make them feel secure, rather than have them develop a life ling fear of something. However, when mine wake up yelling for me at night, I usually wait a few minutes before I go in to see if it’s real, or if they settle back down on their own. and I can often tell by the tone of their voice if it just a mommmy I want you whine, or a mommy, I NEED you, somethings wrong! Good Luck!! She’s definately gonna keep you on your toes!
LOL~ Adorable! Just you wait! You’re already wrapped around her finger! Go MADDY! Thanks for sharing.
That’s too funny! This is the point in which my husband would start telling the story of The Boy who cried Wolf. Cute.
Oh, she is SOOO messing with you!!!
Let me tell you, it is going to take MORE than several nights to break her of that habit.
Trust me… I speak from expirience!!
that is just too funny!!
you are one heck of a dad
that is priceless that she says “i know” after you tell her you love her!
haha, she is totally messing with you! I used to do this to my dad all the time. I think I was a bit older though, she learns fast
Ah. You’ve entered the delightful, “hey, look at me phase.” It lasts until she’s thirteen awhen she’ll likely say, “stop looking at me!”
this was hilarious! my daughter is the same way!
hahah! my daughter is almost the exact same age as maddie and recently she has started doing the same thing. half the time its funny and half the time (especially the night waking) is making me crazy!
I love this.
It makes me remember when I only had one kid and could actually DO the things the kid wanted me to do. Heh.
If it makes you feel any better (and it won’t), my cat Mister Bingley wakes me up with his incessant meowing at least three or four times a week. I get up, pat him once on the head, and then he’s good to go until the alarm goes off.
welcome to the “my kid trains me” club. yep, it’s true and you my dear are being trained LOL!!!
oh and same goes for pets too! my beagles totally train me to get what they want. sad sad eyes = car rides!
LOL!
That reminds me when my hubby would take my now 5 year old for a bike ride. She would sit in the little seat behind him attached to the bike. If he stopped to cross the street or slowed down for any reason she would life the back of his shirt and slap his back and tell him to go faster. YES MAM!!
Matt, you’re scaring me! So are you other parents. Stop it. NOW. My little angel won’t do this. Right?????
Precious! Does she have an circulation left in her little finger?
You crack me the fuck up. I’ve had a rough few weeks, had 2 discs replaced in my neck, I needed this. I love hearing Maddy’s stories. You are a great dad, she has you just where you are supposed to be, wrapped around her finger. Take Care!!
In all honesty, I hope she IS just fucking with you! At least then you know she’s going to have one hell of a sense of humor and likely a healthy appreciation for sarcasm. My guess is she’ll need it for all of the times you’ll make her stand next to a measuring stick at an amusement park;)
Anyway, a two year old who is smart enough to fuck with an adult is all good in my book! Love that little Maddy…
YES!! B will summon me into her room at 2 AM crying “I need my Wa-Um (water)!!” I look everywhere for her sippy of water, only to discover she’s already holding it.
I love the car conversations, though. I recently blogged about a couple of those:
http://ginaandkris.blogspot.com/2010/07/conversations-in-car-part-2.html
LOL- She’s totally effing with you, and that’s what all 2 year olds do
Yeah. Sounds like a similar story ’round these parts. Two year old daughters have a way of manipulating, don’t they…?
hahah. that’s wonderful. she totally owns you
My 2 year old loves to throw his blanket in the car just to make me pick it up. Sometimes he tosses it between the car seats and yells at his 5 year old brother to pick it up. If the wrong person gets the blanket he throws it back and restates his initial command.
You have a stong willed SMART kid… she will remain this way… You will be an idiot, no matter what you say or do… This is ok.. She is smart…Great… fun loving… Life will keep getting better. I have a almost 15 year old smarty pants just like her… straight A”s… great kid.. Hang on.. Have fun. enjoy.:)
Our son is also very much in charge…or so we let him think. He does many of those night time antics as well, although, he prefers to them fully dressed as a firefighter. So, he gets out of bed, dresses in his firefighter costume, and then either yells for us or sneaks into our room and scares the crap out of us. I’m not sure it’s going to get better…and it’s funny to look back on in the morning when I’m exhausted.
“I know, daddy” Love it.
I adore your writing. Can’t wait for the book. Can totally see this “scene” in the movie.
I wish you’d write more, i.e. update your blog a bit more. What else cha got ta do?
I don’t post often but this had me laughing till tears rolled down my cheeks.
Amazing..
Thank you Matt….
-Maura
my guy and i were all over the floor with this one. having a two-year old ourselves, it was easy to relate. hilarious. thanks for sharing…i need to go wipe my eyes now.
Ah yes Lily is playing this game right now as well. I have played it 2x already with my older kids. I love it!!! Thy are at such an interactive age, give it a few years and she will become your friend. Someone you really hang out with.
Maddy and our son Dillon are about five weeks apart in age and (as so many others have said), it feels good to know that we aren’t the only ones living like this. Seriously, can you imagine what they could accomplish if all these kids conspired together?
Come on People! grow a back bone! It’s funny and cute now (according to most here) but these 2yr olds will continue to grow up…. and guess what? They will be brats! It won’t be funny and cute anymore. And you will have only yourself to blame.
And Matt, might be good to teach Maddy that driving and paying attention to the road is important….even at a stop light.
Just my opinion here. Love and Logic.
You, my friend, are friggen hysterical! Good luck, I think the two year old wins!
Wh-tsh!
Woo Paa!
However you want to spell it – it’s whipped!
Don’t let her fuck with you because anyone else she tries that with isn’t going to have it and that’s the real world.
Oh yeah… and don’t expect it to get any better at 3!
while it is cute, it can get out of control. we went through this with our son and finally had to put our foot down. you’ve got to let her know that you’re the adult and she’s the kid. a sad lesson to learn but if you don’t teach her that now, she’ll OWN you!
(not that she already doesn’t, but you know what i mean)
she might be trying to get your attention more now that brooke lives in her house.
Matt,
I LOVE this post and can totally relate!! I have 3 under 5 and there is never a dull moment in our house!! Cherish this “phase” cause they grow up quick. I find its always best to find the humor in every situation, cause parenting can be very frustrating. You are an amazing father and Madeline is beyond blessed to have you and Brooke in her life. Keep up the awesome job. Lots of hugs and well wishes from Montana.
Sarah
P.S. I am soooo looking forward to your book!! Is it too soon to pre-order??
:)
Sounds like she’s becoming a woman
LOVE IT!!!!! Oh How I love that little girl!
Hmm. I guess I won’t have the popular opinion here, but oh well. She sounds a bit spoiled. Maybe tell her no once in a while so she’ll know what it’s like to not get her way all the time. I’m not talking about the night terrors situation, by the way, that’s just something you can’t control. But kicking and screaming while you’re driving because you aren’t following her commands? Ridiculous.
She’s totally fucking with you.
Hahahaha! It’s totally adorable at this age…but be careful! Manipulation is totally their way of testing you to see what they can get away with and how they can control you. The more you let them get away with it, the harder it will be for you to get your parental control back. TOTALLY been there, done that.
You need to turn it into a game and start making her do funny things that you want her to do. That way it teaches her that you guys can have fun with it, but that she’s not going to gain the upper hand. It can get out of control fast and then you get the tantrums in public, etc. when you won’t do what she wants you to do. Proceed with caution, Matt! Good luck!! 
Matt,
We did the “monster spray” with our girls too. We used that anti-dust spray for computers and went through their room every night for quite a while. For a bit our girls even made us do OUR room before they felt “safe” again. We also did the soft music with stars thing that kind of hypnotized them to sleep.
A friend who is a child psychologist suggested that the whole demanding phase might just be their way of taking a little control over their lives. Who knows for sure. They’re kids. It is what it is. Cute sometimes and a pain in the ass other times. It’ll pass.
Twin girls btw – who are now 26 – and reasonably productive members of society. Must not have screwed them up too much! Keep up the good work – it’s hard but eventually you’ll get your sleep back!
Matt she is fucking with you. I’ve got two girls and they have both fucked with me too.
I agree with some of the comments before mine that she is a toddler and it’s what they do.
I also agree that it is just about the only way a young Princess In Training can feel like she’s running something!! I’ve noticed that my 3-year-old also loves to demand that I perform tricks for her. I comply as well, Matt. Don’t try to fight it
Oh, the visual! But you were on 5, weird stuff happens all the time there! Love that little girl.
When reading this blog, all I can think of is: “And the green grass grows all around all around and the green grass grows all around.” She’s too much!
Oh boy… she’s got you wrapped around her finger! Not a bad thing, but she’s testing you. Learn to say no now at some point or else it will bite you in the ass when she’s a teenager. I’ve seen it.
The nighttime monsters and assorted insect sightings is a phase. Both my kids went through it a little before 3… something about the imagination kicking in at that age. We did the whole monster spray thing too. It worked for one, but not the other. Best of luck. This too will pass.
I couldn’t help but laugh reading what Maddy is doing to you in the middle of the night. We got home from a road trip a few weeks ago (We actually crossed paths with you on your way to some beer fest in Wisconsin) and my daughter Taylor has been doing the SAME THING! Wakes up several times a night and tells me she is scared…its too dark… there are bugs in her bed, bugs under her dresser…bugs in her closet. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. No idea why she suddenly has decided she no longer wants to be a good sleeper! I wish us both luck!
Yep, she’s two for sure!
Maddie’s pictures always remind me of Trixie in the Knuffle Bunny books. Come to think of it, you kind of look like Trixie’s dad, Matt!
Thanks for the funny stories.
I know it’s not fashionable among parents these days but it really is OK and even good for your kids to say NO to them sometimes.
I have 3 girls and 1 boy. Boy is the oldest at 6, girls are 4, 2, and 1 month old. You are starting to see what we call at our house the entrance into the terrible 3′s! 3 was much worse than 2. We now have attitude, talking back,sassiness, and lots of demands!! Just keep her in check letting her know you are in control, bc if she gets control it takes a LONG time to get it back!!
She is such a cutie, as are my girls too, and sometimes you can’t help but smile and laugh at them! My daughter always slept in complete darkness and at almost 3, all the sudden was afraid of dark, we had to keep night light on, keep door cracked and hallway light on until she fell asleep. Then we shut door and shut light off. She is now deathly afraid of thunderstorms too, just becoming more aware of their surroundings I think!
You are a great dad and I love reading your blog. I am from Iowa and live in the MSP for a year after getting married, am a huge Vikings fan and make multiple trips to the MSP every year!
Super funny about the taking things out of her room. My youngest is only a few days older than Maddie and has been waking me up in the middle of the night saying, “I ONT (want) OUT OF HERE” as loud as she possibly can!
Seriously kids, go to sleep!
New beds mess things up for a while. Once, when I was too old of a kid to do so, I wet a new bed.
The only thing I can say is LORD HAVE MERCY ha ha. I’m there with you and as funny as they are, it gets to the point that I can’t keep up with her demands and then it takes several long deep breaths to calm down :S
This is clearly the beginning of payback for posting the bird shit picture of her!
I love it!! Sounds about right for her age! (kinda sounds like my daughter) I would have loved to drive by and see a Man looking the way you did!! Hilarious!! You should have taken a picture of that! (with all your free hands)
Your such an Awesome Dad!!!
I seriously doubt that Maddie is jealous of Brooke!
I’m not a mom or even married so may not be the best ‘relationship expert’ on the planet but I cannot help but think that Brooke living with you guys is the BEST thing that could have happened to all 3 of you. I believe that Liz sent Brooke to you and Maddie to help you both heal and as painful and hard as it might be to move on.
It takes an extraordinary and clearly self assured person to even consider getting involved with with someone clearly still grieving the loss of his wife and mother of his precious little girl. Brooke is not Liz and never will be – there is no denying Maddie is the spitting image of Liz. Liz will always be Maddie’s mother but Brooke can be her mom!
Take good care you guys!
You are so Maddy’s bitch! It’s adorable!!
She is totally fucking with you. I’ve got two daughters myself-3.5 and 22 months. It never stops! I think girls are worse with their dads though. I can’t wait to see what the teen years have in store for you!
I strongly recommend a book, “The Magic Years” by Dr. Selma Fraiberg. The book was published in 1959, and Dr. Fraiberg passed away about 20 years ago, but it is a classic for dealing with early childhood fears and demands.
she is so totally screwing with you!!! Don’t be afraid to say NO and mean it. she’ll act like you are the meanest person on earth but when you (and Maddy) get complimented on her manners and behavior in public, it’s worth it. my oldest would throw a temper tantrum and i would walk out of the room. she would quit the yelling, follow me, and start again. i just kept walking out of the room and told her that when she could quit screaming, then we would do something fun. reward the good behavior, not the bad. my “kids” are 27 and 32 and they still like to harrass us!!! we taught them that no means no and when to stop the teasing. take control of the situation by letting her know that you are the parent.(especially while driving) you’re doing a great job with maddie and the stories are great. keep up the good work and you’ll both survive (even the teen years!!!)
In the words of my husband ‘she is playing you like a fiddle’! They sure like to try and rule the roost! Good luck! But remember who is boss!
she’s fucking hilarious.
she’s totally got you wrapped around her little finger. That kid cracks me up. she would get along so well with my 2 year old.
Cute, but won’t be cute in a few years. Watch out!
My daughter is 1 month older than Maddy and she is doing the random waking in the night thing with weird demands, too. Sometimes she acts scared, sometimes she’s just lonely. I think she wants to make sure that someone is there for her sometimes. But it’s killing my sleep patterns! Good luck!
Hey Matt! I’ve been reading forever but I kinda stopped commenting for a while. I’ve missed it even though you never reply. With your 15 bagillion comments, how can you reply to them all?! Lmao. What size clothing does Maddy wear? I want to send her an outfit or two…
Love,
Mere
It sounds like you have a VERY SMART little girl on your hands! Good luck and most of all ENJOY! It goes by sooooo fast!
Oh Wow!
My Madison does the same thing. Seriously, these kids are fucking with us!
I guess it’s normal for toddlers to be afraid of the dark (who knew?). My Maddie began sleeping with a night light about two weeks ago. It’s like their imagination finally wakes up. Honestly, the shadows from the night light are more scary, but whatever.
I am sure things will get better!
So I stumbled across your website after looking at some favorite pages from Heather Spohrs facebook. And while it has taken me several days to read your website completely. I must say thank you for sharing your great story and for letting me into your life. What a great job you are doing with your Maddy. I have a daughter Laurel Grace who is 3 and a half and it has been so great to see all the similarities of girls growing up. I always find such joy when I see Maddy in an outfit or shoes or with toys that Grace has. Again i really just wanted to say thank you for sharing and that I really enjoy your writing.
Matt, I was so glad to see that I’m not the only one going crazy thanks to a two and a half year old. I’ve been sleeping in her bedroom floor for two months now because of “piders” in the bed, moths, or imaginary creatures she sees in her comforter. At least you are staying strong and not sleeping in her floor
I know exactly what you are talking about, Matt. My Charlotte has taken recently to doing anything at all possible to avoid going to bed. This includes telling me “No, Momma, I have to help you clean my toys”… this from my child who refuses to clean up anything all day long. I finally just have to tell her enough is enough and it’s bedtime. It’s just one of those magical things about the age of 2 (insert dripping sarcasm here). Hopefully you get some sleep soon!
She’s the cutest little bugger, but she is definitely testing the waters, and finding out that you’re an easy target. Sorry…had to say it, because my husband is the same way. When our kids have asked me to do things when I’m driving, I say “Sorry sweetie, I can’t…it’s important to be safe!” and then I distract them with singing or telling them to look at something outside or asking a question. For the bedtime thing, it may be time to establish a different ritual…to make sure the closet door is shut, etc…If she is having bad dreams or is scared, you might try a dream catcher. We have used them with 2 of our kids….got pretty, fancy ones and told them it protected them and that if they had a scary dream, to just THROW it in the dream catcher and it would go away. It’s very common to have nighttime fears at her age!
Good luck…have fun with her, but do stand your ground because you’ll pay the price later if she thinks she’s in charge!
Ok Pops, at least NOW you KNOW WHERE SHE IS WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! It won’t be this easy when she starts driving and you can’t sleep! Love every sleepy moment!!
hugs
OMG, she’s playing Simon Says with you! LOL
My daughter does the same thing with my husband and she’s 6. They just love the attention, don’t they?
she is hilarious and I would’ve loved a picture with you on the 5 with the hat and all.
Too cute!!
Oh, Matt!
Great post! It was all very wonderful and typical (I have three kids and we’ve been through this with all of them.)
But, what I liked best, is that you are so THERE for Maddy. You notice and remember all the details and take the time to write them down so they won’t ever be forgotten. You should know: You are doing a great job.
And, if the night time stuff persists, get some linen spray and spritz the room before she goes to sleep and tell her the scent will clear the room and keep her safe all night long. (Lavender is good for relaxation.)
This is exactly why both of my children now sleep with me. ARGH!!!
Dude, you are a great Dad! I love Madeline’s brilliant two year old mind! She and my three year old would get along famously
i have five kids, this is gender specific and when it’s not you it will be some other man. That’s the way the world works, I saw it on the History Channel with Stephen Hawking
This story completely made me lol. She’s totally f*ing with you in a really cute way. Lol.
So, so precious, Matt! That little girl of yours just cracks me up!
This post was HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud imagining it all.
I’m an on-again off-again reader of yours, and I just found your blog again after losing it for almost a year.
It’s definitely bookmarked this time.
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