went to her

first concert.

well, sort of…

technically her

first concert was a

kanye west show outside of

the la memorial coliseum

after i ran

my first 10k,

but i’m not sure

that one actually counts.

i mean,

first of all,

she wore

industrial-style,

noise-canceling, ear muffs

and second of

all, she slept through

the entire thing.

besides, that one wasn’t

really a choice.

it was an accident

of convenience

so i don’t really

count it.

more than anything,

i want her

to be able to have

the kind of epic

first concert story

that my parents denied me…

one that will

someday impress her

college friends

and make me seem

way cooler than i

ever was.

see, my parents

never took me

to a concert,

which is by far

the worst thing

that happened

during my childhood.

(thanks, guys, for depriving me).

music was not a huge

part of their

lives so i had to

go it alone.

my first concert is

equal parts amazing and

somewhat stupid.

i saw spinal tap

(yes, there was a spinal tap concert tour)

at the orpheum theater

in mpls on may

19, 1992.

i was 14.

i remember just about

every single thing

about it…

i remember getting dropped

off in downtown

minneapolis with a couple

of friends

by my friend’s dad

(a pastor),

his son, trying to

sneak a tiny

bottle of vodka

into the venue,

and ultimately giving it

to a homeless guy

outside because

he was nervous about

getting caught with it.

(i also remember being really, really scared because i didn’t want to be an accessory to his crime, especially since i didn’t even drink booze [little known fact about me...i didn't have my first taste of alcohol until my 21st birthday...no joke]).

i remember being in

awe of the beautiful

old theater,

unlike any other

building i’d ever entered.

i remember the old

couple sitting next

to us in the back

row of the ground floor,

both of them

too well-dressed

to be attending

a spinal tap show,

the woman pulling

out a pair of

opera glasses in order

to get a better view,

and my friends and

i laughing at them.

i remember that they

never returned to

their seats after

the intermission.

i wondered then if

they somehow

ended up at the

wrong concert, and with

20 years

(holy shit!)

between then and now,

i wonder if they

were planted there

by the band/actors

as a joke?

i remember having the

time of my life.

what i don’t

remember at all

is the music.

i mean, i remember that

there was music,

but i don’t remember

specific songs or anything,

but i guess

what i’m trying to

say is that

it was the entire

experience that really

hooked me.

i’ve since been to

well over 100

live shows in my

life, and for

years now, i’ve

dreamed of taking my

child to her first show

just so she could

tell future friends

how cool she was

(that, and to hopefully help her find a life-long love of music).

…

a few months

ago i found out that

one of my favorite artists

(j. tillman, now known as father john misty)

would be

playing in one

of our favorite places

in the city

(the natural history museum of los angeles, more specifically, in the north american mammal hall as part of the nmh’s first fridays monthly shot of culture),

and most importantly,

it was an all-ages show,

which of course

meant that

maddy would be able

to go!

…

i got tickets for

maddy, brooke & me,

and we headed downtown

to the museum we

visit about twice

per month, explaining to

maddy for days in advance

that we were going

to the museum

with the dinosaurs

(that’s what she calls the place)

to see a concert.

when we got there,

we parked ourselves

in the african mammal hall

until the show started,

where maddy checked

out the animals,

danced to the

dj’s music,

played the drums,

and eventually, spun

some records:

maddy said,

“that was so much fun!”

and i explained that

she is not allowed to

do that with the

records/record player we

have at home.

eventually it was time

for us to head

to the other side

of the building

for the concert.

as we waited,

maddy was

tired and bored

(it was after all, an hour and a half past her normal bedtime)

but she soon

got excited

and was ready for

the band to start.

when the music started

she began

bouncing up

and down on my

shoulders, clearly

enjoying the first

live show she’d

seen while awake.

she had the time

of her life,

and so did i.

(brooke seemed to like it, but i think she would have preferred lady gaga or something equally awful).

and how fucking cool

is it going to

be when someone asks maddy,

“what was your first concert?”

and she answers,

“i saw father john misty in the north american mammal hall at the natural history museum in los angeles when i was 4 years old.”

i think it’s pretty

damn rad.

but maybe she’ll want

to claim that

kanye west show

she slept threw

as her first,

or more than likely

she’ll be totally

embarrassed that her

first concert wasn’t

whoever the justin

beiber equivalent of

her teen years is.

but maybe, just maybe

she’ll love me for it.

………

just in case you’re interested, the liz logelin foundation, one of our grant recipients, and maddy & i will be featured on the cbs morning show tomorrow morning (wednesday, may 16th, sometime during the second hour). tune in if you can.

finally, this year’s liz logelin foundation 5k and maddy’s mile fun run for kids will take place on june 9th in minneapolis (and around the world) and we’d love for you to join us! registration is now open!

feel free to leave a comment or send me an email if you have any questions.

letting madeline teach

me things i

know nothing about

(comic books, superheroes, star wars, etc),

it was time for

me to give her

a bit of an

education on something

that i love

(and so did liz).

baseball.

yes, maddy has been

to a few games

in her young life…

3 or 4 games

at dodger stadium,

one in san francisco,

one in anaheim

and one in minnesota

(before the new stadium was built),

but not since she

looked like this:

as i watched

a game on tv

with brooke, she suggested

that i take maddy to

a game while she was

out of town for work.

(great idea).

so i bought some

tickets for last friday

night’s game and

prepped maddy

all week, telling her

that we were

going to the stadium

and that we’d be out

very, very late.

(game start time was about 30 minutes before her normal bedtime, and i hoped to stick around for the post-game fireworks).

she seemed sort of

interested, but i don’t

think she really

understood what

we’d actually be doing,

so i tried to

tell her about all

the great stuff

that happens at baseball games.

…

friday night we

arrived at the stadium

and she was

excited as soon

as she pulled in.

i remember that kind of

excitement when i

used to go

to twins games as

a kid.

there was nothing in

the world like

heading downtown,

parking a few blocks

away and running

the entire way

to the stadium,

knowing that i was

about to have

the time of my life

(it would be years before i was introduced to outdoor baseball, and to the realization that my childhood baseball experiences sucked because i was stuck in that awful dome).

in her case, her

excitement was more

about all of the

things i told her

about my,

and her

mom’s

trips to dodger stadium,

(we had season tickets for 3 years)

i told her about

how much her

mom

and i used to

love to go

to the stadium

after work.

i told her about

all of the great

food we used to eat,

(dodger dogs, especially)

and how her mom

used to bring a

blanket to the

early season games

because the stadium

got really cold

when the sun went down.

and that on

nights when the dodgers

have fireworks, we

used to sit on

the outfield grass

and watch them.

and then i showed her

this photo:

“can we sit on the field, daddy?”

“i think they still do it, but we’ll find out on friday.”

…

before we even got

to our seats,

we stopped in

the parking lot

pop-up store and

maddy picked out

a new hat

and a tiny baseball bat

(oh how i loved my tiny baseball bat when i was a kid).

then we headed

up the seemingly endless

steps to the

upper reserve section

of the stadium, not far

from where her

mom

and i had our

season tickets.

maddy wasn’t hungry

but she was ready

for a giant icee

so she got one

and i got a bag

of peanuts and we found

our seats

maddy wasn’t all

that interested in

the peanuts until

she saw me throwing

the shells

on the ground…

it was then that

she got really excited.

“i can throw the peanuts on the floor?”

“well, just the shells, maddy.”

she let out the

awesome little laughing

squeal sound that

she makes when she

gets to do something

she didn’t think she could.

she insisted on

cracking open as many

peanuts as she could,

throwing the shells,

and stomping the

shells into a fine dust.

she got a little

overzealous a few times

and the shells

flew a little too far

(luckily the seats in front of us were empty until about the 2nd inning),

so i had to explain

that it would be

best to just drop them

at her feet rather than

throw them.

the game started

and maddy sat at

attention taking everything

in, until we saw this:

she laughed pretty

hard when i suggested

that the baby in

the front pack

also had a baby in

a front pack.

about 20 minutes her

body started to

let her know that

it was her usual bedtime

and she demonstrated

it by laying in my lap.

she laid there

until she announced

that she had to

go to the bathroom.

as we bolted up the

stairs, terror hit me.

this trip to the

bathroom would be

unlike the trips we

took when she was a baby.

now she’d have

to sit on

an actual toilet.

in a men’s room.

at a baseball stadium.

for those of

you who’ve never been

inside one

of these things, just imagine

the most disgusting

place you can

think of and multiply

it by, like, 10,000,000.

she was dancing by

the time we reached

the entrance to the

men’s room, and

when i

opened up

stall doors 1, 2 & 3,

i was near the

point of vomiting

(i’ll spare you the details).

“maddy! we have to get out of here!”

“but daddy! i really have to pee!”

“okay, okay, just hold it as long as you can.”

i knew we didn’t

have enough time to

make it to the one

(one!)

family restroom in

the stadium because

i know from

experience that it’s

on a lower level

(we were in the cheap seats).

so i took her

to the women’s restroom

next door, stood just

outside the doorway,

got down to her

level, looked her in

the eyes and said,

“maddy, you’re gonna have to go into the bathroom by yourself.”

as she danced

and had a pained

look in her eyes

she said,

“you have to come with me!”

“maddy, you can do this…you’re a big girl…just like at home.”

“but daddy!”

i felt so helpless.

“maddy, just go in and do what you do at home…”

just as i finished

my sentence, some

kind of angel appeared

from the bathroom

and said

“do you want me to take her?”

hmmm…

i had a split second

to think about

that and give

her an answer.

do i send my child

into a bathroom

with a strange woman

or do i keep trying

to find a clean

men’s room?

i looked at maddy

and i saw

that look in her

eyes that meant

there wasn’t

much time.

“please! are you sure you wouldn’t mind?”

she responded,

“i have kids. i get it. come with me, sweetie.”

maddy didn’t

even look to me

for approval as

she followed the woman

into the bathroom..

i said,

“oh my god. thank you. all you’ll have to do is lift her up on the seat…she can do the rest!”

my voice getting

increasing louder as

they disappeared inside.

holy shit.

i was freaked out.

had i made

the right decision?

were there

other alternatives i

could have pursed

instead of sending

her into a bathroom

with a stranger?

as every scenario,

good & bad, entered my

head, maddy came running

out of the

bathroom with a giant

smile, her hands

dripping wet,

followed by

the kindest stranger

who ever walked the earth.

“i did it!” maddy yelled.

the woman laughed,

i said thanks

and she assured me

it was no problem at all.

we headed back

to our seats having

survived another

one of life’s inconveniences.

as we sat down,

maddy noticed a

dude walking up

and down the aisles

yelling about dodger dogs.

she spun to look

at me

and said,

“i want a dodger dog!”

“okay. put your hand up and yell, ‘here!’”

she did, and the

vendor nodded his head

in acknowledgement as she

jumped up and down.

i gave her some

cash and told her

to pay the guy when

he got closer.

he handed her a hotdog,

which she grabbed,

and with pride,

held out for me

to see.

she was so excited

about the moment

that she forgot to

give the man

the cash…

the vendor just

stood there with

a smile on his face,

seemingly unconcerned

about the cash.

(i know he was just being patient).

maddy eventually paid

him and sat down

to enjoy her

first dodger dog.

(she finished the entire thing).

from that moment on,

every single time

a vendor walked

up and down the aisles

maddy’s hand would

go up and she

would yell, “here!”

and while i

reached out to hug her

(thus keeping her arms at her side).

eventually the fun

of hailing vendors

wore off

and she started to

get really, really tired

which meant she

needed to use me

as a pillow.

but as the

(very close-scoring)

game got closer

to the 9th inning,

the crowd got loud

and maddy was reenergized.

doing her

best to get on the

jumbotron by jumping

up and down.

…

many years ago,

as i sat just a few

sections to left of

where we were,

i watched a couple

of little girls jumping

up and down,

arms and pom-poms

flailing, screaming

at the top of their

lungs about nothing

at all,

their only goal?

to get on the jumbotron.

i said something to

liz

about how annoying

they were, and she said,

“you will love it when your daughter does it someday.”

…

i didn’t believe her

all of those years

ago, but now…

in the moment she predicted

(long before we had decided to have a child),

i watched as our

little girl jumped

up and down

for no reason,

except to get on

the jumbotron,

and i felt something

i never, ever imagined

i would, or could have.

…

the game ended

and as i hoped,

everyone in the

stadium was invited

onto the field

for the fireworks.

maddy and i rushed

to make it

down to the field

level, running into

our dodger stadium bathroom

angel and her husband

on the way down

(maddy talked to them the entire walk, telling them about every single thing she tried to order from the vendors, all of the food she ate and all the jumping around that she did, much to their amusement).

we made it down to

the field level, maddy’s

excitement level

at an all-day high,

when her tiny dreams

were crushed…

the security guard

on the field closed

the gate as we approached

and informed me

that they were at capacity.

fuck.

you’ve got to be kidding me.

i appealed to her

in the nicest possible

ways, pleading to

let me little lady

onto the field.

she told me

it wasn’t possible,

even as two other

people left the field.

maddy was devastated,

(partially because she was exhausted, but also because she was really, really excited to get onto the field)

and there was nothing

i could do

to fix it.

(no need to pile on the security guard…she was just doing her job).

we sat down

in the second row

as maddy cried her

eyes out

and i promised to bring

her back again soon

(next time we’l sit in the lower level so we can get to the field before the gates close).

i saw the security guard

looking our way

throughout the fireworks

display, wiping away tears.

(now i’m felling bad for her).

just as the fireworks

were ending, she called

us over and gave

maddy a lapel pin

while apologizing to me.

i assured her

it was okay and

that i know it

wasn’t her fault

(she was following some strict orders, i’m sure).

maddy stopped crying

as we walked

back to the car,

we talked about

all the fun

we had

and she asked me

all sorts of questions

(about the game, the food, and when we would be coming back).

she was clearly over

the earlier injustice,

her night at

the stadium filled

with the kind of

memories that will

make her want to come back.

which is great,

because those great

memories are

the reasons i

keep coming back.

carried on a tradition

that we’ve followed since 2009…

we had a birthday party

in our backyard

for maddy,

several weeks after

her actual birthday.in the past,

there were no problems

or confusion

because i don’t

think maddy really

understood what a birthday

was, nor did she

really know the date

of her birthday.

she just thought

her birthday was a

month-long party.

but since her

third birthday party,

she has been looking forward

to her fourth,

(insisting that it must be a batman party)

and sometime in between

she learned

(and committed to memory)

that she was

born on march 24th.

…

as usual, we were

away from los angeles

for her actual birthday…

this year maddy

and i headed

to phoenix to meet up with

liz’s

parents, sister, aunt & uncle,

plus we got

a little time with

my mom and

one of her friends, and

my aunt, uncle,

cousin, & her daughter.

(i’ll write about that soon).

we had a great day

in the pool that day,

but maddy woke up

on the 25th, wondering

why she didn’t have

her batman party.

i tried to explain that

we’d still be having

her batman party, just

on a different day.

…

a couple of weeks

later, it was almost

time for her party.

i told her that

her friends would be

coming to our house.

she looked at me

and she asked if it

was march 24th.

i explained that it

was april 15th

and that we were

celebrating her 4th

birthday again with

a bigger group of people.

she seemed confused,

but changed the subject

by asking for breakfast.

…

that morning we

were visited by

liz’s

great friend and one

of my favorite

people in the

whole wide world, chandra

and her son quinn.

they dropped in and hung

out for a bit,

playing with maddy’s race

track and swinging

in the hammock

before heading to

the airport to go

back home.

when maddy went down

for her nap,

the work began…

we had roughly 2

hours to transform

our backyard into

a venue fit

for a bunch of

little superheroes

(and their parents)

we had a bunch

of piñatas

(my mom, liz’s dad, and brooke’s sister joined me in the hunt for piñatas, and since we couldn’t decide on which one to get, we ended up getting four)

one was filled

with candy and peanuts

for the kids

and the other was

filled with

tiny bottles of booze

for the adults

because, well,

i’m an equal

opportunity entertainer

(and because last year i was mean and filled one with carrots).

the other two

were just decorations.

there was even

an incredible

batman cake:

by the time

maddy woke up,

the yard was

completely transformed

and she was ready

to party.

soon her friends arrived

then lunch was served:

there was a hunt

for bats

hidden around the front yard

(hidden by brooke and tom)

and of course,

a piñata attack

when the kids

couldn’t get the

job done, a few

adults stepped in

to help

(and to relive their childhoods),

and the contents

of the poor batman

piñata spilled out

onto the grass

and the children

rejoiced, grabbing

as many pieces of

candy as they could,

much to the dismay

of their parents.

(the peanuts went largely untouched).

just when

everyone thought the

party was winding down,

batman arrived

(this was a surprise for the kids)

and maddy went

totally apeshit.

she was so incredibly happy

that she had me

in tears, thinking

at once that

it’s pretty fucking

incredible that anything

in the world

can make a kid

so ecstatic, and as

always, thinking

how awful it is that

liz

will never get

to see that

look on her

daughter’s face.

…

maddy was in total

disbelief, standing as

close to batman as possible,

reaching out

to touch him

in an attempt to

ensure that he wasn’t

a 2pac-like hologram

at a certain point

i think she forgot

that anyone else

but she and

batman were at

the party, because

each time he

asked a question,

she jumped in with

the answer before

anyone else even had

a chance

(ex: batman: “name one of my enemies.” maddy: “joker!” batman: “name another.” maddy: “penguin!” “the riddler!” batman: “where do i live?” maddy: “gotham city!” and so on…).

she was a rapt listener:

awaiting each

set of instructions

for the batgames

and an eager participant:

she rarely left

batman’s side,

and spent a ton

of time asking him

questions that

batman tried to answer

for her as he

attempted to finish

his routine in the

one-hour time period

we had agreed upon.

(funny story…i found batman on the internet (thanks to a suggestion from my friend, the male beecher) and called up the booking company in an attempt to get him to maddy’s party. the woman who answered the phone was so soft spoken that i could barely hear her. she described the services batman would provide for the party, then went for the upsell, explaining that in addition to batman (and for an additional fee), the joker could also come to the party. he would arrive early and steal presents, cake and other things, at which time batman would rush in and save the day. i was laughing so hard that i had to mute the phone as i listened to this woman with the quiet voice describe something that would surely terrify and scar everyone in attendance. i clearly made the correct decision by opting for batman only).

before leaving

to protect

gotham city from

his enemies

(or so he told the kids),

batman put maddy

on his shoulders

and led everyone

in a chorus of

happy birthday

maddy wasn’t ready

for him to leave,

but the “riding gotham

city of evil doers” explanation

made perfect sense

to her, so she waved

him goodbye.

soon after, the party

wound down

and most of her

friends were on their

way back to their lairs.

a few folks remained,

and we took

a swings at the

adult piñata.

it proved to be a

little too challenging

for most, so we

lowered it and let

everyone have a

few more cracks at it

with the party over,

it was time to

bring out maddy’s present:

maddy had told us

that the one thing

she wanted was a batman

bike, and after months

of assuming that it

would be fairly easy

to find one, i discovered that

they are no longer

sold new,

and that to find a

used one is nearly impossible.

my mom, stepdad and i

drove all over

east los, searching

bike shops and thrift

stores for the one

thing that maddy

really wanted.

after finding it,

grandma and grandpa

decided it would

be the perfect gift

from them…

we took it to one

of the bike shops

we had visited

earlier, and had

a dude fix up

maddy’s new/used bike,

which she rode

for a bunch

of curious onlookers:

…

later that night

as she was headed

for bed,

her eyes glazed,

her head weary,

maddy asked me,

“why was batman at my house today?”

the whole thing

must have been

an incredible blur

to her, and the fact

that batman, who

until her party,

was a two-dimensional

being who existed only

on the pages of

her comic books or

on her ipad was

actually in her backyard,

well, her mind

was clearly blown.

i answered,

“batman was at your birthday party because he wanted to wish you a happy birthday!”

she stared at me

as if i had

just spoken

to her in a

foreign language…

“am i five now?”

i laughed, knowing

that i have confused her

once again.

“no,” i explained,

“you just turned four. we had another party for you so you could celebrate with your friends and everyone else who couldn’t make it to phoenix.”

“oooooooh. it was so cooooooool that batman was here. i love you, daddy.”

“i love you too, maddy.”

as everyone

left and went

off to bed,

i kept myself up,

wondering if i would

ever be able

to top this day

for her…

i may not

be able to, but

i will sure as hell

do my best.

time to

start planning for

her 5th birthday…

in other news, the cbs morning show will be doing a story about my family, my book, and the liz logelin foundation. as part of the story, they met us in minnesota, transforming liz’s parent’s house into a studio:

and filmed the the liz logelin foundation’sfundraising event at the minnesota wild game.

(maddy and i even got to ride the zamboni!)

i’ll update you as soon as i hear anything about an air date, so stay tuned.

and in fact, it’s already available in some stores, as maddy discovered on saturday.

to celebrate the launch, i’ll be participating in a live twitter chat starting at 1pm eastern time. grand central (my publisher) and i will be giving away a whole bunch of great stuff, including copies of my book, some of my favorite records, and other random things i think you may enjoy. all you have to do is participate! find me on twitter @mattlogelin
and tweet me with the hashtag, #2k4m
and you’ll be in the running for a whole bunch of great stuff. oh. and you’ll be able to ask me any questions you want about the book, the writing process or music recommendations.

also, a few weeks back i met akemi williams, founder and president of TeetheMe.com, who told me all about the awesome company she started. basically, TeetheMe is a subscription based company offering monthly subscribers a box of 4-5 must-have baby products each and every month. each month the items picked are based upon the child’s age and development (for example, a 3 month old will not receive the same products as a 12 month old). i loved the concept and told her i wished TeetheMe had been around when i first brought maddy home.

while i was gushing over her company, she told me she loved my book and wanted to include a few signed copies for her subscribers. i was thrilled to be included, and my publisher and i donated 25 signed copies of especially for TeetheMe subscribers. in addition, one very lucky TeetheMe subscriber will win a live video conference with me, perfect for your book club or social event. winners will be selected at random and find their books in their next TeetheMe box! Current TeetheMe subscribers are automatically entered. not yet a Teether? subscribe at TeetheMe.com by april 2nd for a chance to win, and use promo code: TWOKISSES for 20% off your first month.

okay.

that’s it for now.

more soon.

wait. i suppose i should give another copy away here. go ahead and leave me a comment (any comment) and you’ll be eligible to win a copy of two kisses for maddy signed by the maddy referred to in the title.

hopefully fixed now!

at least

(i thought)

i was prepared

for this one.…

a few days earlier

i got a message

from maddy’s sitter.

“your kid has me crying.”

“oh shit. what happened?”

“we’ll talk when you get home.”

back home,

kelly told me

that maddy chose

to have her read

a comic book for

her bedtime story,

and while she read

the story, changing her

voice for each

character, maddy told

her to “do my daddy’s voice”

and went on

requesting to hear

the voices of all

the people in

her life.

looking sad,

she said,

“do my mommy’s voice…i don’t know it.”

kelly said

she didn’t know

it either, but told

her to ask me,

at which time she

brightened up.

then she changed the

subject back

to the tiny titans,

as only an

almost 4 year old can.

…

the next morning on

the way to

school, i was working

on finding the

strength to ask

maddy if she wanted

to hear her mommy’s voice

sometime, knowing

that it meant

that i would also

have to hear

liz’s

voice for the first

time since she died,

something i quite honestly

was not ready to do…

but before i could

execute my plan,

my little lady

beat me to it.

“daddy, what did my mommy’s voice sound like?”

as prepared as

i thought i was,

i guess i wasn’t.

(instant tears from me).

“maddy, would you like to hear her voice? i have some videos we can watch together.”

“yeah.”

“maddy, you know you can talk about to me about your mommy anytime, right?”

(i say this to her a lot).

“i know, daddy.”

“daddy?”

“yes?”

“i love you, daddy.”

“i love you too, maddy.”

(she knows exactly when i need to hear that from her, it seems).

…

later that day,

working on a long-term

photo library reorganization project,

i set something

down on my desk

(apparently on my keyboard),

and spun my chair

to get up.

as i made my way to

the door, i heard

her

voice, hushed yet

unmistakeable, even after

all these years

without it,

coming from somewhere

below the sounds

of the caretaker record

i was listening to.

i rushed back

to the computer,

fumbling for a way

to end the sounds

i wasn’t prepared to hear,

but couldn’t.

i let the video end,

then played it again.

it was one of

those stupid videos,

the ones we all

have from the early days

of digital cameras…

she went around the

table, asking her cousin,

her cousin’s brother-in-law

and others to acknowledge

the amazing piece

of technology she

held in her hands.

the video ends with this:

“matt, say hi!”

which i did, in

my own sheepish way,

arms crossed, a hand

barely lifted for

a brief wave,

the camera pointed

at me until she

stopped recording.

and that was it.

a video that would

have been deleted years

ago if anyone

knew of its existence,

now watched a

third time,

“natalie.” “chris.” “ben.”

“matt, say hi!”

video stopped.

i heard her,

but didn’t see her.

i can taste

the bile, i can feel

the rest coming

up, so i run

and vomit like

i haven’t in

a long time,

dropping to my knees

to get it all out.

…

more than seeing

that other video

a few weeks

(or was it months?)

back, it was

nothing compared to

hearing her voice.

in my head, as

i anticipated someday

having to confront this moment

i always thought

that seeing her

animated would be

the toughest part

for me,

never thinking about

hearing her voice.

i guess i never really

separated the two things

in my mind

(most videos include sound)

but seeing movement for

the first time

without sound made

hearing her voice

without movement

impossibly, soul-crushingly difficult.

…

as i said,

i wasn’t ready for this.

but madeline’s ready,

she’s told me so,

and for her i have

to be.

she pushes me,

leading me to where

i need to be for her.

so with

march 25th a few

days behind me,

the date

weighing heavier on my

mind then it

has since the first one,

tonight i watched more.

as many as i

could find.

movement.

voice.

sometimes combined,

sometimes separated,

in places like

athens, minneapolis, nyc, kathmandu,

a different lifetime.

more time on my

on my knees, vomiting

from the pain

i’ve avoided for over

4 years now.

all because she’s ready

to hear

her

voice.

yes, it’s the chinese translation of two kisses for maddy. specifically, the traditional (complex) chinese character translation.

(the front cover is on the left (and is is clearly not a photo of maddy and me…i have never owned a pair of pants or shoes like that) and the back cover is on the right).

so if you live in taiwan, hong kong or macau and want to read my book translated into complex chinese characters, well, now is your chance.

more info can be found here and here.

(and if you want to see a really awful google translation of the same pages, check them out here and here).

from what i’ve been told (by someone who can sort of read a little chinese), the title translates to something like: every time you have to kiss twice which is so totally awesome.

oh. and along with the complex chinese character version, i’m happy to report that two kisses for maddy will also translated into the following languages and sold in the following countries:

bahasa indonesia, available in indonesia.
simplified chinese characters, available on mainland china and maybe singapore.
japanese, available in japan.

(more details to follow as i get them).

in other news, the random number generator picked number 299, so the first giveaway of a paperback copy of two kisses for maddy goes to sarah a. sarah and i have already exchanged emails and i will be mailing her book out asap.

finally. here’s something i never, ever imagined….heidi klum loves my book.

maybe you will, too?

it’s availble here:

here:

here:

or in local bookstores and ebook on april 3rd.

the paperback version of two kisses for maddy!

the scheduled release date is april 3rd, but it will likely be in stores a little sooner.

it’s available for preorder here:

here:

and here:

the paperback version includes a reading group guide, new photos, and an additional chapter.

leave me a comment and i’ll randomly choose someone to get one of my two early release copies. giveaway opportunity ends a week from today.

also, i’ll be doing some promotional stuff over the next few weeks/months, so stay tuned.

and finally, i do have one appearance scheduled (so far). details below:

saturday april 14th, 2012 – 9:00am to 4:00pm (i’ll be speaking from 11:30am to 12:30pm as part of a memoir panel).
literary orange:
an manual celebration of authors, readers, and libraries presented by orange county public libraries, uc irvine & uci libraries
university of california, irvine
a311 student center
irvine, ca 92697-2050
714.566.3065

tomorrow i’m off to visit my brother and his family in alaska. the disturbing monkey will be coming with me, and will meet an untimely end sometime during the trip. i’ll take any ideas you have for how it should die.

(btw…this amorous toy monkey was purchased by the same woman who sent maddy the most terrifying toy of all-time. read about it here. once again, thanks, mom).