called for a relaxing sunday

spent the morning alone

with madeline

then friend cara stopped by

to join us for lunch.

we headed to the eagle rock

to hit one of my new

favorite places.

had a great breakfast meal

(love breakfast for lunch).

we ate slowly, enjoying

some laughs and conversation,

while cara held madeline.

waitress put cara

in an uncomfortable

situation, assuming

that she was the momma.

cara set her

straight, but neither

of us told her

the real deal.

i just didn’t have

the energy.

lunch was over and we decided

to take Madeline on a

little stroller ride up

the colorado blvd.

did a little shopping.

then

stopped in a wine

bar to take part in a

wine tasting event.

got kicked out before

a glass touched

our lips.

apparently you can’t

bring babies into

a place that serves nothing

but booze.

(stupid rule…it’s not like i was going to give her more than a few glasses).

instead we stopped at

the vietnamese restaurant

up the street.

tried to have a beer

at a table on the

sidewalk, but we were

thwarted again,

can’t drink a beer at

a sidewalk table.

where do we live, communist russia?

(apologies to any russian communists reading this).

went inside, had a nice, cold,

vietnamese beer, while madeline

took down a bottle of her own.

we continued

to talk about madeline

and how cara

is going to get her

some clothing with skulls.

tried to convince cara

to cancel her plans for

the night.

she did.

so we continued madeline’s

stroller ride up the blvd.

stopping at the french

to kill some more time.

sat at a table on

the sidewalk.

asked for a glass of

water, then got curious.

“can i get a glass of wine out here?”

“sure”

the waiter said.

(so much for the communist state i thought we lived in).

we enjoyed our wine

and some more laughter.

waiters put cara

in an awkward

situation, (once again)

asking if she

was the mom.

once again, cara did the

right thing

and i kept quiet.

waiter and cara talked,

he learned that

cara is single

so he called for one

of the single

waiters to come meet her.

so awesome

to watch and laugh

at an uncomfortable

situation that had

nothing to do with

me.

i think she wanted

to get out of there,

so we continued

our trek up the boulevard,

finally stopping

at our dinner

destination, the soul-food restaurant,

the one near the house

that burned down,

the house that

liz

and i almost bought

before buying the

empty one

i now live in

hadn’t been to this

place since the days

before we found out

liz

was pregnant.

we met some of

her friends here.

spent the night

laughing, enjoying lots of wine.

miss those days.

i guess i

probably should have chosen

a different place.

wanted to, but the pizza place

was closed.

went inside the soul-food

restaurant anyway,

sitting in an unfamiliar

spot.

good.

suppress the rest of

those memories.

don’t need to cry

in front of my friend

(not that she’d mind, i’m sure, but fuck…just can’t do this now).

she must have

sensed the bullshit

floating around inside

my head, ’cause

she worked extra hard

to make me laugh.

it worked.

the food helped, too.

had a huge meal

we finished up

as i admired some corners

and wallpaper.

walked back down

the blvd., madeline enjoying

her stroller ride.

headed home, saying goodbye

to our friend.

eating, drinking, talking

staring at madeline.

makings of a good day.

but madeline and i went inside.

i looked around,

felt the emptiness,

then stared at my daughter.

this is gonna be tough.

went to see ben, dana and family

in the sierra madre.

dana offered to hang out

with madeline so that

i could go do one of my

favorite things…

wandering, taking photos with ben.

we dropped maddy off

so she could stare

at ben’s little boy.

once again reminded

dana that the kids

need to nap in

separate rooms.

we took off,

heading toward the azuza.

we headed down a path

through the river,

a very dry river.

it was hotter than

hell, so we didn’t stay

out too long,

but we got some

decent shots.

later i posed with

a cactus,

and it made me pay.

later we drove back toward

ben’s house.

we were hungry when

we arrived, so we decided

to have a little lunch in the

sierra madre.

dropped madeline in her

car seat and took a little walk.

ended up at a restaurant

where i could still

get some breakfast.

heard

liz’s

voice, trying to dissuade me

from doubling the pork

products.

i did anyway.

(i was hungry)

madeline watched, disapprovingly.

after lunch

we did a little

shopping for one of madeline’s

new friends.

then we sat on a bench,

watching a standing

dana feed madeline.

(we offered her a seat, she didn’t want it).

walked back to their

house and said goodbye.

drove home, talking

to a friend in the nj

who is in a different

hole-filled boat, but is

bailing the same water.

got great advice on everything,

she even managed to make

me laugh a bunch.

a damn good friend.

i talked too long

and made us late

for the birthday

party at madeline’s friend

gracie’s house.

madeline’s first birthday party.

we arrived toward the end of

the festivities, but madeline

got to give her

a nice gift

and wish her a happy birthday

with one of her signature

smiles and drools.

(forgot the camera in the car).

we had to run,

had to get to the santa monica

for opening night

at the gallery

showing the work of

our friend fabrice.

madeline’s first gallery visit.

we met adam and ivette

and wandered around,

taking in the art

and enjoying the company.

megan held and fed madeline

while i had some fun

with the art.

(the artist had to anticipate this type of shot whould be taken).

after the show,

we joined fabrice, megan

and some of their friends

for dinner in the culver city.

waiting for a table,

the hostess noticed

liz’s

rings.

she asked the questions

that required

an answer that would

only make her sad.

i gave it to her

straight, and she reacted

like all the others.

it’s getting easier

for me to

talk about everything,

but it never seems

easy for people to hear.

especially when they see

madeline in my arms.

we finally got a

table outside

and enjoyed everyone’s company

and laughter.

madeline slept under a heat-lamp,

barely stirring.

we said goodbye

around midnight

and drove home.

both of us ready to sleep,

we crashed on the couch,

waking up at 3:30am,

finally ready for a proper

night’s sleep.

lots of firsts for

madeline today,

lots of smiles

for both of us.

moved slowly

around the house.

think i got too much

sleep last night.

knew that i had a dr.

appointment today,

didn’t know what time.

after 10 minutes and

some investigation

i learned that i had

to be there at 8:00am.

shit.

this should be fun.

have to get madeline changed

(diaper and clothes)

and will have to feed

her at the dr’s office.

oh.

and i still have to drive

over to the burbank

in morning traffic.

what would have

seemed impossible to me

just two months ago,

was just the opposite.

made it there two minutes

early and was able

to feed madeline

before my name was called.

i’m super awesome.

the nurses marveled at

my beautiful baby.

i smiled.

dr. checked out my leg,

everything looks good.

said goodbye to ladies

and headed home.

got a text message from

liz’s

friend, ivette.

she wanted to stop by to

see madeline.

we’ve got nothing to do,

and a visitor is always

welcome.

she arrived and held

madeline for most of the

early afternoon.

i, of course, took photos.

later ivette left and

liz’s

friend diane arrived so

we could go to

the dodgers game.

(madeline better like baseball as much as her mom did).

we took off for the stadium

and picked up our

tickets at will-call.

liz’s

friend stacey c.

used some of her seemingly

endless connections to hook

us up with the tickets.

(thank you, thank you, thank you).

posed for some

photos outside the stadium,

(just look at madeline in her dodgers outfit…)

diane taking the photos,

loaded down with my

camera bag and baby equipment.

hilarious to me,

but i got some

curious looks from those

walking past.

walked into the stadium

for the first time

in awhile.

haven’t been here since last year

when i saw a game with

liz.

she loved this place.

we had season tickets

here for four years.

and this wasn’t my

choice alone.

liz

insisted on season tickets.

i’m not usually the

rational one

(especially in matters of pissing away money)

so when i, a huge fan

of the game,

had to tell my wife

that it wasn’t a

good idea to buy season

tickets the same

year we bought a house,

i had to question

my sanity.

and i think she was mad

at me for a few days

(not robot mad, but just sort of mad).

as she hung out in the

hospital on bed rest,

right before madeline arrived,

liz

religiously watched spring

training games.

dodgers, twins were her preference,

but she’d watch any team play.

she asked me

to go get her a scorecard

so she could score the games.

(i don’t even remember how to score games, but liz could do it well and fucking loved it).

it would have made her

time in the hospital

less not-awesome.

i never got a chance

to pick up those

scorecards.

and as she watched

those spring training games,

liz

insisted that we

get season tickets

for the 2008 season,

so we could ensure that madeline

would become a life-long baseball fan.

and once again

i had to tell her

that it wasn’t a

wise idea to get season

tickets this year ’cause

there’s no way we’d be

able to fully utilize

them with a new baby

in our house.

she just rolled her

eyes at me.

liz

would be so happy that

madeline has been to

two games already,

and even happier that

she’ll be going to her third

game, her third stadium

on july 4th

up in the sf.

we found our seats

and sat down.

madeline instantly

spit up on me.

i think she really spit up

because they

were announcing the angels lineup

(take that, diane!)

we had a ton of fun

watching the los angeles dodgers of los angeles

kick the crap

out of the los angeles angels of anaheim

(such a stupid, stupid name…take that, diane!)

we ate all the stadium classics

and took in a beautiful night.

with a dodgers win.

(and an angel’s loss).

(take that, diane!).

after the game,

madeline got a bottle

and a diaper change

as we waited for the

crowd and the traffic

to dissipate

(no diaper-changing thing in the men’s room near my section, so no photos of the troughs at dodger stadium).

we finally got kicked

out of the stadium

and wandered to the car.

made it home quickly,

sent the angels fan

on her way

and fell asleep

on the couch,

madeline

on my chest.

a great day.

tomorrow will be

even better.

tells me that running

helps relieve stress.

i think she’s a goddamned liar.

that being said,

i could probably

use some excercise

after adding 7.5 pounds

during my trip to the mn.

besides,

madeline loves a

stroller ride more than

just about

anything these days,

so i woke up early

to take one of

liz’s

friends up on

her invitation to join her

on a walk, not a run

around the rose bowl.

it was nice to

get out of the house,

to enjoy the beautiful

morning, even with the

june gloom still

in the sky.

madeline was happy the

entire time, except when

her pacifier fell out

of her mouth.

i had been here

a few times to run with

liz.

i usually refused to join

her,

but on, like, two

occasions, i actually attempted

to run the full 3+ (or whatever)

miles around that damn

place.

she could do

it with no problems.

i thought it would

be the death

of me.

good memories of her

telling me to, “speed it up”

funny, ’cause on leg-length

(she was 4′11″)

alone i should have been

able to outpace her

any time.

no way.

so there we, her friend and i,

sharing stories of

liz

as we walked.

it was nice to

talk about her with

such happiness.

stopped along

the way to check

out some beautiful flowers.

finished the loop and headed

home to get ready

for lunch with

new friends cara and kit

in the atwater village.

had a nice lunch,

discussing all sorts

of fun shit.

later, they stopped by to

hang out with madeline

and the robot.

said goodbye to them

and went to the grocery

store for the first

time in about two months.

bought nothing but junk,

knowing that i’m going

to go out for every meal anyway.

don’t feel like

cooking since

liz

died.

she used to love cooking.

can’t do it without

her.

that is, until madeline is

ready to eat something

other than formula.

than i’ll make her

the meanest bunch of

pancakes (or whatever) ever made

(using liz’s recipe, of course).

the night was spent

with madeline.

we did a lot of

staring at each other.

she smiled a lot

so did i.

fucking 25th

i thought we were

going to skip this day?

here it is, 25th #3,

#3 of a billion yet

to come.

not awesome.

have a shitload of

laundry to do

after the trip,

but it’s been

exactly three months since

liz

died and i can’t stand

looking at the washing

machine, let alone

trying to use it.

i don’t remember

if i mentioned this before, but

liz

loved the

washer and dryer.

after using shared

laundry facilities for

11 years,

she was ready for her own.

she made sure that

these machines got

delivered the day we

moved into our house.

now i have to walk

through the office so

i can avoid looking at the

liz

machines in the corner

of the kitchen

(house is small, kitchen = laundry room).

funny thing is,

i did most of the laundry.

her job was to fold.

(i hate folding clothes).

didn’t leave the house

during the day.

just spent time with madeline.

she did this

for a little while.

sort of epitomized

how i felt.

it was suddenly late

in the day

and i hadn’t eaten yet

(i sometimes forget to eat, but i never forget to feed madeline).

time to get the fuck

out of the house

for some food.

called up one of

liz’s

friends to see if she

wanted to join me.

she did

and we had a quiet dinner,

watching madeline smile

the entire time.

didn’t get any photos.

too busy enjoying it

to even pull out the camera.

made it home pretty early

and spent the evening talking

to someone in the same predicament.

sometime during the call

i felt this incredible guilt,

realizing that i had driven

past the city

where

liz’s

remains are housed

when i drove to/from

my cabin the tuesday of my fishing trip.

can’t believe i didn’t

think about this

as i drove past

the town.

what an asshole.

how could i not think

of this in the moment?

not sure what i would

have done if i

had.

i wouldn’t have driven

to the funeral home.

or anything.

i just would have been

extra sad i suppose.

(so glad she’s not on my fireplace mantle or something. that would really suck).

the other thing

that contributed

to this awful day?

got a letter in the

mail.

the surgeon general sent

a certificate of appreciation with

liz’s

name on it,

thanking her for

“giving the gift of life, health & hope”

she was an organ donor.

what the hell do they

expect me to do with this?

frame it, put it on my wall?

i had had enough.

i followed madeline’s

lead and went

to bed early.

i hate the 25th.

happy birthday once again to madeline.

birthday month 3 of 12.

woke up early,

four hours of sleep.

time to pack.

i hate this.

everything thrown into

two suitcases.

it’s difficult to travel with

a baby,

but in losing

liz

i also lost that

extra suitcase,

the one i could shove

stuff into when there

was no room in mine.

it actually worked

the other way around

most of the time,

but you get the point.

i also lost that second

set of packing hands

(madeline’s not much help…she just did this the whole time):

we leave the mn

with way more than

we had when

we arrived just 13 days ago.

(couldn’t fit it all in the suitcases. it will be shipped or delivered by the grandparents).

plus, the airlines

are now charging for

a second bag.

perfect timing.

(jerks).

it took less than

ten minutes

to get everything

i could fit,

packed into the two suitcases

nothing folded,

seams about to burst.

grandma broccoli was at the

door, ready to take

us to the airport.

the grandparents g. got

a chance to feed

madeline one last time

then they wished us

a good trip,

and said goodbye.

made it to the airport

in record time

me, the la driver behind

the wheel

(grandma broccoli wanted to spend the entire ride in the back seat, staring at madeline).

my bag was a 1/2 pound

over the weight limit

(here we go…an opportunity for the airline to make another $50 off of me).

compassion was shown

without me having to

beg.

(not jerks).

it was much easier

walking through

the msp airport

this time.

newspapers on walls,

but our faces not staring

back at us.

even so,

i felt the stares.

did they recognize us

or were they staring at the dad

with the baby strapped

to his stomach while

a woman (awesome auntie deb)

followed behind?

didn’t matter

it was time to visit

the senator larry craig stall

identified the spot,

thanks to the help

of commentor anna in (the) minneapolis

and took the photo.

another successful

bathroom photo expedition.

(success = not getting my ass kicked).

it was time to jump on

the plane.

getting those looks again,

the

“oh shit…that little baby is going to cry the whole flight”

looks.

little do they know

that madeline is the perfect

child

(well, i hope she’s half as good as she was on the flight to the mpls).

of course she was perfect.

cried briefly once,

for less than one minute

’cause she was hungry.

changed her diaper

mid-air for the first

time.

partial success.

forgot the changing pad

in the overhead bin

(sorry, madeline. that had to be uncomfortable).

met a woman who asked

me where mom was.

she was saddened by

the answer.

she must have told

another lady,

’cause later a stranger

showed up with some questions

and a request to hold madeline.

the flight was over

before we knew it

and we were both happy

to get back to the los angeles

(can’t speak for awesome auntie deb).

the car was waiting,

and drove toward home.

drove past downtown,

seeing all the tall buildings,

reminded me that this

is indeed home.

seeing the building where

liz

used to work,

i suddenly felt overwhelmed by

the future.

made it home,

happy to be back

but not looking forward

to walking in that door without

liz.

walked up the stairs,

walked in the door.

holy shit.

i guess there

were a few packages

delivered while we

were gone.

(thank you, thank you, thank you. it may take me a while to get through these).

decided that everything

must wait

’cause we were hungry.

the three of us

headed to the atwater village

for a little lunch.

first, we stopped

at the bank and ended

up adding to

the package collection.

locked my keys in my car

(stupid tuesday).

yeah.

i think i’ve done that

once before in my entire

life.

it seems i’m a little

preoccupied these days.

thankfully

liz

prepaid our aaa membership

through 2009

(she was so fucking awesome)

so i got the keys

back within 15 minutes.

madeline got fed

(photos found here)

and then we headed

to amoeba to pick

up a few things.

back home, everyone

took a short nap

before taking awesome auntie deb

to the burbank airport.

we said goodbye

and drove home

to our empty house.

spent a quiet night on the

couch with madeline,

listened to music all night.

exhausted.

went to bed early,

missing madeline’s

mom.

led to a lazy monday.

too exhausted to go anywhere

and still feeling

like shit so

madeline and i

hung out with grandma broccoli

and grandpa rodney

for most of the day.

later i talked to lindsey

and we agreed

that we should do

something on our

last official day

in the mn.

plus it’s madeline’s

13/52 week birthday,

couldn’t let

the most beautiful baby

in the world

sit inside all day

on her special day.

she decided that madeline

may like taking a little stroller

ride around the lake calhoun.

i agreed.

headed there around 4:30.

as i waited for

awesome auntie deb

and lindsey to arrive,

i stared across the street

at the building

where our wedding

and reception

took place

less than three

years ago.

then i got smacked

across the face

by a memory

that had long ago

disappeared.

we were there

once before.

prom night, sometime

in 1996.

we sat in that building,

me with

liz

and a bunch of

liz’s

friends, some of whom

i knew, some of whom i didn’t.

felt a little uncomfortable

at first.

remember thinking how beautiful

liz

looked.

remember thinking how fucking

lucky i was

to be there,

in this fancy place,

with

her.

my memories have always

been a bit fuzzy.

but the old memories of

liz

are the ones that

are sometimes

the most difficult to

recall, especially

now that

she’s

gone.

i always sort of imagined

we’d have a lifetime of

memories, great memories

built upon a foundation

of older memories.

mundane details

were not important.

we had plans,

dreams,

all things that would

be more important than

the memory of

what she wore on

our first date.

but today,

staring at that

building, i wish

i’d videotaped

every fucking thing

we ever did

so the memories

weren’t so fuzzy,

so madeline

could know every

single thing we ever did

and said.

time to turn away

and walk.

can’t just stand in

a parking lot crying.

wandered counter-clockwise

around the lake,

finding awesome auntie deb

first, then lindsey,

camera in tow.

she wanted to shoot some photos

of the beautiful child.

i think i ended up

in a few as well.

we stopped along the

way, lindsey

shooting almost the

entire time.

(she was shooting with film, i’ll get them up here as soon as she sends them to me digitally).

awesome auntie deb

used my camera

to shoot a few as well.

forgot how much

i love walking around

this lake.

seeing all of these folks

running, i almost felt

motivated to start doing

so myself.

(it will never happen).

after having a wonderful time,

it was time to head

to the house of the

g. grandparents for

the closing ceremonies.

talked to a few friends

and family members,

all of whom expressed

to me that they

wanted a little

more time

with sweet madeline.

invited them all over

to a house that

isn’t mine

before mentioning it to

grandma candee

of course she was okay

with it.

arrived, surprised

to see just how many

people showed up.

way more people than

i talked to.

a nice time for everyone,

including madeline

who got passed from friend

to family member and

back again.

after everyone left,

it was time to start

packing for our

return trip to

the los angeles,

a trip that was going to

come way too early

the next morning.

hate packing.

and i am

exhausted.

screw it.

i’ll pack in the morning,

just like

liz

would have.

(yes, i was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. i was too lazy to change).

to aj knocking

on the window of my bedroom.

hearing his voice,

i looked out the window.

he said,

“who’s car is this?”

shit.

i said,

“i have no idea.”

i told him about the

circumstances that led

me to this place

and he just laughed.

i got out of the car,

still wearing my clothes

from the night before.

it was still early

and no one else was awake,

so i surveyed the damage:

then headed back to the

tent for a short nap,

woke up an hour later,

ready to start the day.

helped pack up the tent

and said goodbye to

those who remained.

wait.

where is brother david?

better find him.

i think he needs a ride home.

found him up and walking around,

after a comfortable night’s

sleep on a couch.

we left and

joined a few old friends for

breakfast in the waconia.

recounted tales of the night

and shared some laughs.

had another extremely unhealthy,

yet totally awesome breakfast.

added a popover to the plate.

hadn’t thought about popovers

until one of our breakfast companions

pointed out that they

were on the menu.

liz

used to make popovers.

they’re apparently difficult

to get right.

she was so fucking proud of

the way hers turned out,

claiming they were

the best ever.

she was correct

(sorry ma).

she looked for excuses to make

them, often recruiting

people for dinner parties,

just so she could show off

her popover-making abilities.

and of course she had to practice,

so she’d make popovers the night

before the dinner party,

just so she could

refine her already perfect

technique.

i ate the one i

ordered.

it sucked.

really sucked.

it was so bad that

liz

would have gone back

and made fun of the

person who made it.

finished up

breakfast and said

goodbye to everyone.

headed back to my

mom’s house to get cleaned up.

suddenly remembered that

i agreed to go

to the mia

with lindsey.

picked up madeline,

dressing her up in an

awesome outfit that

liz

would have been

extremely proud of.

into her carseat

she goes, and we drive to the

mpls for a little

culture.

met awesome auntie deb

and lindsey outside the mueseum.

inside we went,

headed straight for

the awesome photography exhibition

of one of lindsey’s former

professors.

we continued to wander

the mueseum,

checking out more

photography and some

modern art.

madeline was the perfect

little art appreciator,

that is,

up until the last few minutes

of the visit,

where i think she got a little

freaked out

out by the murakami piece

after the museum

we went to the park to

hang out and take some photos.

madeline took part in some down-time

on a blanket,

in the grass,

digging her little

toes into the dirt,

went to dinner

at a greek restaurant on

eat street.

waiter made fun of

us, saying that he

and one of the waitresses

had a bet re: whether the fourth

adult member of our party

would also be wearing green

when he arrived.

ha. ha. ha.

very funny.

no,

it wasn’t planned.

dinner was great.

awesome conversation.

headed over to aj’s house

to work on some t-shirt stuff.

later,

took madeline with me

as i went

to visit another friend.

made it back to the mtka

sort of late.

a very nice day

and night.

the guest bedroom

of aj’s house.

got ready to go

to breakfast,

but first we played on the

internet, finally finding

the mpr interview

(audio, transcript and a bunch of photos of madeline found on the link above)

that we took

part in at the electric fetus.

we headed to a cuban restaurant

in aj’s neighborhood

to have a little food

before the wedding.

we ran into one

of aj’s relatives

at the restaurant

and he invited us

to join him for a delicious

breakfast.

we did.

it was wonderful.

at the end of breakfast

i got up to wash

the bacon grease off

of my hands.

waiting in line for the

restroom to open,

some really sweaty, disoriented

dude crashes into me,

tries to open the locked

bathroom door

by running into it,

falls, hitting his

head on the floor.

fuck.

that was weird.

i yelled to someone

to call 911.

the dude was conscious and speaking,

but wasn’t making a lot

of sense.

then some guy appears and

says to me,

“get him some orange juice!”

(i would’ve loved to, but i was kind of busy with the dude on the floor).

then the guy says,

“he’s my friend. this happens all the time. no need for the ambulance.”

i said,

“well, he hit his head pretty hard and he’s not getting up. might be a good idea if someone takes a look at him”

he said,

“okay. i’m gonna go back and finish my breakfast.”

wow.

what a dick.

i hung out for a few minutes

then i heard the ambulance

so i went to

tell the guys what

happened as the waitresses

attended to the dude.

we hung out for

a few more minutes then

left so aj and i

could get ready for the wedding.

we cleaned up our acts,

i picked up, dressed up

madeline and headed to victoria.

we arrived early enough

to take some photos.

madeline met her cousin ava

for the first time

(ava’s a few months older)

and got passed around

to various family members and friends.

ceremony about to start,

so madeline hung out

with awesome auntie deb

everything went well

(better than the rehearsal…no one missed their mark during the real thing).

and the happy couple

was married.

time to party.

headed west to waconia

to enjoy the reception.

i made it a point to

carry madeline around,

showing her off to friends

and family like

the proud father i am.

i let a few family members

and friends hold her,

but mostly i hugged

her tight, knowing that she

was going to be leaving

the reception soon.

first, we got some photos…

and then i turned maddy

over to grandpa tom g. and grandma candee.

i took a few photos

until the clouds

rolled in

and the rain started.

(it only lasted a few minutes).

later, old friend shane

grabbed my camera and took some

awesome shots:

the night came

to a close.

five tents set up in

the grass.

didn’t know which one was

mine, so i slept in the

backseat of someone’s car.

what an awesome time.

one of the best wedding receptions

ever.

lots of good food, booze, entertainment & friends.

they even had a fireworks display.

liz

would have loved it,

though she wouldn’t have slept

in the car with me.

with my baby.

she is really starting to

express herself.

lots of cooing,

and just look at this series of photos:

i love it.

she is so damn much

fun these days.

realized that i had

to be at the

church for the josh

and jane’s wedding rehearsal

a little earlier

than i expected.

madeline with me,

we arrived late,

walking in as the priest

told everyone what to do.

rehearsals are pointless.

things always work

out the next day.

they just do.

the priest’s jokes missed our

ears and sensibilities

and floated uncomfortably toward

the ceiling.

madeline was strapped to

me the entire time.

the rehearsal finished

quickly and everyone was eager to

escape the church

and start drinking at the farm.

our real objective

was to help the bride

and groom set up

the reception space.

some folks got out

of working

by holding madeline.

set up complete,

it was time to play.

josh gave his groomsmen

bb guns so we had

to try them out.

we shot cans and

other things that couldn’t die.

the guns reminded

me of the groomsmen

gift that

liz

and i gave to

my groomsmen.

branding irons with the

dude’s initials

to be used for branding a steak

or other piece of meat.

totally absurd and completely

impractical, but i fulfilled

my wish of finding the

most useless gift

of all time.

back to the bb guns.

aj arrived with no

work left to do

so he decided to shoot

stuff with us.

then i learned how

to ride a motorbike.

went slow.

thought i was going to crash.

i don’t like it.

i left with aj

to take some photographs

of the rural decay surrounding us.

so we headed to

the other side of the farm

to a place i knew

in my past life.

i used to come here

as a kid to escape

suburbia.

we hung out with cows,

chased chickens,

shot guns.

came out here once

liz.

we were in high school,

just after we started dating.

we went with josh

to feed the ostriches

and to prove to

liz

that i was a tough guy.

i don’t think it

worked.

she watched as i screamed

like a little girl

after getting my head

pecked by those giant birds.

what a little bitch i was.

the ostriches are gone.

so is almost everything

else i remember

about the place.

but some things remain.

the barn is there.

we used to play in the

barn as kids.

so are the silos.

it was weird to be back.

almost as though i

had never been there

but had read about it

and was now matching

my version to reality.

aj and i wandered in

silence, taking photos of

everything.

after the farm,

aj and i needed some city.

so i said goodbye

to madeline

(who decided to stay with grandma broccoli and grandpa rodney)

and headed to the mpls

for dinner at

a thai restaurant.

nate joined us.

after dinner

we decided to head to the polish

restaurant that i always

end up in.

not sure why i go there

so often.

(good memories perhaps).

thought it would be interesting

to post something

on the blog about

our presence at the polish place,

wondering if anyone would

show up at that late

hour and let us buy

them a drink.

stranger friend melissa c. from the nj

saw my post about going

to nye’s.

not being in the mpls,

she sent me an e-mail,

offering to pay for our drinks.

if we were still

at the bar.

i couldn’t believe it.

then i looked toward the bar.

i see the bartender,

on the phone,

searching the room for someone.

i laughed, and walked

toward him.

got to the bar and found out

that he was on the phone

with melissa.

he handed me the receiver

and i talked to my new friend.

she opened up a big tab

and we used most of it up.

(thank you, thank you, thank you).

i also got a message from

stranger friend anna s.

she wrote to tell me

that she was already in bed,

but insomnia drove

her to my blog

(wondering if that’s a compliment).

and that she had

some gifts for madeline

that she wanted to drop off.

awesome.

so we waited…

wondering if she’d actually show up.

and finally she did,

around 1:30am.

she arrived with

a robot puppet

that looks like the maid from

the jetsons

and one of the coolest

kids albums ever.

we talked about lots

of stuff until the bar closed.

then we walked outside

to say goodbye.

but first,

a photo

then aj, nate and i

wandered the streets,

taking lots of photos.

we made it back to

aj’s house

around 3:30am.

i crashed there.

a good day and night.