from the moment

i found out

we were having a daughter…

i wondered if i would

ever have to deal

with it when

she looked like this:

but as she got

older and her hair

got longer,

the day would

come that

i would have to

braid her hair.

“a braid? what’s the big deal?”

so many have said,

but i have no

idea how to braid hair.

and i’m the only

person in the world

who, despite years

of practice, can’t

tie an effective

fisherman’s knot

(an absolute sin in my family).

i’ve lost more lures

than any one can

count, and i’ve blamed

the fish rather

than my own inability

to tie a simple knot

(sorry dad & nick).

and you should have

seen the mess of

improvised knots i

used to tie

our christmas tree

to the roof of

my car.

a braid…

a braid

is even more

complicated because

it would be in

my daughter’s hair,

so there is a

potential for an

immense amount of

pain inflicted upon

her as i make attempt

after attempt to get

the braid just right.

i’d spent countless

days turning down

brooke’s offer to

teach me how to do it

(because i was scared)

but not long ago,

i acquiesced and

tried to learn the

proper technique,

first, by watching,

then i had brooke

start the braid

and allow me to finish.

(this happened twice)

then two nights

ago, i decided to

try it on my own…

no screaming, no blood.

and when maddy said,

“that didn’t hurt at all, daddy!”

i was sure i

had succeeded.

(haven’t been this proud of myself in a very long time).

(and yes, maddy is wearing an “eazy duz it” shirt).

they came today,

a torrent of them,

an attempt to

make sense of

your little world,

combining the things

we talk about

every day in an

(almost)

4 year

old’s level of comprehension.

while digging your

spoon into a bowl of

(what i learned from grandpa tom g. a few nights ago)

was your mom’s

favorite cereal.

“daddy, why did mommy want to buy this house?”

i was surprised. this

is not a question

you’ve asked before.

“she wanted you to have a yard to play in and she loved all of the trees and plants. especially the lemon and grapefruit trees.”

“oh. i love you, daddy. can i have some orange juice, please?”

then you asked

a bunch

of questions about

how grandmas can

also be moms.

then in the car…

“daddy, what did you and mommy do for fun?”

again, not a question

i’ve heard from

you before.

i told you about

our travels, our nights

with friends, everything

i could think

of before the next

question interrupted me…

“why was my mommy in the hospital?”

i told you

why she

was there, and how

her only care

in the world was

getting you

out safely.

as much as the

previous questions

took me by surprise,

the next one took

the wind out of me.

“daddy, did you hold my mommy’s hand when she died?”

fuck.

as i tried to

breath and to

figure out how

to answer that one

(how do i explain to you at this point in your life that i was rushed out of the room so the doctors and nurses could work on you mom, and that it was impossible for me to hold her hand until after she had already died?).

i started bawling,

impossible to hide

my tears from you.

i did my best

to explain it to you,

but what i said

will never take

away what happened that day.

i looked in

my mirror to see

you reaching for me.

i reached back for

you, my hand now

in yours,

you rubbing my hand

the way i rubbed your

mom’s

that day

(and many before it).

“daddy, i love you.”

you knew i

needed that.

“i love you too, maddy.”

sometimes i forget

how mature you are,

and how you understand

and comprehend more

than i think you do.

“you know, you can ask me anything about your mommy, and you can talk about her anytime, right?”

“yeah. daddy. i know.”

and as i worried

about how i’d fucked up

your day by crying

you said,

“daddy. oliver is not on my imagination team anymore.”

and i just laughed.

“it’s not funny, daddy!”

you yelled back at me.

and no, it’s not,

but it was.

and i’m sorry i didn’t

ask why he was

no longer on your team,

or what the fuck

an imagination team

actually is.

of near constant

travel, it was decided

that we should

take a break from

airplanes and celebrate

christmas at home

in los angeles.

that meant that

for the second time

in my life,

(and the first for maddy and brooke)

i spent a christmas

away from minnesota.

even though i dislike

the holiday, i really

do like being around

friends and family

during the holidays

and it was going to

be tough for all

of us to be away.

so we made sure we

kept ourselves very busy.

we played with

my records

we made cookies

for santa,

went on a hunt

for tamales

finally finding them,

and buying them

out of the back

of a woman’s

miniature van,

(they were fucking amazing).

also, both maddy

and i were sick

which sucked.

we made a trip

to the doctor

and learned that she

had two ear infections

and was close to pneumonia.

not awesome.

the good news

was that this

all got diagnosed

and medicine was prescribed

before everything

shut down for the holidays.

more importantly, it

was christmas eve

and she’d soon

be getting the

kind of medicine

that makes every sick

kid feel great…

presents.

we spent the evening

talking to

our families on skype and

maddy got to open

a few gifts…

her favorite of the

evening was the

doctor kit

(how apropos, eh?),

which she used

on me until

it was time for bed.

and as excited as

she was about her

presents, she was

even more excited to

have brooke open

up the gift she

picked out for her

(a rainbow-colored wallet).

after dictating a note

for santa,

and recording a

video for him

she tried her

best to sleep.

…

the next morning

she woke up to

a stocking full

of gifts and another

pile under the tree.

“this is so cool!”

“i love this!”

was all we heard

as she unwrapped

the gifts she

hoped santa would deliver

(yes, she got a baby dragon (stuffed animal) and a slingshot (that fires foam balls)).

as well as a bunch of

things she never

knew she wanted

(there were plenty of gifts that brooke and i bought so we could relive our own childhoods through her).

and then she stopped

interacting with us

altogether so she could

devote her full

attention to her

new toys.

…

we had seen our

families and opened

gifts, but it still

didn’t feel like

christmas, so i

decided that we should

fix that by

driving into the

mountains to find

some snow.

it seemed fruitless,

but fewer than

30 miles from

our house we found

what we were

looking for.

up at the top

we took in

the view

and played

in the snow

on the way down

we decided to load

some snow onto

the top of the car

and bring a little

back to our house.

we made a couple

of stops on the

way back down

before finally making

it home.

we had a nice

little pile of

snow in our front yard

and showed it

off to our families

back in minnesota

who informed us

that we had more snow

than they did.

i built maddy

the biggest snowperson

i could with

the snow we had

it was so fun

to watch maddy

get as excited about

the holiday as

her mom used to.

in years past

she was a bit

too young to do

more than just tear

through wrapping paper

and play with boxes

but this year

she knew what

she wanted, reported it

to everyone she talked to

and lost her shit

when santa granted

her requests.

watching her enjoy christmas

as much as she did

made me rethink

my hatred of the holiday.

…

finally, i wanted to remind folks that if you’re looking to help widowed families in need and are still looking for a tax deduction for 2011, you have until december 31st to make a donation to the liz logelin foundation.

as always, you can donate directly to the foundation by one of the following methods:

our website:

(network for good requires a $7 minimum donation)

our paypal account:

(no minimum)

or by mailing a check to postmarked no later than dec. 31st to:

the liz logelin foundation
po box 55426
saint louis park, mn 5542
(no minimum)

legal stuff:

the liz logelin foundation is a 501(c) 3 non-profit corporation.
all donations are tax deductible.
ein# 26-3994826 dln# 17053110001049

and if you’re not on our mailing list, here’s the text of the emails we’ve sent out appealing for year-end donations:

email #1:

Jordan’s Story:

Knowing You’re Not Alone

Last winter, Jordan’s daughter was born. In March, his wife died. In May, he read Matt’s book and discovered the Liz Logelin Foundation.

Jordan has a strong, local support network of family and friends – people who are, a winter later, still showing up to baby-sit and cook. People who encouraged him to set up a diaper fund, then contributed to the fund, then continued to do so, such that Jordan has never had to buy diapers for Sawyer, now eight months old. Because of these people, when Jordan discovered the Liz Logelin Foundation, he looked up the website. He clicked to the contributions page. He donated.

When I hear this, I am stunned. “But why?” I ask. “Donate? Why not apply?” Jordan keeps grounds, baseball diamonds in central Florida, and he can’t be a man of unlimited means. And if not for logistics, then there would at least be some comfort in the grant’s award, being acknowledged by an entity thousands of miles away.

“Because I am lucky,” Jordan tells me. “Complete strangers have helped me out. I wanted to do the same for someone else.”

In Matt’s book, Jordan found an eerie mirror of his own journey.

“I know it can’t be the same, but it felt that way,” he says. In that mutual experience, there was the comfort crossing thousands of miles.

Through the phone, I hear Sawyer, eight months old, squealing. Jordan laughs lightly and assures me we are hearing happiness. From her tiny, distinct voice, I realize then the Foundation is not so much an entity as it is a collection of individuals. Individuals who know when life follows an illogical course, an unexpected generosity can help us find a stranger on a common journey.

This holiday season let your generosity shine through. Make a donation in someone’s name as a holiday gift or in memory of someone you love. A donation of $25, $50, $100 or even $250 will make a profound impact on someone’s life.

Give to the Liz Logelin Foundation.

Thank you to everyone who has already taken the time to donate this holiday season.

If you haven’t yet, don’t wait – join Jordan and donate now.

(Jordan’s story was told by Kate Erickson who lives and writes in NYC).

email #2:

Waiting for Hope

Last summer, not long after Lee had moved into a small house in northern Minnesota, his new neighbor called across the shared fence.

Lee and the woman traded names and basic details, the pleasantries of young, suburban parents scouting playmates for their children. And then they discovered a similarity, an understanding each would have never wished in the other. Lee and his neighbor had both recently lost their spouses; each is learning to process their grief while raising children alone.

Lee, a meticulous meteorologist, can name the very specific ways his wife’s suicide has changed his experience of the world.

He speaks to more strangers, because he misses adult conversation.

When he is working through the night – while the babysitter is bathing his four year-old, the child sobbing through a fever – he cries looking at the photograph of his wife on his desk. Those particular tears come from fear, frustration, anger.

His work is by contract, freelance, so the loss of his wife’s income meant the loss of family health care and the accumulation of over ten thousand dollars in medical bills in the last year.

“I don’t want to win the lottery, but I worry about this winter’s heating bill,” Lee said. “You save the aces for the last part of the game, and I’ve pulled my aces.”

In the summer sun, Lee’s neighbor understood.

“Have you heard of The Liz Logelin Foundation?” she asked. Lee had not, and right there, over a fence in a pair of backyards, emerged the best reason for the LLF: reaching out of a similar tragedy, one can reveal a source of hope.

This holiday season change someone’s life. Give to the Liz Logelin Foundation. A donation of $25, $50, $100 or even $250 will make a profound impact on someone’s life.

Donate now and end Lee’s wait for hope.

this year.

then santa asked

madeline what she

wanted him to

bring to her…

you can see maddy’s

enthusiasm as she

tells santa,

“i want a baby dragon and a slingshot.”

santa laughed

(and looked more than a little surprised).

the photographer looked

at me and said,

“that’s pretty cool. i hear ipad or video games from most kids.”

the slingshot is wrapped

(it’s one that fires soft foam balls ’cause i’m not ready to dodge rocks or any other hard projectiles)

and now i just

need to find

a baby dragon…

we went from doing

this in los angeles:

to doing this

in minnesota:

maddy and i left

california before brooke

(who had to work)

so we could attend

maddy’s cousin weston’s

first birthday party

along with all

of her other cousins.

a good time

was had by

all, but as

you may expect in

the chaotic environment

that is an indoor

play area in minnesota

during a much

colder than normal day,

there were a

few injuries…

maddy’s cousin ava

fractured a finger,

and maddy herself took an

errant four-square ball

to the face.

(ouch).

but i’m happy to

say that i didn’t

cause any of

the injuries

while doing this:

or this:

and of course,

almost every single attendee

(both big and small)

ended up with a

wicked cold.

…

within a day

or two, the snow

was gone

(well, almost gone)

and the turkeys

were on the run

which meant that

thanksgiving was almost

upon us, and that

of course meant

that everyone would soon

be in town.

first to arrive

was deb,

who relived part of

her childhood,

and added another

defining moment

to maddy’s by

helping her

build this awesome

marble run:

(at the same time, giving me an idea for what maddy will be getting from santa this year).

(also, kranky is the name of a record label).

then brooke arrived

and we had

a big party with everyone

…

on thanksgiving we

visited three different

houses, though photos

exist for only

one of the visits

because it was a rare

moment that my

dad and all

of his sons

(and two grandkids)

were in the same place

at the same time.

from there we

went to tom and candee’s

house and then

on to my mom’s.

…

friday was a day of

go-cart racing

with my brothers,

friends, and deb & dawn

and a day

of rest for maddy,

who was still

feeling the effects

of the illness she

picked up earlier

in the trip.

…

by saturday, she

felt better, so brooke,

ashley and i

took maddy to the

children’s museum

maddy walked away

with a new

cape and mask

and ran around

proclaiming herself

“superhero batman”

(batman is a new obsession since one of the boys at her school dressed up like batman for halloween)

that night

we decorated some cookies

and i spent two

hours on this:

and then promptly

let maddy eat it.

…

tired and exhausted,

the next day

we were on flight

back to los angeles.

i lost track of

a few days there,

but it’s gonna take

me a very, very long

time before i

forget the hell

we experienced late

last week.

first, our part

of the world

got hit by some

epic windstorms

which led to a power outage.

i have to admit,

the first night

without power

wasn’t so bad…

it went out late

wednesday night

and it had very

little effect on us.

the second night was

actually kind of fun…

the three of us

went out for

dinner then when

maddy went to

bed, brooke and

i read by candlelight

(it felt positively 1820 or so in here for a few nights).

then it happened…

“daddy! my tummy hurts!”

it was late,

maybe 2:00 or 3:00

in the morning.

i rushed into

her room with

a flashlight,

got her up

and into the bathroom.

nothing came up.

within seconds of climbing

back into bed,

everything came up.

she threw up

all over her bed.

no problem.

we got her sheets,

blanket and pillowcase

off and ready for

the washing machine…

wait.

no power means no

way to wash

the vomit-soaked linens.

okay, instead of washing

them, we go them

into a garbage bag

and put the bag on the

porch until the power

came back on.

new linens on the

bed and bucket

by her head,

we all attempted to

go back to sleep.

soon it happened again.

the whole bit.

and again.

and again.

and again.

(for those of you trying to do the math, that’s 5 times).

and three times

it was all over

her pajamas.

not once did

she hit the bucket,

(i don’t blame her for this…it’s pretty fucking difficult to wake up from a deep sleep and vomit directly into a bucket).

at this point,

we were down to

our last set of linens.

sometime in the morning

she puked once

more, this time it was

about 8 ounces of

red gatorade on to

our light brown couch.

with 7 bags of

clothes/linens on

the front porch,

it was time to

give maddy a bath.

oh yeah.

never mind.

with no power

we have no hot water.

with some help

from a phone call

from the bastard,

i was reminded that

i could light the

stove manually

so that i could boil

water to ensure a

warm bath.

with the bath tub filled

half way with

cold water, i proceeded

to use all four

burners to boil water.

it took three rounds

of boiling water

to fill

the tub up the

rest of the way.

as i laid down

on the floor

next to the tub

i sighed, coming to

the conclusion that

living without power

really sucks.

and having one

or the other of

these problems

by themselves

would have been fine,

but combining them

was the kind

of nightmare i

hope to never

witness again

…

it wasn’t until early

saturday morning

that we woke up

to every light and

television in the

house coming on

at once.

i was never so excited

by the prospect

of doing laundry.

and i’ve vowed to

never again

take electricity for granted..

…

as some of you may already know (and thanks to many of you), my book, two kisses for maddy won the goodreads choice award in the best memoir & autobiography category. i’m incredibly surprised and thankful, and more than a little hopeful that this doesn’t make me the creed or nickleback of the literary world (you know, a fan favorite and a critical disaster). that said, i’m thrilled to have your support.

well, thanks to your votes, two kisses for maddy not only made it to the semi-final round (which i failed to mention on the blog), but it actually made it to the final round…

yeah, so i’m up against folks like dick van dyke, nikki sixx & rob lowe (among others) which makes it pretty tough to win, but my publisher would really appreciate you voting for the book that i wrote. i also wouldn’t mind it.

so click below to head on over to goodreads and vote for two kisses for maddy.

2011 Goodreads Choice Awards vote now for two kisses for maddy!

so what happens if i win?

i get the satisfaction of beating rob lowe and nikki sixx (but there would be no satisfaction in beating some of the other authors like jaycee duggard, alice ozma or rachel lloyd).

you have until november 30, 2011 to vote.

thank you…

just a quick note from my sponsors: i was paid by BlogHer to write this post and moderate some blog-to-book discussions on Chime.in.

and a note from me: i get offers like this quite often and have turned all of them down for various reasons, (mostly because they don’t appeal to me and i can’t imagine they’d appeal to you) but in this case, i was asked to talk a little about how i turned my blog into a book and to facilitate a discussion about it, both here and at Chime.in, which is something i’m happy to do and i think may interest at least a few of you (based on the number of questions that still flood my inbox asking for advice on getting published). oh, and i get to give away a kindle fire to one lucky commenter (details at the end of the post).

so. here goes.i’ve talked a bit in the past about how i went from writing a small blog for my friends and family to this:

after liz died i was approached by several book-industry people who suggested that i think about writing a book.

i thought they were insane. my blog was (and is) pretty poorly written, generally in a verse-like style that makes most learned people cringe. oh. and i never edit it, but i wasn’t writing for others…i was writing for those close to me, and for maddy. i never imagined anyone would actually ever read the thing, and i didn’t even consider that a major publisher (let alone several) would be interested having me write a book.

i didn’t consider myself a writer. i didn’t have an english degree (i earned a BA & MA in sociology of all things), nor did i have a life-long desire to write anything more than an email. i thanked them for their confidence in me, and led them to believe that i’d someday consider writing a book, but i didn’t think i’d ever actually do so.

as the months passed, my blog continued to gain more attention thanks to appearances in several newspapers, blogs (& especially) people magazine. and my appearances on the rachael ray show and (of course), oprah certainly didn’t hurt. (i also acknowledge that there were several sociological reasons for the attention i was getting). as a result, more and more publishers started contacting me. and so did literary agents. i had no idea what to say or do when it came to working with a publisher, but thankfully i found an agency (and two agents) who helped me immensely. having an agent is a must, especially if you’re as naive about the publishing world as i was.

after speaking to all of these agents and publishers, i finally felt confident that maybe these experts in the industry were on to something, and that if they believed in me, maybe i should start believing in myself. my agents helped me craft a proposal (basically an outline of what i wanted to write about), and made sure it got into the hands of the right publishers. yeah, i had already made some connections in the industry, but their connections were far greater, and their guidance was critical in getting me into the best situation.

believing that i could write an entire book was complicated by the fact that i felt an almost crippling nervousness about facing the inevitable criticism that comes with having my words published and reviewed. ultimately, when presented with the chance to share my life with a bigger and somewhat different audience, to help others who’ve experienced the death of a partner/family member/friend, to promote the liz logelin foundation, and more importantly, to create a monument to liz for madeline, i decided to let go of all of my neuroses and write the thing.

but more than anything, you really have to like what you’re writing about and have to be ready to work your ass off. because there’s nothing easy about finishing an entire book (i used to struggle with 20 page essays in grad. school). so many times i thought about just giving up, and someday giving maddy an unfinished word file with what i’d written, but in the back of my mind i knew i had to finish it. i wanted to see it sitting on a shelf of a bookstore and to see it in the hands of readers i didn’t even know.

about 10 months after i started the manuscript, i actually finished it. as i’ve mentioned before, i missed every single deadline and sometimes thought my publisher was going to cancel my book (which would have sucked after getting so close to the finish line).

holding the book in my hands was like having validation that what all of our parents told us as kids was true…that we can accomplish anything we put our minds to. and the fact that the hardcover and ebook versions spent a combined 5 straight weeks on the new york times best seller list was incredibly surprising.

more than anything, i’m so glad that maddy will someday be able to read what i wrote, knowing that i wrote it for her.

(note. results not typical, but totally possible).

with some hindsight, i can say that having a well-established platform really helped me. publishers love a good story, but what really solidified my chance at getting my book published was the built-in audience i had via my blog, facebook and twitter.

i also got a ton of advice about the publishing world through people i met via several social networking sites. i found that talking to people who had been down the same road as i was heading had an amazing perspective and were almost always willing to share inside information that helped me get to where i am today.

and from the few days i’ve spent on Chime.in, it really seems to have the potential to be another great social networking tool; one that will help you cultivate your interests and meet people who share similar interests, whether your interests are turning your blog into a book, finding new music to listen to or catching up on the latest news. (there’s even a section for grief, loss & bereavement, which i’ll now be including in my resource list for widowed families). you can create your own communities around any interest you have, or you can join established communities and participate in the conversations. my current “interests” include books & literature, music discovery and of course, blog to book. i find it a nice alternative to twitter, mostly because i’m able to more easily find the topics/communities that interest me.

oh. i suppose i should mention the giveaway. i’m making myself available to answer any questions you may have about turning your blog into a book, so leave a comment below or join the conversation over at Chime.in for a chance to win a kindle fire.

the giveaway is now over, and comments are closed. the winner will be notified soon.

the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm pst on november 21, 2011. here’s the rest of the fine print.

it’s just past midnight in minnesota, and according to the poll numbers posted on the kare 11 page, the liz logelin foundation has won the $11,000! thank you all for your tremendous support of our organization, and more importantly, for supporting widowed families in need.

if you’d like to continue supporting the liz logelin foundation, please consider signing up for our $7 on the 7th campaign. that’s just $84 per year, but it makes a huge difference! sign up here.

=====================

on 11/11//11 the liz logelin foundation was informed that we won an $1,100 grant from kare 11 news in minneapolis, mn.

(totally awesome).

soon after they told us that we were also in the running for an $11,000 grant, and that to win, all we need to do is win an online vote via facebook.

(wow).

if you’ve been looking for an easy way to help raise money for the liz logelin foundation, this is it. all you need is a facebook login.

click here and you’ll be taken to the kare 11 facebook page where you’ll be able to vote for the liz logelin foundation.

(you don’t even have to “like” the page, and your vote won’t automatically be posted to your facebook profile or anything like that).

you can vote once per day until the deadline on november 16th.

$11,000 would do an incredible amount of good for widowed families in need, so vote early and often, and spread the word to your friends & family.

let’s show everyone just how strong our online community is.

oh. and a quick update.

at the beginning of november the the liz logelin foundation approved financial grants for an additional 16 widowed families, bringing the total number of families who received funds from us to 101.

thanks to you for all of your support.

the fine print:

voting will be open through 11:59 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 16. The organization with the largest % of the votes will receive an $11,000 grant from the gannett foundation. The top vote getter will be announced during kare 11 news sunrise on thursday, nov. 17.

in addition to the gannett foundation, the following foundations were instrumental in giving back to the local community in the minneapolis area: GiveMN.org, the Minneapolis Foundation, The Saint Paul Foundation, an affiliate of Minnesota Philanthropy Partners.

(how did we get here? well, recently there was an essay contest that asked people to nominate their favorite mn charity for a grant from a local television station (kare 11 in minneapolis, mn). brooke wrote and submitted an essay about the liz logelin foundation and out of over 2000 submissions, her essay was one of 11 essays randomly chosen for an $1,100 grant. then they surprised us by telling us that we had the chance to win the $11,000, which is so incredibly great).

a couple of

airline vouchers

at a charity auction

and they

needed to be

used up by

the end of october,

so i gave maddy

and brooke the option

of going to hawaii

(warm weather, beaches, hiking, relaxation)

or heading up

to alaska

(cold weather, cold weather, cold weather)

to visit my brother

and his family.

they were unanimous.

alaska.

(damn).(that’s not to say i didn’t want to go alaska, but i knew just how bad the weather would be and i was sort of looking forward to building some sandcastles on the beach).

maddy was looking

forward to meeting

her cousin for the

first time after

a few

(completely one-sided)

phone calls and

a couple of sorta

interactive skype conversations,

and brooke

knew that there

would be ample

photo opportunities.

so we jumped on

a plane,

made a short stop

in seattle

and eventually

landed in anchorage,

excited to

meet her cousin.

my brother nick,

his wife molly

and their little guy

(weston)

picked us up

at the airport

and we headed off

to a cabin in girdwood.

before heading to bed

maddy and weston

got acquainted,

and maddy learned

that someone on

her dad’s side

of the family actually

has some musical talent.

…

the next morning we

explored the back yard

(maddy wasn’t a huge fan of the cold weather or the rain…she is definitely a southern california girl).

maddy went back

inside to play

with her cousin

while my brother

and his friend charlie

showed us around

the town.

after breakfast we

all jumped in the car

and drove toward whittier.

maddy was pretty

excited about

driving through the

nearly 2.5 mile tunnel,

but i had to

break the news to her

that she wasn’t

going to be able

to hold her breath

from end-to-end.

we had lunch

on the harbor

and then maddy

learned just how

awesome rain

(and rain boots)

can be.

nick drove us

around a bit

before telling us

about an abandoned

building called

the buckner building

that he’d always

wanted to explore.

he gave us

what history he knew,

(old, abandoned government building that was once the largest building in alaska)

which made me that

much more curious

to check it out.

i was in,

but the littlest

among us were not

allowed inside, and molly

and brooke offered

to stay back with

them so we could

go in check it out.

camera in hand,

we explored

the outside of

the building

before heading in

the inside of the

building was filled

with ankle-deep water,

and was obviously

in serious disrepair,

so after only about

15 minutes inside

we decided it

was in our best

interest to leave

before one of us

was injured.

as we drove

out of town

i did a little research

and learned that

the building became unlivable

as a result of the

1964 earthquake

and then i got to

this part:

“The building is a local hang out for kids, and is often explored by tourists. The safety of the building is marginal, due to the asbestos and questionable structural integrity.”

i stopped,

“nick, that building is filled with asbestos!”

we agreed that

it was good

that we only

had about 15 minutes

of exposure.

then i read

the next part

out loud:

“Bears are often found inside the building in the spring, and it is full of ice and precariously dangling pipes, wires, and substructure.”

(info borrowed from from wikipedia)

nick said,

“what did you just say?”

i re-read it.

“bears? holy shit! can you imagine if we encountered a bear in that place?”

no.

i couldn’t.

that would have

been terrifying.

but it sounds

like the beginning

of some awesome

post-apocalyptic

graphic novel.

(i better get to work on that)

with that scary

place getting

smaller and smaller

in our rearview mirror,

we headed

back through the tunnel

to this beautiful sight:

maddy was exhausted

so she went back

to the cabin

with auntie molly

and weston

while we took a

little drive to

a place called hope.

we stopped along

the way

and watched some

beluga whales swimming

through the cook inlet

(i didn’t get any photos of them).

we arrived in

hope and found everything

closed for the season.

(last time my brother and i were in hope we (along with two of his friends) thought we were stopping for a beer and a burger, but we ended up staying over night, pitching our tents and sleeping outside of the bar).

we walked around

for a bit

before heading back

toward girdwood.

we stopped to check

out a rafting spot

we hope to

hit next year

then i convinced

my brother to

stop on the side

of the road

so i could take photos

of something

i’ve been hoping to

shoot since i

first saw it in 2007.

…

the next day we

left the cabin

and drove back

to my brother’s

house in eagle river.

we took the kids

to an indoor play area

so maddy could

run around.

she spent the rest of

the day playing

with weston and

his toys

and neither one

of them could’ve

been happier.

…

the next day

nick took us

on a little road trip

to talkeetna.

there were

(of course)

lots of stops for photos

nick showed

us where he gets

picked up by the

float place for work

a couple of times

each week.

it just so happens

to be a few docks

down from one

of alaska’s most

famous residents.

(we decided not to stop in for a visit).

as we drove

it got colder

and colder, and soon

the rain turned

into snow

much to maddy’s delight.

the snow stopped

but we kept driving.

nick showed us

a road

(mostly)

engineered by some beavers

which gave brooke

an opportunity to

test her new boots.

a bit later

we stopped so maddy

could walk around and

play in the mud

and water.

brook shot a .22 for

the first time

in her life.

nick and i were

very proud of her

for hitting the empty

can we’d set up

for her, that is,

until we retrieved it

and found neither

an entry nor exit hole.

she hadn’t hit shit,

but she was close.

we continued on,

stopping in talkeetna for

some lunch.

we stopped a

few times on the

way back.

i made nick pull

over so i could

take a photo

of one of the

dumbest things

i’ve ever seen

we got to see a

bit more of the

beauty of alaska

before the sun set

on our last

night in town.

…

on our last

day in town

we did a little

shopping anchorage.

oh. and before we

left, i made maddy

do this:

on the flight home

brooke asked maddy,

“what was your favorite part about alaska?”

“playing with weston.”

awww…

(today’s 11/11/11, and it would have been oour friend maddie spohr’s 4th birthday. visit her parent’s blog and learn how you can help raise money for the foundation they started in her name).

2011 Goodreads Choice Awards vote now for two kisses for maddy!

Below is more information on these awards from the Goodreads team:

Polls are now open in 22 categories, including Fiction, Nonfiction, Mystery & Thriller, Memoir & Autobiography, Young Adult Fantasy, and many more. Voting continues until November 30, and winners will be announced in December.

Readers have three chances to vote:

Opening Round: October 31 – November 13, 2011
Voting open to official nominees and write-in votes.

Semifinals: November 14 – November 20, 2011
We add the top 5 write-ins as official nominees. Additional write-ins no longer accepted.

Finals: November 21 – November 30, 2011
The field narrows to the top 10 books in each category.
Learn more: http://www.goodreads.com/blog/show/314

ABOUT THE NOMINATIONS
We analyzed statistics from the 87 million books added, rated, and reviewed on the site in 2011 to list 15 books in 22 categories–that’s 330 nominations. We did not consult a panel of experts or form a secret committee of publishing insiders. Readers know what’s good and what’s great. These nominations are based on a book’s number of ratings and average rating as pegged by the more than 6 million members on Goodreads. So a nomination is truly an honor because it comes from readers!

….

so, if you didn’t hate my book, you should click on the link above or below and vote for it.

i’m up against some pretty serious competition, so i could totally use your help.

2011 Goodreads Choice Awards for two kisses for maddy!

thank you…